Chapter 62: Chapter 40 - Enies Lobby Pt 2 2/3
"Oh, what now?" Tsuru snapped, looking back at the snail with a look of exasperation; anything that could make Cross sound solemn, of all things, when he had listed off so many disasters without faltering, could not be good, be it for her sanity or in general.
"…Ugh. I'm sorry, viewers, I just… this was some of the most fun I've had since starting this broadcast. I mean, there's enough material here that the Revolutionaries are probably going to feel like their collective birthdays came early. But looking at this, noticing what I have, I'm just… I'm too disappointed to even enjoy it that much anymore."
"Disappointed?" Tsuru repeated incredulously.
"Let me explain exactly why I'm so upset right now. See, for all that I disparage the Marine Corps and everything that they tolerate, I do know that there are some in the Corps that aren't a disgrace to their mission. I've met them, I respect them, and I honestly believe that what I'm doing is right by exposing just what is wrong with the people they work with. And one that I actually thought highly of is the leader of them all, Fleet Admiral Sengoku."
Tsuru froze.
"I mean, sure, I know that he's done some things that lots of us would be furious about, he's made a lot of choices like that. But, hey, I'm best friends with legitimate royalty here. I'm well aware, especially after the events in Alabasta, that that's the kind of responsibility that comes from being at the top. You have to make some tough choices, you have to look at the bigger picture, you…" Cross sighed morosely. "You have to do… what you have to do. If it comes down to it, you may even have to sacrifice some in order to save others. That's… That's life on the top. I may not have a lot of respect for the Corps as a whole, but I had a pretty high opinion of Sengoku. Despite some of the stuff he's done, I thought he was a good leader for the Corps, one that, at the end of the day, was the kind of Marine that lived the position of Fleet Admiral with the honor and respect that it deserved."
Tsuru processed the words that fell from the pirate's lips, and ironically enough, they nearly made her rethink the past few hours, came close to convincing her to contact her superior—her friend—and apologize. But there was one thing that stuck out more than anything else about what Cross was saying that prevented her from doing just that: the fact that he was speaking in the past tense.
The rabble-rouser then let out another morose sigh, and proceeded to shatter what faith the Vice Admiral had left in her old friend.
"And now, as I see his signature beneath every other one of these reports, as I see what I can only assume is his handwriting approving bodycount after bodycount, atrocity after atrocity… I'm left hoping beyond all hope that he never read them, and just signed off on them out of obligation. That he didn't have a choice in this. That he didn't order even half of this. Because I really, really don't want to believe that he's capable of allowing even one of these Operations to occur in good conscience. Because to approve these missions… would indicate a complete and utter lack thereof."
Tsuru remained stationary, her expression unreadable, for a full minute. Then her cane fell to the ground as she opened the folder, and took note of a single specific detail within. The moment she had it memorized, she waved her hand over the sheets and photographs that she had laboriously and carefully assembled over the last few weeks before allowing them to flutter to the ground, every wrinkle of an imprint and every stain of ink utterly washed away, leaving nothing but blank paper.
The next moment, she locked her office door and shut off the SBS. She thought for a minute, determining something, before dialing the number she had memorized. Two rings later…
"Capricorn," came a distorted voice, the identity of its speaker impossible to decipher.
"Aquarius," Tsuru enunciated clearly. "I imagine that that chain-smoking hooligan friend of yours Cancer and his rather admirable protégé Pisces are nearby as well?"
"…Son of a bitch, Cross can be a terrifying bastard sometimes, though at least Hina is somewhat relieved that she's going to learn just how he does it…" Hina grimaced miserably. "But damn it, he is going to be insufferably smug on account of how we didn't even get a chance to do anything."
Tsuru promptly felt a sweatdrop develop on the side of her head. "Ah… what exactly have I gotten myself into?"
The easily recognizable and sadistic grin that her Snail suddenly sported did not set Tsuru at ease. At all. "Straw Hat Pirate-grade insanity, Vice Admiral Tsuru," Smoker chuckled in a tone that dripped with gallows humor. "That is what you've gotten yourself into."
"…bother."
-o-
I remained silent for a second longer before shaking my head as I got my head back in the game. Disturbing as the implications were, I needed to focus. Because in the end… it was now or never.
'…This is it,' I thought, my heart pounding almost out of my chest as I glanced back at the book. 'This has to be it. It's the only chance I'm going to get. After all I've done, after how far I've pushed it… there's no way in hell I can go any further.' I swallowed heavily. 'Here's hoping that it'll be enough.'
I exchanged hesitant looks with Soundbite before he steeled his expression and nodded firmly. I then removed him from my shoulder and placed him on the desk. I stared at him for a moment before starting to pace again. "Viewers? I would like to take a brief… intermission, if you will, to make a statement of a personal nature. Or rather… not so much a statement as a question."
I sucked in a deep breath before forcing a manic grin to stretch on my face for effect, while at the same time struggling to keep the desperation out of my voice; out of all of those listening right now, there was only one who would comprehend the true meaning of my message.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the world… I hope I don't need to recount what I've done today. You've all heard it, and unless you have the memory of a goldfish with Alzheimer's, you all remember it. So, in light of that, I'd like to ask you all—and especially the one responsible for bringing me to this moment—a question."
I suddenly jerked at the desk and slammed my hands on either side of Soundbite, glaring him dead in the eyes. "Are you not entertained?" I demanded.
And then… silence.
Utter silence.
I waited for the longest minute of my life before Soundbite shook his head with a grimace and I allowed my head to hang, sighing despondently as I put my little gray buddy back on my shoulder. "Sorry about that, viewers, that was… that was something personal. Anyways, let's… just keep moving on, shall we?"
The double meaning of my words made Lassoo and Soundbite cringe, and while I started melancholically weighing just how much value I put in my… current lifestyle, I turned the black book's page. "Alright, let's see, what's next on the menu… huh, ironic. Operation Famine. Smuggling ring here in Paradise, CP9 sent in to eviscerate them, the objective of their operation was—!"
My words died in my throat as I read the next words, followed swiftly by the rest of the report. My comrades remained frozen for what felt like the longest of times as we all processed what we were reading before I slowly managed to turn my head to the side to look at Soundbite, who was staring at me with an equally poleaxed look.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I whispered numbly.
Soundbite slowly shook his head, eyes wide in disbelief. "It's… It's insane. SO FAR OUT THERE, the chances of this actually WORKING—!"
"Are you telling me that this is a fucking coincidence!?" I hissed desperately. "That we find something like this—" I slammed my finger on the entry. "Moments after we called them out, after we called their bluff!? Are you saying that this isn't their M.O. to a T!?"
"It… It does fit, I guess…" Lassoo said hesitantly. "But Cross, if this doesn't work—!"
"It has to, damn it!" I snarled. "It's all that we have left! It's this, or… or…" I bit my lip in an effort to fight back the panic that was starting to pound within me, and not the good kind.
