Webnovel Author: Chaddts - Fanfic&Novel Collection

Way way too extra. Far too much telling and not enough showing.

I have to drop it here. You committed the cardinal sin of erasing the memories of the person who was isekaied What's the point after that? He isn't the same person who died so its not really an isekai at all anymore. Furthermore I can't see Bruce accepting the symbiote unless he was desperate, and certainly not giving up control of his body.

You Need to show that who is speaking changed somehow.

Haha, no, thats a writing skip.

Way, wag too much telling, and not enough showing. For instance you said the z fighters introduced themselves, vs actually writing the introductions. The difference between telling vs showing is like a Summary vs a scene. You need to write the scene, not a Summary of what happened during the scene.

Terrible, all telling, and no showing.

Bad translation. Also why does Dumbledore call himself a wizard to a muggle?

Kind of a let down after last chapter.

Ehh I saw it coming a long time ago, far too cliche. I know you did it justbto don't it, but Morrigan would have been more expected.

The fact he even mentions his race is concerning.

This chapter makes no sense. Where did Phil go? They were having a conversation and it just stopped? Sp weird.

Robot translation.

Luna, idc, if he is in her brother body lol. She best girl.

One the best works ever posted here in web nove. Keep it up!

Too many weird issues. For instance Martha SMELLED the crash. How can you smell a crash?

you cant even get the names correct, its Lucifuge, Not Luci-fudge. beyond that, the intro was so boring. Why are you telling us, instead of showing us? the very first chapter and its a bad, poorly written infodump...

classic case of too much telling and not enough showing. nothing about the story feels organic. Just a rush of meaningless "He did this", "He did that". The first mission was incredibly poorly written. you didnt show us what he did, instead you told us in the most boring way possible, and then timeskipped without building any kind of personlity or relationships with any of the characters.

a little too "out there" for a harry potter fanfic.