Chapter 3351: RITUAL OF CONFESSION
I was raised by a very loving mother and father. My sister, Lucy, is three years older than me. Our parents, though extremely generous and caring, were very strict when it came to religious matters. We were required to pray for an hour every morning, before every meal, and taught about moral implications whenever it was deemed appropriate. To me, this seemed to be more often than necessary.
It was the early 1950's. Our family of four lived in a small isolated community in which everyone was raised as a Nercian Christian. Nercian Christianity, as far as I knew, was only practiced within this very small town. Its belief system and practices were almost synonymous with the Roman Catholic Church, with a few minor differences in certain procedures. One such procedure required all women to partake in the Ritual of Confession.
Every family in the small town was given a particular time when they were to be admitted into the church so the women could confess their sins. This was done to ensure all female family members had a fair chance to receive their penance. My family's designated time was 4:00pm on the first Thursday of May.
The whole family would wait together as my mother and sister silently and patiently awaited their chance to absolve themselves of their sins. This was crucial, as it was one of only two chances during the year they would get to become truly pure and free of evil. Women of all ages, ranging from children to the elderly, took part in the ceremony at their designated times. Young girls were obligated to partake in the ritual with their mothers and even their grandmothers.
As with all males of the parish, my father and I did not participate in confession in the same manner as the females. Our church allowed men to simply acknowledge their sins in private, asking the Lord for forgiveness in their prayers every night. I never quite understood why only my sister and mother were allowed to go into the confessional chamber. As a young boy, I was very curious to see what the inside of the chamber looked like.
The chamber seemed rather large from the outside. Built along the anterior wall of the church, it was enclosed in finished solid oak. Light would enter from the stained glass dome which topped the structure. There were no windows or other openings along the walls, ensuring complete privacy. Statues of a religious nature adorned its thick outer walls. Beautiful patterns were carefully carved into the spaces between them.
Even as a young boy, I could truly appreciate the artistry and work involved in the design, making me wish I could get to see inside.
The procedure was the same each confessional afternoon since I was a child. Just prior to the ceremony, a nun in a grey habit and veil would stand at the door of the confessional the whole time with her head bowed in prayer. When the priest was ready, the door would open a crack. The nun would look up through the crack and nod solemnly at whoever was on the other side. She would then look in our direction, and quietly motion with her hand that it was time to enter.
My mother would whisper into my sister's ear that it was their time to go with the nun into the confessional chamber. The nun then looked at my father and me. My father nodded back at her and we would both go and sit in the pews. I obediently went with my father towards the pews. But before I sat down, I caught a quick glimpse of the nun directing my mother and sister into the large confessional chamber. The door was then closed all the way.
I was far too young to know what actually transpired inside that large wooden room. And for the next half hour or so I would kneel at the pews with my father in a prayer position. But instead of prayer, my mind kept focusing on what was happening to my mother and sister every confessional afternoon. Eventually, my mother and sister would silently approach us from behind. My mother softly tapped my father on the shoulder indicating it was time to go.
As we both rose from the pew, I couldn't help but notice both my mother and sister's long, dark hair was damp and flat. Just as it was after they had taken a bath at home. Also, their church attire was not as neat as it was when we arrived. Sometimes a button would be loose or their pantyhose would be bunched up in places. This was a very easy thing to notice, as mother would meticulously make sure everyone's attire was prim and perfect before we left the house.
As a small boy, I used to imagine there was a swimming pool inside that room! Of course I knew the confessional room was a little too small to fit a whole pool.
Although my curiosity was staggering, I was too shy to actually ask anyone in my family or even at school about what happened during the confessional ritual. I guess I figured if I was really supposed to know, they would eventually talk about it in Sunday school.
Today I was a man of eighteen years, having celebrated my last birthday only two weeks before. My sister Lucy was twenty-one. She had blossomed into a beautiful young woman, just like our mother.
They resembled each other indeed, my mother being the taller of the two by only three or four inches. Along with the aforementioned long, dark hair, they both had striking green eyes. Underneath their rather conservative clothing, it was somewhat apparent that they both had very thin waists and moderately sized busts. Their legs were long but still in perfect proportion to the rest of their respective physiques.
Ever since I was a teenager, I couldn't resist occasionally thinking about what my mother and sister looked like under their clothes.
In fact, I would have been curious to see just about any girl or woman naked at the time. Unfortunately, boys and girls were forced to attend separate classes in school. I was rarely around girls in general, except of course my mother and sister. I would also see my aunts and female cousins occasionally, but that was nearly it.
When I was in the presence of other women, especially those I found physically attractive, I couldn't help but feel tremendously shy and reserved. I could not even bring myself to look at them for more than a couple of seconds before looking down at my shoes. This was because of the way my parents raised me.
Growing up, my parents sometimes lectured me and Lucy about the dangers of 'impure thoughts.' According to them, a boy must never give in to the evils of these thoughts. It was considered shameful and sinful. Giving in to such temptation would ensure an eternity of torture and pain after death.
Nudity of any kind was completely forbidden in our house, as it was considered shameful according to our family's religious beliefs. My sister and I were taught to be completely discreet around each other, just as our parents were around us. We were taught to never consciously reveal our 'private parts' to anyone at anytime. It was sinful, and because of my upbringing, I couldn't help feeling ashamed of my curiosity. But it was unavoidable.
I knew that girl's bodies were different from boys, but I had no real evidence. I, like every other boy my age I had ever spoken to, had never seen the female form unclothed.
During this time, especially in this small community, the opportunity to see a female completely disrobed was almost non-existent. And if such an opportunity had managed to come about, this community's small but pious population would surely put a stop to it immediately. I just had to accept that my curiosity would have to go unsatisfied no matter what I felt.
Since I was younger, Lucy's friends would meet with her at our house every morning before school. I felt like there was something I liked about them. Since some of them were close to my age, I couldn't help feeling especially curious about their developing bodies. As difficult as it was to admit to myself, I often imagined them without clothes on.
But I was convinced that these strange yet consistent feelings I started to feel as a teenager towards them and other women were evil. I feared the fate of eternal torture from a young age. Thus, I learned to suppress these feelings completely. As I got older, part of me wanted to challenge those beliefs instead. But the fear of consequences kept my temptations under control. That is, until I turned eighteen.
It was the first Thursday of May, meaning the Ritual of Confession would be later that afternoon. Lucy and I returned home from school, and were immediately sent to our rooms. My mother individually laid out our church attire before we came home. Since I can remember, my mother did everything she could to ensure we were always early for our designated confession time.
