บท 6: I've run out of ideas
This happens to everybody right? You just squeeze so much content into the previous five chapters and then you just have no more ideas. That's why I haven't uploaded any chapters for... hold on let me check how long. 10 days? That can't be right. Oh wait, it is. Well, time to just create something out of thin air. I suggest you just don't question anything. I just thought of something! Remember when the psych ward exploded because of a non-specified Spanish dance involving arm flipping and arm crossing and they all went into space? Let's join our full psych ward cast of characters. So we have Liam the Great, Leam the Great, Joe Snivens, JE, and I can't remember who else, so let's just assume that everyone I mention who is in the psych ward just randomly teleported there because of the cardboard tube phenomenon. Absolutely no one is there. Wait, I forgot something. Is Joe Snivens the Majapahit guy? If he isn't, then this happens.
"Hi Majapahit guy!" Joe Snivens said. I'm gonna punch you because I feel like it.
"Joe, listen to me, you don't wanna do this," said the Majapahit guy, just before realising he accidentally responded to the narrator's voice.
"Do what?"
"Something terrible has happened. Or rather, something terrible is about to happen." The Majapahit guy was right. I'm just about to punch him in the face. You're reading this, and you're surprised, because I just used the future tense in a webnovel primarily written in the past tense. Or is it the present tense? Now you're realising I broke the fourth wall, and this is not surprising considering the multiple fourth wall breaks scattered throughout the previous chapters. Also, the present tense signifies something, that the previous chapters were ones I had wrote many months ago, and planned beforehand. With this one, I am making everything up as I am writing this. This is a very bad idea, but many could argue that it's even worse to name a chapter "I've run out of ideas."
"What do you mean by that?" Joe Snivens asked, realising he too, responded to the narrator's voice, before my real eyes realised real lies, being that Joe Snivens did not accidentally respond to the narrator's voice, but I accidentally spoke to Joe Snivens the words "I've run out of ideas," using the Majapahit guy's voice. I just did it again, didn't I?
"Why did we both say we've run out of ideas?" Oh no. They figured it out. What do I do?
"This seems like something that has happened, which happened just now, and it seems like we can resolve it by tearing a hole in the fabric of space-time," Joe Snivens pointed out, and now I am so mad that if I was a real person, you could literally see the anger. I punched him in the face.
"What happened to you, Face Joe?" Wait, Joe Snivens is now called Face Joe? Wait, no, this is a simple grammatical error and he's still called Joe Snivens.
"I don't know. It's going swirly and stuff. The only way we can resolve this is by fusing together somehow, but it's not yet clear how," Joe suggested.
"Ok, Face Joe." What? Ok, fine, he's called Face Joe. "Let's try this random method which my future self is conveniently just about to tell me so we can create a bootstrap paradox."
"Wait, you have time travel?"
"No."
"Ok."
Fine, I'll do it myself. I plopped myself right into the story, for real this time, and-
"Hi past Majapahit guy! I'm future Majapahit guy!"
"How did you get here?" the past Majapahit guy asked.
"Using this thing right here. It's called a J0HN B1BB3N."
"What does that stand for?"
"Jelly 0 Hydrochloric Nitric Bath 1 Big Ben 3 Norman."
"That makes absolutely no sense."
"Yeah, it's not supposed to. It's to JESLKFJLKJRJ*yw£ ^*ty*£5905Ryr*(£y*C0NFU530MN14MDASRFAHJTJASJ^&*q^£%yt£htgo(gHQ9Y3896t."
"Who's that?"
"There's a lot of stuff that's not clear right now, you'll figure it out soon enough, but make sure to complete the bootstrap, or else the whole universe will break."
"How do we fuse?"
