Chapter 1: Stressed Out
Ok, phone, check. Headphones? Check. Money? Enough for this I guess.
Time to leave. I get up, push past the labyrinth of random junk I store for one reason or another, pass my pc, head to the front door. Cool, now open the door. "ARGH, piss of seriously", I think / say out loud to myself as the sun assaults my senses. I hate the light. Wait did I speak my thoughts out again? I need to socialize more, this is starting to become a weird habit. I mean, I don't enjoy the company of others much but speaking to myself is starting to get creepy, that dude is weird.
Walk down the street. "Ok, goal spotted. This time, don't do anything to draw attention to yourself. You don't want to get dragged on to the news again for some reason".
I step inside the bottle store. Why? That's where people sell alcohol, that glorious substance that varies in strength that allows people to live in this world for whatever reason they need it. Drunk, the great equalizer. Angry at the world, but not stupid enough to get yourself killed over things by trying to do something about whatever caused it? Get a drink. Unable to socialize well? Get a drink. "That never helps me though? I mean, it just makes other people who also drink think that my weirdness is because I'm drunk as well", yeah, that's good enough though. Drunk is a good excuse. A whole lot of other things get covered under the warm cozy blanket of alcohol. Wake up with a hangover? Well, drinking more solves that too.
"Hey man, looks like you're back again. You're starting to become our best customer, even though we've never seen your face, what with that creepy hood and what looks like a Slipknot mask on under it. I guess no complaints since you only speak to yourself and pay for everything and haven't pulled a gun out yet". I look at the guy behind the register, name tag reads Jeff. "Hi Jeff, I speak to myself here as well? My bad. The mask is to protect the world from my magnificent beauty, and to keep the cops off my back. I mean, I'm free now and all. but they get nervous around me. You saw the news a month or two ago right? Shit's scary man, even for me. And I'm me. I think". I remove my mask and look at my favorite purveyor.
Jeff gets a look of enlightenment and shock on his face, and recoils slightly. Looks like the poor man doesn't know what to make of this. "THAT WAS YOU?!".
............................................
A while back, I was also just some no name sociopath with a massive IQ, like everyone else in the world... I imagine. Like everyone else I spent that massive intellects horse power on trying to emulate human emotion to make my way in this world, as for some reason EQ > IQ. I mean, I don't understand it, but apparently being super friendly but too dumb to figure out how to wipe your own ass is better than being the guy who can come up with actual ways to help the world. Why is the fact that people think I'm an asshole important if I'm more useful than tardy Mc-shit pants that everyone enjoys hanging around? I think I'm not accurate in describing the way I view normal people, but I can't make heads or tails of how they manage to live on this world with an intellect scoring only 60-70 points higher than an inanimate object can score on average tests of intelligence. I lost a lot of faith in the world with society leaning in that direction. I understand, Professor Farnsworth. I also don't want to live on this world anymore. But I still put all my effort into connecting with people rather than being useful, as connecting with people seemed more important to everyone else than being, as I saw it, useful. They'd rather take the connective person of average use than the useful person that gives them the feeling of an AI gaining sentience.
Anyway, one day pondering my my... ponderings? I saw some douche bags being cruel to a woman who had like 50 cats in her home. I can't care less, the douche bags or the woman, but I fcking love cats. They get me for some reason. Cats are notoriously asshole pets but they love the crap out of me, and I return the, hmm, sentiment? I think that's it.
But here they have guns, and are robbing this older lady. I guess she never had family besides cats, and by the looks of the house had a fair bit of money to her name. Still, for the tardliest reasons, I grew enraged watching them kick the cats out of their way, hold others by their scuffs as they torment and threaten the lady. I mean, I'm no slouch for combat, I thought it was useful to learn, I don't trust what I don't understand, and I don't understand people. But that's not all that useful when there's a separating distance of like 30 meters between yourself and a gang of 8 thugs with semi automatic weapons, even if one assumes they have no training chances are you turn into a short lived meat fountain charging up to them.
So why the hell am I charging? Sigh. Fcking moron, you deserve this death.
I run up screaming for some reason, having picked up a rock I manage to huck it hard enough to hit one of them in the nuts. Now, I'm running, screaming with intermittent giggles at having landed a nut-shot, as a bunch of now armed, angry assailants turn their weapons towards me and start spraying. Why giggles? I'm a grown ass man, I guess my sense of humor is really as weird as I've been led to believe, because the stupidity of my actions and the results have me more amused than scared.
"This idiot, must not want to live. Gettim boys!" said what I assume to be the leader of this band of merry assholes. I assume they're merry, they seemed to be having fun, other than the one who dropped his gun cradling his berries and cursing at me. Thank you, arm that can't hit someone in the head, way to piss them off even more than, well, I guess they'd be pissed off either way?
"No, guys. Living is like, fine, annoying but fine. Just let the cats go, I don't care about the rest!".
Yeah, they are definitely looking at me like a dead idiot, they can't care less about my words, and my footsteps have been faltering since the air loss of my screams and laughter, plus the sudden physical outburst of running and throwing a rock took a lot more energy out of me than I had to spare at a moments notice. Not a smart move, when they are still out of reach. With guns. I was smart right?
Ouch... "OH GOD DAMNIT.... ARGH..." I'm screaming, I'm making noises, I'm leaking from places holes aren't naturally apparent on my body, I'm cursing randomly. I'm remembering that old RoboCop movie for some reason. The world is turning dark.
Is this death? I figured it'd be cancer as an avid smoker. with my last wheeze, I must go out on a cliche! "You'll rue this day!".
Rue? C'mon man, lame.
............................................
"Well, that was.. something. You're smart, you could have figured something out. Why did you go and throw away everything in one blind moment of rage?"
"I dunno, I was angry. I've not been that angry before. Enraged. Saw red. Then saw black. Seems standard, but I agree, not a good idea."
"Yeah, now those poor cats are fcked. I mean I appreciate that you tried but this is pretty wasteful. I gave you your cat affinity for the good of the world's felines and now my plans are fcked as well. I should have gone for someone with a better knowledge of how humans actually worked rather than an intellectually gifted sociopath who can barely function in reality."
"Wait, I thought I was speaking to myself as a random brain surge in the moment of death, who the hell are you? Besides being an asshole"
"Damned mortal! I am not an asshole, it's merely my best side that I present to the world. It's a friendly greeting, giving you the chance to take a sniff and know my greatness."
"What the hell? I was talking about the content of your words, you mean this black that I see is you speaking to me with your ass so close to my face that I can't see anything?!"
I shove myself away from the darkness, a soft sensation greets my hands and I stare at what's ahead of me. I've seen this before. I know what it is. That, is the business end of one.... huge..MOTHER FCKING BLACK CAT WITH ITS ASS POINTED AT ME!!!
Welp. Guess that near death brain surge is weirder than normal for me. Hope this is over soon.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Seigensi
Seigensi Leave Authors thought here? This website seems to want to steal my mind. I call subtle alien invasion....
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