Chapter 1: Intro
I am a fuck up, like a really big fuck up, I am really good at fucking up. "Yeah, yeah, I get...". There are a lot of things I learned before, during and after fucking up. Honestly if it were not for my shameful, embarrassing, and terrifying mistakes I would not be the person I am today. I am a high school graduate, up until recently, I have had my fair share of goals and I am heading for college soon.(Note: Why in the hell did I even want to go to college. I do not want to spend another four years in school)
I am a seventeen year old girl, almost woman(bullshit, I am still not allowed to do shit and I am too scared to face up to my dad). A few words to describe me from others; "talented", "pretty", "smart". Whereas my description for myself is; "slow", "lazy", "pervert". Though this description is slowly changing.
My fuck ups started way back, but I am absolutely not getting into that, so let me give some background info:
1. My father abused me as a child and admitted to it in court. I was told it was because of his PTSD, from being in refugee camps and the military.
2. I have had a "potty-mouth" since I first learned to speak.
3. I have two siblings by a step-father.
4. My mom was recently considered a severe alcoholic.
5. I am incredibly perverted and I discovered porn in Kindergarten (And that sweet hentai in seventh grade).
6. Sexual abuse and harassment was almost normal to me, trauma everywhere on that subject.
Middle school was a shit time, I am assuming that was like that for everyone. Hormones, puberty, god-complexes, masturbation, drugs, and sex(I am serious, I have seen plenty of pregnant thirteen year olds'). Middle school was terrible, I started out in one of those "gifted programs", here it's called the "magnet program", sure it worked out for some people, but almost everyone in that program were some depressing sons of a bitches, if you know what I mean.
I started my year as a blind fuck because beforehand my neighbor broke my glasses in basketball, I do not enjoy sports for that very reason, glasses are fucking expensive and I hate being vulnerable. I was a pretty innocent bean until I noticed how hot the eighth graders were, hot damn, I developed mad crushes, but never acted on them. Simple year, realized I did not fit in anywhere, but also fit in everywhere. I was one of those convenient friends(You know the 'friends'' you go to because your other friends are not around and you don't want to look like a lonely fuck? And as soon as your real friends came you ditched them to go elsewhere?). It was shit, but I didn't care because I had better things to do, like study, and not get my ass whooped.
Seventh grade, that's where all the shit started to really go down hill for me. My stage of experiments and wrecking my life because I wasn't allowed to have friends, go out, and the rules in my house hold were harsh and honestly still are which is why I am such a demon child when I am away. The extent of the things I have done is enough to break my family's heart.
_____this will be continued later___
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