It was reserved just for us, after all. No two families were ever assigned to appear for confession at the same time, and no other church activities were ever scheduled. Only a few Sisters of the church and a single priest would be present in order to tend to the Ritual.
We all did whatever we could to make sure Mother's efforts went unhindered. My father spared not a second when he came home from work. He would go straight to the main bedroom and get changed from his work clothes into his church suit. He would usually be the first to be ready. He waited patiently on the couch in our living room for the rest of the family to prepare themselves.
My mother would make sure I had dressed myself neatly and properly before attending to Lucy. When she was satisfied that I was fully prepared for church, she sent me downstairs to sit in the living room with my father. She would then hurry to my sister's bedroom and help her prepare. About twenty minutes later, both would come down the stairs ready, and we would all leave together.
On this sunny afternoon, as with every first Thursday of May, I joined my father on the living room couch as we waited for my mother and sister to come down. As soon as I took a seat next to him, he turned to speak to me.
"Son," he started. "Since you were born, the Church did not allow fathers with young boys to allow their sons to stay alone while their wives and daughters took part in the Ritual of Confession."
"Two weeks ago you turned eighteen. You're now a man. There's no reason we cannot be present together as a family. From now on, starting today, we will no longer sit in the pews during our family's evening of penance. You and I will be joining your mother and sister inside the confessional chamber. We will be present to observe and also to provide moral respect and support for our ladies as every loving family should."
"Yes, Father." I responded obediently. Inside, there was so much I wanted to ask. But again, I figured if there was more I had to know at this time, I would have been told. Finally, I thought, I would at least get to see what the inside of the confessional chamber looked like. Little did I know, however, that more went on in that chamber than I could have ever expected.
Shortly afterwards, my sister came down the stairs, followed by my mother. Lucy was dressed in her loose white church blouse with ivory buttons trailed down the middle. Her silver necklace hung from her neck. She wore a black skirt which stopped just above her knee. The revealed portions of her legs were covered in dark stockings. She wore black elegant high heels on her feet. Her long hair was fastened by hair pins behind her head. Only a small amount of makeup was applied to her beautiful face.
My mother's face was equally beautiful, and didn't need any more make-up than my sister. Her facial features were sharp and angular, as opposed to Lucy's more youthful, rounder attributes. Mother wore a plain long puffy black dress. Her hair was styled just like Lucy's.
When they reached the bottom of the stairs, my father, sister and I lined up for my mother's final inspection. After our ties were tightened, collars were straightened, etc., it was time to leave.
We arrived at the church with a few minutes to spare, as usual. We approached the front of the confessional chamber, and I started to become a little anxious to see what was behind those oak walls. We paused for a second. Sister Helen, whom we have seen many times before during Sunday mass and during confessional afternoons, greeted my parents.
"Good evening." she said with a smile.
"Good evening Sister Helen." My father responded. "It is nice to see you again. I thought I should let you know that as Lucy's brother is now a fully grown man, he and I will be present during the Ritual of Confession from now on."
"That is wonderful." She said happily. "My, how much he has grown! What a wonderful gesture, supporting his sister during this Ritual. God Bless. The chamber is ready for you now."
"Thank you." My father said. He glanced at my mother. She quickly led my sister inside. My father and I followed. I took a deep breath, and entered the room with the rest of my family as Sister Helen closed the door behind us.
I always assumed the interior somewhat resembled the solid oak exterior walls. It was nothing like I imagined it! The interior walls and floor of the confessional chamber were covered in stunning gray and blue marble stone. The large clear stained glass ceiling provided full illumination to the entire chamber.
A small, white, circular basin of water was constructed into the center of the room. The whole room seemed to glimmer due to the dancing ribbons of light created as a result of the sunlight reflecting off of the sparkling water. Under the water, three large white porcelain steps led to the tiled bottom, making the basin about a foot and a half deep. About a metre to the right of the basin stood a simple white porcelain sink with brass handles.
Beside the sink was a small tray with white towels, a bronze ladle, and two vials of yellowish liquid. On the left side of the basin was a large white silk curtain, hung on a thin brass frame. Off to the far right corner of the chamber there was a wooden kneeler.
And there was my sister, facing a symbolic cross on the front wall of the chamber. Her back was facing us. A nun stood at either side of her. Sister Ruth on Lucy's left and Sister Beth on her right. I recognized them from Sunday mass, both having been part of our parish as far as I could remember. That was all I knew about them.
All three ladies had their hands folded in front of them, looking forward. My mother, father and I did the same as we all stood side by side about four metres away, quietly watching the commencement of the ceremony.
"My child," Sister Ruth began, "Why do you stand before the Lord today?"
Lucy rolled her eyes up to the ceiling, took a deep breath, and responded, "To ask His forgiveness for the sins I am about to confess." She had obviously given this response countless times, as indicated by her tone.
"Very well." The nun continued. "It is now time to bare your entire body in front of the Lord and your loved ones. You were born without sin, without guilt, and free of all material possessions. Your body will be stripped completely naked so that you may prove to the Lord you have nothing to hide in His presence."
With that, Lucy was led by the two nuns behind the white screen beside the basin. From the other side, the black silhouettes of all three women were projected on the thin curtain. Every movement was clearly seen.
It was evident that one of the nuns was in front of Lucy, while the other was behind her. I could see Lucy's shadow step out of her heels and take a small step forward. She lowered her hands to her sides and stood perfectly still, in between the shadows of the two nuns. Her shadow stood sideways from where my family and I were standing. My excitement was building faster and faster as I continued to look on with widening eyes.
The nun in front reached up and started to undo the buttons of my sister's Sunday blouse. Every sound of what was going on could be heard from where my family and I were standing.
She undid each button, one by one from top to bottom until the blouse was completely open. She then grabbed the collar of the blouse and pulled it up and over Lucy's shoulders. The blouse was released, allowing it to slide down Lucy's arms. Lucy wriggled a bit to loosen the ends of the sleeves from her wrists and allowed the blouse to fall to the floor.
At the same time, the nun behind her slid the zipper of her black skirt down its length, making a low buzzing sound as the zipper's tiny metal teeth were unfastened. The nun slid her thumbs into the top of Lucy's black Sunday skirt and proceeded to slide it all the way down her long legs. The skirt was now bunched up around her ankles. Lucy pulled her feet out of the skirt, kicking it gently behind her with her heels.
My breathing was becoming rapid as my heart was pounding hard against my chest. I could not believe what was happening.
