Gaiadarkstar - Profile

Ugh I am so technically deficiant. I wanted to reply to your reply but couldn't see any reply on any of the comments so I could reply. Anyway I'm glad you weren't offended. Some people can get really angry when others offer crit on their work. I actually want to work as a beta reader on fiver( https://***.fiverr.com/share/VDyZwl ). a beta reader looks over someones writing and gives detailed advice on characters, plot, flow, and inconsistencies. They do not cover grammar or spelling, that is an editor. Your story is very interesting so I wanted to mention it in case you wanted more in depth help.

It's a bit hard to believe that two such accomplished fighters like Ren and Ki couldn't easily kill just two bandits after they easily killed several others before. I mean they are well known with nick names even so how could just those two guys be such a challenge?

Ok first this chapter again is very confusing. First he's in a room then Chris is driving saying the'll get somewhere soon. You say he's naked, does she see him like that? Ok I have two guesses as to who his alpha is. One is Felix and the other is John but neither option seems right. He has seen both recently. John was smaller and he would know his voice so it shouldn't be him. He just visited Felix and Calix so if it was either of them he should recognize their voice again. It just isn't realistic that he wouldn't be able to know someone's voice after so long. I also can't think of any good reason that he would need to hide who he is. I can understand if he had to hide their relationship from others buy why from his partner? No possible explanation for that makes sense.

Please Please fix all the times you say he instead of her for a girl. There was the whole bit with his mother where the whole time it was he did this he did that and it's his mom, unless his mother is a male omega? If so it should have been mentioned before.

Nimrod?! really? You do know it means idiot or retard. Every time I see that I have to cringe at it being someone's name. Also the conversation is really hard to follow you often say I when it probably is the teacher. You might want to fix that so that who is saying what is more clear. Maybe change his name to Neal too. Ugh Nimrod.

Despite the ******** I thought the creator said they had a way to not allow inappropriate touching. So it seems strange that he could be raped like that. There also should be some kind of emergency log out feature in case of being trapped or something.

A lot of times women don't show at all the first three months. They mostly start to show after the fifth month. So it's highly unlikely to show now unless the fairs term is a lot shorter.

icky stuff in shoes. Cutting a whole in the back of someones pants, changing the shampoo into something with dye or something sticky. Just a few random ideas not that I ever pranked anyone but I've heard of them from tv and books.

Isn't it obvious that lanwan is the same person, it's their past lives. Lan wan is probably the first emperor and snow the first holy one. It is kind of funny that in this chapter their roles are reversed with snow being the aggressive one.

I read a lot of historical fiction and fantasy and have never seen that word used anywhere. When describing what you said we would say they "hissed" which you can only do by putting your teeth together and people often do this when they are in sudden pain.

How would anyone know if snow just lived quietly in a secluded area somewhere with a small garden and a trusted person to check on him once in a while. Who would ever know? Even if someone happened to find him they wouldn't immediately know what he was cause of him being a boy with the different hair and eyes than other celestials. So wouldn't that be fine?

How in the world will they ever get together (you know how) if a celestial has to stay pure and all that. And if they do how long it would take. It also seems like some degenerate might have tried to take a celestial before.