Chapter 4: Erstwhile
It was the beginning of autumn when they first saw each other. Like a typical love story where a woman walks in a path and happens to bump into her significant other. Of course, it was accidental to make it more romantic. They are like in a world of fairy tale, where love always blooms in an unusual way. So, the protagonist walks by in the path she is clueless of. Because of that, she didn't notice a man approaching her who happens to be also absorbed in his surroundings. And then the spark happens; they bumped into each other. They fell to the ground, butt first. At the right moment, their eyes laid on each other. It's like they were stuck in the moment, they didn't move. They just stared at each other like the world suddenly centers between the two. They fell in love at the first sight. They couldn't utter a single word nor tried to make a move. Somersault messing their stomach with the help of butterflies. But the woman saw something fell off the man's pocket.
"I'm sorry." The man apologized, the woman on the other stand didn't know what to stay, still in a trance. The man decided to help the woman to get up by offering her a hand. The woman accepts it and felt the electricity surge through her entire body and was sure the man felt it too.
"I-It's alright, not that it was a real accident anyway. Hey, you dropped something." The woman blushed and pointed the object behind the man. The man followed her gaze and picked up the item and quickly put it back in his pocket. After that, they just stood there, not knowing what to do next. The woman just fidgeted with her fingers, biting her lips. Meanwhile, the man just looked around as much as possible to avoid eye contact with her.
"Thank you. My name is Jason, Jason Knight." The man suddenly blurted.
The woman didn't expect to tell his name but she took this as a hint.
"I'm Roxanne, Roxanne Young," the woman sheepishly said. Jason laughed at her antics and reached his hand out.
"Let's go for a walk?" and Roxanne would gladly take those hands but she had an important event to attend. "I'm sorry, I have an event to attend today and I'm going to be late."
"Oh, is that so? It's fine, can I get your number instead?" he said with those puppy eyes. Roxanne couldn't resist those eyes so she gave her number. Jason thanked him and promised to call her. Roxanne enthusiastically nodded as she waved her hands. "Yeah, I'll wait for it!"
Jason really did call right after the event she attended, she was shocked at first but eventually accepted the call and their tale started from there. Weeks of knowing each other turned to constant dates that lasted for months and they finally became together. From then, they frequently saw each other. Days on each other's home, to play or just the two of them in a bed, telling stories and such. If there is a chance, one of them will sleep over to their house.
This is also the time when Jason found out that she has been living alone. looking at the seemingly empty home, devoid of any sign of life except the girl with her. he can't help but not ask. "Why?". The eyes that met his is just as empty.
"My parents died in a car accident." There was a moment of silence until he felt a hand rubbing his arms. Shouldn't he be the one doing the comforting? His lips tightened in shame. "I'm sorry."
"It's no one's fault" she smiled, eyes soft and understanding. "Took me a while to understand that but that's just how it is." He can't help but smile, intertwining his fingers with hers. "and how do you cope?"
"You don't" she chuckled, and it was also empty. "You just get use to it."
Determined, Jason decided to always be there for his girlfriend so that she could experience the love she never experienced from her parents. One time when Roxanne slept over at Jason. Both are squeezed in a tiny bed of him, they are still in their college but both are already graduating. The room is dark but at least they have each other's presence. Jason with his left arm snaked on Roxanne's waist and the latter's right hand laid on top of his chest. She could feel the steady breathing of her lover that makes her lulled to sleep. She was about to close her eyes when Jason spoke.
"After college, let's get married."
"That was quick," she muttered, but a smile was already forming on her lips.
"But you like it." Jason laughed; Roxanne pinched his arm in return.
"Hey, that hurts." He cutely pouted, like a child snatched a lollipop from him.
"Such a baby." She rolled her eyes.
"Only for you." He winked. They tickled each other to death until they are both tired from the happiness. They are facing each other, obvious look of fondness seen on them.
"I'm serious. I'll marry you after college. That's command, I'm not asking for it. Understand, soon to be Mrs. Knight?"
"You are so cheesy that it makes me puke."