In this brief moment, my sister was stripped to her underwear, and I was enthralled by the sight of her half naked form. If only I could see her behind the screen. I took note of every curve I could see of my sister's body.
Until now, they were obscured by her loose, conservative clothing. Her slender shoulders, thin waist, small pronounced hips, the graceful small of her back, and her long legs were all revealed to me for the first time. I never really realized until now how truly beautiful women's bodies were. But this was just beginning.
The nun behind her tugged at the back of Lucy's brassiere. After hearing a low 'snap', my sister's unclasped brassiere was whisked away from behind her. The other nun reached up to grab the sides of Lucy's panties. In one quick motion, they were pulled down from her waist, past her knees, and down to her ankles. The nun behind Lucy came around and knelt on her left side while the other moved herself over to Lucy's right.
As quickly as her panties came down, so did both her stockings simultaneously. Lucy lifted one foot, then the other, stepping out of her panties and allowing the nuns to pull her stockings all the way off. The nuns stood up. One of them started to gather all of Lucy's clothing off the floor. The other stood before Lucy with an open palm and instructed,
"Please remove all your jewelry. That includes your necklace, bracelets, and also your hair-pins."
Lucy bowed her head and brought the thin chain of her necklace over her head. She then placed it in the nun's open hand. Next she proceeded with her bracelets. At the same time, the other nun had just finished neatly folding all of Lucy's clothing and piled them neatly in her arms. It was Sister Ruth who stepped out from behind the curtain and placed the pile under the white porcelain sink. She then reached over and turned one of the brass handles, letting the water run.
Lucy was now carefully pulling out her hair-pins one by one. Her shadow now stood at a slight angle towards us. With her arms raised, she presented her entire unobstructed form to her family. What a sight to behold.
I took this opportunity to carefully examine my sister's body from top to bottom. After all, this would be the only context I would be allowed to see any woman completely disrobed until I decided to take a wife. I was excited, even if it was just a shadow.
My excitement continued to rise as I let my eyes travel from the graceful curve of her neck and shoulders and down to her pear-shaped breasts. Her breasts appeared to be weightless as they naturally perked upwards. Her flat stomach met her smooth navel which was centered between her lean, round hips.
My eyes continued to travel down her long thighs and legs and then back up to her head. She swiftly shook her head from side to side to loosen her long hair, now free of her hairpins.
Sister Beth collected the last of Lucy's belongings and placed them atop the pile of clothing beside the sink. She then walked back to my sister behind the curtain as I watched her shadow take Lucy by the hand.
The pair of black silhouettes moved together towards the right edge of the curtain. First I saw Sister Beth come out. Then my sister emerged, completely naked. My throat suddenly went dry as I examined her anatomy for the first time, devoid of all clothing.
Having already been given the chance to appreciate the shape and form of her curves, I quickly studied the definition of her soft, graceful muscles. My eyes went straight to her torso. Her small pink nipples were very erect, each surrounded by her inch-wide areolas, which contrasted beautifully with her pale skin. Her skin seemed soft and delicate, with hardly a blemish.
But there was one area my eyes could not ignore any longer. It was a part of the female anatomy that never ceased to pique my intrigue. Her pubic region was now bare and uncovered before me. Covered by a thick patch of dark curly hair, it brought much attention to itself on my sister's otherwise hairless body.
There she was, completely exposed. She had to know a part of me was enjoying seeing her in this situation and there was nothing she could do about it. Her face was flushed. Try as she might to hide it, her embarrassment was quite apparent.
Sister Beth led Lucy to the sink on the other side of the basin. Her eyes stared straight forward, as if trying to hide from acknowledging her father and little brother's presence. Once she was in front of the small sink, Lucy instinctively leaned over and splashed the running water over her face vigorously with both hands. She proceeded to quickly wash off her eye shadow and lipstick.
"Let nothing of your body be hidden as you present yourself to the Lord." said Sister Beth.
When her face was rid of all cosmetics, Sister Ruth offered Lucy a soft white towel to dry off. My sister took the towel, patted her face quickly, and returned it to the nun. She walked away as Sister Beth placed a hand on Lucy's shoulder and said,
"You are now completely naked and ready to bare your sins to the Lord. Kneel down and confess your sins, my child. May you receive your penance."
The nun pointed her in the direction of the wooden kneeler underneath a small rectangular steel grill in the corner of the room. My sister bowed her head and walked solemnly towards it. She made the sign of the cross with her hands and knelt down. A panel on the other side of the steel grill opened, but not enough to see the priest on the other side. From where we were made to stand, we were not able to see him or hear what he and Lucy were whispering.
This didn't matter, as my attention was now focused on my sister's tight, round backside, now jutting out from her kneeling position. From this vantage point, we could all see the plump outer lips of her vulva poking out from between her thighs, protected by the dark curls of her lustrous pubic hair.
At this point, my penis was fully erect, straining against the front of my church dress pants. Luckily both my parents and the two nuns were giving the ritual their full attention. Otherwise I would be quite embarrassed to have to explain my unholy bodily reactions.
My parents and I continued to stand side by side in a row with our hands folded in front. While my sister confessed her sins, the nuns kneeled on the floor before the cross on the wall and prayed silently as I leered on towards my sister's utter nakedness.
After several minutes, my sister again made the sign of the cross with her hands and stood up from the kneeler as the panel in the wall closed. The kneeler made a short creaking sound when she rose, indicating to the nuns that she was ready to complete the ritual. She stood before us all again. Sister Beth approached her.
"Have you received your penance, my child?" The nun asked.
"Yes." replied my sister in a low, shaky voice. "The Lord wishes my entire body be washed thoroughly of my transgressions. May my beloved family bear witness as I rid myself of sin."
"In the name of the Lord." Both nuns responded.
Sister Beth took my sister's left hand and led her into the sparkling basin of water in the center of the room. Lucy slowly descended the three large porcelain steps into the basin. Her right hand held onto a brass banister for support. Her feet and most of her calves were now submerged as she positioned herself in the center of the basin. Her body was now even closer to my parents and me. She faced us directly, while never looking any of us in the eye.
Her face still blushed out of sheer humiliation. She stood with her shoulders back, spine straight, and arms at her sides. I assumed that this posture was taught in order to prevent her from covering herself with her hands. I could tell though, especially now, that she desperately wanted to.
Sister Ruth brought the small tray of towels, along with the bronze ladle and two vials of yellowish liquid, near the gold tiled rim of the basin. Sister Beth took her place behind Lucy and leaned forward from outside the pool of water.
