Chapter 16: Look At Me
~Reid~
"Not now, Claire."
I rubbed the towel through my hair.
"He's important to you, isn't he?"
I stopped.
"...Please, just drop it." I pleaded.
"Why?"
"Because it doesn't matter anymore."
"Bullshit!" Her voice echoed throughout the spacious room.
I threw down my towel, frustrated.
"I messed up, Claire! I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me now."
"What do you mean you messed up?"
After an explanation of this morning's events with Nolan, Claire's face was buried in her hands. She sighed.
"Reid... this looks kinda bad..."
"I know."
"Like you threw a tantrum because you couldn't get laid."
"...I know."
Claire leaned back into the couch.
"But, obviously, that's not what really happened."
"Of course not! I just..." I trailed off.
"Hm?" Claire questioned.
"At first, I immediately thought he rejected me. I eventually realized that may not have been the case. That maybe he just wasn't ready yet... but by then I had already left... and I'm too embarrassed to say anything to him."
I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the side of my head as Claire whacked me.
"Ow??"
"Quit the self-sabotage. You're ruining something that could be beautiful because you're scared. You're sending him all the wrong signals... you really are too awkward for your own good."
"I know."
I sat down on the bed.
"So... what are you gonna do about it?" She asked.
"I don't know if there's anything I can do. I must look like a total douchebag in his eyes now."
I fell back onto the mattress and covered my face with my arm. Images of Nolan's beaming smile began filling my brain. The feeling of his kiss, the safety of his arms, the way his face turns bright red by the slightest tease, they all took over my thoughts.
I really screwed up.
"...You don't." Claire spoke up.
"Huh?" I looked up from under my arm.
"Nolan doesn't think you're a douchebag, I don't think he ever did."
Claire walked over to the bed and flopped down, opposite of me. Her feet laid next to my head.
"Then again, I'm not Nolan, so I can't really speak on his feelings but... usually when you don't like someone, you don't say that person makes you happy."
She poked the side of my head with her toe.
"Wait, did he really say that?" I questioned whilst shoving her foot away.
Claire shrugged nonchalantly.
"Who knows."
Was it true? In the short time we've known each other, was I actually able to make him happy?
I let out a long sigh, a hopeful smile made itself apparent on my face... maybe I didn't completely ruin everything.
"Did you decide what to do?" She asked.
"I... don't want to give up. I won't give up. It may take some time, but if I can be by his side, then it's... worth it... I think."
I hid my face under my arm, embarrassed. I can't believe that guy has me saying something so cheesy.
"...Well said."
I could tell by Claire's voice that she was smiling. Rather than teasing me, she understood my sincerity and took my feelings seriously.
Slowly, I rolled over until I was laying on top of Claire.
"What the- REID! Get off, you giant! I'm gonna die!"
Claire began to flail from under me, trying her best to free herself from my weight.
"...Thank you," I muttered. She stopped her flailing instantly.
"Uh... no problem..."
When was the last time that I thanked her? She's been my rock for so long, I wonder if I've ever properly returned the favor...
I felt her arms wrap around me and awkwardly pat my back.
"This is..." I trailed off, uncertainty in my voice.
"Yeah, no. Too weird." Claire released me from her uncomfortable bro hug.
"Agreed," I rolled off of her.
"...You want tacos?" She asked.
"Yes, please."
~Nolan~
"All done?" I asked Griffin, who was wiping the sweat from his brow.
"Yep," he shut the van's hood. "It's a miracle this thing ran for as long as it did without new parts, you know."
"Yeah..." I bowed my head in shame, I couldn't admit that the bar wasn't paying me enough to get the parts in time, plus my living expenses.
"I'll pay you back for the parts, I promise." I wiped the grease from my hands with the rag.
"I keep telling you, you don't have to pay me for these kinds of things - you're my buddy."
"Not paying you back, it feels wrong..." I shook my head.
Griffin chuckled, "alright, I'll put it on your tab."
I leaned against the van, my gaze stuck to the ground, unwavering.
"...You wanna talk about it?" Griffin lit the cigarette laid between his lips.
"Talk about what?" I fiddled with my thumbs.
Griffin rolled his eyes before getting himself into the driver's seat of the van.
"Look, I may not know what it's like to like another guy, but I'm still here to listen, always."
He turned the key in the ignition, and the engine turned over smoothly, "don't forget it."
I smiled, slightly embarrassed.
"Yeah, yeah, I won't. Thanks."
The sound of Griffin's ringtone suddenly began to play throughout the parking lot.
He pressed the phone to his ear, answering it.
"Hello?... Yes, we're all done... yeah, okay. See you in a bit."
He hung up.
"Claire's gonna meet me down here while you and Reid pack your things," Griffin explained.
I looked up at the hotel, my eyes wandered trying to find the area where the honeymoon suite was. Which was our window? Which balcony was ours? Where's the room that I got to know him in? That we first kissed in? That we laughed in?
I don't want to go.
"We're really leaving, huh?"
"...You guys weren't even supposed to be here in the first place." Griffin's words snapped me back to reality.
I made my way for the entrance, without a word, dismissing his comment.
After all, even if things are messy right now, I'm so glad my van broke down in this parking lot.
I made my way into the lobby and passed Claire, who strangely gave me a thumbs up?
I took deeps breaths in the elevator, with each step towards the suite, my heart rate quickened.
I don't want things to stay like this.
How can I explain it to him?
I stopped in front of the door, the keycard in my hand.
Just as I was about to enter, the door beeped, unlocking.
Reid opened the door with his bag thrown over his shoulder, but once he saw me, he froze in his tracks.
"Hey."
"...Hi."
I cleared my throat nervously.
"Did you get all of your stuff?"
"Mhm..."
Reid's gaze wouldn't seem to reach mine, it's as if his eyes refused to meet my own.
He began to walk away but instinctively, I grabbed onto his hoodie, stopping him.
"Reid..."
I didn't know everything, I wasn't in his head. However, I knew Reid well enough to have a good idea of what he was feeling, and I knew it was guilt.
If he were truly mad, he wouldn't look as torn as the boy in front of me does right now... and he also wouldn't be the kind of guy that I had grown feelings for so quickly.
I knew from the bottom of my heart that I had made him feel rejected, justified or not, I blamed myself.
"I'm not... I'm not mad, okay?" My voice was soft, almost inaudible.
The silence of the halls was all to hear.
"Please, Reid, look at me."
I watched as Reid's head fell even farther to the floor, waiting.
"...I'll see you in at the van, okay?"
I quietly gasped as my fingers let go of his hoodie, letting him walk away.
His voice...
...Was he crying?
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