"…Alright, fine, so be it…" the dog-cannon sighed wearily. "But… even if it could work, the fact remains that we need 'it' in the first place." He jerked his head at the rest of the room. "Where the hell do you propose we look? You already searched this place from top to bottom, and it's not like we're made of time at the moment."
"Ah…" I found myself drawn up short as I looked over the ransacked office. "W-Well, I… I-I guess if we—!"
"I'll find it."
"Eh?" I blinked at Soundbite in confusion. "Are you sure? Do you want us to help or—?"
"Shut up already," Soundbite snapped. "I'LL find it, end of discussion. JUST LET ME CONCENTRATE."
I promptly locked my jaws shut as I watched Soundbite screw his eyes shut. The seconds ticked by, but it wasn't long before he opened his eyes again, a dull look in his gaze. "To the right of the desk, seventh stone from the wall, where the sword normally stands."
I only gawked for a second before Soundbite snapped a glare to me, forcing me into motion so that I was following his instructions. Upon reaching the indicated stone, I made to grab Soundbite off my shoulder—
"Don't," Soundbite warned me off. "He's boobytrapped this one, it'll self-destruct if we force it. He didn't do it on the last one because he didn't want to risk destroying it by accident. Slide it into the surrounding stone instead."
I glanced at him in surprise before laying my palm on the stone and doing as he said, sliding it around enough for me to move it a bit and work my fingers in and push it out of the way, exposing yet another safe. This one, though, only had a single dial on it.
"…let me take a flying guess, 19-16-1-14-4-1-13?" I deadpanned as I started fiddling with the knob.
"Hang on, that spells… A, B, C…" Lassoo muttered under his breath.
I input the last number and turned the handle, clicking the door open.
"Spandam," Soundbite deadpanned.
"God bless predictable bastards like him…" I whispered as I pulled the safe's door open.
Within was a single item, but it was all that I needed. I withdrew the contents, a small half-foot-cubed chest, with shaky hands and after a moment's hesitation, opened it to observe its sole content.
I… could do nothing more than stare at it, as did Soundbite and Lassoo.
"…so, that's it, huh?" Lassoo whispered reverentially.
"Yeah…" I nodded slowly before glancing at Soundbite. "This… This'll do it?"
"I… ah… I-I don't…" Soundbite hedged uncomfortably as he relaxed somewhat. "I don't know. IT'S TOO HARD TO… ALL I CAN SAY is that it's real. BEYOND THAT…" He shrugged as much as he could. "YOUR GUESS is as good as mine."
I hesitated briefly before scowling and slamming the lid shut. "That's good enough." I then stood up and snapped my fingers before rolling my index, which prompted Soundbite to produce an electronic whine. "Everyone, it's Cross. I just found—!"
KABOOM!
"—FUCK-MOTHERING GRIZZLY MAGNUM P.I. ON A KIT-KAT BAR!" I cursed wildly as I spun my arms in a desperate attempt to keep my footing as the entire fucking tower was shaken by an explosion!
"NOW THAT would be A FIND!" Soundbite snickered.
"WHO THE HELL JUST CAME THIS CLOSE TO KNOCKING EVERYONE IN THE LOOSE HALF OF THE TOWER INTO THE FUCKING ABYSS!?" I roared indignantly, trusting Soundbite to broadcast my voice for me.
"M-My bad—ERGH!—Cross."
My anger immediately evaporated into nothingness when I was answered by a thoroughly pained voice, along with Soundbite coughing up a mouthful of blood.
"Chopper?" I breathed numbly.
"S-Sorry about that, everyone…" the reindeer wheezed miserably, coughing up more blood in the process. "I used another Ch-Cherry Blossom—ACK!—Blast B-Blizzard. It was s-stupid, b-b-but I d-didn't have any other choice…"
"Shit, Kumadori?" I ground the heel of my palm into my forehead. "Damn it, I'm sorry, Chopper, I thought that with your new arsenal—!"
"N-Not your fault, Cross…" Chopper groaned in defeat. "B-Between my Cherry B-Blossom arsenal a-and my new h-high quality Rumble Balls, I-I had him right on the edge." He shook his head with a grimace. "T-Then he made a r-run for it and got to the k-kitchen." He chuckled grimly. "I-I'm afraid that I underestimated w-what you meant when you said h-he'd mastered b-biofeedback."
I sucked in a breath. "He pulled a Luffy, didn't he? He snapped back to all cylinders in an instant—!"
"While I was left r-running on fumes…" Chopper sighed. "I-I'm sorry about the blast, i-it was that or e-end up a sieve, I-I didn't think—!"
"Don't apologize for saving your own life, Chopper, never apologize for that!" I interrupted. "You did what you had to do, no one can fault you for that, nobody at all!"
"…T-Thanks for that, Cross…" our doctor grinned miserably. "B-But please, don't stop me from apologizing for w-what I'm about to do next…" His expression shifted to a combination of a scowl and a grimace. "B-Because I'm about to break a lot of promises I m-made to myself and to D-Doctorine."
I grimaced. So… it had come to this after all. Damn it. "Fine… but remember this: No regrets. We won't let you hurt any of us, we won't let you do anything bad. When you do it… do it with a clear conscience, alright?"
Chopper was silent for a moment, before smiling gratefully, tears of joy sliding down his face. "R-Roger that, T-Third Mate C-Cross…"
"Cross, WHAT'S GOING ON?" Zoro snarled.
"Chopper's using his last resort, his trump card… his berserker form," I said grimly. I ran a quick headcount before grimacing at the conclusion I drew. "Franky, I really hope that those upgrades you mentioned are as super as you say, because you're the only person available who can contain Chopper once he takes down Kumadori."
"I'm just putting on the finishing touches now, Cross, I'll be SUPER! ready to go in two minutes!"
"You have one," I corrected bluntly.
There was a moment of hesitation, then… "I'll be done in thirty seconds. What do I need to do?"
I took a moment to smirk victoriously. Oh, yeah, now that was the SUPER! shipwright I knew.
"J-Just knock me into the sea…" Chopper groaned. "I'm going to be sending my D-Devil Fruit into o-overdrive. T-The sea will stop me."
"Got it. Just leave it to me, guys! Your friend'll be safe with me!"
"Heh… heheh… s-sorry to disappoint you, Franky, b-but the thing is?"
"YOYOI! Theeeere you aaaare! It's tiiiime that I end this!"
Chopper screwed his expression up. "I'm not who you should be worried about." A moment of silence, and then…
"RUMBLE."
CRUNCH!
I slashed my hand across my neck, prompting Soundbite to cut the line. Not that it did much good, however, seeing as the next second…
"GWROOOOOOAAAARGH!"
The Tower of Justice was shaken by a bone-rattling roar of primal fury, and then the smash of something going through several floors in the space of an instant.
