A young writer from Switzerland who grew up in Japan. I am writing the Post-Futurism / Slice of life series inspired by movies, anime. I take my time before releasing chapters. Quality > Quantity.
Now you -> So besides, saying that your novel is great etc, I'll try to provide more insights. Sometimes there were narrative perspective changes from explanatory to commentary, I think it kinda breaks the 4th wall. I found "some" of your dialogues structures to be a bit weird. Perhaps you should try to make it more alive. (Specifically in the very beginning). Try to play with "Name of the character & He /she", sometimes you repeat the same name too many times in one paragraph. It is better if you add names and who said what at the end of the dialogues. Personally, loads of people complained about that when I wrote dialogues without names - back in the days. Apart from that, it is a good read. The dialogues/description ratio seems also good. Good job!
Sports · Ron_Azure
Well, you know how to write! It is a quality read really, the only thing I didn't like was the way you handle the dialogues because it is never clear who speaks to whom. Perhaps you should take care of that part. Otherwise, great job author!
Fantasy · Alpha_Medic
Thanks! That's the idea actually. I'll defo check "Gosick" out :)
Sci-fi · evolx24
Thanks for the support!
Hello, I've seen that you copy-pasted the same message to tons of people so... What is the platform that you are talking about?
Pornographic Content Hate or bullying Release of personal info Violence Spam Other
Now you -> So besides, saying that your novel is great etc, I'll try to provide more insights. Sometimes there were narrative perspective changes from explanatory to commentary, I think it kinda breaks the 4th wall. I found "some" of your dialogues structures to be a bit weird. Perhaps you should try to make it more alive. (Specifically in the very beginning). Try to play with "Name of the character & He /she", sometimes you repeat the same name too many times in one paragraph. It is better if you add names and who said what at the end of the dialogues. Personally, loads of people complained about that when I wrote dialogues without names - back in the days. Apart from that, it is a good read. The dialogues/description ratio seems also good. Good job!
Golden Falcon
Sports · Ron_Azure