Chapter 3: Satan and Forgiveness
August 13th 9:04am:
Just having breakfast. Didn't sleep anymore and I always take my meds. One thing I'm interested in is medical marijuana. I've never smoked it, but I am not against it. It helps with cancer. How could that be evil? I mean the church thought blacks couldn't have the priesthood there has to be more revealed on marajuana. Another thing that is contraversal is gay marriage, now I'm not really for gay marriage. I personally think it divides families and is against our true nature. I'm not God, but I'm a little biased. My mom cheated on my dad and partly divorced him to be with her lesbian companion. It wasn't just a woman that she had cheated with is what I've been told. But my mom won't talk about it. My dad passed away when I was only 6 years old. Anyway I don't believe gay marriage is apart of God's plan, but I may be wrong. I'm not God. Love is love after all. They just won't progress the way a straight couple will.
We should promote righteous families anyway. I believe in following the Prophet so if right now it's a no then I guess it's a no for me right now. Like most people don't believe Satan can be forgiven, but I do. Only time will tell or God himself. Problem is I'm supposed to believe everything the Prophet and apostles say which I don't 100% sometimes. Like some of the racist comments by Brigham Young and what not. They aren't 100% perfect. I do sustain them, and again they aren't perfect. Even Jeffery R. Holland admits that Jesus was the only perfect child of God. Besides Christ, we all fall short of the glory of God.
I also believe and know that when you have confessed, repented of your sins, and have forsaken them that you are forgiven. That the Lord remembers them no more. By the way, be aware of cognitive dissonance. Meaning, "the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change. The theory suggests that when a person's beliefs conflict, they experience discomfort as they become aware of the inconsistency. This was introduced in 1957 by Leon Festinger. When held beliefs collide, a state of tension is experienced."
Tension is not always a bad thing and we know that pressure can be good as well. Pressure creates diamonds.
One thing we know is that without tension in a story it would be a very boring book to read. I don't create tension in my book for the sake of conflict or to entertain. I do this to provoke meaningful thought.
10:44am:
I was reading about repentance in Alma 14, for that is exactly where I am at in my studies in the Book of Mormon. Now there is a redemption of both physical and spiritual death. Now my question is could Satan and those other spirits ever obtain a body? Especially if they repented? Let's find out. Now I do want to mention that this thought came into my mind… It's not that Satan and the evil couldn't be forgiven it's just that the guilt alone would probably keep them from even wanting to be in God's presence. It's not just being at home that is important but Brad Wilcox says in his talk, "His Grace is Sufficient," that it is also important that we feel at home. Now if those poor souls or spirits didn't feel like being there, where would they go? Exactly. They would need a place or kingdom for themselves. From what I understand is that there are unpardonable sins. And that is up to God and through His servants we can know what they are. But does that contradict that all things are possible through the Lord Jesus Christ? I think even the devil himself can be saved through the merits and mercy of the only begotten it would just take time. Probably a very long time and may be even eternity. I'm not 100%, but if we can do all things not just 99% of things through Christ then I'm sure through Christ Satan and his angels can eventually be forgiven if they choose to. It would take Satan submitting everything to the Father through Christ. I won't say and can't say it will happen I'm just saying anything is possible through Christ.
Most of you reading this, I don't know for sure, would say it isn't possible, but I wouldn't dare put limits on God.
(Watching Marion G. Romney, "Satan, The Great Deceiver)
(Talking to my friend Ben about Doctrine and Covenants 76:28-39)
We talked about the sin that Satan and his followers, especially Satan, is something we couldn't comprehend. I would openly say that I have been writing this book that Satan has tried to deceive me. Even believing isn't enough sometimes or its enough to be deceived if you are ignorant to it like I was. You can't be saved in ignorance.
"32 They are they who are the sons of perdition, of whom I say that it had been better for them never to have been born;
33 For they are vessels of wrath, doomed to suffer the wrath of God, with the devil and his angels in eternity;
34 Concerning who I have said there is no forgiveness in this world to come-
35 Having denied the Holy Ghost after having received it, and having denied the Only Begotten Son of the Father, having crucified him into themselves and put him to an open shame -Doctrine and Covenants 76:32-35
4:37pm:
According to these verses there is no forgiveness in the world to come, so now is the time to prepare to meet God. Also according to what I talked to Ben about, that there are unforgivable sins. Which is definitely the sons of perdition and the devil himself who deny the Holy Ghost and make a mockery out of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice. In ignorance I thought maybe they could be forgiven in time but we can't comprehend the magnitude of how bad the sin of those sons of perdition or the devil really are. Well I try to be Holy everyday and I couldn't imagine taking someone else's life, even if it was during wartime. I can see why the Nephites did defend themselves against the Lamanites or other major wars. If someone is threatening the life of my family I'd have no other choice. I didn't believe 100% that Satan could be saved but I did think it might have been possible. Now I really know. Some people may say it is obvious, but I do know that God loves all of His spiritual sons and daughters. I just can't imagine the sorrow Heavenly Father goes through on behalf of His most disobedient people.
