Infidelity is pretty cruel in Romance novels, and often a messy string of indecisive people not giving a damn about others. Though after reading the Cheating Men Must Die Manga and seeing my own sibling go through marital troubles in my life (since marital disfunction is the norm in my family), I've finally realised what I hate most about Romances.
I don't mean all romances, mind you, I mean those trashy Romances written by people who don't know the first thing about marriages and anything above girlfriend level, who portray high school as this tiny world where societal norms can be broken.
I like my Romances paired with comedic aspects to make the melodrama more entertaining when it actually hits. Even though I'm Shoujo trash, I'm well-versed in the reasons why guys hate the trashier works of demographic and so on.
However, what I hate is that there seems to be some dissonance between relationships in romances and those in real life. They are those that occasionally trigger my inner rage towards Romance and Shoujo just for being wish-fulfilment.
There's no such thing as the 'bad boy' archetype that gives girls the wrong impression that underneath a man's cold exterior, there's a gentle heart. That all they need is that 'one girl' or 'right partner' to suddenly turn into a good person.
I especially hate it when they go out of their way to make a Male Lead villainous through their actions of killing or slaughter, only to say that it's not the Male Lead's fault and that traumas from his past is what made this handsome man so vile outwardly.
And when these men are displeased with someone other than the Female Lead, then it's that woman's fault for not treating him well enough. They even go as far as to justify romancing the Female Lead even though the Male Lead is already married.
Or contrarily, he could be the one falling into the supposed 'vile schemes' of any woman not classified as the Female Lead. Obviously, because there's no way for the Male Lead to be happy without the Female Lead, right? He is just an item that can be taken away and given back, right? And some say only women can be objectified this way?
What's worse is that Male Leads of these trashy romances actually accept this objectification, as if it isn't the same thing if the Female Lead is being passed around like an object between many men...
Thus, for my hatred for the term: "I'm back."
"I am your husband that had been stolen by another woman's schemes, but now that I've seen the light, I've regretted, and now I'm back to you appropriately. Aren't you SOOO happy that I'm back for you. Isn't this true love if I come back?"
I'm not sure if this is me exaggerating but that's the feeling I get when I read these kind of dumb romances. They make an awkward Love Triangle where one individual is designated as the 'bad guy' and another pure, sweet, and underserving of harm. It's the most blatant way of turning the character you want into low-tier Waifu rip-off.
Romance then becomes a game of courting each other until someone 'loses', and their prize, which is the man, is thrown into the arms of whoever wins, as if ANY man could be that desirable.
Objectification of women is mostly done by men primarily, but the objectification of woman is done by authors of all genders. After all, these stories are made by immature teenagers who glorify the Male Lead's role as if he's some demigod.
They turn a philandering scum who sleeps around into an awkward 'Male Lead with depth' through some tragic backstory and write it off as nothing important, as if everything is fine now that he has become a single-celled germ sticking to the Female Lead. All past crimes are negated now that he has found his 'chosen one' among all girls.
The only Webnovel and Manga that hasn't made cringe at this kind of story is Lucia, as the Author accepts the crimes of the Male Lead and makes note that he is a self-cantered jerk who only thinks for himself in the beginning of the novel.
Rather than saying he had a 'gentle heart' on the inside just waiting for someone to find it, the story is about a true monster feared by most who gradually comes to learn empathy. He changes, but rather because he found his 'Destined Woman', it was because he actually realised his faults as a human being and tries to change himself, which doesn't work out completely (as he can only retain his title and wealth through war), yet is still a hundred times better than a full heel turn.
Bad guys aren't waiting for women to turn them into good guys. They can experience romance and learn empathy, but they mostly end up staying largely the same even if they do find someone they are infatuated with. They also 'infect' the Female Lead, as it's completely dumb to write off the heroine as a 'good person' if she lets her husband do bad things behind her back after marriage.
No female is as 'pure' as most novels other than Lucia tend to write. The reasoning for why they would accept a 'bad person' as their partner is usually not because they are attracted to a gentle heart in real life. It is mostly due to political stuff.