"Ha, soon you'll gonna wear that ring."
"Ah, yes you told me before. That ring."
"Yup, it's kind of tradition of the family. Do you want to know the story behind it?" Jason said.
"I wanna hear it."
Jason told her the story of his great grandmother. It was a gift for her 10th birthday by her Papa. Her papa said to her that she should always wear the ring because when he is not around, the ring is still there to remind her. It was a little subtle at first but the young grandmother is to oblivious on what her papa is saying. After that day, her papa just vanished in a thin air, he didn't even leave her a note or anything. He just completely disappeared until she heard the news that her papa ran away because he stole something from his work but she knows that her papa is not a bad person or she is just too naïve to notice everything.
Years passed and she met someone whom she found as her equal. They married after and she used the ring as the wedding ring. Though their married life didn't stay the much longer when she found out that her husband is cheating and one time caught them. To her anger, she filed a divorce and had a fight with her husband. The next day, she found that her husband had gone away, no single trace that can track him. She cried and lamented on all the hurtful things she said to her husband. He must have run away with his mistress but her children said they didn't even see their dad ran away and they never saw him after that. Because of this, his great grandmother decided to pass the ring to her children as it reminds her only the painful memories she experienced with men, like her papa and her husband.
"That was some deep shit," Roxanne said.
"I know. But do you think it's real or my papa just make this one up?"
"I don't know and I don't care."
"Neither do I."
After they finished their college, Jason proposed to Roxanne in a fine dining restaurant in downtown. It was just a nice quiet meal with all the important people that came witness and shared their journey. The day where he promised her a lifetime and she, in tears, said yes.
They got married 3 months after their graduation, as Roxanne walked up to the altar, her soon-to-be-husband is waiting for her. they shared their own vows and can't help but to cry. Mark gave the ring to Jason and slid it Roxanne's slender finger.
"It's beautiful," Jason muttered.
"Yeah, look it's glowing." Roxanne smiled fondly in return. "You are right, it even looks more beautiful."
Jason's family is happy for them, although on the side of Roxanne's are dead, she brought her friends instead. They started to plan for their future as they look for a big and nice house that could fit a family. 13 kids, perhaps? They toyed around with the idea. Roxanne smiling at how playful her husband is to suggest it.
Once they bought the house they wanted, which is similar actually a modern type. A two-story house with a balcony on front and a garage. The whole house is painted in black and white but the latter is the most dominant one. The walls inside the house are mostly painted in grey which adds to its modern ambiance. There are total of 4 bedrooms on the 2nd floor, a basement, L kitchen, and spacious living room. They started to decorate the rooms first, the two rooms are for their babies, the one is for guestroom and the last one located at the back of the hallway, is the master's bedroom. of course, the day won't end without a fun so when they are decorating the last room, splash of paints are already on their clothes and faces as they chased each other in a tiny little room. They sprawled onto the floor as they catches their breath, both staring at the ceiling. They hope that this happiness will last and there are no obstacles that could stop them.
Not until they visited the doctor for the result of their check-up. Roxanne couldn't conceive a child when they tried it almost every night. The world crushed down onto Roxanne's shoulder as she saw the result of their report. She is barren. She cried and ran outside the suffocating room. But she heard Jason calling her name. Jason managed to grip her arms and hugged her. Roxanne continuously cried as she punched Jason's chest in disappointment and frustration.
"I'm so sorry, love."
"It's alright honey, it's alright. I still love you."
"I'm sorry I can't give what you wanted.".
"Sshh, calm down now. We could always adopt a child honey." From then, she didn't reply instead wailed onto her husband's chest.
Weeks after the result, their relationship started to deteriorate. Roxanne's behavior became aggressive and unpredictable too, she is often angry at many things, sometimes they are unreasonable. Jason tried to calm her down but she didn't. In the end, Jason just let go of her and walked outside their room which hurt her more. It is her own fault; she is too sensitive and emotional. She knows that but she can't help but to feel angry, to feel angry for herself. Now she is affecting her husband. After some few moments of reflection, she decided to apologize to Jason. That night, she hugged Jason from the back when he came back to the room. Apologizing repeatedly for her behavior. Jason can't withstand seeing his wife like that, he accepted the apology and made love that night.