"…wow, the little guy is seriously out of his mind, isn't he?" Franky muttered nervously.
"Completely and utterly, and he's not even remotely little anymore, either," I snarled as I wheeled on my heel. "Right, playtime is over, I'm gonna grab the blackbook and—!" I interrupted myself with a choked cry of shock as I reeled back, on account of me finally noticing the presence of the absolute last individual I would have expected to see in this situation.
Hattori responded by cocking his head to the side, regarding me with a curious, if avian, look. "And… do what exactly?" he queried. "Do speak up, boy, I so hate it when thoughts are left incomplete, it just…" He ruffled his feathers. "Irks me, you know?"
"…Guys, I'm gonna have to call you back," I muttered under my breath before glancing at Soundbite. "James Spader?"
"Felt appropriate," he muttered back before raising his voice. "And for the record, I don't feel impotent anymore. NOW I JUST FEEL PISSED."
"Oh, don't worry, I take no offense," the pigeon said dismissively. "After all, my species is renowned for being something of a pest, and as a being who lacks a spine on a biological level, it's only to be expected that you feel constantly helpless!"
Soundbite twitched furiously on my shoulder, but a warning look from me was enough to silence him before I refocused on the pigeon. "So… Hattori. What brings you all the way up here?"
"Well, first and foremost, I'll be dealing with this," he replied, tapping his talon on the black book, which I only just now realized he was standing on. "Particular breach in operational security. Terribly embarrassing, to be honest, a rookie mistake. But one we should have seen coming, I suppose, what with who our director is…" He trailed off for a moment before slapping his head with a chuckle. "Oh, right, terribly sorry, I almost forgot. I'm also here to kill you, of course." The last line was delivered without missing a beat, as though he were discussing the weather.
I swallowed nervously as I fought to keep calm. "Is that so?" I managed to get out.
For all that I was keeping myself marginally calm on the outside, inside my mind was awhirl. In all honesty, I hadn't even considered Hattori to be a possible factor in matters, but really, I should have have known better. Like it or not, the bird was a part of CP9, and doubtless had some training, one way or another. Silly to consider, sure, but considering the current situation, and the fact that half of my crewmates were animals and most of those were self-sufficient? Not a chance of me counting it out yet. Still, he was just a pigeon, so with any luck…
"So, I'm curious…" I started slowly, trying to keep my voice steady, even as I inched one of my feet towards the door. "Did Spandam order this or…?"
If I could just get out of this wide-open room—
And then my face proceeded to split open.
I blinked in surprise as I watched the blood gush before my eyes. "What the—?"
Aaaand then the pain hit me.
"ARGH!"
"CROSS!" Soundbite and Lassoo chorused.
"To answer your question…" Hattori kept his tone of voice even as he inspected his wingtips, totally uncaring as I fell to my knees and clutched the fucking trench in my face with a howl of pain. "It was actually Lucci who gave me this assignment. He wanted to guarantee that you didn't walk away from this island alive. Or at all, really. I'm only too happy to oblige."
"Big words from A PIGEON!" Soundbite retorted.
The pigeon cocked his head to the side before chuckling dryly. "This coming from the snail? Really now, Soundbite, is that the best you have to offer? That little barb failed to meet even my admittedly low expectations," he stated. "I do hope that's not your A-game. I accepted this assignment because I was hoping for things to be at least a little interesting, after all, and it certainly wasn't because of Cross."
"You damn—!"
"Shut it…" I bit out through my pain. Because damn, this shit hurt like hell, the bastard had torn my face open from cheek to cheek and all but cut my damn nose in half! I'd be lucky if I'd ever be able to smell anything but blood again, damn it!
Currently, my mind was awhirl as I berated myself for being so fucking stupid! What the hell did it matter if Hattori was a pigeon, he was a pigeon owned and trained by Rob Lucci! I'd forgotten to take into account the fact that that bastard wouldn't have let his pet be anything less than the perfect feathered killing machine, and all because I was so stupid stupid stupid, damn it!
"And that's even more dull," Hattori sighed, sounding genuinely disappointed. "Honestly now, if you're going to insist on boring me, I might as well get on to business."
So saying, the pigeon flapped his wings in order to lift a few feet above the desk—
"Tempest Wing."
Before flapping one of his wings extra-hard. I flinched and snapped my gauntlets up, bracing for pain, but I wasn't the aim of the attack.
Instead, Spandam's desk all but split in half, and what little remained of some of the most valuable pages in the world fluttered out the window and into the waiting abyss below.
I swear I felt something die in me as I took in the sight of what had once been a gold mine of information; I hadn't even made it through half of the book, and now it was useless. But… in the end, I couldn't really complain. It had served its purpose, however brief; I had what I needed most, and there was no doubt that I had spilled enough dirt to be earthshaking.
Now I just needed to stay alive long enough to actually capitalize on it.
"Please tell ME YOU HAVE A PLAN, CROSS!" Soundbite stage-whispered.
"Don't die?" I offered weakly.
For a moment, the snail was silent. "A bit vague, BUT I LIKE IT."
"Yes, I suppose it is elegant in its simplicity, isn't it?" Hattori admitted with a nod before drawing his wings back. "Too bad it's utterly implausible. Tempest—!"
"EEEEEEEEE!"
Suddenly, Soundbite let out a shrill screech, almost like a siren, distracting all of us.
"OWOWOWOW! T-Too loud, too strong!" the snail wailed miserably, "I-I-I can't st-stop IT! H-HE DID IT! THAT BASTARD, HE USED THE GOLDEN SNAIL!"
Then Soundbite's expression mutated into a familiar scowl. "Oh, now I pick the right snail. Not that it matters anymore, there's no turning back now! I've pushed the button! Of all things… I'VE TRIGGERED THE BUSTER CALL!"
"And he just broadcast that fact to the entire island, if not the world," Hattori observed dryly as he landed back on the remains of the desk. "Good God, how has anyone so utterly devoid of intelligence managed to live so long?"
"Mother-fucking miracles, is how," I bit out venomously as I pinched my nose together.
"HONK honk," Soundbite scoffed.
"Still," I raised my voice as I glared at the pigeon. "Any chance of calling a truce just long enough for me to utterly annihilate any chance of Spandam not having the book—nay, the entire library—thrown at him when this mess is over and done with?"
Hattori regarded me for a few moments before casually waving his wing. "Oh, why not? Not as though you have any chance of escaping. And I will admit, I'm interested to see if you can arrange for his grave to be dug any deeper than it already is."
"Watch and be amazed," I smirked before looking at Soundbite, taking the opportunity to dig the stock of salve-soaked bandages Chopper had given me out of my jacket. "Can you connect to the snail he's talking through and get a message to Robin?"
"Eh…" Soundbite waved his eyestalks side to side. "HE'S OUT OF my range… ah, but one of the MICROPHONE USERS ISN'T! Just let me—GOT HER!"