She took the bronze ladle from the tray and took a scoopful of water from the basin near my sister's knees. The ladle was carefully raised above my sister's head. Lucy raised her head a bit and shut her eyes tightly. Ever so slowly the water was poured, soaking Lucy's hair and running down her back and bum.
The sound of the water echoed loudly off the marble walls of the chamber as it splashed off of Lucy's body and back into the basin. My sister opened her eyes and bowed her head forward. The nun again bent down and took another scoopful of water and repeated the motion, this time pouring the water over her smooth shoulders and down the front of her naked body, ensuring my sister was entirely soaked.
Her long dark hair was now flat against the sides of her head and clung to the skin of her breasts. The water travelled down her front swiftly, highlighting her every curve. It flowed through her dense pubic bush and down her milky white thighs and legs. Her dark curls of pubic hair, which once stood up and away from her mound, were now pointing downwards and dripping.
Sister Ruth was positioned in front of Lucy but still on the basins' border. She took one of the vials off the tray and poured a generous amount of the yellowish gooey liquid into the palm of her right hand. She gave the rest of the vial to Sister Beth, and lathered the liquid between her palms. As Sister Beth did the same, Sister Ruth reached out. My sister instinctively raised her chin, allowing the nun access to her neck.
Using both hands, Sister Ruth started to rub the yellow soap oil into Lucy's neck and chest with quick downward strokes. She then gently repositioned the wet strands of hair that clung to Lucy's chest over to the sides of her shoulders, leaving her breasts fully exposed. Sister Ruth proceeded to rub both of Lucy's breasts simultaneously in a circular motion using the whole of her hands.
The utter softness of Lucy's breasts was most evident at this point as the nun's hands lifted them, parted them, and let them bounce. They slipped through her fingers and back to their natural stance over and over. Sister Ruth continued with Lucy's belly and navel. Sister Beth massaged the oil into Lucy's shoulders, arms, hands, and back from behind. The lather of the oil was eventually spread thinly across her entire upper body.
Sister Ruth again took the vial of oil off the tray and deposited another generous amount into her cupped hand. She then knelt down along the basin rim and tapped Lucy on her inner left thigh, indicating for her to separate her legs. Lucy complied reluctantly, allowing the nun access to her bare womanhood. Sister Ruth proceeded to wash Lucy's vulva with her fingertips, palm facing upward.
She started slowly and sensually, massaging the soap deep between my sister's dark, hairy lips. A small concentration of foam slowly became richer and richer in the area directly under and above my sister's mound. Lucy closed her eyes as her breathing suddenly became heavier. The nun's stroking became consistently more vigorous. She occasionally looked up at my sister's face.
A soft whisper of a moan occasionally escaped my sister's lips and resonated lightly throughout the walls of the chamber. Meanwhile, Sister Beth had finished with Lucy's back and started to wash her buttocks. Her fingers slipped sideways through the division of her butt cheeks, causing another patch of foam to form between her legs. She then proceeded to wash both the front and back of her legs with long, slow strokes.
Lucy's entire body was now covered in the lathered oil. Her chin pointed upwards and her chest was thrust out. Her mouth opened a little. It was obvious she was trying as best she could to restrain herself from moaning, but only managed to silence her voice to a light echoing whimper.
Lucy's panting became more rapid and out of control, and her body began to shudder involuntarily. Something was building up inside of her. She tried her best to contain it but to no avail. I watched on.
After a few moments of this spectacle, Lucy winced and her breathing suddenly stopped. Her fists clenched and her body froze. Sister Ruth rigorously continued stroking her between her legs.
I stared intently, waiting to see what was going to happen next as my erection was now pulsating hard with anticipation. In a few seconds, Lucy involuntarily let out a series of loud moans which sounded of pure and utter ecstasy. Her outcries of pleasure travelled loudly throughout the chamber.
Lucy's moans began to subside after a few seconds as her breathing started to slowly return to normal. She slowly opened her eyes and took a moment to compose herself as the chamber started to regain its former silence. Sister Ruth gradually slowed the pace of her strokes.
She eventually took her hand away from Lucy's crotch and gave Sister Beth a slight nod. Sister Beth took the bronze ladle again and rinsed Lucy's body of the residual lather. Her entire body now shined. Every detail of her naked body was defined. Sister Beth returned the ladle to the tray and grabbed one of the white towels.
As we were always taught that touching our 'private parts' was utterly sinful, I didn't quite understand what Lucy had just experienced. I could only ascertain that the innocent stroking of her womanhood during its cleansing was unavoidably blissful. I also knew that talking about it outside these walls later would probably get me into trouble. So, I just continued to focus on the matters at hand.
Sister Ruth gently placed her hands on Lucy's bare shoulders and pressed firmly, indicating for her to turn around. Lucy did so and took Sister Beth's hand with her right hand. She supported herself on the brass banister with her left. She climbed up the three porcelain steps and out of the basin, standing with her back and bare bottom facing us.
Sister Ruth walked around and approached Lucy. She took another towel from the tray. Lucy bowed her head forward. Sister Beth rubbed the towel firmly and swiftly through Lucy's wet scalp. The long, wet strands of Lucy's hair bounced up and down at the sides of her face as Sister Beth vigorously dried off her head.
Sister Ruth started to dry off the back of Lucy's body. She quickly rubbed the towel firm against Lucy's skin. She started at the top of her shoulders. She then went down and across her back, between her buttocks, down her legs, and finally crouched down to finish at her heels.
When Sister Beth was satisfied with the condition of Lucy's hair, she proceeded to work on drying off the entirety of her front side with the same haste as Sister Ruth. They made quick work of it. Soon Lucy was completely dry, with the exception of her damp hair. Both nuns returned the towels to the tray and stood before Lucy again.
"My child," Sister Beth said, "you are now as pure as the day you came into the world. Cover your nakedness and go in peace, never to give into temptation again. Amen."
"Amen." My parents repeated. The word echoed off the marble walls.
Lucy went behind the white silk screen to get herself dressed. The two nuns stood by ready to assist her. My parents unfolded their hands, which had been clasped the entire time, and relaxed their posture. I took this as permission to do the same. My mother gave me a quick glance to make sure I was okay. She looked somewhat concerned for a reason I did not comprehend. My father looked at me as well, only he was giving me a quick hint of a smirk.
My parents quickly turned around and faced the entrance to the chamber. Luckily, they did not notice my erection which had been throbbing the entire time. Only now did it begin to soften. They then spent the time silently staring at a small angel statue on the back of the confessional door. I followed suit as we all waited for Lucy to get dressed. I took the opportunity to reflect upon what I had just witnessed.
