Chương 39: Chapter 39

Zoro turned away from Toji and said,

"Let's go buy stir-fried tripe."

"Me too!"

Megumi raised his hand excitedly. Zoro burst into laughter.

"Yeah, should Megumi come along too?"

With a heave, Zoro lifted Megumi into his arms. He gave a tight hug to maximize closeness while ensuring it wasn't painful, adjusting his strength. Ever since reading in a parenting book that hugs should be tight enough for a child to feel the affection clearly, Zoro always hugged Megumi like that.

Megumi, held by Zoro, giggled brightly. His face, strikingly resembling Toji's, was filled with the brightness and innocence characteristic of a child raised with abundant love.

"...."

Toji, looking at Megumi's face, remembered a young sorcerer from the Zenin family who ran towards Naobito with a bright face. What was his name, Na something.

Na something… Anyway, that kid strangely didn't despise Toji but instead followed him around, but since he was a Zenin, Toji had no reason to think well of him.

Not just that kid, Toji disliked seeing any sorcerer from the Zenin family smile.

However, he couldn't feel the same about Megumi.

Watching Megumi smile, Toji suddenly thought of the sorcerers he had seen until now.

Most sorcerers don't have bright expressions, but very rarely, there were those who smiled like Megumi. They were mainly young sorcerers from the Jujutsu High. Toji had killed sorcerers of that age without any pangs of conscience.

Were their smiles so different from Megumi's?

...No, they weren't.

A question naturally followed.

'Then, why did I kill even those kinds?'

For money? That couldn't be it. For Toji, money was something that came and went, and even if it was gone, he could quickly earn it back. A few jobs and the money swelled rapidly, and even if he earned a lot, it would all be gone in a few days due to gambling.

Though he gambled to multiply his money, Toji wasn't a fool to truly believe he could increase his wealth through gambling. After all, money held little value to Toji.

Then, why was it?

'How could they acknowledge me, when I don't acknowledge myself!'

The voice that had been scratching at his brain, lingering in his memories, echoed in his head once more.

At that moment, Toji realized.

'Did I… wish to be acknowledged by sorcerers?'

When he was very young, Toji wanted to become strong. Strong enough to defeat curses with his bare hands, to surpass Jinichi, who was a sorcerer. Strong enough to beat the previous family head.

'Why?'

Because then, it seemed like he would be acknowledged.

His strength, his existence.

Because it seemed like he could belong in the world of sorcerers.

...Because there, it seemed like he could laugh together with them.

However, the first sorcerers Toji encountered as he was born and raised, especially those bearing the Zenin surname, never accepted his strength or existence. They constantly rejected and despised him.

A monkey. No cursed energy at all. How could such a creature come from the noble Zenin bloodline. A disgrace to the Zenin. Such a failure was born. It would have been better if he wasn't the head's child. If he wasn't a direct descendant. It would have been better if such a thing hadn't been born at all.

Can't we kill him now? Yes, let's kill him. Put him in the storage. This time, lock the door tightly and kill him. Disgusting, terrible, shameful. Ominous, ominous, ominous.

Hearing such words as if they were natural, Toji Zenin struggled to live. Even when he was caught scavenging the kitchen for food and got stepped on, when his mouth was torn by a curse's claws, when the drunk previous head tried to slit his throat with a knife, he desperately survived.

...He survived.

As time passed, Toji became stronger, but still, in front of the Zenin, he was nothing but a monkey. He wasn't even treated as human.

Around that time,Toji realized. No matter how strong he became, no matter what he did...

Toji Zenin would never be acknowledged by the Zenin.

From the moment he realized that, Toji began to hate all sorcerers. He hated every sorcerer who belonged to that world he could never reach, simply because they were born with a body possessing cursed energy.

And so, he began killing them under the pretext of making money. "Even you, who belong to that world, end up being killed by a monkey like me who couldn't even step foot in it." He felt a degrading sense of satisfaction from that.

For the first time in his life, Toji coldly reflected on his emotions and actions.

Was it right to have killed sorcerers as an assassin, fueled by his anger towards the Zenin?

...No, it wasn't.

'It was wrong.'

The inferiority complex he harbored because he was despised by the sorcerers of the Zenin family. The indiscriminate hatred towards sorcerers that stemmed from it. And even his actions of resolving it through the murder of sorcerers.

It was a huge mistake.

For the first time in his life, Toji straightforwardly acknowledged his own distortion.

The moment he acknowledged it, an unbearable shame and pitifulness flooded Toji's inner self. There was a defiance wanting to deny it, but even that succumbed to the cold logic.

Toji squirmed. Just as the familiar self-loathing was about to engulf him, Zoro firmly grabbed Toji's hand. Holding Megumi in one arm and firmly holding Toji's hand with the other, Zoro looked up at Toji.

Zoro stared directly into Toji's eyes, which were surely shaking with aimlessness, as if he knew all of Toji's sins. Even though there was no way he had the power to read minds with his willpower.

"Father."

A quiet call came. It was a cold voice, closer to reprimand than comfort.

Yet, Zoro stood by his side without letting go of his hand.

"...You."

Do you still call me father, even when I'm like this?

The moment he murmured that to himself, Toji realized the meaning of the dagger Zoro had given him as a birthday present.

'Was it a reason... not to let go?'

By giving him that dagger, Zoro had an excuse to come to Toji's aid. Because one must keep any promise, regardless of who it is made with.

Even if Toji were to leave Zoro and Megumi's side, even if he became something worse than a curse and committed all kinds of evil deeds, even if he faced a just-deserved fate that others, if they were strangers, would not even glance at, saying he got what he deserved...

Zoro seemed to have wanted to fight alongside Toji at least once.

...And wanted to catch him once more.

Zoro didn't trust Toji, but he loved him.

Too many words rose to Toji's throat, but in the end, he couldn't utter any of them and only let out a faint groan.

He didn't want to make him regret.

He wanted to make him believe.

Even as a father who is a complete mess, because his son does not let go of his hand. Toji, who has ruined many things, did not want to ruin his sons as well.

So to ensure Zoro's choice wasn't wrong,

To not spoil the happiness of Megumi, who smiles brightly.

'I need to become better.'

Definitely.

He must face his shame, pitifulness, and sins, and improve, just like now.

Again and again.

Toji closed his eyes.

'What I want.'

Once, he desired the recognition of sorcerers, of the Zenin. That's why he desired cursed energy. He harbored the hope that with that power, he might belong to the world he longed for, even if it was late. Or perhaps, he thought he could completely trample them and prove himself.

...But now, such things didn't matter anymore.

The people Toji wanted recognition from were not sorcerers, and the place he wished to belong to was not the sorcerer world.

'It's these kids.'

He wanted to be acknowledged by his children and wanted to be by his children's side.

Without any guilt, apology, inferiority, or shame.

Toji closed his eyes, then opened them again. His eyes were still shaking, but at least he was looking forward.

A flicker of interest appeared in Zoro's eyes. Just a little, but his father had just crossed a threshold.

"Have you finally decided?"

"...Yes."

"What is it?"

"I won't tell you."

"Why?"

"...I'll tell you after I've achieved it a little."

Guilt, apology, inferiority, shame. Since he hasn't yet shaken off any of these.

Toji firmly grasped Zoro's small hand. Then, together with Zoro, he took a step forward.

...

[Author's Thoughts]

The average of power stones was 270, if we manage to get 500 stones today, I will publish a bonus chapter.

As some of you are finding the pace too slow, if we manage to finish the week in the top 5, I will release two more bonus chapters. If we finish the week at the top 1, then... double chapters for a week.