Chapter 15: EIGHTEEN

"Something they wouldn't understand, I remember distinctly. As if it were earlier today, I remember the exact moment we experienced intimate relations. You inquired about whether or not we anywhere would have always had the chance. You stated that you will provide his contact information to us. As if being one of sixty to understand would have been enough to convince myself, sufficient gratification to break my single commitment about myself. What a privilege. You requested, "If I may put a little bit somewhere inside oneself?" and "You may tell me to halt if you don't need to do it," and I never indicated I gave you the right to do just what you did. What a laugh. I also recall how restrained you were with me. I also stood in the front of you with my legs crossed.I'm unable to move because you're blocking me from doing so. How painful "just the edge" had already become, and how afraid I has been of taking action. What a wonderful concept. I remember telling you how uncomfortable I was and yelling Stop, and you saying how happy you were when it was over. I was taken aback by what you said because you sounded so satisfied with yourself. "Does this mean you'll foot the bill for my lunch tomorrow?" When I left, I felt disgusted, violated, and guilty. I told myself that losing my virginity while having sex was all my fault and that I was not to blame. How perplexing.