With the blushing in her face, and her inability to look any of us in the eye the entire time, it was apparent that my sister was quite embarrassed by what just happened. And I think I could understand why. I too would be devoted to complete the ritual of course, but only to make my parents proud and to absolve myself of the sins I had just confessed. But at the same time, the whole experience would have made me very uncomfortable to say the least.
The idea of having my entire bare body, which was to be kept hidden and private from my beloved family, put on display in front of them, was mortifying, especially because I would have to face them every day. All while two strange nuns washed every inch of my most intimate areas like I was a helpless child. Having my body reacting against my will to whatever they chose to do with it. I really don't know how my sister managed it all.
In a way, I realized it all added to the beauty of the Ritual. My sister did not refuse to endure this humiliating experience even though she knew both her father and little brother would be observing from a close distance away. Though overcome with embarrassment, she allowed us all to witness her in this most private and vulnerable state, giving up her modesty completely to show she had nothing to hide from the Lord.
It was a testament to her unyielding faith. In a way I admired her. I knew without a doubt my parents did as well. For that, I decided to just do what my father told me to do earlier that afternoon -- observe and respect the beauty of the Ritual of Confession. I would not ever mention it outside these church walls. Even my peers from school would never hear about it from me. I would try my best to preserve its sanctity while never forgetting my own selfish reasons for enjoying it.
After all, this ritual was to be the only time I was given the chance to see any woman under these circumstances. I could not help but enjoy it, even if I was somewhat ashamed. I knew for a fact I would feel the same way the first Thursday of every May from now on. I just had to accept it and keep it to myself.
Lucy eventually came out from behind the silk curtain, along with the two nuns. As we heard her approach us from behind, my parents turned around to acknowledge her. I did the same. She wore a sheer white satin gown which hung from her shoulders. It extended down just below her crotch and covered only the front and back of her torso. The sides of the gown were open, leaving the sides of her body uncovered. I could see she had nothing on underneath the sheet.
I just noticed now that her clothes and other belongings were still piled neatly under the porcelain sink. I had assumed the ceremony was over until I saw Lucy wearing the ritualistic coverings.
Her eyes never left the ground as she walked past me and my father and took her place beside my mother. As she walked by, the pleasant scent of lavender filled my nostrils, along with the faint hint of something I could not distinguish. No doubt this was the aroma of the soap oil used during the ceremony. They all crossed their hands in front again, so I did the same.
My mother took a few steps forward. The two nuns gathered by her sides. All three stood at the basin, just as they did when the ceremony began for Lucy. Sister Beth broke the silence of the chamber and spoke.
"My child, why do you stand before the Lord today?"
"To ask His forgiveness for the sins I am about to confess." My mother responded confidently.
"Then," said Sister Beth, "it is now time to bare your entire body in front of the Lord. Your body will be stripped completely naked, so that you may prove to the Lord you have nothing to hide in His presence."
I felt my penis begin to throb once again as the nuns led my mother behind the white silk screen.
To be continued...
Ritual of Confession - Part 2
As the Ritual repeated itself before me, I was given a chance to focus even more on the ceremony.
The silhouette of my mother's profile stood between shadows of the two nuns. Each nun faced my mother, and the disrobing began. The nun behind my mother quickly pulled the zipper on the back of Mother's dress down to the middle of her back. It made the same buzzing sound as Lucy's skirt just moments before. The flaps of the dress fell open and apart.
The nun in front pulled the bottom of the dress up passed her waist, over her breasts, and then up over her head. The dress was twisted side to side to get it passed each set of curves. The black silhouette of Mother's thin arms was outstretched over her head as the dress was slipped all the way off.
For some reason, this made me think about my grandmother undressing my mother decades ago in a similar manner. I'm not sure why, but at this moment I again became vividly aware of the beauty of the Ritual.
I knew it was just a matter of time before her jewelry, hosiery and underwear were taken from her. She would be led from the privacy of the silk curtain and forced to present herself to both her husband and children, with absolutely nothing to preserve her modesty. My penis filled with blood more quickly then when I was watching my sister. The anticipation was overwhelming.
Shortly thereafter my mother traversed the chamber towards the sink to wash off her makeup. As she leaned over, I took note of the differences between her naked body and that which was presented by my sister moments prior.
As stated before, she was slightly taller than Lucy, making her legs and torso more elongated. Her breasts were a little larger than Lucy's while maintaining the same pear-like shape. Her areolas were also a little larger but had the same circular shape. Both my heart and penis started to throb faster as I was treated to the wonderful view of another woman's pubic bush. It was just as full and dark as Lucy's.
Aside from my mother's body having about a quarter inch more fat and slightly fuller hips, bum and breasts, she and my sister looked very similar. My sister's graceful features paired with my mother's time-tested beauty made them equally beautiful in their own way.
Once her makeup was scrubbed off, Sister Beth announced my mothers' nakedness vocally, and directed her to the kneeler in the corner to receive her penance. After taking the time to confess her sins, she stood again and faced us. She proclaimed the Lord's wishes to have her body washed before her beloved family. She was led into the basin.
As with Lucy, careful attention was paid to washing every part of my mother's body. When she was completely covered with a thin lather of the soap oil, Sister Ruth lightly tapped the inside of my mother's thigh. I knew very well what was coming next.
Unlike Lucy, my mother instantly parted her legs without hesitation. She pushed her pelvis slightly forward, as if offering her exposed womanhood to the nun. Sister Ruth proceeded to rub the soap slowly between the lips of my mother's vulva.
I still didn't understand this part of the Ritual any more than when I watched Lucy go through it. But it was apparent that this part of the ceremony was routine. Every woman who entered the confessional chamber willingly subjected themselves to this treatment. I also knew that, for whatever reason, it was a spectacular scene to witness.
The vigorous stroking between my mother's legs became faster. Rich foam was starting to accumulate around her crotch, just as it did with Lucy. This time, though, I noticed the short wet 'slip and slop' sounds from the scrubbing resonating throughout the room. I was loving this. I knew I would regret it immensely every time I thought about it. But there was no denying that what was happening before me was exciting me immensely both in my mind and between my legs.
My mother's body started to tremble as her breathing slowly became heavy with panting. She raised her head slightly, just as Lucy did when she stood where my mother was. Then, my mother did something I never imagined she would do.
Unlike Lucy, my mother quickly looked down at me, my father and sister. She gave us all what appeared to be a slight grin before raising her chin all the way up to the stained-glass ceiling again. At this moment, I happened to notice that her face did not blush like Lucy's did when she stood in the basin.
