Chapter 158: Chapter Twenty-Four: Can You Really Still Lie To Yourself?
Throughout most of her life, Michi Fukuhara never had many friends. Thanks to her blunt personality, there were plenty that avoided her, and even the few that did try to get closer eventually gave up. It wasn't so much because they found her to be too mean, but rather, because she expected too much of them.
When it came to friendships, Michi wanted one thing above all else: loyalty. It wasn't as if she expected all of her friends to serve her, but she wanted at least one of them to stick by her side no matter what. Yet, in every attempt, the ones that claimed to be her friends would leave her, often telling her "you're being ridiculous."
And perhaps they were right. It was precisely because of this expectation that Michi had such a failing social life. But, just as she was beginning to believe she'd never find the friend she was looking for, she found Kanako. The two of them got along so well that it seemed like a dream to Michi. They would have their little spats like any other friends, but ultimately, Kanako was always on Michi's side. While she wasn't the fierce defender that Michi maybe would've desired, Kanako still supported Michi, and that was enough for her.
So when that friendship suddenly fell apart before her eyes, Michi felt extremely hurt. Of course, a big reason why it all went wrong was because of Michi herself, but she kept being stubborn, refusing to accept any of the blame. That stubbornness only served to further worsen the issue, until eventually, her friendship with Kanako, once so dependable, was nearing a point at which it would no longer be salvageable.
Having such an important relationship stripped from Michi made her more bitter than she had been before, and because of that attitude change, her other friends, Mayu and Itsuki, also began to distance themselves from her. If one only looked at the previously unified group of four, they'd think that Michi was well on her way to being left all alone.
Except, by a weird twist of fate, she wasn't. Chiyo Wakabayashi, a girl classified as a gyaru and the type of girl Michi hated the most, somehow ended up being the one to fill in the gap that was slowly growing larger as Kanako departed from Michi. She was still in pain, and would be for a while, but before she knew it, she began accepting the gal into her life.
Michi never wanted to openly admit it, but it was nice having her around. Sure, Chiyo could be annoying, and loud, and a tease, but when it really counted, she was perhaps the most reliable person Michi had ever met. Having been through her own past problems, Chiyo was sensitive to the pain Michi felt. Slowly but surely, Michi started to enjoy the comfort that the gal was providing her.
They opened up to one another, cried to one another, and while they occasionally fought (with it often being Michi's fault), the two somehow made up in the end. Understanding now how much trouble she had been causing Chiyo, Michi was somewhat amazed that the gal had even stuck around that long.
Although, perhaps it wasn't that amazing at all. When Michi really thought about it, thought about everything that had happened, it was nearly impossible to come to a certain conclusion. However, being as stubborn as she was, Michi refused to accept it as truth. To some degree, she still just couldn't accept love between two girls.
But, even if her mind couldn't accept it, her heart already had. It was that dependable organ, the one that constantly leapt in Chiyo's direction, that told her what her true feelings were. Unfortunately, stubbornness prevailed on this front too, and so Michi was left in a purgatory state. Even so, her heart could not be denied, and as if to demonstrate this fact, it had reacted in the most violent of ways upon seeing the sight it had only two days ago.
That kiss.
A part of Michi was put off by simply seeing two girls kiss, but that feeling was practically irrelevant when compared to how the rest of her felt. She felt betrayed. Ignored. Rejected. It felt like everything she had with Chiyo had just been shattered by one action. Even if Chiyo had completely valid reasons, Michi wasn't sure if she'd even be able to accept them.
When her friendship with Kanako had fallen apart, it had hurt. Despite everything, Michi had hated how things had gone with Kanako. Even now, she was slowly doing her best to reconcile, in her own way, and maybe regain some semblance of the relationship they once had.
But with Chiyo, it was entirely different. This wasn't just pain, it was pure agony. Her heart hadn't just been broken, it had been completely torn in two. And while Michi didn't dare let the words slip past her lips, she could no longer ignore why she felt the way she did.
Why it made her so happy to see Chiyo. Why it was a comfort knowing she was in the same room. Why Michi herself got so flustered when the gal got so close, and even why she found herself constantly sneaking looks at her. She would never admit it, not out loud, but the truth in her heart spoke louder and louder, and it told her one thing.
She was in love with Chiyo.
If that truth was told to Michi in normal circumstances, maybe, with time, she would've been able to process it. Perhaps, one day, she might've been able to accept it. However, due to Chiyo's cursed kiss, Michi's heart was no longer open. The moment she saw Chiyo kissing anyone that wasn't her, the doors immediately shut.
