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A Touch, A Kiss, A Whisper Of Love

Chương 1: I Envision How You Lie Awake And Agonise

Nothing fills Severus Snape with dread. It's an emotion he's not overly familiar with. Throughout his life he has planned thoroughly for every test, every exam, every bloody obstacle that had been thrown his way. But when Lily Evans, fiery red hair whipping around in the cool September winds, locks eyes with him for the first time in two years, that unfamiliar feeling settles deep into his stomach.

The silvery doe Patronus that Severus had conjured up only moments ago disappeared into thin air as he stuffed his wand back into his baggy robes. Lily's bow mouth was slightly parted in shock, eyes shifting to the left where the Patronus was. She only knew of three others their age, besides herself, who could cast the Patronus charm. James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black. After all, it was an incredibly advanced spell and one needed to be pure at heart to be able to summon a sprit guardian.

"How did you do that?" Lily asked softly. That was her main question. Everyone said that Severus was going to be a death eater after he called her that foul name two years ago. Lily had heard the rumours, but no future Death Eater could produce something so beautiful. Severus straightened his posture and readopted that cold gaze Lily was accustomed to.

"The Patronus? I believe you already know the answer to that, we are in the same Defence Against the Dark Arts class after all," Severus retorts, thin arms crossing tightly over his chest.

"No, I know that. I just meant…" Lily trailed off, not knowing how to ask the question without further aggravating the teen standing opposite her.

"You just meant how can a Death Eater such as myself produce a Patronus?" Severus scoffed, Lily didn't miss the hurt look that flashed across his face, "Do you really think that lowly of me?"

The truth was that she didn't, and deep down, she never had.

"No, of course not Severus-" Lily started.

"Oh, it's Severus now?" Severus accused before he could stop the biting words from coming out. Before Lily could become upset, he said, "I'm sorry, that was childish."

"Look, I'm sorry that I interrupted your charms session, I didn't know you would be down here by the Black Lake this morning. I'll just leave you to it," Lily said, trying to keep her emotions at bay. It was too much for her, seeing Severus act this cold to her. She felt like she'd stepped back into her fifth year. Lily turned to walk away and stopped to say one final thing.

"I always knew you'd never really stoop low enough to become a Death Eater."

Severus stood, stunned, just for a moment as he watched Lily's retreating form. He snapped out of it and yelled, "Wait! Lily!"

She halted in her tracks and looked back over her shoulder. Severus grabbed his book bag up off the damp grass before chasing her up the hill. He reached Lily's side. She noticed how she has to look up into his eyes, while in the past she had always been the taller of the two.

"I'm sorry, I truly mean it. I'm disgusted and ashamed of how I acted on that day, and if I could change the past, I would in a heartbeat," Severus apologised, never taking his pleading eyes off Lily.

"I forgive you Severus, I-," Lily sighed, trying to find the right words, "I haven't been the greatest friend to you either. My father heard about your mother passing and told me, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you last year when Eileen died, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't apologise, it's all in the past now," Severus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't have potions first thing in the morning that day, so his hair lacked the thin layer of grease it usually got after attending the subject. They both started slowly making their way back to the main entrance of the castle.

"Hey, so about that Patronus you cast back there, is there any reason you're out here, alone, practising it?" Lily asked. That seemed to get Severus' attention.

"Well, that's what I'm puzzled about. Up until recently, my Patronus has been a Great Horned Owl, but on the first day of term, it changed into a doe. I've read about Patronuses, and it's rare that they change forms. If it happens, it only happens after undergoing a great trauma, but that hasn't happened to me recently. Do you have any ideas?" Severus asked. Lily pondered the conundrum for a moment, but only one ridiculous explanation came to mind.

"It could be a premonition of sorts," Lily offered. When Severus gave her a baffled look she continued, "here me out! You don't know what it means yet, but we know that a change of Patronus is always a big deal! So, that means that the meaning behind the change will become obvious in the future."

"Oh please Lily, I've never believed in Divination, and I know you're not a massive supporter of it either," Severus scoffed, a hint of amusement in his tone.

"What do you mean? You used to spend all your spare time up in the Astronomy tower, and I'll bet good money that those habits haven't changed over the past year," Lily teased, a wry smile gracing her features.

"Yes, but that's because I'm fascinated by Astronomy, not Astrology. There's a very important difference there," Severus explained, not that Lily didn't know that already. It's strange how quickly they fell back into their old friendship, especially with all the playful teasing that they used to be so fond of.

"You've seen my Patronus, but what's yours?" Severus asked as they turned the corner into the Great Hall. Seventh Years had a free slot on their schedule on a Friday morning, and most tended to spend it in the Great Hall or in the library.

"Mine? It's a lioness, it took me a while before I could properly hold down a corporeal form though," Lily answered.

"That's still an impressive achievement though, congratulations," Severus gave her a small smile. His first in months.

"Thank you, you too." A comfortable silence grew between them, but then a burning question came to Severus' mind.

"So there's a question that I've been meaning to ask you," Severus started slowly, "it's about you and Potter. Are you two an item now?" Severus was dreading the answer. He had long since gotten over his childhood crush on Lily, but he still wanted the best for her. All he knew was that Potter was far from the best for her. What Severus wasn't expecting was the faint blush that rose to Lily's cheeks at the sound of the Head Boy's name.