"Robin, we're on our way, and we're still broadcasting live!" I said. "I've already all but signed the bastard's arrest warrant, but I want to see if we can't push the buck a little farther! Get him talking!"
It was a true credit to Robin's professionalism that she didn't even hesitate, though the panic in her voice was, unfortunately, not faked in the slightest. "You have to cancel it right away! Don't you realize what you've done? Everyone is going to die!"
"Cancel it? Ha! Who do you think you're talking to!? What's wrong with a Buster Call, anyway?" Spandam snarled, quickly regaining his composure, as well as his raging ego. "Yes… Yes, this is fine, I'm perfectly authorized to do this! I'm the Chief of Cipher Pol No. 9, after all! To ensure that your transfer went over smoothly, I requested a Buster Call. There's nothing at all wrong with that! Who cares if it's a little overkill? Better safe than sorry; I'm sure Sengoku will agree that it's a small price to pay to get rid of these pirates!"
"You… You're more than a fool, you're insane!" Robin gasped fearfully. "I told you before, that won't be the end of it! This is an attack without mercy, without humanity! The Buster Call will burn everything on Enies Lobby to the ground! The buildings, the people, even the island itself! It will sacrifice anything and everything in its path! The nightmare won't end until nothing remains! That's the power you're invoking! I've seen it all with my own eyes, I've told you what happened on Ohara twenty years ago! You would sacrifice the lives of everyone here, and all for what!? For a weapon!?"
"Yesss…" Spandam hissed, and going by his tone of voice it sounded like he was standing on the edge. "The Government is well aware of the sacrifices involved, that's how important this mission is! With all the bad publicity we're already receiving, we can't afford to make a mistake. You're the last hope we have of reviving the Ancient Weapon! Poetic, isn't it? Destruction in order to bring about even greater destruction! The spark needed to ignite the engine of one of the greatest weapons in all history! Those few thousand soldiers should be honored, their souls will be the kindling for the blaze that will burn all evil out of this world! And besides, if they couldn't even do their job and keep your little friends from coming this far and humiliating the World Government as they have, they're better off dead! And the same goes for CP9!"
"You complete and utter madman… Do you even understand a fraction of what you're talking about!? The Pluton is a power far beyond your comprehension, beyond anyone's comprehension, even mine! What was written on that Poneglyph…" I could hear the shudder in Robin's voice. "Was nothing short of pure evil! I couldn't forget it even if I wanted to, because it haunts my dreams every night! Do you see what I'm trying to say!? You could destroy the entire world that you're trying to secure it for! Does it mean nothing to you that your efforts could reduce the World Government to nothing?"
"Reduce it to nothing? Hmm…" A demented smile slowly spread across Spandam's face. "Yes, it does have that kind of power, doesn't it? You know, I could actually take advantage of that! With that kind of power, I could join the Five Elder Stars… or even replace them! Spandam, king of the entire world! WAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
Right, this shitshow's coming to a stop, now. "Hey, leatherface, guess what?" I sang innocently.
"HAHAHA—eh? What the—?"
"You're on candid-snail, my friend," I sneered.
"BUUU~STEEE~D!" Soundbite howled with a cackle.
Hattori watched with unconcealed amusement as Soundbite mirrored Spandam's own expression of abject horror—
"Er… by the way, this is, er, Straw Hat Luffy speaking."
"I WOULDN'T BUY THAT IF IT WAS ON SALE, DIPSHIT!"
—before his expression fell flat as the entire island shouted at him.
"Honestly, now?" Hattori groaned, his wing meeting his face. "Good God, I'm actually getting a migraine. Honestly, I wasn't even aware that pigeons could get migra—!"
He suddenly cut himself off and lashed his wing out, causing me to skid to a halt with a choked curse as the resulting razor wind carved a chunk out of the staircase railing before me.
"Nice try," he drawled. "But quite simply no. Now then—!"
"Dot dot dot dot!"
He gave Soundbite a thoroughly unimpressed look. "Really? Now, of all times?"
"Hey, trust—dot dot dot dot!—me, I get where YOU'RE COMING FROM! NOT RIGHT—dot dot dot dot!—NOW, OBVIOUSLY, BUT—!"
"Oh, just pick it up already," he ordered me with a dry look.
"Yeah yeah, on it," I grumbled as I dug through my bag.
"Dot dot dot—KA-LICK!"
Soundbite promptly began shining golden, the rage palpable across the connection… and a demented smile on his face. Hattori actually flinched back, as did I.
"OHHH, SPAAANDAAAM?!" came the horrifying voice of Fleet Admiral Sengoku, who seemed to have cracked from the way his slasher grin and voice were tremoring. "I HAVE NEW ORDERS FOR YOU, STRAIGHT FROM THE FIVE ELDER STARS: RETURN TO MARINE HEADQUARTERS IMMEDIATELY TO RECEIVE, AND I QUOTE THE ELDER STARS THEMSELVES, 'EVERYTHING YOU HAVE COMING TO YOU.' AND HEAVEN HELP YOU IF NICO ROBIN ISN'T WITH YOU WHEN YOU GET HERE."
Spandam hesitated for a scant moment before whatever delusion he was laboring under reaffirmed itself and he nodded dutifully. "Y-Yes, sir! HURRY UP, YOU! DOUBLE-TIME! YOU ARE TO BEAR WITNESS TO ME RECEIVING MY JUST REWARDS!"
Robin grunted slightly before gritting her teeth and glancing to the side. "Well, isn't this a fine development?" she muttered underneath her breath. "Now I'm actually half-tempted to go along with him just so that I can see the results."
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU—Ah, wait a second, I'd better hang up now before—CLICK!"
"ARGH!" Soundbite yelped. "WRONG ONE, ASSWIPE!"
"BITE ME, YOU LITTLE—KA-LICK!"
I would have to have been the absolute biggest idiot on the face of the planet to speak up at that moment.
"May I suggest awarding him the Darwin Award once he arrives?"
Which, of course, meant that I had to.
Sound-Goku snapped a twitching glare at me for a second before his grin widened. "Ah, yes. Jeremiah Cross," the Fleet Admiral said in a voice of calm best compared to the void between stars. "The biggest fucking aggravation in my career, if not my life. I have only one thing to say to you."
There was a pause and then—
Holy-fucking-hell-giant-golden-GOD!
I had to fight tooth and nail to keep my knees from buckling.
"I'm coming for you. KA-LICK!"
I took a moment to pant and get my heartbeat back under control. "Fucking Conqueror's…" I muttered. I then shot a somewhat hysterical grin at Soundbite. "Wonder whose is stronger, his or Garp the Hero's?"
Soundbite replied to the grin with a flat look. "I'd say you have issues, but that fruit's so LOW HANGING the chickens HAVE BEEN PECKING AT IT."