No longer did all of the memories shared matter, nor did the feelings that flowed between them. The only thing that did was the betrayal Michi felt. It drove her to want to forget everything, to cut Chiyo out of her life and act like nothing had ever happened between them. But… Could she really do that? Could Michi, who had come to depend on Chiyo for so much, throw the gal away and move on?
Of course she couldn't, and as Michi stared at a picture on her phone, it glowed brightly back at her in the dark of her bedroom. It was the night of witnessing that wretched kiss, and all Michi could do was lay there as her finger hovered above the delete button. In the picture were the two girls. Chiyo had taken Michi's phone one day before school, insisting they take a picture together. Begrudgingly, Michi had agreed, and Chiyo had snuggled up next to her. The photo that came out had the two girls' faces pressed together, with Chiyo beaming and Michi wearing an uncertain smile on her face.
Ordinarily, it was a picture that made Michi smile, but now, the only thing it brought were tears to her eyes. The water welled at the corners, slowly building up until it all poured out. Some of it ran down her cheeks, some onto the cloth beneath her, and some landed on the phone in her hand, covering the screen. Even more so, she wanted to delete this picture, but she was incapable of even that.
For all her protests, Chiyo had managed to become such an important part of Michi's life that it was simply impossible to cut her out any longer. If she tried, Michi was sure she'd never be able to recover. For better or worse, the gal was now a permanent fixture. So then, what was she supposed to do? If ignoring her wasn't an option, and glossing over such an egregious mistake wasn't either, then what?
"I… don't know…" Michi sniffled. "W-Why, Chiyo…? Why did you have to do… s-something so stupid?" She cried and cried, unable to do anything else other than that and mutter to herself. It continued, on and off, for hours, until eventually, Michi drifted off to sleep, too exhausted to cry any longer.
*****
The next morning, Michi didn't wake up until it was well-past time for her to be at school. Seeing the clock read out 10:40, she groaned. "I guess I'll just stay home today," she thought. Sitting up, she stared blankly at the wall ahead of her. "...I feel horrible…" she muttered before sliding off her bed. Looking down, Michi realized she was still in her school uniform, having not taken it off since returning. "I should probably change…" she thought, but even so, she made no effort to do that. Instead, she just shuffled out of the room and into the kitchen.
As she stood in front of the stove, she was reminded of the noisy mornings she had gotten used to lately. Chiyo was constantly coming over, and the two of them often went back and forth on cooking duties. Seeing Chiyo standing there in an apron as she hummed and chopped up ingredients was a scene that Michi had come to enjoy seeing. Now, it was nowhere to be found.
Perhaps a part of Michi had expected the gal to stop by. It may have been a futile effort, but Michi had hoped that Chiyo would maybe try to explain herself and try to patch things up. But of course, no such miracle happened. Michi knew that Chiyo understood what she had done was wrong, but because of that, she was most likely too worried to approach Michi. Then there was Michi herself, who saw no reason to go to Chiyo (in part because of her stubbornness), but also because she didn't think she had done anything wrong. And really, this time, she was right. Other than running away, Michi was mostly the victim.
It was different from when she had fought with Kanako. Back then, Michi had felt like a victim but was really more like the villain. This time though, Michi really was the one who had gotten hurt the most. As she fried an egg, she couldn't help but already start thinking back to the previous day's awful event. Her eyes began to tear up again, but she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. Michi thought she had cried enough yesterday that there wouldn't be anymore tears, but apparently, she was wrong.
After a little while, she finished making and eating her solitary breakfast. Her food had turned out rough and flavorless, no doubt a product of Michi's current mental state. However, it didn't really matter, as Michi hadn't been all that hungry anyways. Taking her dishes to the sink, she began to wash all of them, allowing the mindless scrubbing and rinsing to fill her mind for a bit instead of all of her worries.
Once she was done, Michi went over to her couch and flopped down on it. Even eating breakfast seemed to have not given her any strength. She stared at her floor for a while, trying her best to let her mind be blank, but it didn't take long for it to become filled. Then Michi tried watching a movie, which distracted her some, but she could still feel all of her worries in the back of her mind. Even going for a walk did little to help clear her head, though she did notice the few odd stares she got. Still being in her disheveled uniform and walking around in the middle of the day when one would expect a student to be in school was certainly an unusual sight.
Walking around aimlessly somehow ended up bringing Michi to Iwanai High, but instead of going in, she only gave it a brief stare before moving on. She had no desire to encounter Chiyo. None at all… Except, like many of the other things she told herself, that was a lie.
Plenty of Michi was mad and hurt at Chiyo, but there was still some of her that desperately wanted to see her. To run to her, to talk about everything and figure it all out. Maybe somehow Michi would get lucky and it would be some ridiculous misunderstanding. Then they could go back to their peaceful, ambiguous days as Michi tried to figure out just what it was she wanted.
