Chapter 90: Don't run away from me
"I'm fucking pissed, Jules. Beyond pissed. I wanted to keep punching him, over and over, until he was a bloody pulp. I have too much adrenaline and anger running through me right now to trust myself to not hurt you. I would never intentionally hurt you, but I'm not feeling gentle." He pushes his fingers through his hair roughly and paces away in frustration.
"Don't run away from me," I throw his words back at him. His back is to me, he's gazing down my dark driveway. "You won't let me run, well back at you, ace. If you're pissed, fine. If you're frustrated, fine. But you'll be those things with me, not while running away from me."
We stand like this for what feels like long minutes, but it may only be seconds.
Finally, I hear his low voice. "Why did you ever let that idiot near you?"
"Fuck," I mutter and rub my forehead.
"Seriously, Julianne, I don't get it." He turns around and stares at me, his eyes unreadable.
"Nate it was years ago. Years."
"And?" he raises an eyebrow.
"I used to go to the gym he works at. He was – probably still is – a trainer. I was young and stupid enough to think he was cute. We went out on two dates, Nate, I had sex with him one time, and he went stalker crazy on my ass. I told him I wasn't interested in seeing him again, he raised a fist, and I knocked a couple of those pretty teeth out."
I walk to Nate and reach out to touch him, but he backs away from me.
"Stop this," I whisper.
"You don't understand. It makes me sick that he ever touched you." He runs his hands through his hair again and looks up toward the sky and then back at me. "I know that you weren't innocent when I met you, but I don't ever need to meet anyone that has been inside you. Even if he hadn't been an asshole, I still would have wanted to kick his ass."
"Nate, he means less than nothing to me. You saw that yourself. I told you to kick his ass."
"Yeah, that was new too. I've never asked permission to protect someone before."
So this is what this is about.
"Do you know what it means to me that you had the control to take care of me before you took care of him?" He frowns at me and I keep talking. "You'd never hurt me, babe."
I take a deep breath before I continue. "Besides, I came face-to-face with the woman who still has your last name, Nate. I wanted to pull her heart out of her asshole, and maintained my composure. I won't do it again."
"I told you, I don't have anything to do with her anymore."
I just tilt my head to the side and stare back at him impassively until he sighs deeply and shakes his head.
"Point taken."
"If I let myself think about the fact that you were married, or think about the women you've been with, Nate, it'll kill me. I refuse to think about it. I'm with you now, and I know I'm the only one with you now, and that's all that matters." I step toward him again and cup his face in my hands, run my fingers through his hair, and he doesn't move away, but he doesn't touch me either.
"Thank you for tonight; for protecting me, and making me feel so loved."
"I do love you," he whispers and I smile up at him, so in love with him.
"I know." I whisper back, and Nate's arms come around me, pulling me into him. He tucks my head under his chin and just hugs me close. I wrap my arms around his torso and cling to him as he rocks me back and forth, kissing my hair.
"So, um, does this mean you'll stay?" I ask and my stomach settles when I feel him chuckle against my cheek.
"Yeah, I'll stay, baby." He kisses my hair once more and I pull back. Nate grips my chin in his fingers and tilts my head back. "You are mine."
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