Chapter 1: Diary Entries 1-5
Diary Entry 1
Hello Diary, I am going to start writing about my travels but unfortunately a pixie was playing with my notes so some things are out of order. Why do I have notes and writing a diary you ask? It's quite simple really, I have started getting my memories jumbled up! Not because I am broke and cast aside my dignity to write a guide book to this continent! Even though, as one of the only remaining "true druids" left, I am naturally overqualified for such a job.
Diary Entry 2
Okay you are probably wondering, what I meant by "true druid". It used to be that the only professions you could get were farmer, crafter, government official, soldier, thief, or druid. The druids were in charge of record keeping, magic, religion, medicine, sciences, etc. Basically if the task required someone to use their brains, it was done by a druid and no, we weren't jack of trade types. You had to master several fields to graduate from being an apprentice.
Unfortunately, many years ago, the the apprentices became lazy for some reason, mastering only one or two fields. This lead to the profession being carved up into several niche professions such as wizard, priest, tinkerer, school teacher, etc. Except for my family, the profession basically died out. Then, when my father was a kid, Some crackpot archeologists, G.G., B.B., and D.S. found some old tree shrines and decided that Druids were a bunch of tree worshippers! Their "findings" lead to a bunch of priests and magic users that specialized in nature magic coming together forming the Elm-Druids, a "supposed" resurrection of a forgotten profession who's main goal is cover the world in trees.
Diary Entry 3
I have to travel a lot and as such, one has to stop at a town occasionally for more supplies. The village my current party was at this time was famous for it's eggs, known as Kotópoulo (some people have no sense when it comes to names). To our surprise, the village was short on eggs. Apparently all the chickens have disappeared one night. The party leader, Isa Boss, a female paladin (paladins make great Cannon Fodder, so always let them take the lead), naturally volunteered us to go look for them.
Oh, I probably should mention the rest of the party. Fine, there was Springer, a booby beastman rogue, that specialized in traps. For support, we had Presley, a human bard currently taking a break from being on tour. And there's me, stuck doing everything else.
After using a shapeshifting spell to turn myself into a Pyre Wolf, I lead everyone through the neighboring woods to a cave dungeon. Inside were the chickens, apparently they decided to go adventuring. We just sat there and watched dumbfounded as a Rooster Paladin lead an army of Rooster Kickboxers, Hen Priests, Hen Egg Mages, Rooster Ninjas and Rooster Berserkers against a goblin horde all while little chicks waved pom poms. Things seemed well in hand as the Rooster Paladin (his spurs had modified into blades, maybe that Blacksmith Hen in the back has something to do with it) beheaded the goblin boss. The Rooster Paladin said they were going to raid a few more dungeons before going back so we left (translation spells can be so handy). We let the villages know that their chickens were fine and would be back soon. Later we found out that the town no longer sells eggs.
Diary Entry 4
If you are ever bored or looking for an interesting quest, try going to an inn for dinner, especially if it is frequented by other parties. About 3-4 times a week, some villager will usually come in shouting for help and once a week you might meet one who is looking for a person with specific skills.
One such occasion, I was engaging in a long-standing argument with my companion, Boreas the Overheated, a priest from The Glaciers of the Zealots. A farmer came running into the inn and after looking around, approached our table. "Excuse me, but are you two priests?" he asked. Before I could say anything, Boreas said, "Indeed, how can we be of service?" so I just gave him a glare, hoping this time, it cut off his tongue.
"I need your help, a Minotaur has kidnapped my prize-winning show cow, Bessie" said the farmer.
"Shouldn't you be asking for those warriors at the next table?" I asked.
"Oh no, you see, he brought her back and asked me if they could get married. I need a priest for the wedding."
As quick as I could, I said "Sorry, but I am not ordained. But you are in luck because my friend here, Boreas, is!" and stepped on his foot before he could deny it.
As the farmer dragged off Boreas, I smiled and asked for another round of drinks but the innkeeper said, "I'm sorry sir but we are closing early as we are catering a wedding."
Diary Entry 5
The Continent of Talamh Aisling has the misfortune to be the birthplace of the Mad God. As such, the most common dungeons to spring up are the Temples of dÚsachtach. That's right, they are dungeons. The temples function as places of worship, madhouses, workshops for inventors, and laboratories despite this. I might as well give you the basic layout.
The first room you encounter upon entering is the Waiting Room where you state whether you are visiting, being committed, picking up a product, or dungeoning. The next room is the temple itself, a maze of rooms full of eccentric geniuses, mental patients, priests, and experiments gone wrong. You will find artworks depicting various avatars of the Mad God such as The Pink Mare, The Blue Unknown Animal, The Tea Party, The Cat with the unnatural grin, The Girl with Red Velvet hair, The Long with mismatched body parts, or the dreaded Yellow Sponge. As for opponents, you have the sociopath inventors, the psychotic failed experiments, and the occasional abomination.
So why do we raid the temples? Usually to eliminate a occupant that has gone rogue, because oddly enough, no matter how deranged, violent, or inhumane a temple resident is, they leave the rest of the temple unharmed. Although such raids usually end up damaging the participants' SAN, the loot is a decent compensation. You see, Temples of dÚsachtach also function as centers of innovation, however, the inventors have a hard time emptying their inventory because merchants and investors refuse to enter the temples to pick up whatever they ordered or invested in, something about doing so is bad for their hearts. As such there is a stockpile of delivery requests in the waiting room that offer a lot of coin. The best part is that a good third of the stuff you find is up for grabs because no one put in a request.
One such item is my main weapon, Tear-jerker, an enchanted thyrsus which I acquired on one such raid. I know it is enchanted because of two very odd effects that occur when I use it in close combat. The first is that no matter how much force I use to hit my opponents, it doesn't break or cause any further damage to them than a slight bruising. The second effect is even more strange, as regardless of whether the opponent is a golem, goblin, wyvern, sea serpent, orc, or undead, anything with eyes, really, I just have to hit them with the pinecone anywhere on their body and they are blinded with tears, although I am not sure for how long as my party members or I either quickly finish them off or run away.
I got it off a deranged priest in the temple. How do I know he was deranged? He was talking in a language that no mortal mouth can shape and no mortal ear can listen to. A few of the other parties on the raid tore themselves apart just listening to him. If my group's ears weren't full of what I hope was mud from falling into a pit trap earlier, we might have ended up like them, instead all we got was a weird buzzing. Fortunately, the priest was easily decapitated by our barbarian, Hogan the Smasher. No one else wanted it, and somebody had fallen on my old weapon causing it to snap, so they let me take it.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Daoistxfokyp
Daoistxfokyp Okay the truth, I tend to be scatterbrained so I got the idea to write my webnovel as a scatterbrained diary from Mick McArt's Journal of an Outlaw volume one. But don't worry, I do have an actual plot that I am going with.
Have some idea about my story? Comment it and let me know.
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