Chapter 32: Yoo Jonghyuk's side quest #31: I'll be your one.
Kim Dokja abruptly gasped. Inhaling a great amount of air down his dry throat, a coarse wheeze escaped from his pale lips. He panted and choked, almost suffocating from the act of breathing itself.
After waiting for his coughing to cease, he finally rose from the bed with a sore throat and... a vacant spot beside him.
The lean young man dazedly fumbled around while trying to remember the content of his hazy dream. His slender fingers brushed against the cool sheet beside him. The silkiness of the soft fabric seemed to inexplicably ease his mind. He mechanically repeated the motion a few times while his brain was trying its best to buffer.
An uneasy feeling subconsciously crept inside of him.
That dream felt important...
But why can't he remember anymore?
Not even a single image resurfaced when he tried his hardest to recall.
He really hates dreaming.
Kim Dokja laid on the bed motionless, still trying to decipher the weird feeling he got from that ephemeral dream. He looked dazed, silently contemplating alone while gazing at the spacious ceiling. The young man did not even notice the approaching figure coming out from the bathroom. Kim Dokja only realized something was wrong when he felt the mattress lightly sinking beside him.
"What are you thinking about?"
A pleasant baritone voice flowed inside his ears, unsure if it was soothing him back to sleep or wake him from his slumber. Kim Dokja felt a gentle touch brushing off the curtain of bangs in front of his forehead. He subconsciously leaned towards the warmth, squinting his eyes as he blissfully enjoyed the gentle caressing. It was better to enjoy the moment with his hyung rather than racking his brain first thing in the morning.
Yoo Jonghyuk's touch tickled his pale skin as the squeamish young man hummed in response. This cute reaction tugged his rigid heartstrings. The soft face nuzzled against his calloused palm, giving people the illusion of a content kitten purring in delight. Small tears could be seen hanging down from the long butterfly-like lashes of the soft teenager. They seemed to shine like drops of crystal clear dew gently resting upon thin blades of grass. Yoo Jonghyuk quietly admired how Kim Dokja looked like a slumbering fairy right now.
The warm spring breeze breached through the small cracks of the regressor's heart, shedding light upon his everlasting stone-cold face. He hadn't felt so peacefully serene in a long time. Yoo Jonghyuk almost forgot what it felt like not to worry about losing everything at any minute.
Kim Dokja thoughts drifted away again as he now wondered how can someone's voice sound so rich and clear even in the early morning...
"Dummy."
He felt Yoo Jonghyuk flick his forehead lightly. The regressor's cold tone contrasted his endearing gesture filled with papering affection.
"That's because it's already afternoon."
"Ah?" Kim Dokja blinked awake.
The young man with a mop of fluffy messy hair stared ahead like a dear caught in headlights. Eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape.
Did I...?
"Yes, you said it out loud."
Yoo Jonghyuk chuckled. His warm laughter rippled through the air ringing like heavenly bells in Kim Dokja's ears.
Kim Dokja felt his breath stop for a moment that lasted a bit too long for his heart which had begun begging loudly for more oxygen supply. He felt trapped between bliss and embarrassment. The abashed teen blankly gawked at the beautiful arc that was forming between the curled-up corners of Yoo Jonghyuk's rosy lips. A sight to behold.
I love his laughter...
"No, I'm not a psychic."
"..." You got it wrong this time.
"You're just too easy to read."
Kim Dokja pouted and covered himself with the quilt in protest. Even he couldn't quite understand the reason behind his own smugness when Yoo Jonghyuk had guessed wrong. His heart seemed to be celebrating. Kim Dokja secretly smiled under the covers. A petty victory but a victory nonetheless.
He muffled a response with his face planted against the soft pillow.
"No, I'm not."
Under another wave of gentle coaxing, Kim Dokja finally left his makeshift cave made of quilt and pillows to go and wash himself up. But before he could even step out of the bed, both of his legs gave out. He slipped. And as he began losing his balance, the ground also began dangerously closing in. Kim Dokja shut his eyes, dreading the fast-approaching impact that was about to come.
"Ah!"
"Careful."
Yoo Jonghyuk's arm reached forward and caught him before the disaster occurred.
"Are you fine?"
"Y- Yes..."
