She left like a phantom that haunted the ocean.
She never kept secrets from me.
As far as I knew.
They were secrets anyways.
Meant for keeping hidden.
I didn't know when it was.
The moments that I would catch myself watching her.
Wanting her.
Loving her.
She always seemed so strong.
Cold from her surroundings.
Though she was soft and breakable.
Depression, anxiety, pain is what came at first.
But as the minutes passed, I missed her more.
So much more that I started to catch myself visiting the ocean.
Waking up with worry.
Making my way to the beach each day.
I started to take care of an old lighthouse.
Hoping that I would see her.
All I wanted was to see her.
I never even searched for her.
How could I?
The internet would give me false myths and the current would give me death after long strides of swimming.
The most that I could do...
The best that I could do...
Was search for her through a rocky scenery.
I didn't know how it would be to see her again or what I would say.
I'm sure that my heart would start spilling all over the place.
Being with her was all that I needed.
This never changed.
She was still beautiful underwater.
Versions of her were breathtaking.
Covering up from the rain.
Stuffing her face with food.
Falling asleep while studying.
Biting her lip out of concentration.
All her moments.
All her versions were beautiful.
Adding in a mythical version was unexpected.
But I could take it all for her.
As time passed, I started to work at the lighthouse even more.
The rainy season started to hit before the cold front.
It was strange that it would come so late, but the lighthouse needed more care after all the oceans wraith.
One night was so odd.
The current was vengeful.
It breathed in nature and crashed against Earth.
I was working late, and the rain was too hard to make it home.
I turned on the light for sealing travelers to find their way.
I turned it on for her.
If she would come back.
If she would need help past the pulling current.
My worry was intense, and it covered me in darkness.
Storms like this use to make me nervous that she would get caught in it while going home.
Her getting sick would always worry me.
Now the worry extended to reasons that were out of my control.
I sat down next to the lights system.
I could see a glimpse of the ocean and where the light would hit right in the middle view.
I needed to stay warm and the rain had no intentions of stopping.
I just watched.
For hours as the light continued to turn.
Until it didn't anymore.
No timer was set.
No latch changed.
It just stopped.
I couldn't help but freak out.
I tried everything for it to start and it just wouldn't.
I rushed around the front of the light to see if it was stuck.
I rushed too much in my life.
Through my friendships, through my schooling, through chores.
Rushing would get me killed and it was trying to.
I slipped on the water flow that rained down on the lighthouse.
I slipped back, and it didn't seem so hard.
I slipped, and darkness became a different meaning.
I never thought about how it would be to fall for her again.
I never contemplated killing myself or risking my safety for others.
Maybe she would come back.
She needed to come back.
Is my mind rambling?
How could it be so calm?
Drowning seemed too calm.
The next morning my face was on the front page of the newspaper.
I had tried to commit suicide.
At least that is what the market owner on the shore saw later that night.
He noticed that the lighthouse's light went out and then a body falling off the tower.
I washed up on the beach twice in my life now.
Washed up seemed like where my life was going.
My head was killing me, and I didn't like hospitals.
Too much death and not enough sadness.
I rested my head on the pillow.
It was hard to breathe with my throat still sore.
I spoke for hours explaining what happened.
They didn't want to believe me.
At least that is what it seemed.
The tabloids loved a story and I was their next source.
A breeze of wind escaped through my window.
It was chilly but had remorse.
The white flowing curtains seemed like a ghost dancing in the wind.
The click of a door was heard in the distance.
Being lost in thought.
When I turned my head, it seemed like a ghost appeared from the past.
The only one dancing was my heart.