"Oh yeah, that's the reason I'm here. First you need to GHRTOA294642£%^£"62RA@KGRLKGAT'[ALTEPATPAPREAHNB£$"^SGAkLK]y4[]@@p4*&((, then, you TERHAYOIW,<JO^&^(9RR902049058009njk08488905K1LL0MN14AMWH1L3Y0UH4V3TH3CH4NC3ROJR$£%^"wRA%$"£qA, and finally, you LOHGTE4A$"£%!%£!%£!%£$y£aq$"$£235325H3'SC0NT70LL1NGY0UK1LLH1MWH1LEY0UCANH3SV3RYD4NGER0USJK*^&£&*(%^&£%uHGHRUI, and then you'll fuse together."
"I don't understand."
"You did, even if you think you didn't. Just do what feels right."
"Ok, if you say so."
"They fused together using the exact same method that they used to fuse together which involved the stuff from the method, using the exact same method with stuff from the method," said the narrator, whose name was Omniam, and because they fused together in a way he could not understand, he started glitching, giving me enough time to grab his gun, and pump 50 rounds of pure SHOTGUN into his head. He died like 5 hours before that, as the SHOTGUN transcends time.
Alright, time to set things straight, I said Omniam died, but he didn't actually die. SHOTGUN kills his human form, but his Astral Projection Observatory can still observe his projection of astral stuff. Death is not linear. It's all a big ball of shivery splodiggy deathy-alivey... stuff. Whatever that means. OK, so, let's sort out this bootstrap paradox. Omniam explored the timeline where Joe Snivens (not a.k.a. Face Joe because that was a grammatical error by Omniam) and the Majapahit guy fused together, because he forgot if they were 2 separate people. Come on Omniam! It's your own world! You created it! Ok, well, it's time to get the Liamite stone to give to future Majapahit guy so he can time travel. But, I hear you ask, how can you give it to future Majapahit guy if he fused with Joe Snivens? Well, Omniam created 2 universes when he forgot if they were 2 people or not, and he explored the universe where they fuse together, but Omniam didn't know how that happened, so he started glitching, and that's where I come in! I am going to do something which will result in what just happened. So, the plan is, use the Liamite stone to time travel into the universe where Joe Snivens and the Majapahit guy are the same person and they disconnect, then, all I need to do is give it to the Majapahit guy right after they disconnect, and tell him how to time travel to where past Majapahit guy is, and he will tell him how to fuse together, and I also need to do that with past Majapahit guy, to tell future Majapahit guy how to disconnect. This is confusing. Also, they will intuitively know how to do it somehow, I don't know how, actually I know exactly how, because of the bootstrap paradox. After further investigation, I have come to the conclusion that past Majapahit guy and future Majapahit guy are the same person, so I only need to give it to future Majapahit guy, who will time travel and tell past Majapahit guy how to fuse, and he'll know that because past future Majapahit guy told him when he was past past Majapahit guy. The other part will sort itself out, I know it will. Wait! I thought of an idea! The past Majapahit guy always knew how to disconnect, as it was a really big part of his culture and when you fuse, you forget this information, and that's why the past Majapahit guy has to time travel, and why I have to pull future Majapahit guy out so he doesn't get trapped with his past self and then Jerry will eat their salads without their consent and everyone in the whole universe will spontaneously combust. I pry the Liamite stone from Omniam's cold, dead hands and use it to time travel into the time with future Majapahit guy, and I explained to him what he had to do, but right before I left, I used Omniam's special cloning device that only works one time so I can avoid any plot holes. I now had 2 Liamite stones, but another property of the cloning device is that the item only lasts 37 seconds so I can avoid yet another plot hole. I gave future Majapahit guy one Liamite stone, and used the other Liamite stone to go back to where I was right before. Future Majapahit guy told past Majapahit guy how to fuse with Joe Snivens like you saw before and he also sprinkled in some subliminal messages. Before they fused together, past Majapahit guy told future Majapahit guy how to disconnect, coming full circle. Whichever one the characters originally were is magically transported to whichever time it was, so if they were originally disconnected, it would start in the past, and if they were originally fused, it would start in the future. This is possible because the psych ward transcends all space and time. There are ideas now! Not Omniam's, the one who this was originally an issue for, but they are ideas, and that's important.
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