Kim Dokja avoided the concerned gaze of the regressor, unwilling to admit his weakness. His brain already went blank from all the shame. Both cheeks turned scorching red as he tried covering himself with his hands.
On one side, he wondered if he was just too sensitive and if his hyung would despise him because of so. Maybe he should be braver and speak more directly. But on the other side, this emotional hurdle is a bit difficult to overcome with words alone. And he's not the best in action. What if he scares him away?
Maybe it's better to start from a middle ground. Don't sound too whiney and don't appear too distant. Yes, you can do it Kim Dokja.
"I'm ok! I just need to rest a bit."
"Can't do."
"...?!"
Before the flabbergasted young man could have protested any further, Yoo Jonghyuk bent over and hooked his muscular arms under Kim Dokja's calves and back. Just like in a scene straight out from a fairy tale, Kim Dokja had been scooped up with a noble princess-carry. This action certainly threw away all the consideration that the young man was trying to show.
Yoo Jonghyuk saw the red tip of his timid companion's ears and grinned.
「 How cute. 」
Without batting an eyelid, he blurted out a very cliché sentence with a straight face lacking any shame. "I can't run from my responsibilities."
And after said so, under Yoo Jonghyuk's meticulous care, Kim Dokja day could finally begin with a fresh start. Of course, nothing happened, he was still young and Yoo Jonghyuk couldn't act too hastily. Or will he?
Looking at the neatly dressed-up Kim Dokja. The black-clothed man gently ruffled the freshly combed hair of the shy young man. He gazed down with gentleness even he didn't know he had.
Kim Dokja protested against the unruly hand messing up his hair. However, he still allowed the older man to have his way. Although, he still awkwardly displayed his displeasure by turning his head away, giving the older man the cold shoulder whilst hmphing.
Yoo Jonghyuk had always regarded the older Kim Dokja as an annoying sly fox with a rather worrisome suicidal tendency. However, comparing them now, he understood why the fox was regarded as a canine with a somewhat feline temperament. The willingness to sacrifice themselves and the stupid delusional pride to call it selfishness. Maybe he just needed a little bit more sincerity. Whilst thinking of the past, the regressor subconsciously smiled with a reminiscing fondness in his eyes.
"Hyung...?"
Breaking from his daze, Yoo Jonghyuk responded. "Yes?"
"Nothing..."
"...?"
Yoo Jonghyuk glanced at the teen with an inquisitive look, not understanding the reason for the sudden mood shift. However, he wasn't even given a chance to understand as the teen soon urged him to go down together for the checkout.
Kim Dokja pushed the taller man forward, ignoring the strange discomfort he felt before.
One of the old habits he had developed because of his circumstances was the keen ability to discern people's emotions. Indeed, he had felt Yoo Jonghyuk's genuine feelings. Although, he couldn't help but ask himself the question he couldn't bear to ask another.
Hyung...
Who are you looking through me?
He shook his head, unwilling to think about it furthermore. Kim Dokja isn't the best at controlling his heart, especially, negative emotions. His own self-doubt can be regarded as of his most detrimental weaknesses. The more he tried to suppress it, the more unruly his thoughts became. By the time he couldn't stop them anymore, he found himself smiling wryly.
It felt so wrong. He shouldn't feel satisfied for being someone else's substitute, and yet he is. Almost feeling like the meaning of his entire existence was to fill in that void.
The warm gaze that seemed to be directed to him... he felt undeserving of it. He wasn't supposed to be the one basking under this light. As if something was telling him that the subject of his affection wasn't "him".
Kim Dokja bit his lips. He was trying very hard to shake away his moodiness.
He didn't want to think about it. But the dark thoughts didn't leave him be.
Kim Dokja was drowning inside this light.
Suffocating, he allowed so.
These feelings were akin to poison.
A drug so addicting he couldn't help but fall victim to.
Even if poison... Now it's mine.
Kim Dokja was struck by a sudden headache as he staggered forward, hitting the board back of the regressor. The latter turned around and called him with a voice filled with worry.
"Dokja?"
Kim Dokja raised his hand to support his head as he leaned on Yoo Jonghyuk's chest. Beads of sweat were already condensing on his forehead. He grunted in distress. It wasn't a light headache, more of a "herd horses trampling over his brain without mercy" type of headache.
