Chapter 2: 02 Waiting
There was this sense of dreariness each time the sunlight hit my covers. The solace I found within the night had disappeared, causing butterflies in my stomach and not the good kind.
There were times how I wished to simply laze at my bed, not wanting to wake up and face reality but my physical needs out weight my emotional needs when my stomach cries out in hunger.
Even in misery, the body still needs to eat and this fact of life seems to contradict the severity of my emotions.
Pushing away the bed covers, I got up to stretch my body, combing my stray hair into a ponytail, the same routine I do everyday.
Due to the bleak morning, I tried to prolong my time washing up, slowly brushing my teeth, washing my face, clipping my nails, etc, etc.
But even then, no matter how slow I tried to be, time wasn't on my side. As I got dressed in my usual long sleeve t-shirt and denim jeans, I noticed that it was nine o'clock. All in all, even with me dilly dallying, it took me only thirty minutes to get ready. There was after all, a limit as to how long I can sit on the toilet bowl before my butt turns numb.
I stood at my door, readying myself before I turn the knob, in which behind it laid the cruel reality I came to face each and every day.
The family.
I opened it softly as possible, not wanting to attract any attention and took a look outside to see if anyone was at the corridor before I step out.
Once outside, I locked my room and crept down the stairs, trying to be quiet but at the same time, as swift as possible so that nobody could catch me in action.
Now that I think about it, it was truly pointless actually.
Because in the end, food was what I needed and food in this house was usually presented at the breakfast hall where the family gathered in the morning.
There was no logic to my movements, trying to stay invisible when in the end, I would still need to face them.
Sometimes, I hated seeing them.
Their indifference and the lingering aversion seen even in their slightest of movements. Whatever contortion they had of me felt like a reflection of my own face.
My self hating myself.
Which was true in some way.
I hated myself for putting myself in this kind of situation.
If it wasn't for love, I wouldn't be here.
Still, I faced the same kind of situation each day so the state of numbness was getting there. There will come a day when this family won't bother me anymore and I was simply bidding my time, holding on to the smallest of hope I had left.
Love, ironically.
Not the love of this family but the love of another. Somewhere away from these four walls, my true family was waiting for me.
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