Chapter 3: Overflow
Synopsis:
Where Sabaku no Gaara's feelings for Uzumaki Naruto overflow in such a way that controlling them was not only impossible, but necessary.
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I have carried chaos and discord since my birth, when the weight of my existence led to the death of my mother at the time of delivery. Since then, I have been neglected by my father, the Yondaime Kazekage, and isolated from the affection of my older brothers, Temari and Kankuro. Not only because I was a murderer, I suffered; I kept within me the spirit of a sneaky and sneaky demon, Shukaku.
I was isolated from everything and everyone. The children did not play with me, for they were afraid that my sand would wrap their necks in a silent act of fury. The adults looked at me from afar, pejoratively and filled with hatred, while whispering horrible words about me. Being a Kazekage's son didn't change anything; noble or not, I was a jinchuuriki.
A monster.
I grew up feeding the hatred of others in my being. I believed for years that living immersed in the very loneliness that was my existence would be the only way to survive amid the chaos I created. I killed dozens of people in cold blood in my moments of lack of control; one of the victims, my uncle Yashamaru, had tried to kill me on my father's orders. Knowing that my own parent wanted me dead was the culmination.
The spirit of the sand completely overwhelmed me - I let him do it. The line between my complete sanity and madness was too thin to be differentiated; Shukaku and I were one. Everyone distanced themselves from me, even my brothers feared me, and I did nothing to change their opinion. To fear me, to hate me, to stay away from me. I would be the killer monster forever, wouldn't I?
Why be the opposite of what they said?
That was what I believed in until something changed. I met him. Suna, my village, betrayed Konoha in a surprise attack along with the renegade sannin, Orochimaru. My part of the plan was to summon Shukaku amid the chaos of the finished Chuunin Examination, in order to destabilize the village and decimate it from the inside out. Everything was going as planned. I no longer felt control over my own body, I didn't even know what I was doing, I just wanted the destruction and death of anyone who stood in front of me - including that of Uchiha Sasuke, someone who thought he was avenging, but like his hatred multiplied reached the feet of my bloodlust.
Disconcerted, listening to Shukaku's ecstatic whispers, plunged into thoughts and frustrations. That was how I was, that I was. That was when I felt a literal thud; I woke up. Not only did I open my eyes to face him, but I also realized my reality. He gave me a notion, a reason, to live - not to survive, as I always did.
And so my feelings for Uzumaki Naruto overflowed, the hyperactive and hollow-headed ninja of Konoha overflowed. The only gennin who was able to overcome me, to open my eyes, to make sense of my fateful existence. He understood me.
Only a jinchuuriki could understand the pain of his fellow man.
I saw in those blue, shining eyes my safe haven. Naruto has always been my opposite, with his own brilliance and gentle smile, enchanting everyone with his charisma; I, cold, introverted and somber, making people fear me with a single glance, felt that I was not worthy of his full attention. But he is like the sun, always wanting to distribute his rays to everyone. He enlightened me.
I exceeded expectations and took over as Kazekage after my father's death. I came to be loved, respected, and desired by many, many. I had finally overcome the barriers that pushed me to rock bottom. He had found me. My desire was to share such happiness with the one who illuminated me, my sun, my safe haven, the only one I loved more than myself.
However, Uzumaki Naruto never loved me as I loved him. In our conversations, however close we were, the subject was always the same: Uchiha Sasuke. I have never been so jealous of the Uchiha, the false avenger, who, with his erroneous and unbalanced precepts, took all the sunshine and used it as if it were nothing. I watched Naruto fall because of a one-sided feeling that was never reciprocated. I saw the Uchiha's surrender after almost killing my sun several times. I felt my heart break when I heard that the avenger had finally accepted him.
I remained silent during the official union between the sun and the moon, because I was a simple star in your system. Naruto was the center, with its majestic brilliance, that unconsciously propelled me close to him; the moon needed light and no one better than the star king to save it from the darkness. They were opposites that complemented each other.
There was no room for me in that solar system.
I was alone in the midst of my cries, feeling the feelings for the brightness of the sun overflow in such a way that I could no longer control them. I loved Naruto and his constant light, but I was overshadowed by him. I was left with the tough decision to walk away while the sun and water built their happiness in your isolated system.
If Naruto was happy, I would be too. Because the happiness of the shining sun would always be placed above that of the blinding star. No matter how much my feelings overflow, I would repress them, even if it hurt me more than anything.
The smile of the sun was my reason for living, my port; however, I would only be able to stay alive if I stayed away from its dangerous glow.
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