Chapter 28: ~ He wishes for what cannot be received - III ~
"Are you and him very close?" Hummer asked me on the side as we continued our journey, not taking any rest since Ser Vor had predicted an incoming storm not far, so wasn't it more reasonable to just keep moving?
"Hm? Me and Xi Zuen?"
He hesitated when he heard me say that, and even looked a bit embarrassed, "Isn't he your master? Why do you call him so intimately? Or is it that you... don't know...?"
I halted my steps... "I am... you can say I have a very sad past and I... am not really well educated in terms of..."
He nodded, a small smile of relief gracing his lips, his eyes were exceptionally bright, even if a dark shade of brown. "I noticed how you seemed to be lacking, at first I thought you are just uncultured or very bold..."
I frowned, listening to him.
"....but then you weren't as simple, my thoughts were more segmented after watching how you copied what your master did and you were also not confident in interacting. I wouldn't ask for reasons, but I really think you need to be taught the basics of how to conduct around with your... master."
"..."
"I... I am not insulting you! I am just saying you need to know a few things, which I think you are unaware of." He was quick to defend himself, probably thinking I was taking offence.
"You can teach me, in the duration we travel together."
Relieved to know his input wad being considered, he quickly started talking, as we both trudged behind out masters who seemed to be in deep conversation among themselves.
~~
"...and you really need to stop calling him Xi Zuen. Because," Hummer ranted, his face almost red with all the energy he was exerting for me, "Zuen when added before a name is for respect, like calling your master Zuen Ken is a show of reverence, but if you call him Xi Zuen, where Zuen is added after the first name, then it becomes a form of intimate name calling, which couples do, you know, married ones."
I blushed, looking aware from under the scrutiny of his eyes, I really wanted to tell him that Xi Ken himself had allowed me to call him like that, but then, what would it mean, was it simply entertainment for him? Or was Xi Ken hoping for something...
"Only married ones call each other like that?" My face was ready to combust for some reason.
He shook his head, "Well... not really, there are cases when family members also speak like that, or if..." he looked up in Xi Ken's direction, "if someone of high status wants to suggest that they are the same rank as the person whom they let call their name."
My eyes widened in surprise, as I whispered to him, "What would it mean if I tell you Xi Ken lets me call him that way, what would... y-you say that means?"
"I am really surprised as well, I mean my master would skin me alive if I speak to in that manner, I have seen your master also gives you a lot of freedom..."
"Freedom...? As in to speak in any manner and talk however?"
Hummer gave me a look, "No, that is there but by freedom I mean he lets you do whatever you want, have you seen yourself tugging his sleeves?"
I swallowed, "So? I only want him to listen to me so I... do that." It would be bad if the guy knew how far worse I had gone with him.
"A master never lets others touch them, in any form, but if he lets you do that then I am really doubting you, are you his relative of some kind?"
I shook my head, "Nope."
"Then I don't know why he pampers you, I have never seen him so gentle with anyone else, he even lets you make demands of him."
Those words alerted me, I remembered of the time when Xi Ken had first met me, he had been very guarded and cold. But later he changed to another person who was kind and considerate, which was rather quick.
I wasn't sure, but could he have ulterior motives? I always felt like he had.
"Raven, let me tell you a secret to how you can find out what your master thinks of you, or why he gives you so much freedom," Hummer suggested, his eyes smiling and his grin wide, "Just try calling him by his name only, no Zuen in it. Not the full name, but just Xi."
Looking at his face I suddenly felt the urge to resist, "What would I... like what should I expect, how would he react?"
"If he gets angry at you, you can just tell him it was a slip of tongue, but if he doesn't react at all, then all well."
"Wouldn't it be rude to call him just Xi?"
"It would be!" Hummer slyly encircled my neck with his arm, his grin had never been this wide, "If he gets angry, it would mean he considers you merely a disciple or someone of lower status, but if he shows no reaction at all, that means he just doesn't cares about how you behave or how you live, wouldn't that mean he is generous with you? Because as far as I know, someone as supreme as him would surely wipe out an entire clan of people if they disrespect him."
I rolled my eyes, "Aren't you exaggerating now?"
His eyes turned hard, "Do I look like I am joking? Do you not know just who Xi Ken is?"
"An almighty powerful man," I deadpanned.
"Indeed, so for someone like him, disrespect is intolerable."
"Well, then what else do I need to know?" I asked him because he looked reliable, and as a friend, he seemed dependable.
"Stop sharing food with him. Maintain a certain distance from him. Don't act childishly in front of him. Stop calling him Xi Zuen. Do not share a room with him, a master and disciple don't do that...."
~~
The next stop was a small village, the desert having morphed into semi arid terrain.
I had successfully used my energy in circulating it through my entire body, so even now I did not feel the burn or the pain.