"Oh, please," Hattori drawled. "I doubt there's enough left of that particular fruit after how much you ate to feed a worm. I do believe I'm actually doing you a favor by killing you now, before the Buddha arrives."
So saying, the menacing pigeon strolled forward, advancing on my talking snail, my bazooka-dog, and myself as I racked my brains for a way out of the bisected thirty-story Tower of Justice.
"…My life is so warped," I muttered as I ran the aforementioned situation through my head. I then froze as I realized the truth behind my words: I was in a crazy situation… so why not employ an utterly crazy solution?
And so, it was without a hint of hesitation that I planted my arms behind me and hoisted myself onto the bannister, balancing between certain death and the void.
Hattori stopped in his tracks, blinking at me in honest surprise. "You're mad," he stated matter-of-factly.
I chuckled as I scratched the back of my head. "To paraphrase Will Turner's dubiously good friend Jack Sparrow—!"
"CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!"
"Yes, yes, Captain Jack Sparrow, thank you…" I allowed an absolutely maniacal grin to spread across my face. "Good thing I am, because otherwise this would probably never work."
And with that, I tipped backwards and allowed myself to plummet, freefalling for a total of three seconds until I grabbed a handle at my side and yanked.
"AAAAaaaaAAAA!" Soundbite hollered as a rope shot from my waist and latched onto one of the balconies I'd passed.
The next second, the rope snapped taut and I grunted with exertion as I swung into the wall, only my greaves and my training saving my legs from shattering on impact. "And people do this for fun?" I demanded as I unlatched myself from the line and dropped down to the landing below me.
"You certainly do!" Lassoo snickered.
I paused as I contemplated that before nodding. "Fair point. Anyway, Usopp!" I raised my voice meaningfully as dug a spare spool of rope from my bag and started fiddling with my belt. "Thanks for letting me hang onto this thing after Skypiea, but do you think you could walk me through replacing the lines again? And while I've got you, how are things going? Has Robin reached the Bridge yet?"
"Ah, not yet! But I have been giving the Marines hell. Only problem is that there are a lot of them and they're pulling out riot shields, so the best I can do is keep them pinned."
"That's better than any of us at this point, so nice work, Sniper King!" I chuckled. "Anyways, those instructions?"
"Pull out the ripcord and twist the base clockwise to eject it, then insert the new one and twist it in counterclockwise," Usopp recited.
"Pull-twist-twist…" I muttered as I followed his orders and replaced the reels. "Alright, got it, thanks. Back to work."
"Yeah, I'm on—Oh, a reflection! EAT THIS! SPECIAL ATTACK: LEAD STAR!"
"Knock 'em dead, Usopp!" I called up before looking at my companions. "Alright, you guys ready?"
"Do we have a choice?" Lassoo snorted.
"Not really, the feather-rat is GETTING SUSPICIOUS!" Soundbite yelped.
I bit out a curse and hastily sprung into action. First, I launched my grappling hook's anchor into the floor, burying its head in the stone, and then I got onto the railing and hung myself over the edge by the line. Thankfully, I was on an extended balcony, so I would be dropping into the middle of the stairwell.
"Here we go!" I grunted as I jumped out and started falling down the shaft again, my descent controlled by an automatic brake Usopp had installed in the belt while I kept a hand on the line in order to keep my balance.
I warily scanned the shaft leading up to the roof as I descended. "Any idea if he's coming, or—?"
"NOW!"
Exactly on cue, a dart of white popped into sight and shot down at us, zipping back and forth as it honed in.
I didn't even hesitate to snap my arm up when the killer pigeon got near. "Gastro-Flash!" I ordered, flexing my palm.
Thankfully, the resulting blast of light and sound forced Hattori to divert his course of descent, following which he shot past me without stopping. Of course, a glance downwards was all I needed to confirm that he'd almost immediately pulled a 180 and was shooting back up at us, which I wasn't going to let fly. Pun mostly not intended.
"Gastro-Phony!"
"SUCK IT!" Soundbite snapped before roaring out an ear-rending cacophony. The resultant blare forced Hattori to swerve and give us a wide berth before wheeling around above us.
"Alright, now unless I miss my guess, he's now going to try to…" I was answered by Hattori slashing his wing at my line. The razor wind hit the rope and caused reverberations to course up and down it, but other than a few shakes, nothing actually came of it.
"NICE TRY!" I called up to the avian aggressor. "BUT I HAD USOPP BUY SOME SPOOLS OF REINFORCED ROPE WHILE WE WERE IN WATER 7! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!"
"You realize that that's only going to piss him off, right?" Lassoo groaned darkly.
I shrugged in means of reply. "Hey, he's going to try and end us anyway, not like I'm making things any worse. And 'sides, you're the one who's going to keep him from killing us in the first place."
"What!? How the heck am I gonna do that!?"
At that moment, Hattori swerved down at us and lashed out yet another rippling wave of air at us.
"Like this!" I grit out as I unslung Lassoo and pointed his muzzle dead ahead. "Cani-Blast!"
Lassoo didn't even hesitate to belt out the pillar of fire, the kickback from which swung me backwards, out of the path of the bird's attack and into the Tower's wall.
I dug my fingers into a cleft in the tower's stonework, letting myself hang and catch my breath for a moment before I nodded firmly. "Alright… Alright, now we get serious. Hang on tight!" And with that, I leapt out and to the side, swinging out of the way of yet another Tempest Wing.
"Lassoo, can you adjust the fuse of your baseballs yourself?" I asked as I landed on another wall.
The dog-gun frowned in thought for a moment, and then grinned. "I can do you one better, Cross," he said. "Watch this!"
And with that, he angled his head and spat out a baseball that would have blown the stupid pigeon to feathers had it been properly aimed, as it exploded mere feet behind him. I was quite gratified to see Hattori flail a bit mid-flight.
"OK, keep that up!" I said as I leapt out again. Then I frowned as I noticed him suddenly swooping in loop-de-loops. "What's he—? Oh, shi—Cani-Blast!"
Lassoo barked out another pillar of flame, sending us off to the far-side of the shaft and not a moment too soon, judging from the fact that the wall where I'd been standing earlier suddenly turned into swiss-fucking-cheese!
"Of course Lucci taught his pigeon the Flying Finger Pistol!" I roared in frustration. "Of course he did, because it would be too easy if he only knew one ranged attack!"
"Shouldn't that BE Flying Beak Pistol?" Soundbite pointed out innocently.
"Not the time, you little—!"
"STOP!"
I instinctively swung Lassoo around and braced at his warning shout, the cannonball he vomited up bringing us to a halt mere inches from the incoming Tempest Wing that would have intercepted us otherwise.
"That was way too close," I whimpered, before hastily blasting myself back to the wall and running around the shaft as a Flying Nose—Beak—whatever nearly clipped my shoulder.
