iNSiDES(3.5)
What was there to remain from the lost feelings of dust? Laying in this bed imagining a night full of stars is a way to exist within, however my mind was lost, in the gloom. The grove within my head, Inside me.. It was all lost. And the question remains.. what was there.. to remain..
"Are you able to live without her? Without your past friend?" Paimon asked me while looking at me, drinking a cup of warm milk. Does he even care?
"She was the only one I could show the true myself. Society is destroyed, nothing remains after they touch it."
"Society? Don't you mean yourself?" I heard those words again, now from my roommate. I swallowed my saliva as clenching my teeth, trying to accept the hard truth that I am the issue.
"And the struggle continues... It was always my mistake within it. But why do I have to be punished because I was born like this.." My words were fainting before the legislatious eyes of the so-called 'King Paimon'. It all felt like a film, like I was created like this. I think it is only a coincidence. but on the left part, right under my chest a birth symbol appeared. It looked really similar to greek letters, I could read it as 'αποτυχία'. I do not understand greek however, and I cannot translate it back into japanese even thought I know how to read it.
"I am the pinnacle of failure, I have failed to exist and to live. I'm and I'll always be at the bottommost of society, and humanity. If I would have a knife I would stick it right into my through, and slice all my veins with, If I would still be alive I would go deeper and ravage all my intestines, lungs, heart. And feed myself to the demons. I deserve this treatment for being the darkness of this world. Discovering myself.. what a joke.. That wont stop my tears.." I said without thinking clearly. Followed by a question within my burnt Insides.
"Do you think.. that I am able to sob while dying.. Or I will just die without tears like a heartless monster that I am.."
"Answer it yourself.." Paimon stood up and went towards the door, saying to me in a dissapointed tone.
"I am dissapointed in you, it would be better for both of us if you kill yourself." Those words.. I don't know if they are true or not. But I can't help but sob my heart out of pain. If god exists.. then.. Kill me... Again...