Suddenly, a deep, long moan escaped her lips. It echoed off the walls more loudly than any sound I had heard the entire time I was there. My eyes widened. A whisper of a gasp escaped my own lips as my mother's long moan was followed by shorter, faster ones. I stood in awe.
She seemed completely uninhibited. It was as if she was inviting her family to enjoy the sight of her combined vulnerability and ecstasy. She continued to exclaim her joy as Sister Ruth continued washing her.
As difficult as it was to admit, I could almost sense her anticipation for this desperate release. I didn't feel this way when I was watching Lucy's body writhing in pleasure. I was simply enjoying the satisfaction of being able to see her nudity and embarrassment, even if I pitied her a little at the same time. But watching my mother let go, I almost felt sympathetic.
With the throbbing in my pants becoming more and more unbearable, it was as if part of me was craving the same kind of release. I decided I had to quickly put the thought out of my mind. I knew full well that this was not the time or place to deal with it. Nevertheless, the thought would not go unexplored indefinitely.
Although I was sure everyone in the room was focused on my mother, I still couldn't help secretly wishing that nobody was looking at me now.
My hands were clasped in front of my crotch covering a rather obscene protuberance. I can't even imagine what the expression on my face looked like. I couldn't bear to look at my sister and father, though part of me was curious as to how they were reacting to all this. Knowing, though, that this would not be the last time we would be in here, I decided to keep my attention on Mother.
I was fascinated by the rhythm of my mother's consistent groaning. It was almost like music. While Lucy decided to try to suppress her pleasure until she could not hold it in any longer, my mother did nothing to restrain herself.
After what seemed like an eternity, she suddenly let out a series of short, high-pitched screams. I almost jumped in surprise as the noises bounced off the chamber walls. Sister Ruth began to slow the pace of her strokes. Mother's panting began to slow down, and her trembling body began to calm. I'm not sure if it was because her pleasure had reached its peak or simply because she was exhausted.
She exhaled deeply and fully. Her eyes closed for a second and the edges of her open mouth seemed to produce the hint of a smile. She lowered her head down again. She gave me and my family another glance, looking each of us in the eye for a quick second. Her feelings of contentment and satisfaction were quite apparent in her face. If she had looked any longer I would have looked away. I could not allow her to know how much I loved being a part of this ceremony.
Sister Beth rinsed my mother's body off twice using the poured water from the large bronze ladle. Sister Ruth then turned her around and escorted her up the porcelain steps and out of the basin. Her hair and body were dried off quickly. With her beautiful round bum facing us, Sister Beth concluded the ritual.
"My child," she said, "you are now as pure as the day you came into the world. Cover your nakedness...never to give into temptation again. Amen."
Me, my father and my sister simultaneously responded "Amen."
Both nuns followed my mother as she stepped back behind the silk curtain. My father gave me and Lucy a quick look as we all took the opportunity to loosen our stiff postures. I looked back at him, trying my best to keep my face free of expression. I'm sure I was blushing and maybe sweating a little, but he made no indication that he was aware.
I tried to look at my sister, but my father was blocking her completely. He turned towards the back of the confessional door, so I did the same.
As I faced the angel statue on the door again, I suddenly became aware of the aroma in the room. It resembled the smell of lavender, which I knew was from the soap oil. But now I was beginning to notice something else again. Something more earthy and pungent mixed with the fragrance. I barely noticed it when my sister completed the ritual. But now it was more prominent in the air.
After a brief moment, my mother approached us from behind, draped in the same sheer satin gown as my sister. We all turned around. My mother smiled at my sister and reached for her right hand. Lucy took Mother's hand and they proceeded to walk past my father and I towards the cross on the forward confessional wall.
As they both briskly walked past me, I became vividly aware that the scent was coming from under their short gowns. Something about the ritual must have somehow caused each of their bodies to produce this enchanting musk. Otherwise, I surely would have noticed it on them before. I inhaled deeply through my nostrils, giving myself a moment to appreciate the introduction of yet another wonderful mystery of the female body.
My mother and sister both knelt beside each other on the floor before the cross. With their bodies leaning forward, I gazed upon them as they prayed several Hail Mary's. Their damp hair trailed down their backs. Their soft, flimsy gowns beautifully defined the roundness of their hips while barely long enough to cover the dark lips of their vulvas. My penis was now swelled up to its limit as I gazed between their legs. The throbbing was starting to become uncomfortable.
I was now suddenly aware of how embarrassed I would feel if anyone were to notice my bulge once the ceremony was over. For the first time since the ritual began, I closed my eyes. I started to concentrate on the voices of my mother, Lucy, and the nuns, whispering the Hail Mary's along with them. Unfortunately, after several minutes of praying, my erection only softened a little bit. But at least it wasn't as prominent as it was during the ritual.
Moments later, my mother and sister rose together. They each bowed their heads and then faced the nuns. Sister Ruth and Sister Beth presented them with their respective stacks of outer clothing, undergarments, and jewelry. My mother thanked both nuns. She and Lucy stepped behind the silk screen. Sister Beth stood along the right side of the screen as Sister Ruth stood behind her with her hands folded in front.
I could distinguish Lucy's silhouette crossing her arms in front of her and grabbing the bottom of the gown. In one quick motion, she pulled it up and over her head. My mother did the same. The shadows of their naked forms were once again projected against the curtain. Lucy handed her gown to my mother. Mother returned it, along with her own to Sister Beth. She thanked the nun. Sister Beth responded with a nod and a smile.
The two nuns walked past us towards the exit of the chamber. Both Sister Beth and Sister Ruth gave me and my father a smile and bowed their heads as they exited the chamber.
I decided to turn around and not watch the shadows of my mother and sister get dressed. Not only was the shame of enjoying their predicament getting to me, but I figured it was the only way I could force my erection to soften under my pants.
My father suddenly put his hand on my shoulder and quietly asked, "Are you alright, son?"
"Yes, Father, I'm fine." I said quietly. I could not bear to face him as I was quite shocked by what I had just seen, and did not want him to be aware of it. I tried to appear as if my attention was concentrated on the angel statue on the confessional door. He continued to speak.
"I haven't witnessed the Ritual of Confession since before you were born." He sighed. "I feel blessed to be able to support your mother and sister once again. It reminds me of when Grandfather let me join him and your uncle as your grandmother absolved her sins before me for the first time. It exists to symbolize the release of all temptation and evil. It is sacred. Remember that, son. Anyways, we'll be home soon for dinner if you're tired."