Unfortunately, Michi knew that was impossible. The damage had been done, and all that was left was to recover. The only question was, just how were they going to do that? With the wound still so fresh on both her mind and heart, Michi truly couldn't answer that. There was no telling just how things would turn out, and that, above all, scared Michi.
She didn't want to lose her pillar of support and her best friend, but she also couldn't bring herself to go to Chiyo first. Stubbornness and desire, once in disastrous harmony inside of Michi, were now completely at odds with each other. The conflict only served to tear her apart even further, making Michi feel even more miserable than she already was.
All she could do was trudge home, the sunny sky above her an irritating contrast to her mood. By the time she got back, it was mid-afternoon. It would've been normal for Michi to be hungry, but honestly, she had no appetite as she went back to laying on her bed. "Maybe I'll just sleep," she thought. "Then maybe, when I wake up, this nightmare will be over." It was an optimistic (and ultimately pointless) hope, but one Michi held nonetheless.
And yet, just as her eyes began to flutter shut, she heard a knock at her door. For a moment, Michi decided to ignore it, but then a thought came to her mind. "What if it's Chiyo?" she wondered. Immediately, she bolted upright, rushing to the door and praying she was right. Flinging it open, she did find a gyaru on her doorstep… but it was not the one she had been hoping for.
"Yo," Jasmine said with a small wave of her hand, the thin, golden bracelets on her wrist jingling as she did. She was also still in her school uniform and the bag she was holding indicated that she had most likely come straight from Iwanai High. Michi stared at her for a moment, unsure of what to make of Jasmine of all people being at her apartment. Considering they almost never spent time together, it was pretty unusual.
"...What do you want?" Michi eventually asked. "What, not gonna invite me in?" Jasmine said. Michi sighed, having a feeling that if she said no, Jasmine would find a way to get through the door anyways. She stepped aside, allowing the gal in.
Jasmine took a brief look around before commenting. "Not a whole lotta personality in here." "Who cares?" Michi said, already annoyed. "If all you're going to do is criticize my interior design choices, then leave." "Someone's in a bad mood," Jasmine said. "Although, I guess that's kinda like, your default setting or whatever." "Did you come here just to pick a fight?" Michi asked, getting more irritated. "Sorry, guess I'm just a lil' bothered myself," Jasmine said, her eyes narrowing as she stared at Michi. However, she quickly shifted back into her more usual, relaxed expression.
Michi wasn't sure if she had ever seen Jasmine angry, but she got the feeling that right now, the gal was plenty upset. It was easy to guess why, too. "You're here about Chiyo, right?" Michi asked quietly. Jasmine looked at her, but then she looked away. "Well, you're kinda right," she said in a matching tone. "But this isn't just about Chiyo."
Jasmine folded her arms before taking in a large breath and then letting it all out in a long sigh. "Seriously, you two give me headaches…" she muttered. "I'm almost amazed by like, the fact that the two of you are even still friends." All Michi could do was avert her eyes. She knew Jasmine was right, but she also knew that it was more than just friendship that kept her and Chiyo connected. If nothing else, those feelings held them together.
"Chiyo told me everything," Jasmine said, causing Michi to look back at her. "And she explained why she did what she did. Honestly, it was kinda a really dumb plan, but y'know how Chiyo is, so it shouldn't be all that surprising to ya. Then again, ya probably haven't even heard what Chiyo has to say yet, have ya?" Again, Jasmine was on the mark, causing Michi to look down at her feet.
"I… can't," she mumbled. "I know that Chiyo probably had her reasons. I know she did. She hates Ikehara-san, so there's no way that kiss had anything to do with romance or love or any of that. But… That doesn't change the fact that it was still a kiss. She was just kissing that stupid girl like it was nothing…"
"After everything the two of you have gone through, are ya seriously still hung up on two girls loving each other?" Jasmine asked, exasperated. "God, just how much does a girl have to do to make ya get it? That none of that matters, all that does is the love part." But as Jasmine stared down Michi, she noticed something. The light coming in through the window in the living room was bright, and though Michi's face was turned down, the light shined on the red tinging her ears and the sides of her cheeks.
Ordinarily, seeing such a cute reaction would make someone want to tease Michi, but Jasmine wasn't in the mood. Instead, only one question came to her mind. "Fukuhara-san," she said. "After everything that's happened, especially most recently… Can you really keep lying to yourself?"