They accept the evil Male Lead while accepting the sins that they would have to burden for being the wife of such an individual. It's normally a solemn affair unlike the happy-go-lucky and immoral romance trashy novels these days portray.
I'm not even sure why Female Leads desire the Male Lead if they know the man has killed his wives or previous lovers before. Aren't they essentially masochists? Do they like being abused?
Just cut a man off if he actually has the galls to think himself as some treasure all women should fight over. The same way a man should give up on a woman if she thinks she is entitled just because the Male Lead is somewhat of a pushover.
Being a pushover isn't a big sin, it's accepting yourself as a pushover that makes my blood boil towards these protagonists. Why would someone ever stay with a person who treats them badly?
If there is no empathy or connection formed even after years of spending time together, then it's not that one person's love was weak, but that both parties only saw the other as a 'lover' rather than a human being with flaws and their own brain.
Love makes one's brain mushy, but once you've come to yourself, only realism about the Male Lead's and Female Lead's personality counts, a fact that usually leads to most break-ups.
You can't just 'come back' after a break-up. Maybe you can still be friends, but a broken relationship can never be mended again. As there are more realistic reasons rather than a third parties intervention why you'd break off a relationship.
Was tricked to think the other had an affair? That's only because you didn't trust your partner enough.
You believed your partner to be the kind of person who would sleep around. Even if the third party wasn't involved, you would've still believed your life partner was the type to betray your trust.
Was drugged into sleeping with someone? Anyone not blind would confront that partner and would be their shield. As anyone in such a traumatic situation of being taken advantage of relies on their lover.
Again, if you have enough trust and at least try to investigate properly, then no matter how hard they third party hides the truth, it will be revealed. All you have to do after that is take vengeance on whoever the third party was that did such a thing.
People who love each other and tragedy are too different concepts. Unimaginably bad things might happen to your lover not because they were weak but due to a moment's of carelessness.
As long as you love and understand each other, a relationship will never break because of third party.
If it really does, then that's probably due to the relationship not being based on 'love', but something else entirely, a part of the lover that the third party can strip away from them.
Though it is realistic, that isn't 'love' at all.
Then what about the partner you married is a bad person? What if your partner is a bar person?
Well that depends on the severity of their actions and gender, as no matter how much people try to deny it, the stereotypes of a relationship still exist to this day, and that's because of a bodily difference. Men don't get pregnant like women.
If you have a physical relationship with this 'bad woman', or are even married to her, then it's not that you should 'endure' because your Male, but that you must be responsible for your actions.
Marriage and children aren't things you can throw away just because you don't love the woman in question. Everyone knows marriage has its vows that you had personally speak and children have the blood of both parents, and are truly innocent.
Don't have kids if you aren't going to take care of them. Don't sleep with someone if you aren't going to be responsible for what happens next. If you're bodily urges goes above your 'love', then those feelings must not have been that strong after all...
Don't get get married if you're going to wimp out later on. Did you believe not thinking about who you're marrying gives you the right to break it off so casually later on? You at least need to figure out the general overview of your partner's personality before getting married to them. If you don't do that, then you're trip up sooner or later.
Bonds are not easily formed, but sincerity of both sides can at least lead to friendship. If you're relationship with your life partner isn't event to that level after years of being together, then it's obviously an ominous sign of what's to come.
If you choose to cheat on your partner, then even if they are 'bad', you are no different, because an affair is still an affair. So what if your wife has a violent temperament or is a trashy person?
Divorce happens before the forming of a new relationship, not the other way around. If you can invest so much time in someone else, then you must use it to try and persuade your wife instead.
People only change when there's an incentive to change... No one changes their personality on their own. Patience and being clear on how much leeway you'll give your partner before thinking about divorcing them is how a marriage should work.
It isn't just an agreement between families, as you can't pretend you never promised anything to your partner by marrying them. Why do romances seem to forget such an important part of a relationship?
Anyway, that's all I got to say. Don't objectify your lover and draw a clear line on their bullsht.
Thank you for reading~