Chapter 2: Well,F*ck.
Alright, i will be the first one to tell you that i am not a morning person.
''UP, GET UP YOU LAYZ BOY!''
So imagine floating peacefully in the air like the proud demi-god that you are.
Ever since i got stuck in this universe i have been trying to fly and i did it just yesterday, and let me tell you there is nothing better than flying for me.
Of course i also have all the super stuff that superman has, but i think the reason he couldn't fly until he was almost an adult was because he was never trying.
Do you know how hard it is to not just reduce someone into paste? It's fucking hard let me tell you.
A light tap from me if i didn't control my self is enough to send someone 10 meters in to the ground.
Yeah kryptonians are bullshit, but i am a dirty haxxor so who gives a shit.
You have to really try and be evil if you are on earth as a kryptonian my hearing covers almost the entire UK.
All those people and you can hear their suffering, i think I understand why superman turned out to be such a boy scout.
''I'm up horse face calm your tits.''
''Get started with breakfast you hooligan!''
Yeah that'll be my ''Aunt'' Petunia she is a horrible person as is the rest of her family.
The thing is, they know i can just make them a red spot in the floor if i want to, but they still treat me like this.
You gotta at least appreciate the balls on this family.
I don't know what Lily was thinking leaving me with these people or why they never checked up on me maybe she was high or Dumbledore is a hidden dark lord who knows? For some reason I can't see or hear past the wards the magical people set up.
I'm not that worried to be honest, this dimension is gonna be like a vacation for me, think about it for a second, i can hear a spell aimed for me from kilometres away react millions of lightspeeds ahead of them and also way faster.
So yeah voldi ain't got shit on me.
Anyway enough internal monologues, time for breakfast for the horse and fat and fatter.
Two seconds later a feast is on the table. Since i got heat vision why should i wait for normal cooking appliances?
''HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU TO STOP USING YOUR FREAK STUFF IN THE HOUSE!''
''I'm fast as fuck boi, i didn't use any magic stop getting your panties in a twist.''
''VERNORN!!''
So after my ''uncle'' yelled at me for a while and they forbid breakfast they got started on breakfast, but jokes on them I don't need to eat all i need is sunlight, I'm like a fucking plant 'lol'.
''Dudley get the mail.''
Oh here we got the canon STARTS!
''Make him get it''
''Get your sausage fingers out of my face i already got it, here.''
Let's open up our letter and get this over with, i swear if hagrid tries to pull some shit i will flip him like an omelette.
HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,
Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)
Dear Mr Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
UNIFORM
First-year students will require:
1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)
2. One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear
3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)
4. One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)
Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.
COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of each of the following:
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)
by Miranda Goshawk
A History of Magic
by Bathilda Bagshot
Magical Theory
by Adalbert Waffling
A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration
by Emeric Switch
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi
by Phyllida Spore
Magical Drafts and Potions
by Arsenius Jigger
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
by Newt Scamander
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection
by Quentin Trimble
OTHER EQUIPMENT
1 wand
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)
1 set glass or crystal phials
1 telescope
1 set brass scales
Students may also bring, if they desire, an owl OR a cat OR a toad.
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS
ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICK
Yours sincerely,
Lucinda Thomsonicle-Pocus
Chief Attendant of Witchcraft Provisions
Blah blah blah we welcome you to Hogwarts blah blah blah get this shit and stuff, pretty canon so far i don't see anything extra.
*Ding-Ding*
''Oh don't get up or anything I'll get it.''
''Thank you for the effort.''
Wow Dudley is pretty good with that sarcasm, I'm a horrible influence on him.
You know normally I limit my hearing and sight so I don't see old people have sex or you know hear them, but I really wish I hadn't done that today.
''Hello Harry, I'm your mom''
''And I'm your dad, these are your brother and sister.''
As I looked at the nervous couple and the excited children in front of me i hope that you do not judge me for my next sentence, because I panicked.
''No puablo Englesh.''
And proceed to shut the door on them.
Well, that definitely wasn't canon.
*Ding-Dong*
Why can't I have nice things?
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