The implication was clear. Could Michi, who for so long had been adamantly against girls loving girls, had insisted that Chiyo was nothing but a nuisance, and who was a girl who was stubborn to her core, openly admit that she was in love with Chiyo? Or would she continue in her ways, refusing to admit anything of the sort while doing her best to keep those feelings buried deep within her heart?
Michi could only stand silently, unable to even look at Jasmine. Taking her silence as an answer of its own, Jasmine continued. "I know seeing what Chiyo did probably hurt, but the thing is, Chiyo tends to act without thinkin' things through as much as she should. As long as it works out for the person she's trying to help, it doesn't matter if she gets hurt or not. I know ya know that."
Jasmine stepped closer, causing Michi to look up a little. "So knowing that, are ya really just gonna like, hole up in here and refuse to hear her out?" "...What am I supposed to say to her?" Michi asked quietly. "Ya don't have to say anything," Jasmine said. "Just listen. After you know her reasons, then make up your mind on what you're gonna do."
"It doesn't have to be right now, or even a week from now, but sooner rather than later, ya need to talk to Chiyo. That is, if ya still have any hope of being more than just friends." At that last part, Michi's face shot up, glaring at Jasmine, but it did little to hide the growing blush on her face. "Well, that's all I really came to say," Jasmine said, seemingly unfazed. Then she began to head for the door.
"Hang on," Michi said. "You're not going to… yell at me about possibly hurting Chiyo?" "This is a situation of her own making," Jasmine said with a shrug. "So it wouldn't really be fair to like, go off on ya or something. Although, I am a lil' pissed that ya just up and ran like a little kid." Once again, Michi couldn't deny Jasmine's words.
"Oh, and a word of warning," Jasmine added. "You should really mend fences sooner rather than later. If Chiyo starts suffering in any way because of all of this, you know Chitose will show up here next. And I doubt she'll be as nice as I'm bein'. Later~." And with that, the gal was out the door.
Michi shivered. The idea of dealing with an angry Chitose was one that sounded like a nightmare. However, even with that fear, Michi still just couldn't bring herself to call or text Chiyo and ask her to explain. "It's just too painful right now," she thought. "If I spoke with Chiyo now, even I know that I'd hardly hear any of it. It would all just sound like excuses to me, and that's not fair to Chiyo either…"
Michi knew Jasmine was right, but at the moment, it felt like all Michi could do was focus on how much she was hurting.
*****
A few weeks later, summer break had finally arrived. For the third-year students of Iwanai Municipal High School, this was a big deal, as it meant they were not only that much closer to graduating, but that they didn't have to worry about attending classes as much either. The ones who had diligently attended each day of the school year so far were especially thrilled knowing that their days of a scheduled school life were nearing its end.
Although, it wasn't as if all of them were carefree. There were plenty of students still studying for college entrance exams or attending nearby cram schools (in-person or online), all in an effort to prepare for their futures. Summer break hardly meant anything to them, as all that lay ahead was more painstaking studying.
However, this did not apply to Haruna and Kanako. Haruna had decided to go to a business school, one that would teach her what she needed to know without having to pay an exorbitant price tag or getting top-tier grades to even get in. As for Kanako, she was going to culinary school, so while she did still need to study, it was of a different variety than most. Thanks to that, the two of them found themselves having plenty of free time. Ordinarily, that would've been a good thing, but lately, it was becoming more and more clear that something was amiss between the two girls.
Specifically, it was a lingering awkwardness that they just couldn't seem to shake. Haruna had been doing her best to put what happened with Katsumi behind her, but it felt impossible to just forget and act like normal. Kanako too was trying to do the same, wanting to just move on instead of dwell on the past, but it was proving more difficult than she thought it'd be. She just couldn't help but remember seeing her girlfriend locking lips with someone other than herself. It seemed like no matter how hard Kanako tried to overwrite the memory, it couldn't just be painted over like it never happened.
So the question became, just what were they supposed to do? With each passing time of the two of them spending time together, Haruna and Kanako both noticed the uncomfortable silences getting louder and the stop-and-start conversations becoming more frequent. If things continued the way they were, there was no telling how things would turn out. It almost felt like little by little, they were getting closer to what Katsumi wanted.
Neither Haruna nor Kanako believed they were close to a break-up, but the path that was laid out ahead of them surely led to that point. Knowing that in each of their hearts, they were both becoming desperate to find some way to fix their current situation other than waiting for the age-old saying "time heals all wounds" to take effect.
And yet, despite their growing feelings of panic, neither seemed to want to talk about it either. It was as if they were afraid that talking about it would make the problem more real, and therefore harder to confront and solve. So the two girls just kept trying to go about their relationship as normal, which of course only put further strain on them. By the time a week had passed of their summer break, a substantial amount of worry had grown in both Haruna's and Kanako's hearts.
