shirin109 - Profile

Barely any grammar issues? not sure if that's sarcasm or if we're reading two different stories...

This must be one of the best fanfics I have ever read, worthy of being a standalone book. It expands marvelously on the original world, adding more depth and its own unique flair while simultaneously also attempting to fix many of the plot holes that J.K. Rowling’s original work had. What I enjoy the most, however, is the author’s skill to create tension and suspense (even though it sometimes drags a TAD too long). It’s masterfully done, and keeps you on your toes. The characters are well designed, easily distinct and memorable. Given that I have binged almost 700 chapters in less than a week, it should seem as no surprise that I really enjoyed the story, but I am slightly frustrated with some of its flaws. It's close to being amazing, but it does fall short in some areas. However, given that the author is probably still rather inexperienced, I can't blame them too much. I will now address some points that personally irked me, which will also make up the majority of this review. The disproportionate relation of cons vs pros, however, does not mean that I did not enjoy this story ( I hope I made it clear how much I did). It merely serves as constructive feedback for the author, hoping it is of some use. First of all, as some other reviewers pointed out, some elements of the plot feel forced. Notably, one of the more recent issues was the Triwizard selection. Severus action of going behind her back threw me off, since it honestly did not seem to fit his usual behavior. Having only recently lost his grandmother, and presumably knowing how many deaths have been lost throughout said tournament within the last decades, it makes very little sense that Severus would want to risk her. I mean, he is constantly portrayed as a genius, isn’t he? Why would he not think ahead? What about Terry? Sure, he is reckless and rash sometimes, but I wouldn’t have pegged him as someone who would play with his sister’s life for a mere joke. Moreover, I did not feel too much remorse from them, or at least I don’t think that these two are portrayed to understand the gravity of the situation. Terry even mentioned that what he learned from this incident was“to not get caught next time”, which is just cruel. She was veeeeery close to dying. Another point that bothers me is Rowan’s power. While I absolutely love the scheming parts where she outwits her foes or uses her foreknowledge to go against them, I am less pleased with how powerless she is in the grand scheme of things. It just feels exceedingly frustrating to read about it. After having invested so many chapters, it is depressing how little she progressed as compared to her naturally talented brother. How can she not even closely match him in power when she has absorbed so much from destroying the horcruxes, or “killing” some others? How pathetically weak was she prior to all that? Why would Fate decide to decide to use her, but also give her even more handicaps, like tainting her soul, potentially making her lose her sanity, making her more reckless? What’s the point in giving her this massive handicap when the probability of succeeding already seems pretty abysmal? It just sometimes feels so pointless, to be honest. Moreover, there is a slight premise of women being biologically inferior to men, at least magically, and at least in the Prince family, which I do not really appreciate. Why would the twins differ so vastly in potential? Shouldn’t they have the same genetic material? Why are males favored magically? I might have misunderstood some parts, or the author has failed to explain it in sufficient detail, but from what I am gathering, this does not make complete sense to me. ---------------------------------- Finally, just a tiny note on one specific grammar issue. I can usually look past most errors, and I am not one to dwell on some too much, but this one error occurred pretty consistently since the very beginning. It’s the distinction between to and too. For example, in a sentence like, “I didn’t listen, even though he told me to”, you need the infinitive “to”, not —like the author seems to assume—the adverb “too”. It’s a pretty easy mistake to fix. There are other SPoG issues, mind you, but this one stuck out to me. ---------------------------------- Overall, however, I still really love the story, and I am eagerly awaiting the continuation. Keep up the good work!