"Lassoo!" I howled.
"Hold still for just a minute!" he barked, before chuffing. "Gotcha! Cani-Cannon Barrage: Ack-Ack Edition!"
I braced myself as Lassoo rammed into my shoulder, going full rapid-fire as explosion after explosion rocked the stairwell. While I didn't hear a squawk of avian death, I also didn't have to dodge any more air-pressure attacks, so I decided to call it a win. After a few minutes, though, I felt the explosions taper off and then stop entirely.
"He's pulled up and I can't aim that high," Lassoo growled in answer to the unspoken question.
"Wait, he wha—? Shit," I spat as I stared upwards after the feathered menace. "He finally got wise and decided to go for our anchor, and there's fuck-all we can do to stop him!"
Suddenly we jerked to a stop.
"NOT THAT IT MATTERS, considering we're out of rope," Soundbite noted with a nervous chuckle.
Gritting my teeth, I glanced downward, hoping for something to get us out of this mess. The only things I saw were that the nearest stair-landing was far enough down that a drop would break my legs and a bloodied Blueno Moon…walk…ing…
I took a second to blink in shock at the sight of Blueno hovering in the air and frantically looking around before grinning as an idea popped into my head.
"Guys, fair warning, I'm about to do something really stupid," I notified them matter-of-factly.
"What else is new?" they scoffed.
"Yeah, well, this is going to be particularly bad," I said casually. And with my partners sufficiently warned, I aimed Lassoo above me… and unlatched the rope. "CANI-BLAST!"
It took more gymnastics than I was normally capable of and I'm almost certain that I pulled something in the process, but the end result was the same: Lassoo's blast launched me downwards and I was able to slam my foot—!
"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"
"Wha—?"
CRUNCH!
"GWAH!"
Dead-center in Blueno's face.
I held my position balancing on the bull-haired man's face for a second before leaping forward and jumping to the stairwell.
I panted heavily as I fought to catch my breath before shooting a finger up into the air. "And all that!" I announced in a grandiose tone of voice. "While stone-cold sober!"
"GRGH—!" Blueno cursed for a second as he nursed his shattered nose before directing a murderous glare at me, somehow still maintaining his Moonwalk. "Cross, you damn son of a—!"
"We interrupt this worthless death-threat for a breaking news story: CP9 agent with a Power Level of 820 proven to be useless against Gastro-Phony!"
"MORE AT ELEVEN!" Soundbite boomed.
Blueno blinked dumbly at us. "Wha—?" Then Soundbite's ear-rending roar hit him dead-on. He snapped his hands to his ears, and promptly dropped like a stone when he forgot to keep his legs kicking.
I glanced over the edge of the railing and cocked an eyebrow. "Well, that was easy."
"It's a sad day for CP9 when a pigeon is more threatening than a bull," Lassoo sighed.
That brought me up short as I thought things over. "…Good grief. I'm fighting a pigeon, I just kicked a bull in the face, and a giraffe cut this entire tower in half. Zoro was right, this place is a zoo!"
"Enies Lobby, THE MOST MAGICAL PLACE IN THE GRAND LINE!" Soundbite cackled.
I groaned as I ground the bridge of my nose. "Damn, now my memories will forever be tainted… anyway, let's get moving and—!"
CLONK!
"Ow!" I flinched as I felt something smack the back of my head, something that probably would have hurt a lot more if this were a few months ago. I glanced back and identified that it was a rock that had hit me, prompting me to blink in confusion before looking around to see who could have thrown it. I then began to question my perception of reality when I caught sight of two pebbles floating in mid-air and tapping against one another.
"…Soundbite, can I blame you for this?" I asked only slightly desperately.
"TOO MUCH CREDIT! And that's no delusion, that's morse code, it's SANJI!"
"Say what!?"
"Yeah, and he's sayin'…" Lassoo narrowed his eyes as he followed the tapping. "'Stay. Out. Of. This. Cross.'"
I felt my eyes twitch before I crossed my arms and scowled. "Get off my case, Combat Cook, I needed a safe way to the stairs and he was my best option! And anyway…" I smirked tauntingly. "Shouldn't you be going after him rather than staying here yapping at me?"
The pebbles flinched and hastily tapped out something I suspected was distinctly insulting before they dove over the edge.
I watched them for a second before exchanging glances with Lassoo. "Not even going to question it, you?"
"Nope," he shook his head flatly.
"Good," Soundbite barked just as the line I'd been dropping on fell past us. "Because the FEATHER-RAT IS ON THE MOVE AGAIN! RUN!"
I decided to follow that excellent advice and run like hell.
-o-
"And three… two… one…" Vivi counted down under her breath as she watched the second-hand on her watch tick away before nodding firmly and snapping it shut. "It's been five minutes, Luffy and Lucci should be well into it. I doubt we'll get a better chance than this." She glanced over her shoulder at Conis and Su. "Are you ready?"
Conis nodded in agreement as she adjusted her goggles before wrapping her arms around Vivi's waist. "Ready and willing!"
"Su!" Su concurred as she dug her claws into her owner's back.
Vivi then turned her attention to her Carue. "Ready for this, Carue?"
The supersonic spot-billed duck snorted firmly as he snapped his visor down over his eyes. "Quack."
"Alright, then…" Vivi grit her teeth as she wrapped her hands in her partner's reins. "Let's do this!" She gave the reins a firm snap. "HEEYAH!"
"QUAAACK!" Carue squawked loudly as he started tearing down the tunnel at breakneck speeds.
The duck and his riders had left Luffy and had been waiting more than a kilometer away from the Bridge of Hesitation.
Carue cleared that distance and tore into the Bridge's warehouse in less than twenty seconds.
To most anyone else entering the room, it would appear as though there was some sort of malevolent haze ripping the room apart. This would be on account of Luffy having gathered that he would only be able to beat Lucci by going all-out straight off the bat and Lucci eagerly meeting him in turn. The result was their forms being barely visible as they—a lobster-red rubber man and a menacing anthropomorphic leopard in a black suit—matched blows and otherwise rendered themselves as barely colored blurs in the air.
Carue, however, was not most anybody. He was a Supersonic Duck, and in order to properly cope and process their environments while running at their maximum speeds, Supersonic Ducks had evolved so that no matter how fast they moved, their brains would automatically speed up and allow them to keep up and not crash into anything.
The end result of this miracle of nature was that where Vivi, Conis and Su only saw an unintelligible nothing, Carue was at least able to follow Luffy and Lucci as they flashed around the room, pummeling, parrying, dodging and overall performing a danse macabre in all but song.
The duck had almost made it halfway the storeroom when suddenly the world froze around him—right in the instant where he was in midair, between one step and the next—as his abject terror ramped his mental dilation into overdrive.
