Chapter 3: Is this Betrayal I Feel?
Why do we have friends?
In all honesty, friendship isn't as nice as what Disney movies and little children book depict. We have friends so that we aren't lonely and in return, we make the other person less lonely as well.
Friendship and love aren't surrounded by selflessness and willingness to be kind. While you need that, real friendship is based around the fact that both parties want something, and being around each other will benefit both. It's like mutualism, the symbiosis relationship that lots of fifth-graders learned at school. Nothing is for free, and that includes friendship.
And love.
But I learned that the hard way.
Anyways...
I don't think there is an ideal place to start this story. There are several scenes in the past three weeks that I could pull out, describe, and write all about. So, I decided by pointing to a random date on a calendar.
My finger landed on November 14, 2019.
I can't say that my recollection of that day is great, but I do remember it was two days after I got my braces put on. I couldn't eat, so my main food was porridge and steamed eggs. I ate about four Advils a day, a miracle that they didn't help my teeth much.
Let the scene open...
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The morning passed the same as always. I hid upstairs from Dallas and Alex, knowing they'd already be downstairs if I went down any earlier than 7:20. Yes, Mr. Turner was a great teacher and nice to practically all of us, but my ulterior motive was to hide. Hide from the pain and troubles that love and friendship brought.
When I finally went downstairs, I'd sit down behind Alan and to the left of Alex. Several times a class, I'd catch Alan glancing at Alex, something that felt like I never received.
The little knot inside my stomach twisted more and more. My throat felt dry and I was unable to swallow anything. Then again, who in their right minds wouldn't feel that sort of pain when their ex seem to pay so much more attention to a "friend" than they ever did to their girlfriend?
Pressing the emotions down again, I returned the Calc book back to the shelf, picking up my backpack to leave. As I glanced up, I saw Alan leaving with Alex...of course. Why should I even be surprised at this point?
"Did you get any of that?" I asked Sarah with a laugh.
"Hahaha, no!" she replied back joyfully. Sarah and I had been friends since freshman year, and that didn't seem to change no matter how many classes we had together. The two of us walked upstairs to Psychology, taking our seats in front of Alan and Alex. I covered my face with the scarf I had around my neck, making sure my face wasn't visible so that I wouldn't have to continue smiling.
"Hey kiddo," Simon said, taking a seat next to me and affectionately patting my head.
Simon was an interesting character! He used to be very egotistical and stubborn during freshman year. I disliked him for the longest time but hanging out with him so much made me numb to his remarks, and then I noticed something.
He's changed a lot this year.
The once blunt egotistical Simon was now kind and considerate, gentle if he needed to but didn't hold back any of his punches.
"Simon!" I said, reaching out to hug him. His fake leather jacket made it hard for me to receive too much warmth, but I enjoyed the human comfort. Finally, Fiaz would walk in last second and take his seat next to the wall, snapping at me to play him back on darts.
Occasionally, I'd turn around and see Alan and Alex sitting way too close, arms twirled around each other like a vine wrapped around a tree...except I guess it'd be a really skinny tree and a really thick vine.
I really should stop body labeling trees and vines.
Around two hours later, I'd be in Earth-Space. It used to be one of my favorite classes until something absolutely devasting occurred. Well...actually, it should be two devastating things that occurred.
The first one was my breaking up with Alan.
The second one was how Alan and Alex suddenly became overly affectionate.
This day was no exception. As soon as we finished our classwork for the day, Alan and Alex had gone off to the corner to play charades.
I felt absolutely crushed.
Perhaps it would be easier if Alan simply told me he didn't care about me anymore. Perhaps it'd be easier if Alex wasn't my friend and just a random girl. But when two people who you're very close with, who claim to care about you a lot, leave you in the corner...
You start feeling unworthy.
And so, just like before, I cried. I hid under a lab counter and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I blasted the most depressing songs I could find and cried to them, as I saw the two people who I had once trusted unconditionally leaving me alone while they had fun together. Needless to say, I knew Alan especially had no more obligations to keep me happy, but what about Alex? What about the fact that Alan said he wanted to be friends? Did that change anything?
"You good?"
Erin sat next to me and stared at me with concern in her eyes. I wiped the tears off my face and slowly nodded, trying my best to hold in the emotions I had bottled up for so long. Erin was a good person, a nice person, just not someone I was extremely close with.
As soon as that thought passed my head, I grew even more distant with Alex and Alan.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked again, turning herself towards me. I shook my head and sighed, mustering up the best smile that I could at the moment. I gave my depressing music a break and took off my headphones.
"It'll be fine," I told Erin reassuringly. Actually, it really wasn't going to be, but what else was I supposed to do but remain optimistic despite the troubles that seemed to meet me?
And so I made a decision.
I'm never chasing after someone again.
Be it a friend or a lover.
They'll have to chase me!
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