But after listening to Hummer preaching so many ideals, I was a bit peeved. Wasn't he just asking me to turn into a frigid ice berg for nothing?
Xi Ken had no issues, but I still would have to maintain that facade to fit in, or else we would seem like couples?
Maybe I had known how shameless I had been with my emotions and bold tantrums, but it was easy to be that way with Xi Ken. He would even listen to me the more I whined.
Well the village was scarce of people, but we were welcomed by a warm hearted couple as soon as they saw the masters.
Me and Hummer decided to stay together in one room as the master were given two separate smaller units, attached to the main house.
"The mud houses are so different to look at," I mumbled to myself, in awe of the whitewashed walls and small opening to direct away sun glare. The inside was lit with small lanterns and a simple interior of rugged bedding and straw mat greeted us.
The lack of decorative products wasn't new, since I knew not much was available in harsh terrains, it was a miracle there were people living here. And humble folks who did not mind letting in guests.
"This dessert lies between the border of two regions," Hummer told me, since Xi Ken and Ser Vor had retired early into their own rooms.
"What region are we entering?"
"Lao Ren, the land of rivers."
"Sounds exciting!" I sat next to him as we both started to talk about what we would find in our adventure, and I learned that he wasn't bad at all, to some extend he was like my sister, kind but detached, humble but strong willed. He was somewhat of a gossiper as well, and his mouth kept moving as he talked and talked and talked, did not pause even for a second. Not until he was red in the face.
"Ah I am tired," I yawned, my feet hurting after all the walking, as I started to see the result of the hard work, my entire feet seemed to be red and blistered.
"Do you have medicine for that?"
I shook my head, "Xi Zuen- Zuen Ken has it."
He snickered, catching my slip, "You don't need to force yourself to adapt so fast, just go on your own pace."
I nodded, but I remembered I hadn't bathed yet and my entire body felt gritty with sand dust. "When will we have a bath?"
He frowned, "I don't know, I really want to bathe as well."
"Sleeping like this will be so irritating..."
He agreed, "I think the scarcity of water in this village doesn't lets them access a waterline every hour."
"You have waterlines here?" Wasn't that a modern world concept?
"Underground water source," he clarified.
"Oh right. Of course."
"We can ask for a washcloth and water."
"Will they give it to us?"
"...they should."
~~
After some request the couple gave us a pail of water, and asked us to utilize judiciously, as if giving away gold to us.
Well for those who did not have access to water, every bucket would count.
So Hummer went first, as I waited in our shared room.
When he came back it was already an hour late, "I am done, I divided the water into two containers, I used one, you can use the other." I noticed he was too bright for the night after his compromise shower. But that was to be expected from a bustling person like him.
"And yes, the water would be cold at night, so be careful!"
I nodded, quickly racing to get to the washroom which was in the courtyard, outside the main house. It was a bit far, but still easy to access.
While preparing the washcloth or the robes, even while shedding my clothes, I felt a sense of urgency in me, like I was being watched, and the instinct to flee was real.
At first I succeeded in wiping my legs, alert but relaxing in the cold temperature of the room, since the nights in the desert were very cold. Almost freezing in many cases.
But with time, the sense of being watching started to grate on my nerves, as if staying any longer would get me killed.
Fearing something I hadn't seen, couldn't see, I quickly stood up from place and shifted to my robes to wear them, those fresh ones which the couple provided us with.
Yet before I could even slip on the robes properly, a cold freezing breeze tickled my belly, gliding past to my shaking hands. The misty presence of white smog filling the space and I felt blinded under the terrifying opacity of the condensing murk.
It sent a sense of dread down my spine and filled me with a terror I had been accustomed to once before, it was the same feeling I had when I first went to that silent space, where mist and red strings guided me.
Letting out a scream when the water I had been bathing in turned tar black, I escaped through the door behind me, well almost did before a gust of wind forced me back inside, and in the middle of the space of which I didn't have any sense of direction in.
"Let me go!" I screamed, squatting down in a prone position, cupping my ears to turn a deaf ear to that silence that would greet me.
I knew it was different than what I had entered through, that white misty world was different, the powerless, timeless feeling I had over there was much more terrifying than the current one, but the feeling it generated in me was the same. The mist was the same cloudy white.
"Xi Zuen!, Xi Zuen," I couldn't help myself from repeating that name, crouching down lowering my head, feeling the intense presence of an aura I was unfamiliar with, an aura which was dark and evil, as if after me.
"Raven!" I heard the deep rumble, and immediately my head shot up, eyes wide open, the feeling of someone touching me and embracing me very real, yet all I could see was mist.
I cried again, struggling to get away, but the voice was back, and the imaginary hold was more solid, "It is an illusion, don't give in, try to come out of it on your own."
"...Xi Zuen?" I whispered, abruptly stopping my futile struggle.
"Yes you can hear me, good, now just close your eyes and calm yourself, you know it is an illusion."
I nodded, staring blankly at the mist, but heeding those words, I was also quick to take action, doing as was asked of me.
"Open them when you know you are at the right place."
I nodded, doing my best to fight the illusion, because I knew I was safe, with Xi Ken.
Not even a minute later, the cold mist, the dreadful feelings, everything dispersed and in front of me I was alarmed to see Xi Zuen holding me in his arms, as we both kept siting on the floor, my naked body hidden inside his robes as he hugged me, delicately caressing my back in a soothing manner.
"You are back, you are safe, no need to fear anything anymore."
His words were so very kind, as my eyes teared up and I hid my face in his chest, the black silk soft and warm, just like him.
"He snapped out of the illusion with such little help, impressive," I heard a mature voice complimenting me, and knew it was Ser Vor.
But knowing my appalling form of nakedness, I dared not to take even a glance at him, shifting further into the warmth that was Xi Ken. His woodsy scent making me dizzy, as I started to feel tired, my energy falling rapidly.
"Did you capture it?" Xi Ken asked.
"Hummer is on it," I heard Ser Vor saying with a prideful boast, although it didn't seem as if he was really enthusiastic about complimenting his own student. The situation must be very tense.
"I will be leaving then, we will talk tomorrow."
"Yes we have a lot to discuss," Ser Vor remarked, which sounded as if he was hinting at something, but Xi Ken took me in his arms as we exited the scene.
~~
I felt scared for very long, the feeling of being watched still not leaving me, but with Xi Ken with me, I was more at ease than an hour before.
Sparing a glance at the simplistic decor of isolated furniture, I came to realize we were in Xi Ken's room. And that meant we would be spending the night together again.
"How do you feel?" he asked me, as he straightened my hair and combed his fingers through them in a comforting gesture.
The lighting was dim but was enough to arouse my attention, my focus falling on Xi Ken in a reflex.
His bearing was as domineering as before, but he wasn't cold to me, so it was soothing, his calming presence next to me.
"My charm was useless," I told him, pointing at the clip on my head. "And your spell also did not protect me, I got scared," I complained.
Xi Ken didn't seem to mind though, since his smile told me otherwise, "What attacked you was a high level evil entity, they are born out of hatred and fear, and they eat upon chanters who have good soul power."
I snuggled into him to find more comfort, "Hmm, can we rest for now? I don't want to hear about those nasty things, whatever they were."
"Of course, do you want to sleep with me?"
The question burned me as if I was struck, but I knew Xi Ken did not mean it that way. "I am... not wearing anything."
"Doesn't matter to me."
My mood shifted to embarrassment. "The nights here in the desert are cold." I changed topic.
"Indeed, but I will be there to warm you up," he humored me.
I sighed internally.
There he was with the innuendo, I huffed, peeking up at him from under the cover of his huge heavy robe, "The way you speak is so suggestive Xi."
He looked like he would have replied, but when he heard what I called him, his mouth closed up like a clam. And his blindfold did nothing to hide that 'stare' one would usually give when they intended to frighten you to the core.
"S-Sorry, Xi Zuen, I... um forgot to add that, you know cuz we don't add such stuff back at my place, but I have heard that in many cultures there are some similar customs, but..." I kept on fooling around the points to hide my true emotions, which were that of fear and embarrassment.
I silently cursed that Hummer, because feeling the tense muscles on Xi Ken's body and the arms stilling around me, I couldn't make out what the man was feeling, was he angry?
Could be, because a person like him would surely not be impressed upon hearing such disrespect.
"...it was just a slip of tongue." I finished my defense statement which had been rather long winded. But my mind wasn't at rest, instead I was very unsure of what I would do if Xi Ken really took offense, wasn't he some omnipotent saint of this world?
Ah shit, I was doomed.
Definitely.
"I am not angry with you," Xi Zuen muttered, instantly making me relaxed, "But don't be callous the next time," he whispered into my ear, leaning closer until his breath tickled my bare neck, "certain people become too curious for their own good, disregarding their ranks and poking their nose in our business."
Was he talking about Hummer? "W-What do you mean?"
Xi Ken chuckled, pinching my cheeks with both hands, "I do not want you to behave like a stranger simply based on what you hear. Hummer is still young, and according to him everything is black and white. You already have some inkling on my personality, so I am asking you to refrain from acting like someone you aren't. You can call me anything you desire."
What did he mean by, 'inkling on my personality'? "Please be clear with me Xi Zuen, what do you mean?" Well I was sure, but still... unsure.
He sighed, quickly placing me next to him as he covered my body with half of his robes, the other half was utilized to cover himself, and we both laid next to each, facing each other.