"Yes Father." I said, still focusing my eyes on the angel statue. Honestly, I didn't fully understand his words. However, I took the ideas of 'support' and 'sacred' and reflected upon their meanings. I used the ideas to further distract my mind from the continuous images of my mother and sister's naked bodies. It only helped somewhat. Thankfully, it was just enough to make my erection subside so all that was seen was a slight bulge.
By this time, I noticed my mother approach from the corner of my eye. She was now fully dressed in her church attire. She took my father by the arm. Lucy had also finished dressing. She walked behind my mother, almost as if she was trying to hide from me. I respected her shyness, considering the circumstances. I walked in front of my father, and did not look at her again. Our whole family departed the church and returned home.
The evening continued as any other evening after returning from a confessional ceremony. We all ate dinner and talked about our day. Not a word was ever spoken about the ritual itself.
Lucy seemed less shy around me from the moment we returned home. I was pleased by this. I sincerely hoped she would get over her apparent feelings of awkwardness around me, despite the events that had just occurred. In fact, I was surprised by how easy-going she and my mother acted. I suppose they were so used to the ritual after so many years, so having their male family members present didn't make as much of a difference as I would have thought.
Remembering my father's advice prior to the ritual, I decided not to bring it up in order to preserve its sanctity. What happened behind those ominous oak walls was meant to stay there. Besides, the questions I had running through my mind didn't concern the Ritual. Rather, it was how the Ritual augmented my own feelings of confusion.
Of course, as I started to grow into a man, I have had many thoughts about the women in my life undressed before me. These kinds of thoughts always resulted in my penis getting rigid. Finding wet spots on my sleepwear and bed sheets was nothing new either. I knew it was wrong. I knew they were 'impure thoughts,' as my parents would describe them while giving lectures about the family's moral standards. But try as I might, there was just no way to get rid of them.
Hours of prayer and asking for forgiveness did not make them go away. I was too shy to even talk about it with the other boys at school, even though I knew they were probably feeling the same way. I was ashamed of the evidence of my desires that my body was producing.
Thankfully, my mother never mentioned it, even though I knew she must have seen the stains all the time when changing the bed sheets or doing laundry. I would hate to have to explain to her or anyone else why my body reacted the way it did.
I eventually learned to accept it somewhat, as long as I kept it to myself. I asked for forgiveness and suppressed my curiosity. As far as I was concerned, this was enough to make it seem like nothing sinful. But from this night on, these ideas would no longer provide the relief they once did.
Having now been introduced to the female form in its entirety, my curiosity was not fulfilled. In fact, it was now more prominent than ever. School assignments and household chores became more and more difficult to complete. My concentration was never this hindered before.
Countless images of beautiful naked women's bodies flowed in and out of my mind day and night for a week. I went over each and every part of their anatomy in my mind.
I could not forget seeing my mother and sister's shadows as the nuns stripped their bodies bare behind the silk curtain. I even began to think about Lucy's friends partaking in the ritual. Before long, the excitement of thinking about my naked mother and sister wore thin. I was now facing a deeper obsession.
Since the Ritual, I fondled my penis and scrotum after saying my prayers every night. This went on for a week. I figured it wasn't really a sin as long as I only thought of it as scratching an itch or rubbing a sore muscle.
Deep down, I knew it was wrong even to go that far when touching between my legs, especially after attending Sunday mass this week. But somehow, the thought of eternal damnation did not compare to the torture of trying to suppress these overwhelming feelings.
As I played with myself, I allowed my mind to fill with naked women. Their bodies were just breathtaking. The women I imagined had no faces and no names. It was enough to me that they were just bare and willing to be observed. Though in reality I have only seen two in my life, I considered all female bodies to be beautiful, no matter what their proportions.
At first, these images would send me into a pleasant restful sleep. But my desires only continued to grow. Concentrating solely on the visual aspects of women's bodies was not enough to satisfy me anymore. I soon desired to know more.
What would a woman's hot breath feel like on my skin if we became intimate? What would her breasts feel like if I squeezed and kneaded them in my hands? Would her buttocks feel as soft as it looked as I caressed it, massaged it, and spread it apart?
I yearned to discover what lay behind the mysterious lips that guarded a woman's vulva. I wanted to gently part them. I imagined smelling it like a flower, letting its aroma flood my senses. Would it smell like Lucy and my mother after the nun's washed them?
As I went through these thoughts, one thing became absolutely clear. I could not admit it to myself before now. I used to think that as long as these emotions were suppressed they would not interfere with my life. I was wrong. Every night this week, I laid in my bed sorting through this sense of constant overwhelming desire. I decided to finally acknowledge my desperate need for release.
I'll never forget the blissful reactions of my mother's body as Sister Ruth vigorously rubbed her vulva. Although she had never admitted it in words, I just knew she enjoyed it immensely. Lucy must have as well, even if she was reluctant to show it as openly as Mother with her father and brother present.
I wanted to feel the same thing. I needed it just as much as they apparently did. For the first time in my life, I was willing to challenge my faith. It would mean defying the beliefs that were instilled in me by my parents and the church since I was a boy. I would have to disobey the principles that were meant to ensure my eternal peace and prosperity. All in the name of sin!
I did not want to resist any longer. My need was too great. It far outweighed the risk that my soul would burn for eternity. It was time to take action.
On the seventh night after the Ritual, I closed my bedroom door and took off all of my clothes. Before I put my pajamas on and prepared for bed, I sat on the edge of my bed, facing the full-length mirror beside my nightstand. I glanced down at my semi-erect penis, which was already waiting to be fondled.
With my right hand, I grasped my erection at its base with my thumb and forefinger. I worked the ring of my hand up to the head. I then wrapped my other fingers around the shaft and squeezed it as I stroked down and up again. I could feel the pulsation of my erection traveling into my palm as I continued. My erection now swelled to its limit.
The sensations were overwhelming and the pleasure continued to escalate. I wanted it to last forever. I raised my head and closed my eyes. Instinctively, I just knew this was what my body was waiting for.
I did not allow myself to hold back. It was a desperate yearning deep inside of me that needed to be relieved. Though I knew I would probably feel guilty about this sinful act later, I didn't care. The possibility that I would be begging the Lord for forgiveness over this for years was irrelevant. All that mattered at this moment was the relief I was experiencing after so many years of neglect. I continued to squeeze my penis harder and my stroking became faster.
I started to feel internal contractions between my legs in a way I've never quite felt before. Something was building up inside me. I just had to keep going. I sunk deeper and deeper into these newfound sensations.