On a Thursday afternoon, the two of them were sitting on the couch in the Nakatomis' living room. With nothing in particular on TV, Haruna kept flipping through the channels, pausing on each one for a bit before changing it. Every now and then, one of them would make a comment about something that appeared on-screen, but other than that, the amount of conversation being had was essentially zero.
"This is so… uncomfortable," Haruna thought as she pressed a button on the remote. "I hate this. I don't wanna feel this way around Kanako, but I just don't know what to do." Worse yet, Haruna didn't really have anyone to rely on to ask for advice at the moment. Chiyo was still super down in the dumps after what happened with Michi, and Jasmine was out of town for another week yet.
The Yukimura household had decided that they'd be going on a family vacation this summer, partly due to it being Itsuki's last year in high school, but also to celebrate Jasmine joining their family. At first, Jasmine had tried to tell them that that wasn't necessary, but it soon became clear that there was no way to convince them otherwise. So, reluctantly, Jasmine had agreed. She told Haruna all of this right before the break started, but while she insisted she thought it was a pain and unnecessary, Haruna couldn't help but notice the small smile crossing Jasmine's lips.
It was because of that that Haruna was hesitant to call Jasmine about her own problems. "I really don't want to be the one to ruin her trip with her new family with my issues," she thought. Haruna just wanted Jasmine to enjoy her trip to the fullest, so interrupting her with drama felt like a bad idea. Unfortunately, that also meant that the two gals who had become Haruna's pillars in times of need, were completely unavailable.
Without realizing it, Haruna let out a heavy sigh. Being seated right next to her, Kanako noticed. "I-Is something wrong?" she asked. Haruna stared at her for a moment. "Is she serious?" she wondered. "Obviously there is…" But even that mild irritation wasn't enough to make Haruna actually say the words. Speaking their problem into real words felt like it could be a death blow.
"No… just bored, I guess," Haruna answered. "O-Oh, I see…" Kanako mumbled. "Then… why don't we go out? We could go to Cafe Mori." "Why do you wanna go to the place you work?" Haruna asked. Kanako shrugged. "I-I don't know… I just thought it might be a good idea…" Hearing that, Haruna started to piece together Kanako's reason. "She probably wants Auntie Sara to see us so someone will finally say something about what's going on," Haruna guessed. It was definitely possible that Sara would notice the awkwardness between the two girls and call them out on it, but was that what either of them really wanted? "It feels wrong to involve someone like that…" Haruna thought.
Before she could say as much though, Kanako had gotten up and headed to her room to get ready. "I guess we're going…" Haruna muttered. After a few minutes, Kanako came back down, wearing a white blouse with a light blue skirt. "Let's go," she said, almost as if it were an order. "It's so obvious now what she's after," Haruna thought, but she still followed obediently.
*****
A change of scenery did not help. Sitting at a table for two, the calm atmosphere of Cafe Mori did relax the two girls some, but that was about it. With few others in the cafe at the moment, it wasn't much different from Haruna and Kanako just sitting by themselves back at one of their houses. And thanks to the small crowd, it was easy enough for Sara to attend to everyone.
"Well hey, look at that! Ya love workin' here so much ya just had to come by, huh?" Sara teased Kanako as she noticed the two of them at the table. "W-We just thought it'd be nice to come here as customers," Kanako said, a bit of a lie. "Guess I better be a good server for ya," Sara said with a bright smile. "So, what can I get ya?"
Having the menu memorized, Kanako was able to say what she wanted right away, but it took Haruna a minute to decide. Once she did, she also gave her order, and Sara jotted it down. "Alright, I'll get that right out for ya." But, just before walking away, she seemed to give the two girls a good look before turning around. "Yeah, she definitely noticed," Haruna thought. "I wonder what she'll say to us? Auntie Sara usually gives good advice, so hopefully whatever she says will help."
Haruna didn't want to rely on her aunt in what felt like an underhanded way, but considering she and Kanako were already in the middle of what Kanako wanted to happen, Haruna figured they might as well see what comes of it. "Still, I feel like I'll need to apologize to Auntie Sara later," she decided.
It didn't take long for their orders to come out, but to Haruna's and Kanako's surprise, Sara didn't say a word about the awkwardness between them. "Enjoy you two," was all she said as she set the drinks down before moving to another table. Haruna was confused, and as if she was looking at a mirror, the confusion showed on Kanako's face.