"We aren't a couple," Lily stated.

"Why not? He's been annoying you for years now, I doubt he would have given up in his final year," Severus asked.

"That's the thing, he's really matured over the past year, even you would be surprised," Lily let out a shallow laugh that didn't reach her eyes, "I've finally fallen for him, but he started dating Mary MacDonald over the summer. You know, the brunette Gryffindor one? I mean, she used to be nice to me…"

"Mary MacDonald? That's a joke right?" Severus laughed. Lily's gaze snapped back up to her friend's face.

"Please, Sev, I hate to backstab other girls, but she really does my head in." Severus laughed at Lily's expression, her face creased with annoyance at the mere thought of the girl.

"I know what you mean, I tutored her in Defence Against the Dark Arts last year, she's quite a handful when she wants to be," Severus confessed. Lily couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled up her throat. Soon her and Severus had dissolved into a fit of laughter and they didn't care whose attention they had, they were too busy making up for lost time.

***

It happened in late October.

Severus and Lily were making their way to the library after an early dinner to get a start on their potions essays they had received earlier that day.

Severus was carrying Lily's books for her, his arms filled with two sets of parchment and two Advanced Potion-Making books. That feeling of dread he was becoming more accustomed to returned when he spotted a head of curly black hair at the opposite end of the corridor. Black. Potter and Lupin were with them too, but Severus was long past the point of being afraid of the werewolf. In fact, they've helped each other out more than once on their astronomy homework.

"Snivellus!" Black's voice rang down the corridor, making Severus' blood run cold. Lily was right about James, he had matured more. At the end of their sixth year, he stopped participating in Sirius' pranks so he could focus on his campaign for Head Boy. Only, this meant he was now a bystander to Sirius' pranks. Black seemed to be the only once who refused to grow up. Even Peter Pettigrew matured and moved onto a different group of people.

Before Severus or Lily could say anything, Sirius had drawn his wand and shouted "Flipendo!". Before Sirius could laugh and celebrate, Severus cast a wandless protego and the jinx bounced back towards the trio. The jinx hit James square in the chest, causing him to flying backwards into a stone pillar topped with an orange flame. The force of the blow winded James as he fell on his back beside the pillar.

The pillar rocked on the spot and fell on its side, cracking when it hit the stone ground. In James and Severus' defence, the pillar was as old as the Earth itself and was due to crumble any day. What they weren't prepared for was Professor McGonagall to storm up to them, having witnessed the entire scene unfold.

"Mr Potter and Mr Snape!" Severus tried to suppress a chill, that tone never meant good things.

***

James and Severus were escorted by Professor McGonagall to the Headmaster's office. She informed Professor Dumbledore of what had occurred only minutes beforehand.

"Remember when you said that if anything like this happened between the two of them again you wanted to deal with it personally? Here's your chance. If you'll excuse me Albus, there's some roast lamb in the Great Hall that I don't feel like missing tonight," McGonagall said. She left without a backwards glance. Severus was curious about what she meant by 'if anything like this happened between the two of them again'.

Dumbledore picked a sherbet lemon wrapped in plastic out of the glass bowl resting on his desk. He fiddled with the ends of the wrapping for a moment before discarding it and popping the sweet into his mouth.

"Now, Mr Potter, Mr Snape, I do not know who was at fault for tonight's events, but one of our stone pillars was destroyed at your hands. Thankfully, this is a school of magic and the problem was fixed almost immediately," Dumbledore smiled at the two students, mirth in his eyes.

"For your detention tonight I'll have to confiscate your wands." Albus held out a wrinkled hand and waited for the two reluctant boys to give him their wands.

"Severus I know you have been studying wandless magic, so please refrain from utilising those skills tonight," Albus requested.

"What? Since when can you do wandless magic?" James asked, trying to keep the shock from his voice as he eyed Severus up and down in his chair.

"It's hardly your concern, Potter," Severus snapped coolly. Dumbledore cleared his throat, and both heads whipped back to the warlock.

"None of that bickering here tonight, it won't help you. There's no reason for you to be fighting like children still," Dumbledore's eyes lost their usual twinkle and gained a more serious look, "there is a war ahead. Voldemort-" James and Severus winced "and his followers will be the only ones to benefit from our fighting. If we can't stand together, we've already lost. You don't have to love each other, but you have to love each other."

"But sir-" Severus started, but Dumbledore pointedly ignored him.

"Tonight, you'll have to stay in my office until you have sorted out your differences and become friends. What's the muggle expression? Ah, yes, you must kiss and make up. Now, if you two don't mind me, I'll just be heading out to the Great Hall for a spot of dinner. That roast lamb Minerva suggested does sound quite delightful," Albus smiled and rose from his chair behind the oak desk. He reached the entrance to his office and began placing some kind of ward on the door. Severus guessed it will only allow the door to open once it senses audible apologies.

"Hey sir!" James quickly shouted out, desperate to get out of this detention, "Before you go, uh, I think we've actually figured it out already," James tried, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze fluttered between Severus and Dumbledore.

"Mr Potter, I don't think that's true at all, goodnight," Dumbledore said with a final smile. He shut the door behind him and the wards sealed into place.

Great, Severus thought, he was stuck here with James bloody Potter.