The first noticeable feature of him was his lips, they were thin and carved, the proper definition of 'manly'. And his nose was straight, smooth and pale, going well with the rest of his face. "Are we going to sleep now?" I asked him, even if he didn't answer my previous question, eyeing him from under my lashes, I shivered when his palm shifted under the blanket of robe and touched upon my belly, the same place he inked me the protection charm.
"Are you tired?" he asked.
"Yes."
"You want to sleep?"
My eyes subconsciously lingered at the moving lips, and the voice which sounded so heavy and bold. "...yes."
I heard him chuckle, his palm going lower right above my... I flushed, "W-Where are you touching?"
"I have already touched you there, why so shy now?" he asked me. The dark dimness of the room shadowing his intentions.
"...b-because."
He grinned, the first time I saw him showing that expression to me, as his palms traced up towards my navel, "I inked you here."
Was that some kind of an self proclamation?
I nodded, as his palm glided over to the one on my shoulder, "And here as well."
I nodded again.
"I bought you the charm on your hair as well, the one you always touch when you are nervous... always wear even when you sleep." His finger touched the black charms, the cold chains dragging along my neck sensually with the movement.
"W-What do you want to say?"
He hummed, "And you wear the set of clothes I bought for you as well, you eat what I urge you to, you do what I say...." he caged me in his arms, licking my earlobes, "Aren't you mine then?"
Glaring at him, I scowled, "I am not your property!"
Noticing my resistance, he laughed, "I know, you will leave for your own world, but until you remain here, be there for me, I cannot resist your charms. I assure you I will pamper you until you are spoiled rotten."
I blushed, feeling my heart thumping with an unusually fast rhythm, "A-Are you... " proposing? I wanted to ask, but why would he... why would he do that?
"You are what I had wished for since long before, yet you are also the one I cannot have. For your journey solely depends on you... however I do not want to stay the same with you, I want you to be mine, at the very least until you are a native of this world. Forget the others, they are of no matter."
"Do you hear yourself?" I whispered, staring at him, baffled. Where was the real Xi Ken?
"Yes, I am fully aware of how selfish I sound, which is a surprise even for me, but, I'd rather be clear with you than force you to continue with me, knowing I would be just taking advantage of you from here on."
I hid my face in my palm, too overcome with shock to continue staring at him, "..."
"When you called me Xi today, I realized you aren't as unaware as you seem, you are fully aware of me, and my behavior towards you. That is why you got curious, and asked Hummer."
That was... correct. I had been just lying to myself thinking Xi Ken was a gentlemen, when since the day he put those inks on me, I had known he wasn't a simple character who went around doing good deeds. But he was also not a deceiver, as far as I knew.
"Wouldn't you just be trying to influence me then? So that I would stay here with you?"
He shook his head, "I wouldn't, but I will try to make sure you see this world of its worth before the time comes for you to go back."
"W-Why me?" I asked, I knew it wasn't just simply what he was saying. Because I had no charm on me, how would I even attract his attention on myself?
"Because you are a foreigner whose powers are still unknown and you are strong, someone like myself couldn't resist such good potential lying around wasted."
"You are not whom I thought you were, aren't you just a bit superficial?"
He smiled, "What if I am? But why do I seem that way to you... what if I really want you?"
I stared at his face for a while, as the sudden confession finally sunk in, my body getting warm with time. "What would others say if they saw you like this? Almost begging me to consider you?" I teased. On the outside he seemed indifferent, but he was rather expressive wasn't he?
I gasped when he caged me, under his arm, sucking on my neck and lingering on my chin, "Your shivering body easily gives in, I don't even need to beg."
"It is your world's fault, I never thought I would ever like a man before. But that doesn't means I am willing to go along with your request."
"How honest," he remarked, biting the same patch on my neck which he had sucked before. "Doesn't matter to me, for I do not give up that easily."
My voice gave away a small cry when his hand groped all over my body, leaving behind a chaos in my blood, the hot shots of sensations tingling all over.
"You were just kissing me before in the desert weren't you? You had no desire to teach me anything."
Xi Ken gave a rather hard bite, "Indeed, you caught me."
A sudden knock on the door startled both of us, as Xi Ken shifted away and sat up straight, covering me with his outer layer of robes with more care. "Ser Vor? Is something the matter?" he asked.
"Wersi Wa would be coming here tomorrow, his envoy just came to deliver the message." A muffled sound came from across.
"I will be there tomorrow."
"Then I will be leaving Ken, to retire for the night."
The stoic conversation ended, and the footsteps slowly went away. I was curious about who was Wersi Wa, but for now, I did not want to be stressed about others. Although... something else was bothering me. "Did something happen between you two?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. Both Ser Vor and Xi Ken's exchange sounded tense.
Xi Ken nodded, "He discovered your ink when you were under attack."
Oh...
Well.
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