They got back to their normal routine but it is not as cheerful as before. Mostly they talk about work and such and nothing follows. They do whatever they want to do that no one cares if the other is not going home tonight, and that's how exactly what happened to that day. When Jason didn't come home. Roxanne tried to contact him but his number only redirects her into his voicemail. To her anger, she smashed her phone and went to the garage. She entered the car and drive right through her husband's work. When she entered the premises, a bucket of cold-water washes all over her body as she cannot believe what she was seeing, it was her husband with another woman. He was kissing her like the way he kissed her under the sheets. Jason suddenly looked at her way and immediately detached herself from the woman. The woman was shocked at first but when she turned her back, she saw Roxanne with a tear of betrayal from her eyes and her knuckles going white. Roxanne hurriedly left the building and instantly climbed on her car and went back to their house.
"Why did you do that?" Roxanne said in tears when they are in the kitchen. They just got home and Jason quickly followed her.
"I-I… Honey I'm sorry."
"No! I thought I am the only. Why Jason? Why?"
"Honey I-"
"No! answer my goddamn question!" Jason didn't reply after that, he looked down the floor and bit his lips, controlling not tell those hurtful words.
"Answer me Jason! Answer me you fucki-"
"Because I wanted to have a child!" he finally snapped.
Roxanne halted from her words as she stared unbelievingly to her husband. "What?"
"I'm sorry Roxie, it's just that I wanted a family. Okay?"
"You are so low Jason. I can't believe you."
"I'm sorry honey, I'm sorry."
None of them spoke again after that, they just stared at nothingness, calming the tense atmosphere. A few moments later, Jason breaks the silence. "Let's split up."
"What?"
"Let's file a divorce."
"No. No no no."
"Roxie-"
"NO! You will never leave me!" Roxanne went up to their stairs and to their bedroom. Jason followed her quickly and was shocked when he opened the door. There she was, standing beside the bed, a gun to her jaw.
"If you would just leave me at the end, then I would have just died!"
"Roxie, no don't do this."
"What are you going to do Jason? You said it, I cannot give a child or a happy family. But did you consider my feelings too? Did you ever ask how am I feeling when I found out I was a barren and that I could produce a fucking happy family? We both want this Jason but did I said we should split up?" Roxanne choked in between tears.
Jason finally realized everything. He was so insensitive, quite ironic. Too oblivious to his wife's agony. What jerk of a husband he is, but he already made his decision. He really wanted to have a family, a child of his own blood. If this is the way that he could have one then he should accept its pain and suffering but he knows after this there will be a great tomorrow. He knew he would hurt Roxanne for the rest of her life; he will make her miserable. That is why he will forever regret this decision. It hurts for him too but he felt he has to do this.
"I'm really sorry Roxie. I'll call our lawyer tomorrow-"
"I see, you don't consider my feelings at all. You are a jerk Jason. You are a fucking jerk, I regretted meeting you at that park. If only I could go back in time, I will definitely walk past through you!" She was about to pull the trigger when suddenly her husband is right in front of her, trying to snatch the gun away from her but she is too determined so she fought back until a bang was heard. She saw how Jason's eyes began to shut down as he looked at her. those stares of love and regret is reflecting on his eyes. He fell down the floor, blood on his chest. Those once vibrant blue eyes turned into distant ones, looking far away in nothingness.
"No…" Roxanne only uttered as she cupped her mouth with her hands. She felt a wet sensation on her hands so she looked through it and, in her horror, it was blood. Jason's blood. She tried to wash it away but she couldn't. Jason's body is becoming colder and she didn't know what to do. She didn't even call the police nor the hospital. Her mind blanked. She laid down on the bed, her mind is completely destroyed. She heard a siren outside their house, maybe some concerned neighbor heard the gunshot and reported it to the police. Roxanne, on her final moments, regretted everything and she just wanted her husband back and a twinkling blue light in her hands.
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