Chapter 38: Dinner & Diatribes (2)
I sighed.
"I… I choose to spend my time here out of my own volition, Brother, where I could have all the privacy and freedom I've always wanted, away from everyone's prying eyes. I am able to learn so many useful tricks here, priceless things that may one day save our lives. And most importantly, I learn control."
I glanced around from the corner of my eyes and lowered my voice, a smug smile tugging the corner of my lips. "You've seen how the kids ignored me, right? Well that's because I put a subtle illusion around myself to make them not notice me, kind of like background noise. Neat trick, huh? And it only requires a small amount of chakra too. I bet you didn't even notice it."
Instead of being impressed, Sasuke gave me the look. "Brother, we've talked about this. Your behavior isn't healthy. I thought you were getting better..."
"I am! Look, I know that I might seem paranoid or irrational or even crazy at times, but I'm just preparing for the worst. I don't want the repeat of what happened during previous incidents. I hate being powerless just like you hate being powerless. It's idiotic to be completely unprepared when I know very well that bad things are going to happen—"
"Kami, this argument again—"
"Because you always refuse to listen!" I screamed.
I jabbed my finger at Sasuke's chest and without command, blades of grass surged and wrapped around the boy's calf, effectively trapping him.
"You are so desperate for an illusion of normalcy that you'd ignore everything in front of you. I know you think me crazy, but you have seen what I'm capable of, all the things that I could create and the stuff of nightmares that follow my every step. I know you're scared but so am I, Sasuke! Why is it I'm the only one who is treated like a freak?!"
Unaffected by my tantrum, Sasuke lifted his hand and gently poked my forehead. "Because unlike you, I don't push my clearly deteriorating body into the brink just so that I could attain more power to defeat some imaginary threats. Unlike you, I don't make my parents and brothers worried sick with whether I would suddenly stop breathing in my sleep. And unlike you, I think about how my actions would be reflected onto my family, how I could deeply hurt them because I don't know when to stop. Are those really too much to ask from you, Hideyo?"
I was not expecting the tide of conversation to turn into this and have my rebuttals and counter arguments blasted from the tip of my tongue. With just a few sentences, Sasuke already made me feel like the world's biggest asshole. That, and the jumble of disappointment, hurt, and confusion that oozed out him through his spiritual energy.
Way to go, Hideyo.
Just keep on ruining your family, why don't you.
Pinned down by my brother's pleading eyes — eyes that I've seen shine with love but also not an inconsequential amount of hurt — I rapidly blinked my gross tears away and released Sasuke with a flick of my hand.
Stupid baby feelings.
"I'm sorry, I… I can't deal with this right now. Sorry."
I stalked towards the forest line, ignoring Sasuke's calls, and spread my senses into the ether, soaking in the suffocating miasma. Just like before, panic and apprehension instantly filled my whole being, so intense that I ended up heaving into the undergrowth. Blood started dripping down my nose, making me feel light headed. Shivers crawled down my spine and my instinct screamed at me to runrunrun—
Another wave of terror hit me like a train, this time making me double down in pain and causing unbidden tears to trickle down my glassy eyes.
My God, ninshū is a bitch.
I collapsed and curled by the bushes. With half a mind I wiped my spit and blood with my sleeve. My sweaty hands tightened my jacket around myself, my slight frame trembling horribly despite the warm weather.
"Shinju…" I rasped. "Shinju what's happening? What is this… this feeling?"
Tree branches slithered up from the undergrowth and curled menacingly around my chest, settling right beneath my jaw, licking my blood clean.
"Death, Master."
I inhaled sharply and whispered, "You will protect me, won't you? You'll never leave me alone to die."
"Only the universe could rip us apart."
I nodded faintly, feeling a surge of primal fear towards my companion but at the same time also terribly humbled. "Good… that's good."
With pained breath and a resolute mind, I issued my next order. "You know what to do then."
Shinju quickly sank and disappeared into the ground, its voice soft with glee. "Until then, Hideyo-sama."
I released a shaky breath.
My skin felt numb and clammy, like I was stuck inside a bubble, a haze. I could faintly feel Sasuke's hands on my face, his childish voice calling my name.
In my mind's eye I could see a swirling mass of energy in the distance, filled with so much malice the likes of which I've never felt before. The chakra quickly grew into ten, hundreds—no, thousands of its original size before condensing into something massive.
Seconds later, unearthly roar laced with an incredibly potent chakra reverberated throughout the wind, cracking the orphanage's windows and stopping everyone cold.
The roar was more than just a sound. It felt terrifying and powerful, overwhelmingly so. More than that, it felt… evil, paralyzingly evil.
Breathlessly, I laughed in terror.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone