Chapter 8: Unwanted

"RICA COME BACK HERE!" My mothers authoritative voice called out but I was already running up the stairs not bothering to look back. Angry tears rushed down my face.

I couldn't believe them, I've always thought they were low but I didn't know they were this low. How could they carelessly marry off their teenage daughter without batting an eye! How could they be soo cruel!

I increased my pace as my room door came to view. I immediately entered, banged the door behind me and locked it shut.

My eyes began to roam the entire room looking for something in particular. When I finally spotted the shiney small black rectangle-like object I immediately made my way to it. I carried the small flat object but I couldn't bring myself to use it. You promised you wouldn't use it anymore.

I released a sigh and dropped the razor, it made a slight sound as it landed on the hard wood of my bedside cupboard.

From the cuts on my hand it was quite well established that I use sharp objects on myself. I wasn't like this before, No I was quite averagely happy in the past but that all changed on 'that' faithful day. I try as much as possible not to remember it, I practically erased it from my memories. At least that's what I would like to say.

I cut myself anytime I get upset, extremely sad or angry, I know it's an extremely bad habit and I'm trying as much as I can to stop it. After all it was one of the reasons I was sent to a Rehabilitation center. Becoming a suicidal manic was definitely not in my list of what I wanted to be when I grow up, but we all don't choose what we become. God I sound stupid, but of course we can choose what we want to become but I was just weak that's the sad truth.

Not wanting to stay on the bed, I slid down to the cold floor in a far corner of the room and hugged myself tightly to the wall feeling like what I've always been reminded I'll be and always would be 'Unwanted'.

........

"Hmm we really should stop meeting like this" I heard an all too familiar voice say from above me.

I sighed. "No Dili, 'You' really should stop coming to the library. You practically don't have anything to do here" I said all this with my head still down.

I could hear the teasing tone in his voice as he spoke "That's not true, I do have something to do here"

"Yh right" I responded sarcastically.

"It's true actually. I come here to see you" I could practically imagine him winking as he said that.

"God you're insufferable" I groaned out. All he did was chuckle. He really did have a nice laugh though. Not like I was ever going to admit that to him.

It's funny how our little banter seemed like we were actually really close friends when we were practically almost strangers. For some reason I felt like I could be myself anytime I was around him. I guess the saying that you are more like yourself when with familiar faces than when you're with strangers, didn't really apply to me.

"By the way what happened?" He suddenly asked with a concerned voice.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Since I came you haven't once risen you head, is something wrong?" The concern again was clear as day in his voice.

"Nothing is wrong" I mumbled still not raising my head up.

"Rica" he said in a warning tone. I scrunched my face a little and sighed finally raising up my head.

"What?" I said with a glare to his direction.

"Jesus Rica! What happened? You look like you got hit by a truck!" Dili said this all with a widened eye and an evident frown.

"Way to make a girl feel special" I said with enough sarcasm laced in and an eye roll as an added bonus.

He released a nervous chuckle and muttered a 'sorry'. Well it's not like I could blame him, I really did look awful, that much I could say. Puffy eyes and eye bags weren't really a great look on anyone. I'm pretty sure the only thing that looked manageable was my natural curly full hair that was packed in a natural styled bun. Thank God our school didn't make it mandatory to plait your hair like some other school's did.

"Seriously Rica, what happened? You look like you didn't sleep and wait have you been crying?" Dili's features screamed serious so I knew I shouldn't crack a sarcastic joke or anything.

"It's nothing, just leave it" I mumbled. I could feel a headache coming in full force.

"I can't just 'leave it' Rica. Tell me"

"Why are you so persistent ehn?! I said leave it!" I didn't know when I shouted forgetting we were currently in the library.

"No" he barked right back.

"Why?!" I asked in frustration. I didn't even know why we were both shouting. It was seriously unnecessary.

"Because I care Rica! Because I care" He shouted the first phrase but when he said it the second time he reduced his voice to a whisper.

I felt something tingle within my heart as soon as my mind registered his words. Did I hear him correctly? Because he cares? Why on Earth would a total stranger like him care for me.

"Wh-at?" I choked out in surprise. I wanted him to confirm if I did hear him right or not.

"Rica it's because I care to know. You know not everyone is out to get you or something. Now please will you tell me what's wrong" He said softly. The part were he said 'Not everyone was out to get me' really hit me deep. I guess I was behaving like everyone was really out to get me. You can't really blame me for that though, my life wasn't all sunshines and rainbows.

I released a sigh, I can't believe I was actually going to do this.

I used my hand to tap a spot beside me on the tiled floor gesturing for him to seat. After he did I started.

"You really want to know?" He nodded his head like a little child. Funny enough he was still a head taller than me as we sat down on the floor which made me to have to look up to him as I spoke.

"You really really want to know?" He once again nodded.

Just wanting to tease him further I continued. "You really really re---"

"Rica" he cut me short with a warning tone. I gave him a cheeky smile.

"I'm getting engaged" I blurted out just wanting to get it over with.

He blinked a little as if coming to terms with my words. I won't lie he kinda looked cute doing that. Heaven knows that if he could have been able to read my thoughts at that moment he would have teased me till the day I died.

This time he was the one to choke out.

"Wh-a-t?"

"Yeah my parents told me the oh so 'exciting' news yesterday" I said in a dull yet sarcastic tone.

I went into a talking rampage. I mean I might have as well pour my heart out now, it's good to finish what you've started right?

"I mean who gives their only child out for marriage right? I'm not even 18 yet! I even don't know what my parents are thinking. I'm probably sure this is just some kind of business opportunity for them that's why they are soo eager to marry me off without soo much of an heads up to me"

"I---" I interrupted Dili.

"And can you believe that they want me to meet my soo called Fiance to be today for dinner. I mean what a load of bull right?" I puffed out an angry breath. From the corner of my eyes I could see that Dili looked nervous about something for some reason, but I didn't pay much mind to it as I began to talk again.

"God when I meet the person they are trying to marry me off to, it is only the creator of the heavens and the Earth that would be able to hold me back from not kicking him where the sun doesn't shine" I heard an audible gulp from beside me.

"Sure it might not be his fault and all but I'm still very much angry to care" I finally finished with a huff. This was probably the most I had ever spoken to anyone in a long time.

I turned to Dili and I swear I saw a flicker of fear cross his eyes. What was he so afraid of.

"Dili?" I said "Aren't you going to say anything?" I looked at him confused. For someone that was trying quite hard to know what was on my mind, he sure was a lot more quiet than I expected.

"Ehrm, your finance is a lucky guy?" He squeaked out. It sounded a lot more like a question than a statement. What was doing him?

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