The reason for his terror was the fact that, at the moment, there was a 12-foot tall leopard-human towering above him. One of said leopard-human's hands was held out in such a way so as to deflect the crimson fist trying to slam into his head, and the other…
Carue felt like his heart was about to pound out of his chest as he watched the other clawed hand swipe down towards his head. To him it looked like the hand was moving slowly, but he knew, he knew that if it made contact, then it would swipe off both his and Vivi's heads in a single, clean, utterly unhindered motion.
As certain death slowly but certainly inched towards his head, Carue found himself doing the only thing he could: reiterating the mantra that he'd adopted almost a week earlier, reciting it in every instance of training he'd performed with Vivi.
'One second,' he frantically repeated, over and over. 'One second one second one second one second—!'
Carue could see his own reflection in Lucci's claws, and he was right about to lose control of his bowels. Then Vivi entered the reflection as well, and something in Carue's mind just clicked.
'One second…'
The very tip of Carue's talon touched down on the floor.
'One second. Ten steps, all in one second… TO SHAVE!'
And then Carue moved.
Rob Lucci snarled out a curse as his claws whiffed through the air, his quarry disappearing from his sight so fast that all that he was left with were a few stray feathers and the tail-end of a furious "—AAAAAACK."
"Damn pira—!"
The assassin only had a second to fume over his failure before a fist smashed into his face and sent him crashing him into the wall, following which he was wrenched right back into the greatest fight of his entire life.
-o-
I fought to control my breathing as I glanced around a corner on the Tower's ground floor. I scanned the hallway before me and came up with jack-diddly in ways of killer pigeons. It looked for all the world like I had a straight shot to the Tower's back dock, but at the moment that meant all of jack-squat to me, and for a damn good reason.
"Still no luck on finding the damn feather-rat?" I hissed to Soundbite.
He snarled darkly as he shook his head. "Not a one. I don't want to give any credit to THESE BASTARDS, but where their stealth skills are CONCERNED, IT'S DUE. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS, SORRY."
I tsked softly at that as I hesitantly eyed the Bridge in the distance. "Alright… alright… Lassoo, how far would you say it is to the dock?"
"Eh…" Lassoo cocked his head to the side, eyeing the distance. "Fifty-five, fifty meters, give or take? Either way, the architects got their money's worth off of these blueprints."
I groaned miserably at the prospect as I felt my legs flare up miserably, and not because of my fondued muscles. "Ah… alright… so running out there would just be stupid, so… so let's start with you belting out a load of smoke to fill the corridor, and then, ah, ah… Soundbite! Yeah, Soundbite, you fill the corridor with Gastro-Phony, and then I'll, ah, I'll—!"
"Alright, what's with the stuttering?" Soundbite demanded impatiently. "That corridor IS A LEGITIMATE KILLBOX, WHY AREN'T YOU RUNNING RIGHT INTO IT!?"
I flinched self-consciously before shooting a shaky grin over my shoulder. "Haaave I ever told you two that I really hated P.E. class in school?"
My partners' expressions promptly fell flat. "Seriously?" they deadpanned.
I plastered a sheepish grin on my face as I rubbed the back of my head. "Running the mile, specifically. I mean, sure, my adrenaline's running pretty high, but I just don't think that running a straight line like this is the best course of action. I mean, come on, I'm the tactician here, and since I know the opponent, I'm sure I can come up with a few dozen plans to circumvent—!"
"Oh, for the love of God, will you please shut up?"
"NOW THAT'S MOTIVATION!" I yelped in panic as I shot out from behind the corner and made a break for it, pumping my legs as fast as I possibly could.
To my credit, I actually managed to make it a little under halfway.
"Tempest Wing."
SKRANG!
The attack splashed across my heel, sending me tumbling ass over teakettle. It was a considerable comfort that I had my armor on and that said armor was thick as hell, because otherwise I would have fit a really inconvenient stereotype. But considering that it left me wide open for another attack, that comfort was as cold as they came.
And it got even colder when I started to push myself to my feet and was forced to freeze when I wound up staring down the damn bird's wing.
"I'm terribly sorry for my rudeness, but honestly now," Hattori drawled. "There's only so much inane jibber jabber a sane being can take at a time. Really, I do believe I can see where your navigator comes from whenever she does the world a favor by shutting you up."
"YOU SHIT-FEATHERED—AGH!" Soundbite's vicious snarling was cut off when a small gash was suddenly carved into his shell.
"When I told you to shut up earlier," Hattori said, his eyes narrowed menacingly. "I meant all of you. And as for you!" Hattori swung his wing to point it between Lassoo's eyes, causing the cannon to freeze just as he was opening his jaws. "I want you to think very hard on this: what do you think is faster? Your mouth, or my wing?"
Lassoo kept his mouth half-open for a second before snapping it shut with an irritated growl.
Hattori nodded before turning his attention back to me. "I'll give you points for persistence and cleverness, Cross," he drawled. "But in the end, you're simply weak, and your attempts to compensate through the usage of your unctuous partner futile due to his own innate uselessness. Allow me to share a fact of life with you: There are opponents against which no amount of cleverness and persistence will work. And unfortunately for you, I'm not a Logia user with delusions of grandeur and better things to do with his time than kill you."
"But apparently you have THE TIME TO run your FUCKING—!"
Hattori casually flicked his wing, snapping a small pellet of something into Soundbite's mouth before he could react and reducing my snail's tirade to little more than a barrage of hacking and wheezing. The answer to what the hell had just happened came in the form of Soundbite coughing up a cloud of white powder that I recognized all too well: flour.
"Soundbite!" I cursed desperately.
Hattori cooed something or other in what I knew was a condescending tone, and the snarl Lassoo let out was proof enough of that.
Still, no matter what it was the bird said, his next action was clear enough.
Time seemed to slow down for us as the wing came down, and I could only stare and watch in horror as the air started to ripple around the white feathers.
Later on, when I recounted this story to my crew, I would swear up and down the Grand Line, Paradise and New World alike, that just as the wing was inches from my face, I saw a figure with a robe and a scythe looming behind the damn bird.
And that figure would have swung his scythe down, too.
"NO!"
If it weren't for a titanic voice suddenly bellowing out and causing Hattori to flail back in shock.
I hastily scrambled back when the pigeon's wing slashed at my face, and my heart all but stopped when the bird's wingtip sheared a small nock out of the lip of my baseball cap. "Fuck Gear Second, I just lost a few years off my life…" I whimpered in terror as I clambered to my feet.
Hattori, looking rather unnerved himself, hopped back from me and began scanning the area. "Who just spoke?" he demanded, before stiffening in shock. "Wait, how on earth am I speaking?!"
"HEY, FEATHERBRAIN."
Both Hattori and I snapped our attention to my shoulder, where Soundbite was grinning malevolently.
"YO," he greeted.
My jaw promptly dropped in shock.
It wasn't because a snail spoke, no, I thoroughly used to that little fact of life.
It was because he spoke without opening his mouth.
