Chapter 1: while watching stars
If I don't work I will be starving the night, Hamid replied to his friend who was questioning him, why he is not coming to school. Hamid was a boy who didn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
"Hamid go and asked the customer what he would like to take", Malik yelled at me. I went towards the costumer he looks like a well-educated person, A person I wanted to be, I amazed thinking about "how it feels to go to a school with everyone else in the lane", Traveling with everyone 2 km far from home assembling in a room full of benches with a teacher, reading many things a day, playing in the ground during the recesses, Having lunch in classrooms.
What you would like to taste, I asked the customer. Black tea with honey, the customer said, Ok sir, I reply he is wearing a green shirt with black checks on it, holding a pen in his hand. I jealously saw the pen.
Because I didn't hold a pen before. I requested him, "can you write my name in English on my hand sir", I urged him. He questioned what is my age, I think I am 12, Sir I replied. He started to look me with a newfangled expression. He just forgets what I have requested him, can you write my name on my palm, I asked him again, oh sorry. I forgot what is your name, he asked me. Hamid, I replied, oh what a delightful name you got, he said. He writes my name in English on my left palm. I feel a bit clumsy on my palm when he was writing it. Thank you, sir, I said.
I told myself no matter what, I am not going to let water touch my left hand. I carefully wash the cups, plates, and saucers without letting anything to touch my palm, I am just handling objects with my left-hand fingers. After I finished the work.
I went home watching the sunset on my way to home, Holding tea wrapped in polyethylene for me and my mother. We drink tea on a mat, It has holes in it. What is that sign asked my Mother, It is my name I reply. I proceeded towards the street light holding a rod in my hand which was lying in the middle of the path. I precisely write my name in the mud. It was a marvelous feeling to know how to compose your name in English. I learned to write basics in Urdu though. I went home walking on the Galli, it has sewers both the sides, spreading a strong smell of human feces.
I cleaned my hands to eat, "The food needs flavorings, after working the damn whole day I didn't even get good food to taste", Hamid yells at his mother with an angry expression. "I don't have money to buy spices for food. Yesterday I handed all the money to the landlord. I left with no money, do you understand". politely explained by his mother.
I moved to the roof to rest, taking with a mat and a blanket with me. It was so humid in his house because there are no ventilators and summer are getting too hot. I and Faheem an elder man stare at stars every night, he lives on the 1st floor. He sleeps beside me at the roof. Our houses is small in which four families are living two on the Ground floor and two on the 1st floor. Each floor has one toilet and bathroom. "I wish to shine like a star, the big one that you are seeing in the left," I said.
Oh, "The Dhruv Tara", he said, "yeah just like that" I replied. "I will make sure my kids will go to school and can able read books unlike me, I hope I will do that Faheem what do you think", Faheem said don't hope too high.
Hope is a dangerous notion.
"But how hope is dangerous", I questioned him, let me explain to you. Faheem said.
when we choose to hope to do things it happens, it is often born from a hope something to be better. If we are in worse circumstances, how can we get by if we don't hope for something better? Without it, it just seems so dark and empty. Hope seems like this driving force for life.
If you have unrealistic hopes, and they constantly get destroyed, then it seems hopes to bring unhappiness. It may cause you distress when you're reality does not align with it. If you live too much in hope that they become a fantasy, it can be harder to see things as they are, and sometimes the path you need to take to realize your hopes end up making learn things that change your hope.
I think hope is healthy when they're never constantly realized. it's just buried things, a hope for something better. I love waking up with the hope of a new day. I hope each day goes wonderful but still I focus on what's happening in front of me now, to make happy? A bit of hope for the future is good, but the ability to live in the present is far more important.
But Rumi said "NEVER LOSE HOPE MY DEAR HEART, MIRACLES DWELL IN THE INVISIBLE, " Didn't he Faheem. You are not mature enough to understand the teaching of Rumi. You're hoping too much out of it. Don't desire for much, it will just shatter your heart into pieces. He said.
I pretended that I have understood what he explained but deep down my heart is not ready to compromise with situations. I always believe in Rumi's teachings and Rumi said
WHAT YOU SEEK IS SEEKING YOU.
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