Chapter 19: Penance
Day 1
Morning
"Hey girl, my dad insists I pray to you for the next ten days 'cause I did that thing... with your statue... You know. So, I guess you'll be hearing a lot from me for the next while. I was hoping he'd forget but he didn't and here we are.
I'm not really sure why I'm explaining all of this to you... I guess I don't really know how much you already know. Like, are you omniscient? Omnipresent? Are those even different things? Do you even get these prayers or is all of this pointless?
No answer. Not surprised. Let's just do this.
I'm 'so sorry' I disrespected your holy, divine self. Have pity on my soul."
Night
"Well it's night of day one and I'm back, here at my bedside, monologuing to possibly no one. I got my parents to talk today... I think it went really well, they seemed closer at breakfast- or at the very least it didn't feel like all of the air was being sucked out of the room like usual so things seem to be looking up. I was thinking today about us, you and me, since we're now being forced to go on this ten-day journey together. Was what I did to the statue too much? I don't know... I met you once for a moment seven years ago, I realize it's a long time to hold a grudge.
You didn't really even do anything to me that I should be angry about. But you were a jerk. You have to admit that much. I was in a very vulnerable place when we met and you treated me like a dead mouse your cat left on your pillow- believe me, that was the last thing I needed at the time. I resented that, and so I resented you. I'm sorry I guess."
Day 2
Morning
"I'm sorry again that I defaced the statue but you know, it was more like a prank than anything else since the paint isn't permanent and will continue to fade so I hope we can move past this together."
Night
"I suppose I am thankful for this second chance. You didn't mean to give it to me but you did so you are still my saviour in a way. I have a pretty great new life with a fully functioning body, it's all I could ask for. In fact, it is all I wanted on my last few moments on Earth. I thought about you today when I went on a morning run. You're the reason I get to still do that.
Actually, I got more from you than I ever asked for. I have my brother now. Eden's the best. My parents are kind of ideal in a way too. They don't breathe down my neck or stop me from doing the stupid things I want to do like non-negligent parents would. This would be horrifying if I was actually seven but I'm not so this is a good set-up I have going on here. Man, my teen years are going to be awesome. There is so much I'm going to get away with.
They're getting along better now too which is nice. They practiced ballroom this morning and I actually saw them taking a walk in the gardens today which was pretty cool. Everyone took notice, it's kind of a big deal. So yeah, thanks, and sorry."
Day 3
Morning
"Sorry once again for defacing your statue."
Night
"WOW ten days are a long time huh? I beg forgiveness for my transgressions. Good night."
Day 4
Morning
"I put some more thought into our relationship again. I think the root of why I never respected you was because I thought it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard that you were planning to win a war with a Japanese video game for girls.
Like, you clearly had all of Earth's resources at your disposal and what did you pick up? Machiavelli's "The Art of War"? A journal of Napolean's? I don't know, my eleventh grade history essay on WWI and II? It might still be in my mom's house on a USB shaped like a wiener dog if you want to read it. Although maybe you'd be better off raiding Sarah Turner's house... she got an A in that class and I sure didn't. Anyway, my point is that you clearly didn't research a solution that hard.
Girl, I don't understand you.
Also, while we're on the subject of 'girls', WHY, in a world where God is literally a woman, and it was the women who were made in her image, are men still in charge? Food for thought."
Night
"Okay, sure, you are absolved. I remembered today after 'talking with you' that God-logic has always pretty wacky so on the grand scheme of things, what you've done is pretty tame. I read your writings and you know what? I was impressed. The God from the bible I had to read as a kid made some real WTF decisions in his early career. I.E treating whole civilizations like they were temporary etch-a-sketch drawings to be erased and re-written over and over. I also think I remember him once turning a lady into a pillar of salt for some reason...
Your scriptures have nothing about body mutilations or human sacrifices so really, you're more reasonable than pretty much all the Earth Gods. If the worst thing you've ever done is come up with a G-rated solution to a massive war on humanity, that's pretty alright. So sorry for all the animosity..."
Day 5
Morning
"We're only half way now and I've run out of thing to talk about. Why ten days anyway? It's so arbitrary. Anyway, sorry again."
Night
"Today a rat got into the manor and I said 'OH MY GODDESS!', without even thinking. Maybe this daily talking thing is working. Before this, I refused to call you my Goddess. Actually, I guess it's supposed to be disrespectful to say your name in vain... but it was progress for me okay? Anyway, sorry for that, sorry for the statue. Sorry for all the past badmouthing. I hope we can be cool."
Day 6
Morning
"Mother and Father are leaving for the ball today. So I guess I'll take this opportunity to pray for their safe passage. They're not going to sea or anything but still, can't be too careful. Also sorry again for the statue graffiti. It feels weird repeating myself over and over so I think I'm just going to end prayers now with SFS- Sorry for Statue."
Night
"So they left, I think they'll be gone a few days. Mom went wearing this STUNNING Sibharian dress and I'm really proud of the progress she's showing and how she's really reclaiming her culture. We stan a Sibharian queen. She seemed happier. She definitely LOOKED better. Casselian dresses don't really suit her. Maybe it's just because she doesn't feel beautiful in them, it's hard to say. Anyway, SFS."