"What…?" she let out. "Why didn't she…?" Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but Haruna picked it up. "I don't know…" was all she muttered back. Kanako must have realized that Haruna understood what she had been hoping for, because her only reaction was a little nod to acknowledge she had heard her. Then the two of them fell back into silence, the only sounds between them being the sipping of drinks and the setting down of glasses on the wooden table. "Ugh…" Haruna groaned internally. "This sucks…"
*****
The next day, Kanako had work. With it being summer break, she was working in the early afternoon. At this point in the day, the morning crowd was long gone, but it was still too early for the after-work crowd, so no one was in the cafe. Taking advantage of the emptiness, Kanako was spraying down and wiping tables, the troubles of yesterday swirling in her mind.
"Haaah…" she sighed. Sara, who was cleaning glasses behind the bar, was able to hear her perfectly in the relative silence. "Somethin' wrong, Kana-chan?" she asked. "Maybe some love issues? I know you and Haruna-chan were super awkward when ya were here yesterday." "If you noticed, then why didn't you say anything?" Kanako asked grumpily.
Sara set down the glass she was polishing and came out onto the main floor. Opting to sit in a chair at the table Kanako was at, she motioned for Kanako to do the same. "Alright Kana-chan," she said. "Tell Auntie Sara here all about what's goin' on." For a moment, Kanako hesitated, but then she began to speak, sparing no detail.
When she finished, Sara closed her eyes and nodded a few times. "I see, I see," she said quietly. And then, without warning, she brought a chop down on Kanako's head. "Ow!" Kanako exclaimed, immediately clutching the top of her head. "W-What was that for?" "If Haruna-chan and that Ikehara-san were here, I'd do the same to them!" Sara said, as if it was in defiance of something. "I get you're all just kids, but that's all pretty outta hand, don't'cha think?"
Kanako couldn't really argue with that, so she elected to stay silent. Sara sighed. "Listen, the reason I didn't say anything before was because I figured it was probably just some teen girl spat that hadn't resolved properly. If I'd known it was somethin' like this, I wouldn't've kept my mouth shut."
"N-Now that you know, what should we do?" Kanako asked. Sara stared at Kanako. "Ya got a mouth, right?" she asked. "Uh?" Kanako let out. "Y-Yes?" "Then use it to talk to yer girlfriend!" Sara exclaimed. "Life lesson number one Kana-chan: Nothing gets solved with silence alone! I learned that from a tribe war I was in one time."
Kanako really wanted to ask about what war Sara had somehow ended up in, but she decided to keep things on track. "I-I know that," she said. "But it's scary… What if when we start talking about what happened, it causes some sort of divide between us and we can't recover?" "Don't ya see yer already halfway there?" Sara asked. "Ignoring issues, not talkin' about things… That's the real relationship-ender. If you're jealous, then say so. If ya hated that kiss so much it makes ya wanna punch her, say somethin'! No matter the size of the problem, if ya just let it sit and stew and fester, it'll only get worse, not better. I'm sure right now, Haruna-chan probably feels pretty similar to how you do right now."
Sara was right, and Kanako knew it. Admittedly, she felt a little stupid having needed to have the obvious answer said to her by someone else for her to take action. "B-But what if… the conversation gets out of control… and we say things we regret… and break up?" "Then that's that, I guess," Sara said plainly. "My poor little Haruna-chan will be heartbroken, but if that's how it goes, then there's not much you can do."
The levels of unease rose in Kanako's heart. "But," Sara said, continuing. "I know the two of ya pretty well by now, so I feel pretty confident in sayin' that you two'll be fine." "I want to believe in our love…" Kanako said. "But nothing like this has ever happened before… can we really survive it?" "The only way to survive is to try, Kana-chan," Sara said. "So as yer employer, I command ya to go home and talk it all out with my adorable niece!" "I-I don't think employers give actual orders like that," Kanako said, causing Sara to laugh.
Going to the back to change, Kanako came back out, said her goodbyes to Sara, and then began making her way home. A thousand thoughts felt like they were running through her mind as she tried to figure out the best way to talk to Haruna about how she was feeling. She tried scenario after scenario in her head, and before Kanako realized it, she had arrived at her destination.
Instead of going to her own house, she went one over, knocking on the door. After a few seconds, it opened, revealing Haruna on the other side. "Huh? Kanako?" she said in surprise. "I thought you were supposed to be at work." "M-Mori-san sent me home…" Kanako said. "I told her about everything…" "Oh…" Haruna said, averting her eyes. "Was she mad?" "Yeah, but it seemed like it was directed at everyone," Kanako told her. "But she made me realize something. This whole time, we've been ignoring a pretty big elephant in the room."
Kanako took a step forward. "We're stuck, Haruna," she said. "And the only way to move forward is to face our problems." "...Right…" Haruna said, understanding what Kanako meant. Really, while their relationship wasn't going to make any more notable progress until they were at least graduated from high school, it was clear to the both of them that the best they were doing currently was avoiding the problem and running in circles.
