Chapter 2: The Lights are On, but...
"You're telling me that you, the old man in a beggar's getup, killed that witch?"
I ignored the nag. She barked like a dog. Perhaps the witch really did find that Labrador and turned her into a girl. The hair color seemed to match too, being a deep charcoal.
The second girl, thankfully, seemed too traumatized to say anything. I rifled through the cottage, dodging bloody body parts and meat hooks like a true expert. Though, I guess, if I wasn't an expert at this kind of thing then who could be called one?
I couldn't find any loose change in the drawers by the sink, but the witch's bedrolls had an old backpack as a pillow. I smiled when I dug in it and found a small sack of Eights.
"Are you even listening to me!?"
Behind the Eights were several other goodies. There were at least seven wedding rings, most with the stones still intact (quite a rare find in the home of a witch), and there was even a small pack of tobacco!
I felt like a kid on his tenth Solstice. I pinched a small handful of the tobacco and smelled it. It had taste of mint, so it probably came from the East Islands, near Injago. Or was it pronounced Inyago? It didn't matter, but how did it end up all the way out in the boonies of Lolan?
"You bastard, answer me!"
"Goddammit, WHAT!?" I turned and roared at the girl. I pulled my hood down and opened the collar of my robes, revealing the metal ring around my neck. The runes of the Court of Eights blared to life as I drove my magic power. I didn't actually complete a cast, but the threat of it was enough to turn the girl's face pale. That was enough proof that I was a witch-killer, at least.
She didn't respond so I pulled my robes tight again. I liked dressing as a beggar. It made idiots like the witch underestimate you. Unfortunately, it also made idiots like this girl look down on you.
"I-I'm Trisha Falplate," the black-haired girl did manage to say something. Her introduction didn't matter to me, though. She probably wanted to flout her family name. I recognized it. The Falplates were a ducal house in the north, near the center of the Court. Of course, her being this far south and in the middle of Lolan, meant she was worthless and a member of a branch family at best. I probably wouldn't even get compensated for her rescue.
I continued to search the cabin, but the smell was starting to get to me. The girls seemed used to it, though. I did feel bad for what they went through. They'd probably cry when they walked out the door and saw the cauldron with their friend's hand sticking out of it…
That would be kinda funny, at least. I decided to take that upcoming laugh as payment for this glorious rescue. There were no better rescue rates in all the Eight Kingdoms! Just offer a laugh and the gallant Thalladrum Von Redding will come to your rescue! Fuck me.
I could hear my Keepers laughing now. They loved my misfortunes, after all.
I used the only clean cloth I could find in all the cottage to wipe clean my Elustria dagger. I needed to be careful about letting evil blood coagulate on it. I didn't want the witch's remnant magic to curse it. Cursed silver had its uses, but this dagger was an Elustria, dammit. What idiot would ruin an Elustria like that? I could curse any old silver, but an Elustria was a work of art.
The old Blacksmith of Nines would turn in his grave if he ever heard of such a thing. Gods, I missed that bastard. I should kidnap a necromancer to raise him for a weekend. We could camp out, throw back a few stouts, and fire some bows at any woodland creatures that comes within 100 yards of us. I could even maybe convince him to shoot his own foot again for old times sake.
-
For what it's worth, after she introduced herself, the girl did shut the fuck up. I liked that. I liked silence. I walked up to her and just pointed at the door. She nodded to me and dragged her unresponsive friend outside. I took a match from my pockets and knocked over a vat of cooking oil by the stove.
"This is gonna fuckin' stink," I said under my breath, but this place already stunk. Who cared if it got a bit worse. I just needed to get the fuck out of there before the smell decided to stick to me.
The fire roared to life and, at the same time, the girls outside screamed. I hid my grin. I lost all sympathy the moment that chick started to annoy me. It wasn't like they didn't know their friend was probably dead, anyway. Though I imagine the shock of seeing her body pressed down in a cauldron and cooked like that…
Shit. I shouldn't have let them see that. They'd probably touch the Cauldron. It's bad luck to touch a cauldron like that. Witches often cast stupid fuckin spells on their cauldrons.
I rushed outside and, unfortunately, was proven right. The cauldron was tipped over on the ground. A puddle of briney stew-water was spreading across the grass, turning it black. A naked half-dissolved body was being dragged away by the two girls, and both were crying.
I could feel the dark magics on the air pouring from the soupy mess. My eyes went wide and I knew I fucked up. I fucked up real bad.
I looked over at the witch's corpse. Without the silver in it, it was a perfectly ripe vessel for all that black magic to flow into. The wind stirred, and it was biting cold. I pulled my dagger free and ran towards the body, cursing myself for not cutting off the head when I had a chance.
I just needed to beat the evil stream to the punch… But such a thing was easier said than done. You ever try using pure physical strength to outrun a dark magic? I didn't think so.
The black stream of evil flowed from the spilled pot and into the witch's chest, bundling up through the wound I cut into her earlier.
"Fuck me," I cursed. I ran hard and tried to get my dagger into her a second time, but the body vanished in front of me. I heard the witch cackle on the wind.
She was gone.
"Fuckin' goddammit why in the Gods names would you two fuckin touch a witch's cauldron like that!" I cursed my head off at the two girls who were, despite what just happened, still focused on their dead friend. Didn't they know that hugging her dead body was more likely to get them a disease than bring the girl back to life? That shithead was supposed to be a noble, too. Why didn't she know something so goddamn basic?
I was always surrounded by idiots. No matter where I went they followed me.
The witch's body was gone, animated by some fucking who knows magic. With it went my paycheck. I glared daggers at the two girls and cursed again.
The black hair did call herself a Falplate. I could maybe get a bit of my loss out of them. The sound of a crackling fire and the smell of burning flesh reminded me of my immediate surroundings.
Shit. Now I didn't even have auxiliary proof of cutting that witch's heart out. I burned the fuckin cabin too early. I should have left it to the Court of Eights to deal with. They would'a purified the ground around it and sent a team of Saints to run rites. At least with all the dead bodies they'd give me some kind of pay… But now? I banked everything on taking that horned head with me.
"Fuck!"
I walked a bit away from the burning cabin, upwind. I didn't want to smell that travesty anymore. I didn't want to see those girls, either. It'd take everything I had in me not to hurt them. Honestly, their parents would probably thank me if I beat the tar out of them.
I grumbled and thought about the spellwork that came from the cauldron.
The witch's corpse was animated by a spell she cast not too long ago, judging by the lines of it, probably that fake Eternal Life mumbo jumbo. It was something from the Necronomicon style of black magic. Her horns curled downwards, meaning she practiced the style of the Southern Tribes, too.
That only left a few spells that could have been. One of which was a summoning spell for an Arch Lich. I didn't *want* that to be the right spell, but since that was literally the worst possible option it could have been, (and knowing my luck) it was probably the one, dead on the money.
Which reminded me, I did get a few Eights from the cabin at least.
Okay, so things weren't all bad. I also had tobacco.
I liked tobacco.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
Zanderkoala
Zanderkoala I'm having a bit of fun with this story so far so I decided to write a second chapter tonight. I'll try to get back on a schedule for the future. This is still planned for only every week or two. If people like it I might bump it up, though.
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