Day 7
Morning
"We've been at it a week now, you and I. Today's going to be a good day. I got my 'dance studio' back now that my parents are gone. I've finally worked up to practicing gymnastics with props- Ribbon and ball mostly... Although a leather ball doesn't have the same weight and bounce as a plastic one. The ribbon was pretty easy to make- I attached a ribbon to a stick. Boom. Done. The roof of the house is pretty high but not high enough for some of my moves so I do practice outside sometimes in good weather. Even though this body doesn't know the movements, I'm picking it all up pretty fast. I have the knowledge, just not the muscle memory. It's fun doing all this stuff again. So thanks again for giving me this time to reclaim myself. SFS."
Night
I spent part of the day with Eden. We went to town, played with the neighbourhood kids... the usual Sunday thing. He didn't make me study today too which is great. He's such a good boy. Confusingly so? Are kids supposed to be this mature? The prince was like that too... It's kind of weird that there are all these boys around the same age right now that are all that once-in-a-millennia kind of incredible. Like what is with this generation? Gwen's brother is looking like he's going to become 'the best swordsman' the kingdom has ever seen and I hear there's this crazy genius sorcerer boy running around somewhere... Luther is way too charming and wise for his age. It's as unnatural as his brother's beautiful cherub face. Oh right, I just remembered why I was doing this: SFS"
Day 8
Morning
"I think the birthday party festivities start today, so I guess I'll pray for my parents again. I want them to have fun. When was the last time they got to have fun? They're probably my age when I died and that's depressing that they live like their best years are behind them. SFS"
Night
"Another great day, even though the first half was spend in lessons and locked in the library studying.
I went to town... your mustache is mostly faded off. It rained pretty heavily last night which helped. There's some stubborn paint sticking around the contours of your lip but it looks more like Shego from Kim Possible's lipstick than facial hair so that's cool. You might know that I've been playing physiotherapist around town recently. Today, shockingly, Old Man Gengunhuber came up to me and asked for help. He's pretty prideful so even though I always knew he had a bit of a limp, I didn't think he'd ever come to a 'brat like me'. So Eden and I went into his house. I expected the place to be a mess but it was military clean and completely filled with old swords and different war trophies. I had heard he had been in the army.
It also turned out he didn't just have a limp.
Do you know what a Lagerstätte is? I dated this guy for like, a month, back when I was Meg and he was super into archeology. We did a road trip to Utah because there were a bunch of them there and that was his idea of a hip vacation. I kind of dumped him after that...
A Lagerstätte is this place where an entire ecosystem of different types of fossils gets preserved in rock. I think that's the perfect metaphor to describe Gengunhuber's body. It's a friggin' Lagerstätte of old, poorly recovered battle wounds. It is horrifying. I don't even know how he's still alive. Medieval wars are pretty gruesome aren't they? It really brings home the reality of what is going to happen in a few years. He's definitely the toughest patient I've even taken on. Forget all the weird fused muscles from battle wounds, his joints are a mess from swinging around a broadsword. There is nothing ergonomic about that kind of mad-dash, survive-at-all-costs swordplay.
I feel like this prayer time sort of turned into more of a series of diary entries than a 'begging for repentance' but I'm all out of unique apologies so SFS."
Day 9
Morning
"To think, if he had just said a week, we'd have been done with these prayers a while ago... I can't even tell if you're appreciating any of this or if you find me annoying.
It's early, I'll keep it short. SFS."
Night
"Eden and I visited Tommy's family's farm today. Tommy is this kid we've been playing with for a couple of years now. It turns out his property borders the twin's family's farm too so we all ended up hanging out. Officially, the visit was for Eden to help them out with some accounting thing for the farm or something (?) and for me to check out his dad's shoulder issue. Unofficially, I wanted to pet a cow. Well guess what? I pet that cow. It was a good day. It is more often a good day than a bad one. So thanks for dropping me here. SFS."
Day 10
Morning
"Our parents should be coming home today. So I guess I'll pray a second time that they have a good travel back. On another note, can you believe it's the last day of these prayers? It felt like a pretty long but also short time. I hope it helped mend our relationship some. I had thought it was going to be pointless at the beginning because it wasn't going to be sincere, but we really turned a corner here. Also note that although I was told I had to do this, no one monitored me to make sure I followed through the whole way. So this wasn't entirely forced.
Can I ask a favour? Even if you still don't like me, please bless me with magic. It doesn't have to be cool magic or anything, any magic would suffice. It's not that I feel like I need it for anything, but it's really important to my family and that's why I made this effort in the first place. My parents aren't the best at parenting but they're really good, well-intentioned people. My brother... is one of the best things from both of my lives. I never realized how amazing it would be to be a 'we' and not a 'me'. It's great to wake up and think 'what are WE going to do today?' I like that our names always come together, like when people say 'what mischief are Young Master Eden and Young Lady Briar up to today?' We're Briar and Eden, part of a pair. So thanks for giving me a chance at new experiences too in this second life. SFS.
Night
"Mom and Dad are back...
They heard some exciting news at the castle.
Eden has officially been selected as Prince Luther's aide.
He'll be leaving next week...
I guess he won't live here anymore.
I thought we'd have more time.
SFS."
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Espeonix
Espeonix Geez I don't actually have notes this time but I wanted to put something here because I like talking to you guys. :) Thank you so much to everyone reading and supporting. It really means so much. Knowing that there's people out there who want to read these random plotlines twisting around in my head is what motivates me to continue to write them out and share.
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