Overwhelmed by these physical sensations, my mind now transported me from my room and brought me back to the church. Only this time, I was not in the Confessional Chamber with my family. I was standing on the wide marble altar before the pews. I had not a stitch of clothing on, just as I was now in my room. And I was not alone.
Dozens of beautiful women surrounded me. Some were complete fabrications of my imagination. The rest I recognized, even though I could not see their faces clearly or even knew all of their names. They represented the women in my life that sparked 'impure thoughts' within me at one time or another. In the past, they made me feel ashamed of myself. But this was no longer going to be the case.
I remembered them all from different places and times. There was a couple I have seen at the market while shopping with my family. There were those I've noticed amidst the pews during Sunday mass. There were also a few of Lucy's friends. This was paradise.
They were all dressed in the same satin gowns Lucy and my mother wore during the Ritual. Only these gowns seemed to shimmer. They all smiled lovingly at me as they advanced towards me. Leaving about a meter of empty space around me, they stopped.
Sister Beth was there too, represented as a younger woman with a more statuesque figure. She wore the same gown as the others. I guess part of me found her attractive after all, despite her age. She appeared directly in front of me. She opened her mouth to speak.
"Disrobe!" she commanded loudly.
In an instant, the women around me simultaneously grabbed the bottom of their gowns and pulled them up and over their heads. The gowns disappeared, and they all joined me in my nakedness.
They all had distinctive heights, skin types and hair of various lengths and colors. Each of them had a different physique and diverse proportions. Some of their bodies were petite, some were curvaceous. Some had larger breasts, some had smaller breasts. Some had rounder, wider bums while others had smaller, tighter ones. They were portrayed only as far as the limits of my imagination could go. Nevertheless, I craved them all.
In my room, I stopped and let go of my penis for a moment. With my eyes still closed, I brought my hand up to my mouth and spat a generous amount of saliva into my palm. I then resumed gratifying myself. The saliva reduced the friction against my swollen, sensitive shaft. It allowed my hand to glide even smoother against my shaft as I continued to increase the pace of my stroking.I imagined Sister Beth was now standing behind me. In my mind, her hand replaced my own as she now stroked my penis from behind. I imagined my saliva was the slippery soap oil used on my mother and sister during their cleansing. My fantasy became more convincing by the moment. It almost felt like I was dreaming. The entire church was beginning to disappear, now being replaced by an infinite sea of white mist.
The images of three anonymous women approached from out of the mist. They simultaneously started to use every part of their bodies to rub firmly against me. I was so distracted by their delightful actions that I wasn't concerned as to how they actually looked.
Two of them rubbed against my arms and the sides of my torso. The other was crouched at my feet, brushing up against my legs and thighs. It was as if they were begging me to use them however I pleased. They were offering themselves to me completely. Their six hands gently caressed my skin with their fingertips as their soft bodies continued to rub against mine.
At the same time, the other women now appeared in front of me. They began to embrace each other intimately for my sole amusement. Just as the three rubbing against me and Sister Beth behind me were pleasing me physically, they desired to please me visually. They seemed to be asking for my permission to continue as they gazed into my eyes intently. Convinced to proceed, they faced their respective partners.
Simultaneously, all the women in front of me started to kiss each other on the lips with lewd passion. Their hands fully and sensuously fondled and explored each other's bodies. They took various positions around me. Some expressed their lust while lying on their sides. Other's did it while in various standing, kneeling, and sitting positions. Some lay on top of their respective counterparts and other's straddled each other as they kissed erotically.
Their groans of bliss were loud and diverse. I was surrounded by sexual perversion and I was loving it.
The tingling at the base of my penis suddenly grew. Between my legs, I could feel my internal muscles contract tightly. Still imagining Sister Beth's hand around my shaft, my stroking was now faster than it ever was. I just knew something amazing was about to happen so long as I didn't stop what I was doing.
I was much deeper into my fantasy than ever before. Reality seemed to completely diminish. I could almost smell that same wonderful earthy musk that resided thick in the confessional chamber after the Ritual's conclusion. In my head, the sound of a somewhat familiar, loving female voice calmly echoed.
"Yes! Yes! That's it darling. Release! It's alright sweetheart. Let yourself go. Release, darling! Oh, my sweetheart! Yes!" It repeated over and over.
Without warning, the internal muscles between my legs involuntarily tightened hard, sending waves of unparalleled pleasure throughout my manhood and deep into my groin. I opened my eyes and looked down, not daring to stop what I was doing with my hand.
To my shock, a thick stream of white fluid spurted out of the tip of my penis and landed on the wood tiled floor of my room. The blissful sensations continued for a couple of seconds longer and stopped. I froze for a moment before taking a deep breath. My mind slowly returned me to my room as I waited for the beating of my heart to subside. I let my penis slowly become flaccid in my hand before I finally let it go.
My mind now basked in the afterglow of what was the most climatic sensation I had ever experienced.
I leaned over and reached towards the floor, still undressed in front of my mirror. With my fingertips, I scooped up a small sample of the white fluid my body had expelled. Feeling it between my thumb and forefinger, I recognized it's wet, sticky texture. It was the same fluid I found on the front of my pajama pants and on my bed sheets after waking up from a night of dealing with the frustration of my 'impure thoughts.'
But at this moment, I did not feel shame as I usually did when I noticed the creamy liquid. I did not feel any guilt whatsoever. My definition for the term 'impure thought' rapidly became null. The idea of hiding from my carnal desires now seemed 'impure.'
For once in my life, I enjoyed the feeling of defying the beliefs of my parents. It was my choice to do so. I was a man! I had the freedom to make choices. Whether I chose salvation or eternal damnation, it was my choice.
Deep down, I was proud of my decision. As long as I was true to myself, my decisions were no concern of anyone else. Not even my own family. The way I dealt with my feelings and emotions was normal, even if no one else understood or knew of it. Inside, I knew that this was not the last time I would explore these newfound acts of pleasure.
In the meantime, I would still go to church and say my prayers. I would still honor my family and follow the Lord's command to the best of my ability. I would still preserve the sanctity of the Ritual of Confession. I would still fear the Lord's wrath if I ever gave in to evil.
Only now, when I experienced curiosity for women I found particularly attractive, I would not treat it as evil. I would fully explore these wonderful emotions and not suppress them. Otherwise, I knew my frustration would consume me. I would not be afraid to admit my desires anymore, and when I practiced my admittance and acceptance without judgment or fear, it became my own personal 'Ritual of Confession.'
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