Chapter 4: Training
Over the next week, the Levisquad was absent, so I just helped where I could. While they were on a supplies run, I was with Hange's squad, tilling soil and planting vegetable seeds near the forest. Erwin told me the squad would be back in a few days so all I could do is wait.
I wasn't really worried about them. I was mostly tired of digging and playing in the dirt like a child. It totally isn't because I asked Petra to keep an eye out for energy drinks for me. Nope, not that. My arms up to my wrist, were caked in cold mud and it was raining, which made it worse.
I was wearing basketball shorts and a cut off, so I was starting to feel the chilly mud seep into my arms and legs. I've dealt with worse conditions but that doesn't mean I am happy about it. The others looked just as cold and miserable as I did, except for Hange.
I don't think anything can put a damper on that woman's shine. Like me, she was on her hands and knees, digging through the mud and planting seeds, but she looked like she was having a blast. When I stood up, the mud under me made a cringe-worthy squelching noise. Yuck!
I was about to head inside when a meaty hand gripped my shoulder harshly.
"Where do you think you're going? And what are you even doing? You're supposed to be making friends with Levi's squad so you can join them." Grisha whispers angrily.
"I'm trying, but it's going to take time. And they're on a run, so what the hell do you think I can do about that anyway?! Hange said we could go bathe and change after we finished and I'm going to do just that."
I rip my arm from his grip and grab my change of clothes from Erwin, who was keeping watch at the front. The water is freezing, so I make quick work of cleaning myself and shaking as much water from my hair as I could. Can't afford the luxury of a towel, I guess.
It's still pouring outside, so I change and use the cover of trees to stay dry. Then, once I reach the tree line, I rush back to the front, trying not to slip as I went. Erwin made me take the work shoes off at the door, then handed me the fluffy object.
I rub the warm towel against my cold face with a content smile and get a laugh from Erwin. Pouting, I dry my hair and throw the damp towel at his, still laughing, form.
"It's not that funny... Staaawwwwwp!" I whine, childishly, causing him to laugh more.
"Stop acting like a child and go train upstairs."
"Oh Grisha, lighten up would ya. Your squad is exempt from today's training. They're cold and exhausted, so they can rest." Erwin says.
Grisha nods with a forced smile and then gives me that look. The look where I need to say something to make him look good or I'll regret it. Fine, I guess I'll train then.
"Actually Erwin, I kind of want to train. Otherwise, I'll just be a sitting duck and I'm not a fan of that." I say quickly.
He gives me a once over and then nods, with a look of respect in his eyes. A bit of pride washed over me when I remembered that I was a soldier. A fighter. I've been a fighter for years. Fighting for survival was all I'd known and it still is.
"Can I go too, Commander Grisha? I'd looooove to train with him." Jean asks with a confident look plastered on his face.
I wanted to laugh at his confidence. In comparison, he was a deer still stumbling over his legs and I was a wolf. A hunter and predator, while Jean was my prey. Grisha nods and gives me another look before going back outside with his squad.
"Guess we're gonna be training partners, buddy!"
Jean wraps his arm around my shoulder and drags me inside. My body is tense at the touch, but I'll be damned if I show weakness around this horse-faced bastard. I'm in joggers and a t-shirt, which gives me more room to move. While my "opponent" is wearing jeans and a long-sleeved wife beater, putting him at a disadvantage.
We found a mat farther from the others and started stretching in silence. Simultaneously, we stood and got on opposite sides of the mat. He raised his fists in defense and gave me a curt nod. I had to give him some respect for that. We may not like each other, but he isn't fighting dirty, so I won't either.
This is just training. This isn't life or death, so I'm not focusing on survival. I race towards him and throw a punch at the side of his head, testing his reflexes and guard. He deflected and aims a punch at my right side, which I easily avoid. It's a familiar dance that I'd grown accustomed to, over the years.
Punch, block, parry, side check, dodge, leg swipe. Then, he fell to the floor in an awkward heap. I didn't go all out and he didn't either. He has potential, but he hesitates and it's easy to read what move he's going to make. He needs to be more spontaneous and I said as much once he got back up.
"You're strong and you have good reflexes, but you hesitate. Don't worry about hurting your opponent, because they might not hesitate. Be more spontaneous and mix it up."
"You in the military, or somethin'?"
"No, I just know what it takes to survive." I say softly, getting in a defensive stance.
His eyes soften a bit when he hears what I say and then he nods again. He takes my advice and starts mixing it up, putting me on the defense. I don't go for any openings and just walk him through each punch. When we take a break to drink some water, I'm yanked over to the stairs by my arm.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? I told you not to go easy on them."
"No, you told me to impress the Levisquad. If you hadn't noticed, they're not here and it's not impressive to hurt your comrades. You're supposed to have their back, not beat them up." I say, unimpressed.
"They came back and they're heading up here to watch. Don't hold back!"
"You want me to impress them and not hold back, right?"