"S-Soundbite…" I breathed in awe. "H-How the hell are you?"
Soundbite glanced at me for a second before shaking his head. "HoohoohooHEEHEEHEEhahaha… haaaa…" The snail then glanced down at my side. "PEOPLE OF THE WORLD… I HAVE A MESSAGE OF MY OWN."
Suddenly, a very familiar… nay, an unforgettable drumbeat started to play out, and all I could do was snap my head up into the air in shock. "What the hell—?!"
"I have a message that I want to share with some people."
-o-
"TO THE WARLORD OF THE SEAS KNOWN AS DONQUIXOTE DOFLAMINGO."
"Fuffuffuffuffuffu… Fuffuffuffuffuffu…!"
Said Warlord was currently hunched over and snickering on the deck of his ship, en route to getting the hell out of the No Man's Land that lay between Totland and Kaido's Empire; the events of the last few hours had been seriously taxing his ability to suppress his laughter, and it was taking a lot of effort not to start cackling loudly enough to wake the whole of the ocean.
Not that anyone was still asleep, mind you.
This was evidenced by Diamante hesitantly shuffling forwards, his progress being none-too-subtly encouraged by Pica shoving him in the back. He shot a glare over his shoulder at the larger Executive before clearing his throat. "Ah… Young Master, if you don't mind me asking, what's so—?"
"Fuffuffuffu… forget it…"
"E-Eh? W-What—AGH!" Diamante stumbled back in shock when the deck beneath his feet suddenly turned to string and started rippling.
"Forget the lateness of the hour, forget being yanked away to calm Big Mom. Hell, you can even forget that blacklist fiasco from awhile back too!" Doflamingo's smile stretched from ear to ear as he flung his head back and started cackling at the sky. "FUFFUFFU! Forget it all! In the end, it doesn't matter how irritating they are, how arrogant and overambitious they might be! None of that matters, not now or ever again! Because now, it's official! The Straw Hats are just keeping this too world too interesting for me to be anything but entertained! HELL!"
The officers on board stumbled back in shock and terror when Doflamingo affixed a gaze at them that was filled with nothing but pure insanity.
"FORGET THE ERA OF ROGER, AND FORGET THE ERA OF SMILES ITSELF! THE ONLY THING I WANT TO SEE IN THIS WORLD IS THE SHEER MADNESS THAT WILL ARISE FROM THE ERA OF THE STRAW HAT PIRATES! FUFFUFFUFFUFFUFFUUU!"
-o-
"TO THE FOUR JAILER BEASTS OF THE UNDERWATER GAOL IMPEL DOWN!"
All throughout the facility of Impel Down, the entirety of the staff, from the 'human' guards and the Blugori to Warden Magellan himself, were desperately scrambling to try and maintain order as Levels 1, 2 and 4 rioted furiously ,and the only reason that 3 and 5 weren't a part of the whole debacle was that the conditions of those Levels removed any will from the prisoners to fight back.
An extreme detriment to that endeavor and the root cause of the riots was that all four of the Gaol's Jailer Beasts had stopped doing their duties out of the blue in favor of bellowing skyward, and nothing that anybody did or said to them could make them stop.
Not even Sadi's training and discipline was able to get through to the Beasts. She tried, sure, but in the end, not even she was a match for the call of ingrained instinct.
-o-
"AND FINALLY, TO ANYBODY ELSE LIKE THEM… I suggest that you all move the hell over," Soundbite leered menacingly. "BECAUSE YOU SEE… THIS SNAIL JUST GOT ON YOUR LEVEL."
My mind reeled as I processed the implications of what I was hearing. And as if his words weren't more than enough, the sheer mad glint I could see in his eyes, practically shining from within, spoke more than enough.
"You… Soundbite," I stammered weakly. "D-Did you just—?"
"Awaken?" Soundbite giggled ecstatically. "Hell yes. And ya know what, Cross? I DON'T BLAME YOU FOR NOT BEING MUCH HELP BACK IN SKYPIEA. I didn't before, but still. SEE, IN THE END? THE REALITY IS THAT YOU COULDN'T have helped me figure it out…" He shook his head with a nostalgic look. "BECAUSE THERE JUST is no figuring it out. 'Awakening'… an accurate name. ONE SECOND YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE, AND THE NEXT… YOU WAKE UP FROM A DEEP SLEEP and you understand everything." He leaned his head back and basked as a chorus of trumpets blared. "Ain't nothin' like it."
"And…" I waved my hand at the air. "The music? I didn't think you had access to…" I jerked my head to the side. "You know, those records?"
"Heck," Lassoo piped up. "What the heck does this Awakening stuff mean in general?"
Soundbite shot a grin back at the dog-cannon. "On the music, I think that that BASTARD JUST CHOSE TO STEP OFF. As for everything else? Before, I was just an amped up mimic and ventriloquist. NOW? WEEEELL, ADMITTEDLY I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT ALL THE BELLS AND WHISTLES, BUT FROM what I've managed to PUZZLE OUT?" He grinned eagerly. "Back in Loguetown, Nami called me a 'god of noise' after I got my rig. SHE WAS EXAGGERATING THEN."
Soundbite's grin stretched wide as an orchestra of strings sang to the heavens.
"THAT TITLE ISN'T HYPERBOLE ANYMORE."
I felt almost limp as I processed what I was hearing. And some part of my mind was actually registering that the trigger that brought about this Awakening, that his surpassing of this limit, was all just to save me. Humbled by a snail… some odd things had happened to me since I entered this world, but I was reasonably certain that this took the cake, and in a way I liked.
My musings may well have led to some sort of heartwarming moment, were it not for the fact that Hattori used that moment to prove that he took far more cues about restraint from Jabra than his master.
"So, you've managed to figure out a way to emit noise without using your throat." Hattori snorted as he swept his wing out. "What of it? Nothing's actually changed. The only true gods in this world are the Celestial Dragons, and even with that traitorous princess you salvaged, your crew is so far below them as to be pitiful worms crawling in the muck below the scum. In the end, you and your powers are still nothing short of utterly useless."
Lassoo growled, and I felt my teeth grind together at the insult to Vivi, but we had nothing on Soundbite's reaction.
"Useless…" he muttered, his teeth clenched so hard they were creaking and his eyestalks drawn as low as they could go. "USELESS!? YOU WORTHLESS FEATHER-RAT, I AM SOUNDBITE, AND I AM THE LOUDEST SNAIL IN THE WORLD! HEAR ME ROAR!" Soundbite then flung his head back and—!
"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅!"
"GAGH!" Lassoo and I flinched and clapped our respective limbs over our ears as Soundbite howled his fury to the world. It was literally painfully clear that Soundbite wasn't fully in control of his new powers yet, on account of how the very fringes of the bellow were blasting us with the compressed audio-equivalent of a live Skrillex concert.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone