Metal? Quite the unusual taken on cultivation.
"It happens occasionally, Diane, usually when someone melds with metal past the copper stage. Remember, the higher the electron counts the metal contains, the more connections and channels need to be opened and linked. These additional connections and channels mean that the corresponding meridians will need to be more robust to contain and direct those energies.
Fantasy · F_Riley
Continuing on Vedoril’s point about “quirky narration”, The comments are assuming that we have the same interests as you, the author. I.e, “like Kirito..”, “Like the weeb he is”, etc. Just because we like your writing, does not mean we also share your interests. In my opinion, holding off from narrating under that assumption could allow your work to reach a broader audience. If you want to do that anyways.
ch 10 EM: Derek vs Hiro
Urban · TurtleMaster6319
“He was listening to” “If I say so myself” That doesn’t fit. Is Hiro saying that or is it an A/N? “He was watching Tina” ???
But forget about them, because as he was listening to Peter talk about his new lego set! Which was pretty fucking awesome if I do say so myself. He was watching Tina.
Urban · TurtleMaster6319
Oh, and I don’t think locations (or objectives? Why?) should be left out like that. Could just integrate them into the paragraphs.
ch 0 3 Foreign blood boiling in the starlight
Urban · TurtleMaster6319
The novel switches between dark and serious to/from light and comedic quite often. Intentional or not, it feels chaotic yet not random. I like it. The style this chapter begins in adds on to it rather nicely too. Though, not sure if switching PoVs is the right call. At least not as often and not as soon.
ch 0 3 Foreign blood boiling in the starlight
Urban · TurtleMaster6319
In my opinion, the pacing so far has been great; the author knew when and where to place each narrative. However, the way those narratives are made is one of the ways I dislike. Every plot point so far, as far as I can tell, was foretold by at least 1-3 characters (MC, Kyle, or other characters). It would be nice to leave a bit of tension for us readers. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- Syntax and grammar have been lacklustre (vocabulary mistakes, punctuation mistakes, article mistakes, etc.), truth be told, but not at the incomprehensible level. I don’t expect the author to be a linguist, so it’s just a minor issue; I won’t comment further. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- The dialogue could be improved a bit by describing what the characters felt at the moment of speaking more, as well as having the dialogues be more reasonable in affecting who the dialogue is said towards. Every speech so far failed miserably at that. Saying “this impacted them heavily” towards an unimpressive unimpactful dialogue is horrid. —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- On the topic of descriptions, I wish the environment, scenery, and the characters’ appearance could be more vividly described because I currently am unable to remember any details about the MCs appearance because of how rarely it is described (partially because I’m not too great at memorising) —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—- I'm not too fond of more things, but I also like many more things about it. I’d better leave them all on a proper review (If I ever do one) instead, though.
ch 73 Space and Body Powers
Fantasy · _Transcendent
This is too boring. Please, let us keep guessing.
Besides, how could a Prince be assigned to guard a low level dungeon?
Fantasy · _Transcendent
"Oof." Varian nodded and opened her contact.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
It was meant to be, “I’ll help THE others” since he went ahead and did just that after he said it. This hasn’t been the only case where an article was missing, but it is strange that they only appeared after the first 20 or so chapters.
"I'll help others." Varian grinned and walked towards his teammates.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
There had been too much foreshadowing; there is no suspense if we are constantly told what would happen next.
ch 63 Special Location
Fantasy · _Transcendent
The level 6 could just be too weak.
'Is everything fake?' Varian gazed down from his hover car as it dashed down the airway.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
You can go with Kyle.
So, basically Varian had zero merit points now and needed some merit points before 45th to not get expelled. The major source of merit points, merit points was a team game. He'd not be let into any teams. That also meant he'd likely not any merit points from missions.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
I have to agree with the OP partially. The time he spends here studying/worrying over MP could be spent somewhere that helps him get stronger faster (a dungeon, as dangerous as it may be, essentially). If he were to be a sovereign or even whatever level he needs to graduates, would they not just give him whatever info he needs, or at least have him do highly rewarding missions? His plan (this plot point) is flawed when it’s in this setting with a half-a-cheat system.
'Ugh. I think I'll just focus on getting mp and growing stronger. It's not like I came here for friends… even though it would be nice to have a few.'
Fantasy · _Transcendent
Quite comical. If you hadn’t forced them to run away from you to the city, would you not have gotten first? You inadvertently shot yourself in the foot because of your ego.
'Why?! If you just died, I would've been first. Now everyone says I'm inferior to that bastard Charles.' His blood boiled, and he was barely holding it in.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
There’s a decent quote about that topic... If I recall correctly, it goes, “One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.” For all you know, the big and small four could have labelled them as terrorists for stealing from them to help humanity.
'But aren't they supposed to be terrorists?'
Fantasy · _Transcendent
Here’s my bet; before/after you kill 10 knights, you’ll come across something they depend on for a plan against humanity. You’ll stop it, but before you manage to escape afterwards, the level 4 will hunt you down.
"Haha! Now I only need to get out of this goddamn place~ I can kill 10 Abyssal Knights with my current strength and qualify for the Academy!" Varian laughed in excitement.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
Seems like it will be fulfilled.
Kyle looked at Varian rushing to the Abyssal and muttered "I'll save you one day." He rushed to the exit and through the falling debris, he jumped out.
Fantasy · _Transcendent
I like this path more than the mind path. It can do things on a universal scale.
Congratulations on awakening in your second Divine path.]
Fantasy · _Transcendent
That was too large of an info dump.
ch 0 3 Strange happenings
Renewal and Rebirth
Fantasy · F_Riley