Chapter 61: Part LXI.
"Fortification?" I ask a little bit optimistic, "is that possible?"
"Well," she gives a somewhat defeated look and sighs, "you're human."
"What does it matter?"
"I don't know, honestly" she answers, "every other ruler wasn't human, they had powers and were only made more powerful after being fortified. It's like wood added to an already burning fire to intensify it and now that you don't even have a spark, I'm clueless as to the point of the ritual."
"But I do have a spark," I say, finally accepting the so much evident truth I've been trying ignore, "my hair turned black."
"True." She gives a half smile and looks at my hair but soon erases the smile from her lips once she notices me looking at her stare. I know my hair turned black for a reason and we'll find out alongside every other hidden thing.
"Who was the last ruler before Sean?" I ask after a few seconds, hoping I didn't bite more than I can chew.
" Crystal," she shifts in her chair uncomfortably, "you're to ask questions pertaining the kingdom now, who ruled and didn't rule doesn't matter."
"But it does," I counter, "I need to know the history incase I'm asked anything or need to make any decision for the kingdom. I don't want to stray away from the pattern that's been laid down."
"Read the rule book, I'm sure you would learn alot and won't stray."
"Now that you're hiding it," I look into her eyes, "I'm starting to get really curious."
"Don't let your curiosity get you entangled in a web you can't get out of."
"Trust me Zara," I smirk, "I'm already entangled in a web, a really nasty one."
She holds eye contact with me and I don't waver, looking directly into her eyes without blinking until she finally yields and rolls her eyes.
"Sean's parents." She sighs, "now that's the most I can tell you. I already said too much."
Why is it such a big secret that his parents ruled? And parents? I've never heard of his father and for some weird reason, I never stopped to think about him. His father never crossed through my mind. So, both his parents were omitted from history. But why?
"Why did you ask?" Zara brings back my attention to her.
"Nothing really," I lie, "it just crossed through my mind." Yes, I wanna tell her what I read and why I asked but I can't. She's nice and helpful but I can't trust her, not completely.
"Are you sure?" She asks again.
"Ofcourse," I smile, hoping she doesn't figure out I'm lying.
"There's something I've been meaning to ask you." she says and leans in close then take my left arm but I pull away before she can get a good grip.
"Relax," she scoffs, "I won't hurt you. I'm just curious."
"About?"
"Your scars."
My eyes widen and my heart skips a beat at the mention of my scars. I always wear long sleeves to cover it up but I didn't think I was going to leave the palace today so I settled for a small top. I knew I was too casually dressed for a queen but I didn't change in something else because I thought it was safer since I wouldn't draw attention to myself.
"You did those to yourself, didn't you?" She asks and I look everywhere else but her eyes. Feeling really exposed and ashamed. I can see myself sitting in a puddle of shattered glass with one shard in my hand, pressing against my soft skin bleeding and smiling, happy for the pain.
"They're ugly." She announces and my wandering eyes find her, settling on her eyes and looking for the humor in them but finding none.
"Yeah," she chuckles mockingly, "they're a symbol of your suffering but also a symbol of your pathetic weakness." My breath becomes hot as tears starts to form in my eyes, "it's better you hide them. They're shameful."
"You don't know anything about me Zara." I say with so much anger and she looks a bit surprised.
"You're angry that I say the truth." She scoffs "I won't lie to you because I don't want to hurt you, I'd say the truth even if it'd kill you. I don't know anything about you? Well, that's true but not completely. I know you now and you wanna know what I think? I think you're a coward, a weakling, a burden. You don't deserve to be queen with all these traits."
"Is that it?" My voice breaks at the end although still sounding furious as I wipe a tear that spilled with the back of my palm quickly, "are you saying all this because you don't want me to be queen?"
"No," she says without any emotion on her face, "I'm telling you what the people would say when they see it. No." She shakes her head, "I'm telling you what the people would say when they see the way you carry it with your head hung low."
"No one has the right to say anything about me. No one knows what I've been through!" I yell and stand up, sprinting towards the elevator and head downstairs before she can meet up.
Finally in the privacy of the elevator, I allow the tears come out to play, her words hurting me badly. It hurts this much because I know it's the truth. I'm weak and a burden, always hiding under the skirts of people for protection and never for once did I fend or fight for myself. I hate these scars. I hate my self.
Soon enough, the elevator doors open and I head out, ignoring Jana's calls as I run as fast as my legs and pain would let me out of the library and into the streets.
"Watch it will ya!" A voice says angrily, walking away and that's when I realise where I am, I'm alone in the middle of the city with people everywhere.
Okay, this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have let my anger control me. This is bad. This is really bad. I should probably go back, but there's no way I'd get there safely.
Trying to calm down and think, I rid my face of the tears and take deep breaths. It's dark already but there are street lights brightening up the place making it easy for them to notice me. Looking around, I notice a path that isn't so illuminated and seems desolated as no one walks through there.
That's my safe spot. Quickly, I hide my chain in my shirt, hoping it isn't visible as I walk quickly towards the shadows, feeling a little at peace once I'm there but still on edge. Walking in a normal pace to avoid suspicion, I get closer to the palace by each step when suddenly, I see someone coming towards me from the shadows and my heart triples it's beating pace, my forehead becomes sweaty and I slow down my pace.
The person gets closer and I see it's an elderly woman, carrying some grocery bags that looks too heavy for her in one hand and a walking stick in another hand.
My body relaxes a little at the sight and I have an urge to help her out but desist from it as she walks slowly beside me, going peacefully on her own.
Thankfully she didn't see me and even if she did, she's probably too old to recognise me.
"You there." Her gentle aged voice from behind stops me from going any further as I freeze, praying it's not me she's talking to.
"Who are you?" She asks again and my heart almost explodes in fear but I smile and turn around, trying to act like a normal citizen.
"Ma'am," I say smiling, "you should head on home now, it's getting pretty late."
"Ma'am?" She chuckles and drops her stick and bag on the ground, "I'm not that old."
I frown and before I know, she stands up straight and becomes even taller than me, her hair starts to straighten out long and her wrinkles disappear.
Before my very eyes, she transforms into a young lady and I turn around in utmost fear ready to sprint away but before I can do that, I feel a very hard hit at the back of my head and my body weakens as everywhere turns dark.
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