"I- I'm fine..."
Kim Dokja managed to stutter out as he took in another sharp breath when the pain didn't cease. Was this the sequela of his low alcohol tolerance? Just a few alcoholic sweets and he was suffering this much? Was he such a bad drinker?
"Not fine at all." Yoo Jonghyuk firm voice resounded through the hall as he unceremoniously picked up Kim Dokja with another princess-carry. This seemed to have become the primary method of transport Yoo Jonghyuk had reserved only for his companion.
The latter yelped in surprise as he subconsciously circled his arms around the black-clothed man's sturdy neck.
The regressor brought his companion back into the room and laid him down on the bed with unique gentleness. He then proceeded by sitting next to him and reached both hands over to give Kim Dokja a massage on his aching temples.
Honestly speaking, Yoo Jonghyuk's massaging skills were mediocre at best. By putting too much pressure, instead of relaxing the latter he almost stressed him out. However, in his defense, it's not like he had the opportunity to practice his masseur skills on anyone.
"You're too young to drink."
Yoo Jonghyuk huffed but his touch mellowed down when he saw the frown on Kim Dokja's pale face.
"Don't drin-"
The regressor wanted to advise him but doubted if he was acting too controlling. However, his mind suddenly thought about a past event which blackened his expression even more.
"At least I should be around to prevent you from spewing out nonsense."
Kim Dokja looked up, confused. With his headache now subdued, he can think with clarity again. However, his hyung's train of thought is still too difficult to comprehend for him sometimes.
Yoo Jonghyuk's looked down at the upturned watery eyes staring through his heart and decided not to comment any further. He's still a kid, not some old drunkard who easily confesses to people.
Kim Dokja still couldn't understand the older man whose expression eased for some inexplicable reason. Nevertheless, he felt happy seeing his own reflection in those clear dark pupils shining down on him.
"Hyung..."
Kim Dokja whispered, turning his head sideways, unsure if he was hoping to get noticed or not. But of course, he was noticed.
"Yes?"
That mellow baritone voice flowed inside his ears like music. So relaxing and enticing at the same time. However, this was not the time to fall for a honey trap.
The young man stretched out his arms upwards, towards the soft black mop of the regressor. His hands fumbled in the air, unable to reach their target.
Yoo Jonghyuk questioningly looked back but still lowered his head, allowing himself to be touched by that pair of dainty little hands.
With both hands now locked behind the regressors' nape, Kim Dokja brought the latter's face closer to his own.
They exchanged a deep glance with each other. Two pairs of dark obsidian eyes reflected each others' brilliance, words conveyed across the silence, but to understand their meaning was another matter.
Then, Kim Dokja loosens his grip before letting go of his hold completely. With blood rushing under his pale skin, he tried to turn his face away. Helplessly wanting to hide his crimson complexion. However, to his dismay, the redness had already reached both ends of his ears.
He condemned himself.
What was he thinking! Where did that courage even come from?? What about the "not too whiney but also not so distant"?? He literally was about to kis-
"I- It's n- nothing!" Kim Dokja blurted out, tripping over words.
Yoo Jonghyuk looked speechless, however, this was within his expectation somehow. The older version may have a thicker skin but this one is as thin as paper. He tried to control it but couldn't help it. A stifled chuckle soon escaped from his lips.
His laughter seems to trigger the little young man even more as the latter raised his left hand to hit his leg.
「 How can someone be this cute? 」
Yoo Jonghyuk wondered to himself before leaning down with intentions only clear to him.
However, just as his lips were about to caress that cherry-colored cheek, a sudden thumping noise from the window startled both away.
The regressor looked outside but saw nothing.
"Maybe it was a bird." Kim Dokja commented on. "Poor creature."
Yoo Jonghyuk frowned and scoffed silently.
He could not disagree more.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Arrange
Arrange Alright so, I managed to write another one! I'm posting it after editing it only once this time. Sorry for any error.
Quick update: Next week imma quit my job finally and then Imma rest my mind to find some inspiration again. (NEET life here I am again! Welcome back unemployment!) Fingers crossed I won't get another writer's block or I play too much Genshin Impact again. I need to seriously remedy myself oof-
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