"So let's talk, Haruna. Let's both say everything on our minds, no matter what it is."
"Okay."
And so they did. The conversation started out basic enough, but as it went, the back and forth grew more heated. There were times where one was yelling at the other, times when they both agreed, and even a time or two when they cried. Inevitably, more minor issues got slipped into their main discussion, causing things to grow even larger. However, both Haruna and Kanako felt it was necessary. Better to get everything out in the open rather than leave anything unsaid.
As it turned out, their conversation went for hours. By the time they finished, both of their voices were somewhat hoarse, and it was nearly dinner time. "...So now what?" Haruna asked. That was the key question. After everything that was said, just what was the state of their relationship now? Kanako stared at Haruna for a moment, then wiped the remains of a tear off the corner of her eye.
"Do you still love me?" Kanako asked. "Of course I do," Haruna said. "Even after the things you said, there's no way I wouldn't." "I feel the same," Kanako said, a small smile on her lips. "So I guess we don't have to worry about breaking up after all."
Haruna slumped back in the chair she was sitting in. "Thank God," she said in relief. "I was really worried there for a second." "I-I have to admit, I was too," Kanako said. "I-I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." "I'm sorry too," Haruna said. "But it's good we were so honest with each other. Now we'll be able to actually work on things instead of just pretending there are no problems." "Yeah," Kanako said. Then she stood up. "Shall I make something for us to eat?" "Sure," Haruna said.
It was now clear to the both of them that they had a long way to go in many aspects of their relationship. But, they were both in agreement that as long as they always faced their issues, the future would remain bright.
*****
Unfortunately, not everyone's romantic futures had sunny days ahead. Michi was still thinking about what Chiyo had done as she tried to reconcile it with her own feelings. She kept everything to herself, never speaking a word to Chiyo all the way to what was now more than a week into summer break. Of course, thinking all by herself wasn't going to get her anywhere, but unlike Kanako and Haruna, whose relationship was clear, Michi didn't have the luxury of open honesty.
A part of her felt immature for not just sucking it up and talking to Chiyo, but another part of Michi felt like she just couldn't handle it. "I really don't want to say something I'll regret…" she thought. "But who can I even talk to? Can I talk to someone? It's not like I really understand what's going on with me anyways…"
Although, there was one person that Michi kept thinking of, though she felt like it wasn't right for her to go to that person. "She might be able to help, but after all the things I've said to her…" Michi thought. "Would Kana-chan really be willing to talk to me about one of my own problems?" It was a question Michi had asked herself numerous times already, and each time, she just ended up brushing it off and deciding it wasn't a good idea. However, each time she asked, she wondered a little more if maybe it would be fine after all.
"...What do I have to lose?" Michi finally asked herself. Having reached the point of being sick and tired of having no answers aside from the ones she gave herself, Michi gathered up her courage and decided she'd go to Kanako's house. She considered asking Kanako if she could come over, but Michi decided she'd leave it up to fate, an unusual thing for her to do. "For some reason, with Chiyo being involved, it feels like doing it this way makes the most sense," Michi thought.
Having so much free time meant that her driver that her parents forced upon her also tended to be stationed outside of her apartment much more often. As she left, he tried to offer her a ride, but Michi staunchly refused. "How many times do I have to tell him to stay out of my business?" she muttered bitterly.
*****
"M-Mi-chan?" Kanako sputtered after opening the door. "Hey," Michi said, trying to sound casual but failing. "W-What are you doing here?" Kanako asked. "Can we… talk?" Michi asked back. Kanako stared at her in surprise for a moment, but then her eyes narrowed. "Mi-chan, if you're just here to tell me I shouldn't be dating Haruna, then-" "It's not that," Michi said, cutting her off. "But… I guess… it does involve your… relationship with her."
Confused, Kanako decided to let Michi in. Kanako sent her upstairs, made some tea, and then brought it up with her to her bedroom. Once it was served, the two of them sat on the floor. "So what about me and Haruna did you want to ask about?" Kanako inquired. Michi was quiet, seemingly unsure of where to start. "Is it… really okay that we talk like this?" she suddenly asked. "I mean, our friendship…"
She didn't have to finish that sentence. Kanako knew what Michi was getting at. "Well, you're already here," Kanako pointed out. "And the fact that you came here on your own tells me that maybe… we're really on the right track. I-It's felt that way to me, anyways."
Nodding slightly at Kanako's explanation, Michi decided to ask her first question. "How did… you know you were… in love… with Endo-san?" If Kanako had heard that at normal speed, she probably would've choked on her tea, but thanks to Michi's halting speech, she was able to take in each part of it.