"Yes!"
"Then, why don't you fight me? That's the only way I won't hold back. He's not at my level of skill, so knocking him on his ass won't do me any good." I smirk when he gulps.
Good! I hope he's terrified. This is his plan so he's going to have to help too if he wants it to happen. He nods curtly and walks with me to the mat Jean and I had been practicing on.
"Eren, what are you doing?" Jean asks.
"I'm sorry, but it's not fair on you to be paired with me. The Commander told me not to hold back, so I won't."
"But... He's a Commander for a reason, idiot! He's skilled enough that he climbed the ranks in just a month. Getting knocked out isn't going to prove anything and Marco will kill me if you get hurt and I could've stopped it!" Jean says quickly.
"Good thing I won't be getting hurt then, huh? Move away so we can fight. If I lose, I give you permission to beat my ass. Now move."
Grisha watched the exchange with amusement. I was staring into Jean's eyes with unfiltered rage, so he did the smart thing and did as I told him to. Grisha might have a bit of fighting experience, but I was raised to kill men stronger and more skilled than him. I wouldn't lose and that's a promise!
We stood on opposite sides of the mat and he bowed sarcastically to me. It's all fun and games till I knock him the fuck out. The chuckle that leaves my mouth feels foreign and cold, but it makes the grin fade from Grisha's face.
I play down my skill and throw a few well-placed punches before he grabs me in a tight hold. He thinks he's won, but I heard his heart stutter when I laughed. I throw my head back, effectively letting me escape his grasp. There is a thin stream of blood going down his nose, but he's otherwise unharmed.
This time he charges me and throws a punch, aimed at my head. You dumb fool! You played right into my hand! I do a back handspring, avoiding his fist and kicking him in the jaw as I flipped. Slow clapping is heard before a hand claps me on the back.
A grin spreads across my face when I see my "father" out cold on the ground. Jean, the owner of the hand on my back, has a shit-eating grin on his face and is looking at me with... Admiration, I think. But he wasn't the one clapping. Who was it?
When I look around the room, I remember where I am and shrink back into myself. Everyone saw me down their "respected" Commander. Standing to my full height, I dust myself off and walk back downstairs, ignoring all the stares.
Would I be kicked from the group now? Is that why Grisha agreed? I sit down on my sleeping bag and put my head in my hands. Is it bad that I don't feel an ounce of guilt for knocking him out?
"Not at all. Grisha needed to be knocked on his ass months ago."
Oops, I didn't mean to say that last part out loud. Are you still down for putting me in the Hall of Fame for being the biggest idiot in the apocalypse? I look at Levi with the impassive face I'd mastered years ago. What is he even doing here?
He hasn't said but a handful of words to me since I got here and now he's feeling chatty? I'm not really in the mood to chat. Even though I hurt the person who's been hurting me for years, I didn't feel any different. It doesn't change what he's done to me.
"It's not good sportsmanship to leave your opponent on the ground."
"He'd be more than knocked out if I had the choice." I mutter quietly.
That man deserves so much worse than a kick to the jaw. My mind flashed through the faces of the kids he forced me to kill. A pretty girl with ebony hair. A boy with scared, blue eyes. Three friends who fought me all at once. They all died, because I was forced to choose.
"That's also not very good sportsmanship, but that's not why I'm here. You proved that you can fight a human well enough, so now I wanna see you handle yourself around the dead-heads."
"What did you have in mind...?" I ask tiredly.
All my emotions had me drained, so I just wanted him gone so I could sleep. I hadn't felt this much emotion since my childhood. It was... Annoying. Emotions get you killed. A calm and level head is what kept me alive all these years.
"We just went on a run, but the houses around here need to be cleared. It's usually just grab what we can and fight when we have to. Tonight you'll sleep upstairs with us, then we set out early morning. Here." Levi says.
His monotonous voice rivals my own, which I find quite amusing. When he says here, something gets tossed onto the blanket next to me. I'm not proud of what I did and I'll probably regret it until the day I die, but it was worth it.
I squeal and tackle him in a hug. Sitting on that blanket was a four pack box of Red Bull. He pushes me off of him roughly, but but... Red Bull!!
"Don't drink it all in one sitting. Save it for tomorrow morning. Grab your stuff and get upstairs, newbie. I already informed your squad leaders." he grumbled before walking off.
My mood had been improved, tremendously, after I was handed the gift from God. Grabbing my stuff and the Red Bull, I rush upstairs and place my stuff down before tackling an unsuspecting Petra in a hug. Now, I'm not a very touchy feely person nor do I show many emotions, but Red Bull is my weakness.
Petra squeaks and stares up at me in shock at the surprise attack, coming from me, no less. I help her back up and hug her again.
"Thank you thank you thank you!! Petra Ral, I hereby declare you the best person in the world!" I say excitedly.
"We get it, brat! You have a serious caffeine addiction..."