5:30pm:
Right now I am pretty discouraged on losing weight. Our apartment is torn up and I don't have the proper food to stay healthy… I also doubt that I can make any appointments for work. I have a lot of doubts in my life. I wasn't feeling well yesterday and so I didn't make any appointments. And I hope someone can get things out of my writings. My thoughts are very random, but I hope people can come to understand me.
August 14th:
I'm not really sure what I need to do with my life but write. Maybe someone will hear me and profit from my writings. I'm just so exhausted each day. I feel like there is not much hope for me but in my writing. Primerica doesn't feel right to me and I feel like making appointments are going to be impossible for me. I just don't know how I can really help anyone else because I can barely help myself. I'm just so exhausted all the time. There isn't anywhere to go for me besides the library really but I become exhausted from the lack of nutritious food that I end up walking home anyway and end up in my bed because our apartment is a disaster. My roommate barely cleans up after himself and it's probably because he has the same diagnosis as I have. We aren't very motivated to do much of anything most days. It really sucks, because I'm so exhausted from meds or whatever it makes it difficult to want to do anything. I think my roommate sleeps most of the day like I have been lately.
It's very rough and it feels like there is no way out. God knows I am trying my best but it hardly feels like enough. I want kids, I want a family, but I feel like that will be impossible unless one of my books really sells. I've already written a poetry book or a book of poetry but it isn't selling. I'm just not going anywhere with my life and I have to accept that. That God doesn't want me to have money. It's just the way it is. I wouldn't be able to stay focused enough to earn it. I guess this is a cry of desperation. I honestly don't care if I live or die at this point. I've tried and I just want to give up because I am tired all the time. I just can't stay awake long enough to even care. I honestly want this life to be over. I'm tired and worn of this world.
4:10pm:
Literally someday I feel like I can conquer the world and the next I am so tired I don't want to do anything. I need to get internet for our place so I can do family history because I'll get lethargic at the library or the hospital and I'll want to leave anyway. I know this book isn't very interesting with me complaining all the time. But it's my reality.
August 15th about 1:30am:
(Watching Come Follow Me: Matthew 1 and Luke 1)
What if the veil was placed over Satan and his followers? And they were eventually introduced? Jesus is going to pull us out of this. Why do I keep thinking that their Salvation is possible? By the way feelings matter as well.
I'm praying to save Satan and His angels.
(Watching, "With God Nothing Shall Be Impossible" by President Russell M. Nelson)
"Is anything too hard for the Lord?"
We can't force Satan or his angels but we can give them time to learn.
"Learn and obey the commandments of God."
Let us separate the sin from the sinner.
It sounds impossible that Satan and the evil cannot be saved but if we isolate them enough maybe they will begin to understand. Can murders be redeemed? Rapist? Molesters? Tortures? Terrorists? Sex traffickers? If some deserve physical death then some must deserve spiritual death. Now I would say that out of fear. Out of faith I believe evil can be redeemed. What do you serve fear or faith? Simple as that. Fear and faith are complete opposites.
You don't know torture until you have had a catheter forced on you. If I can forgive someone or people torturing me in the hospital then I think we can forgive even further. My life was threatened at Cox North Hospital and I was severely beaten at Mercy Hospital. Plus the catheter was forced on me there. Yes I could be angry and want to hurt people over it, but what would that accomplish but more hate, bad feelings, and turmoil? We could all go down the list of injustices that we have all gone through. Think of Christ. I can't imagine the torture and humility He had to endure and still endures from those that curse him up to today. Yet He still forgives them. Forgiveness breaks the cycle of multiplying hate. Imagine the PTSD that Christ may suffer from. He may not even suffer anymore I don't know. If I start digging up the past I start getting PTSD. Sometimes just being at Cox North or Mercy I get paranoia from the trauma I had gone through. The pain that I had gone through. The pain that I have had to endure in my life has been crazy.
It has turned me so "crazy" that I forgive those people and I forgive Satan for putting that evil in their hearts. You will never understand my pain unless you are Christ and last time I checked people you are not. I have to forgive Satan or I would go crazy.
We can't afford to serve Satan, but we can afford to forgive him. There is evil that he puts in my heart and many others but we have to understand that opposition and choose God every time. When you start and continually choose Jesus, purity, and virtue, then it is a testimony to Satan that Christ's plan or Heavenly Father's plan is the right plan.
I won't lie some days I can be toxic, but I know deep down perfection is attainable. I think my job is to convert Satan. It's a messy road but I know I can overcome him and his tests to show God with God's help I can do this.
It is a monumental task, but I know all things are possible through Christ. I don't revel or glory in the devil or his temptations I glory in my God and I know that victory is possible. In the name of Jesus Christ. All things are possible. I just need to resist temptation and follow Christ's counsel and the counsel of the Holy Ghost.
By the way I am suppose to help in conversion, it's the Holy Ghost's duty to teach and to convert to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know I'm crazy, but I don't care about what people think of me. The only people I answer to is the Godhead and if that offends you then that is your problem not mine. We through Christ can accomplish the "impossible" for there is nothing through Christ which is impossible. This is definitely going to be a journey and a fight but I'm willing to do the impossible. Are you?
For death is not eternal, but life is eternal.
There is an end to death.
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