"W-Why do you want to know that?" Kanako asked, curious. "I-If you don't want to tell me, that's fine," Michi said, taking Kanako's question as a sign of avoidance. "I can answer it," Kanako said. "B-But it's a little embarrassing…" "Embarrassing?" Michi repeated. Kanako took a sip of her tea, then set her cup down. "The truth is… I fell in love with Haruna when she got hurt last winter."
"Chiyo and I were sitting in the waiting room, and I started thinking about Haruna and how close we had gotten. Maybe I knew it somewhere in my heart before then, but it was at that moment that I realized I was in love with Haruna. I think I'll always feel a little bad that it took her getting injured for me to figure out my own feelings though."
"And you just… accepted it? Just like that?" Michi asked. Kanako shook her head. "It wasn't as if I didn't question it at all. I'd never fallen in love with a girl before, and for that girl to be Haruna was even more surprising. Although, I guess it also made sense that it was her, considering we grew up together. Still, it was definitely a lot to take in, but once I realized how important Haruna had become to me, that I wanted to have her be more than a friend or a best friend, that I wanted to do more with her… that I needed her… That's when I could accept it. Once I understood that, calling those feelings love was the only thing that made sense."
Michi sat in silence as she processed what Kanako had told her. Looking at her face, Kanako could only guess at what was going through the girl's mind. It seemed like Michi was equal parts confused, unsettled, annoyed and… happy? It was perhaps the most bizarre mix of emotions Kanako had ever seen a person display. Wanting to understand why Michi had such an expression, Kanako decided to ask about it.
"Mi-chan… is there a reason why you're asking about me and Haruna?" "Huh?" Michi let out, as if surprised by the question. "Ye…n-no… not really…" "...Is this about Chiyo?" Kanako asked gently. Immediately, Michi's face took on a shade of red. "W-Who said anything about that stupid jerk?!" "S-Sorry, I just figured that if you're asking about love-" Kanako said, but saying that only stoked the flame even more. "L-L-L-Love?! T-That has nothing to do with me and…a-and t-that bimbo!" Michi cried. "It's not like that! There's no way it could ever be like that… It isn't… it's not… uuuu…"
Tears began to pour down Michi's face as she brought up her hands to try to hide it. "Hic…snf…" "Mi-chan…" Kanako said quietly. At first, she was unsure of what to do, but in the end, she decided Michi was still her friend and someone in need of comfort. Kanako wrapped her arms around the crying girl, causing Michi to flinch, but it was only a momentary pause.
"K-Kana-chan…" she sniffled. "W-What am I supposed to do? A-After she… t-that kiss…" Truthfully, Kanako could see similarities between her situation that she had just had with Haruna, and now Michi's. However, Kanako also understood that their relationship was much different than her friend's. On top of that, Michi and Chiyo were such different people that it was hard to say how a conversation would go. Kanako knew how stubborn Michi could be, and she knew how self-sacrificing Chiyo could be. When she put those two things together, it didn't seem like the end result would be a happy ending. "Then again, they've managed to get so close even despite all of their differences, so maybe it would work out somehow," Kanako thought.
Soon enough, Kanako was able to get Michi to calm down. "S-Sorry…" the girl said shyly. "It's fine," Kanako said. "Lo… what you're feeling can be hard, Mi-chan. Honestly, I don't know if anybody really understands their own feelings all the way." "If that's true, then how could anybody be in a relationship?" Michi asked. Kanako thought for a moment, then answered.
"I think it's because we don't fully understand that we need another person in our lives. It doesn't necessarily have to be someone you're in love with, it could just be a friend. But, when you are in love with someone, it just feels like they can see things about you that you can't. I guess you'd call it an outsider's perspective, but specifically for the heart. Because they're a part of your life, they can help you to understand the feelings that you never entirely could."
Michi seemed to be taking the time to take in every word Kanako had said. Finally, after about a minute of silence, she stood up. "I need to go think about all this," she said. "Y-You're leaving already?" Kanako asked. Michi nodded. "I don't know if it seems like it, but you just helped me clear some things up. Although, there's still a lot I need to figure out…" "W-Well, glad I could help," Kanako said.
Michi headed for the door, but just before she left, she turned back to Kanako. "Thanks for the help and the tea… We should… try hanging out again sometime…" Kanako's eyes went wide at that suggestion, but she quickly broke into a big smile. "Yes! That'd be great." And with that, Michi left.
It seemed that changes both big and small were on the horizon for Michi, and it made Kanako a little excited to see how everything would turn out.
End of Chapter Twenty-Four.
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