"Says the one who hoards different types of teas." Petra says defensively.
I grin at the exchange. They aren't just comrades. These guys are friends who have been through near-death experiences side-by-side. They faced death together and survived. Petra sends me another bright smile then lies down.
I put my stuff farther from them and lie down with the Red Bull hugged against my chest. Wouldn't want anyone to steal my precious cargo now, would we? Sorry, I'm a bit extra sometimes...
Though they seem safe enough, I'm not very comfortable getting that close to strangers. They don't comment and everyone goes to sleep, while Levi and Petra take first shift on lookout duty. Sleep finds me quickly.
I'm awoken later by the sounds of distant moaning. Thinking it was a zombie, I look over to the two people who were supposed to be on watch. It's very dark so I can only see silhouettes, but they are definitely not on watch. It may seem creepy to watch, but it was interesting.
I was never interested in porn and I'm a virgin, so my experience was severely limited. I've never even kissed anyone. Don't judge me! When you're worried about surviving the next day, it's hard to find time to be that way with someone.
I couldn't see much, but I could see Petra's feminine curves under Levi's hard muscles. The soft moans were coming from her as he thrusted in and out of her at a quick pace. Her legs wrapped around his waist as they started kissing, swallowing up any sounds before they could escape.
So they were a couple then... They didn't act like it, but they did share a certain fondness. I heard a soft groan and a slightly louder moan, before silence. How did the others not wake up? I mean, I'm a light sleeper, but Petra was still pretty loud.
There was the sound of clothes rustling and then plastic crinkling. Well, at least they were practicing safe sex. Having a baby in a world like this would end badly. They cry all the time and formula would be difficult to procure.
I closed my eyes when I heard footsteps walk past me, throwing something in the trash. Gross! They seemed to both settle back into their duties, looking out the windows. They should be switching shifts in an hour or so, then we'll be leaving.
No matter how hard I tried to sleep after that, I couldn't. It just had me thinking. Would I ever find someone I could be passionate with? Well, there wasn't much passion when they did it. It seemed quick and needy, but not lovely at all.
Though I'm not one to talk. I mean, most animals have more emotion than me, so a relationship doesn't seem possible. A relationship is built on trust and love, neither of which I give freely. There are only three people I've ever felt that way towards. Armin, Mikasa, and my mother.
Mom would be so disappointed if she saw the monster Grisha turned me into. I think she suspected he wasn't being truthful about the trips, but she never questioned him. Never did I loathe or hate her for it, though. I couldn't blame her for something she took no part in.
She died when I was eight and that's when the "training" began. Personally, I want to believe that part of the reason he hurt me was because he was grieving, but I'm not naïve. Believing in a lie, would only be excusing his behavior.
I still had the scars from my time with him. Some of the nastier ones were covered by tattoos, but I had too many scars to cover them all. I had a huge blue Phoenix rising from a pile of ash, on the right side of my stomach from a stab wound.
As a doctor, Grisha is an asset to this group, but it could also be the opposite. Grisha's knowledge on the body helped him know exactly where to stab me to not hit any vital organs. The tattoo was meant to represent that I died, but returned stronger in the end.
There were two more tattoos of black roses on my hips, right over the hip bones. They were painful, since the bone was so close to the skin, but it wasn't unbearable. Another tattoo of a numerical date sat on my left wrist, right below the palm.
I'm not crazy about tattoos and I never have been, but I did see the appeal. The tattoos were illustrations of the hardships I've been through. The black roses for my first kill. A girl with blonde hair and baby blue eyes. I will always remember the look in her eyes when I strained her pretty white shirt with black roses. Stained red by my blade.
Down the column of my spine were a mixture of ravens and feathers, inked in a dark blue color with black accents. At the bottom of my spine, above my ass, was the dark blue Japanese symbol for promise, made of tiny little sapphires. I made a promise to a friend...
A scene of two shadows sitting by a fire on my left thigh to showcase the proper camping trip I never got to experience. And then finally, a quote, tattooed sideways, on my upper, right arm. It was something mom had said to me one night and I never forgot it.
I don't know why my beautiful, kind-hearted mother would tell my six-year-old self something so dark, but it was true.
"To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity."
I think my mother knew all along, but she wanted me to fight. She knew that she couldn't take him on. She was weak and that is, unfortunately, the truth. My father was a monster and she knew that one of us was going to have to stand up and fight.
That's a heavy burden to place on a child's shoulders, but life doesn't give freebies. The cruel world doesn't care what age you are, your gender, or your sexuality. It kills men, women, and children all the same and mom knew that. My sweet mother knew how treacherous this world was and she was giving me one last piece of advice.
This advice stayed with me and still does, to this day. I took her advice and threw away my humanity. Like I told you from the beginning, emotions get you no where. Guilt and hesitation make for a great companion in death. To survive, you have to make hard decisions.
"Let's go guys! We got some dead-heads to kill!" Levi yells loudly.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone