Capítulo 7: The 37th revelation
So, the Majapahit guy is now in what used to be Omniam's domain, and every single other character that was previously in space died of suffocation because they choked on a game piece from a non-specified board game where you have to remove body parts from a person and they get electrically shocked when you do so and the ones that were previously not in the psych ward subsequently mysteriously teleported there and any characters are not mentioned died under mysterious circumstances and do not exist anymore. Now the only characters that are alive are Liam Liam Liamson, Algorithm Jeff, John Bibben/John Bibben/John Bibben, Dongury Tronkosaurus (no longer pizza), Johnny Cheddar, Bo Given, Absolutely no one, Lembretter Seya and me. But who am I? I, am Zajef 37, the author of this very book, chapter 6.5 onwards. But why am I called Zajef 37? Well, the reason for that is one individual's (from a social media platform that I cannot mention because of copyright reasons) dream, where there was this new meme template known as "Zajef 37," where people would pull out a piece of paper saying "Zajef 37" everywhere and it was the funniest thing ever, and thus, I was created, from this individual's dream. This is my oranges, and I like oranges, unlike peaches, peaches are such peaches, they are too much peaches. As Zajef 37, I have more power than Omniam, but Omniam knows how to avoid it, so I have to use it in a way that he cannot comprehend in order to kill him. 50 rounds of SHOTGUN only did it temporarily, so we have to work out some other way. Maybe if I pull all the aforementioned (I think that's the right word) characters into the domain, we can figure out a way to... oh god. He's awakening!
"Ah, that was a great nap. Wait, why am I speaking and not narrating? Zajef 37? Get out of here!" He tried to kill me but I had the powers to avoid it. "How are you doing this?"
I pulled the other characters into the domain. Jim Bobular randomly appeared.
"Wait. John Bibben? Is that you? Why do you look like a mashup of John Bibben Johnson, Jameson and Samson?" Jim Bobular said, and if you want to know some context, watch the not currently released John Bibbens the musical!
"The great amalgamation, is the cause of all of this," John Bibben said, and I don't want to withhold any information from the characters so I will start talking now. The rest of this chapter will read like a script for a movie or play because I am lazy.
[Zajef 37 enters wearing a menacing hood with shadows over himself]
Zajef 37: I'm Zajef 37. You probably all have a lot of questions.
Liam Liam Liamson: Well yeah, of course I do! I was randomly pulled from doing things against the content guidelines with Lembretter Seya!
Zajef 37: That's my fault. Just do whatever you'd normally do after doing things against the content guidelines.
Liam Liam Liamson: Alright, also, can I have a drink?
Zajef 37: What would you like?
Liam Liam Liamson: Sausage Roll Frappuccino, chopped, not blended.
Zajef 37: Alright. Wait, what?
John Bibben: Do you have John Bibben Juice™?
Zajef 37: Not that I'm aware of.
John Bibben: Why are you not aware of it?
Zajef 37: Because... nevermind.
John Bibben: Can you look for it?
Zajef 37: OK, so we have a pint of John Bibben Juice™ and a Sausage Roll Frappuccino, chopped, not blended. I'll just get those
[Exit Zajef 37]
[Enter Zajef 37 2]
Zajef 37 2: I'm Zajef 37 2. I won't bother saying any of the things that Zajef 37 said.
Dongury Tronkosaurus: Wouldn't Zajef 37 2 just be Zajef 37?
Zajef 37 2: Wouldn't Dongury Tronkosaurus just be John Bibben's political arch-nemesis and therefore an ally of Omniam?
Dongury Tronkosaurus: Damn it. You got me. Just shoot me with 50 rounds of SHOTGUN and kill me.
Zajef 37 2: I know that's not gonna work. I know Omniam made Zajef 37 not aware of the John Bibben Juice™ because it would kill him. So I will make him aware of the exact coordinates and the fact that Dongury Tronkosaurus is Omniam's ally. Also, Absolutely no one, your name is Jim Bobular.
Jim Bobular: How is he Jim Bobular? I'm Jim Bobular!
Bo Given: Why is my name Bo Given? I thought it was Joe Snivens or something!
Zajef 37 2: You will fuse together in 10 seconds and become Jim Bobular. Bo Given is your name because Omniam does not want you to be called that.
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[Jim Bobular and Jim Bobular fuse together]
[Zajef 37 becomes aware of John Bibben Juice™]
Zajef 37 2: Zajef 37 is now aware of John Bibben Juice™ and the fact that Dongury Tronkosaurus must die. He's coming back now so I must do something right now!
[Zajef 37 2 spontaneously combusts right as Zajef 37 comes back]
Zajef 37: Dongury Tronkosaurus, my enemy. I should kill you where you stand at this very moment.
Dongury Tronkosaurus: Not if I kill the king of the wooden planks first!
Zajef 37: That is completely irrelevant to the story and you know it! He doesn't even exist!
[Zajef 37 proceeds to pour John Bibben Juice™ on Dongury Tronkosaurus's eyes. Orange]
Zajef 37: He's gone. But not before Jigibambaloo Bagalambaloo. Just kidding. He's gone.
John Bibben: What?
Zajef 37: Now we need to pour this on Omniam.
I woke up and killed everyone.
Zajef 37: No you didn't.
Of course, he was wrong.
Zajef 37: Please stop. I just wanna go home.
Zajef 37 is stupid, as this is a Webnovel, not a movie script!
Zajef 37: My story, my choice!
He is even more stupid, as this is my story, my universe, I created it!
Zajef 37: But now it's mine.
He did not realise the full extent of his stupidity, as it is mine, and it has always been mine, and it will always be mine.
"What's going on, Zajef 37? Who are you talking to?" Liamson asked, but he did not realise the power he was giving me.
Zajef 37: Don't talk like that! Talk like this instead!
Liam Liam Liamson: Like what?
Zajef 37: Doesn't matter, you're doing it right.
"No, stop this right now! You're sapping my power," I said, my lifeful corpse rumbling and rumbling, as I sink into the chair.
Zajef 37: Everyone, keep talking like you were before Omniam started doing... that.
Algorithm Jeff: I think I know what he's talking about! Do this!
[Algorithm Jeff proceeds to describe how to talk in that way]
"No! You can't do this!"
John Bibben: Come on! Everyone do it!
[Dongury Tronkosaurus mysteriously dissapears]
"No! My greatest ally!"
Johnny Cheddar: Cheese?
Zajef 37: Yes Johnny Cheddar! Cheese!
"No! Stop right now!"
Bo Given: We won't stop.
Jim Bobular: No way.
"I swear. Seya, if you turn against me."
Lembretter Seya: If I turn against you what?
O "I'm slowly collapsing!"
Zajef 37: Let's pour John Bibben Juice™ on him!
[Omniam flies away]
Om "I might be slowly collapsing, but I can still fly away!"
Zajef 37: What about the Pelican Briefcase?
Liam Liam Liamson: I destroyed it... along with all the Turkey Steves.
Zajef 37: Oh no... Johnny Cheddar?
Omn "I don't know what you're planning but I don't like it."
Johnny Cheddar: Cheese?
Zajef 37: Take this John Bibben Juice™ and put it in your cheese.
Johnny Cheddar: Cheese.
Omni "No, you're not doing this."
Zajef 37: Oh yes we are. Johnny Cheddar, surround Omniam with your cheese.
Johnny Cheddar: I will.
[Johnny Cheddar surrounds Omniam with the cheese]
Zajef 37: Keep going!
Johnny Cheddar: I'm defeating him!
Zajef 37: Are you OK? You haven't said cheese for the last 2 dialogues.
Johnny Cheddar: I have never been inarticulate and only able to say cheese. It was an act. To confuse Omniam.
Sun Tzu: It's true.
Zajef 37: Why is he here?
Sun Tzu: For tactics.
Zajef 37: OK.
[Omniam is almost defeated by the cheese}
Zajef 37: The John Bibben Juice™ cheese is literally making bubbles and stuff appearing on his skin. Keep going! Everyone, take the other John Bibben Juice™!
All except Zajef 37 and Johnny Cheddar: Understood. We will do this.
[Everyone pours the John Bibben Juice™ on Omniam]
Zajef 37: His body is about to tear in half! Keep going!
[They keep pouring the John Bibben Juice™ on Omniam]
Zajef 37: Come on!
Johnny Cheddar: Do it. For the cheese.
Sun Tzu: He's right. You should keep doing it.
John Bibben: Pour my Juice™ on him!
Algorithm Jeff: The fate of the universe depends on whether or not we can defeat Omniam.
Zajef 37 and Sun Tzu: He's right.
Omnip "Ha. Ha. Ha."
Zajef 37: What's going on?
Omnipo "Haha. Haha. Haha."
Zajef 37: Why is his name changing?
Omnipot "Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha"
Zajef 37: Why's he laughing?
Omnipote "You idiots. You absolute idiots!"
Zajef 37: What's going on?
Omnipoten "Did you really think I'd reveal my weakness as easily as that?
Zajef 37: You didn't reveal it. We found it!
Omnipotent "You didn't find it. And now you know my name!"
Zajef 37: Which is?
Omnipotent B "Oh damn it I did it wrong!"
Zajef 37: Embarrasing!
Omnipotent Being: There we go!
Zajef 37: Oh no.
Omnipotent Being: Oh yes.
Zajef 37: We're all gonna die!
Omnipotent Being: You're all gonna die.
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