Chapter 1: Intro of My Life
October 1, 2003. That's the day I was born. In Lucena City, Philippines was where I was born, but I lived in Mulanay, Calabarzon. My mom would tell me that my skin was white when she first saw me and that my hair was blonde. I didn't believe her when she said that. I knew that it wasn't right because she also told me that there was a problem before she delivered me. I was too big in my mother's womb that the doctor had to cut my mother's belly to take me out, but the doctor injected something for my mother to feel numb so that my mother wouldn't feel the pain when the doctor cuts my mom's belly. That wasn't the real problem, though; it was a side effect. It would cause her to forget things, even the simplest things she would stutter and think a long time to figure what that one thing was. Whenever she brought up how I was born, she would laugh and sometimes joke about it, but it's different for me. Whenever she brought it up, I always feel a kick of guilt in my stomach. I was a sensitive person, I would cry on any movie with the tinniest drama scene you can get, and I would always blame myself for everything; for why my mother's forgetful and it sometimes does not make sense. Though, I didn't know what happened until I turned 10.
I was a chubby cute baby girl who had a dad, a mother, and an older sister who is 7.5 years older than me. Carried by my mother for some time until I was able to walk and talk. I couldn't remember what my first word was, but my mom says that it was 'mom.' I want to believe I said that too, though at the same time, I didn't want to consider it. By the time that I was able to walk and talk, I found that the nannies were the ones who always took care of me ever since I could remember (they never lasted though.) Little did I know that my parents always fight, not violently but verbally, and that my mom would usually cry in her mother's house. Little did I know that I only slept with the both of them once and that I just had fun with the both of them a few times.
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My sister said that she would play with me when I was just a baby and make me sleep. She said that when she was asleep, as curious as I was, I found a scissor, god knows where, and cut some of my sister's hair. I didn't know what had gotten into me, but by the time she woke up and realized that I cut her hair. My mother just laughed it off when she heard about the event.
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When I was two and a half, I had a new babysitter and took care of me in her house because my parents were 'busy.' There were a lot of crabs and seafood I could eat. I was guessing I ate five whole crabs, and by the time I knew it, I was in a car. I couldn't remember what happened to me, but I couldn't breathe when I woke up in the van that caused my lungs to hurt, longing for air. Mommy who's my mother's close sister, and from what I remember she said, "You'll be fine, just hang in there." though I didn't know why she said that (apparently because I was just 2.5 years old).
I remember it was night time and that I had four people with me: my mom, Mommy, dad, and I was guessing a driver as well. I couldn't recall what really happened, but I remembered the most horrific and the funniest thing that I had ever remembered. Five nurses held both of my hands, feet, and head because I began to cry, yell, and insanely wanted to run away when I saw four terrifying syringes, the top glittered , and its long (3 cm) needles ready to stab my two wrists and somewhere in my feet, into my skin, blood, and veins. One time, they had to fucking do it twice because they couldn't see my veins from my chubbiness. I survived, I barely survived.
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I haven't introduced myself, yet did I? My name is Romie, like how you say Romeo just without pronouncing the 'o' part. My mother, too, it from my sister's nickname; I can't believe that she would take my sister's nickname and use it to name me! My sister would laugh when she reminded me that and would always say, "I'm your real mother! I named you!" Which was impossible; we were seven years apart. How could she give birth to me when my sister was just seven years old when I came to this world, this fucking shitty cruel world?! And just for your information, I didn't know how to swear until I was 11 years old! When I turned three years old, my mom left me.
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My mother left me to go to Canada and earn more money than here in the Philippines. Did my three years old version knew that? No! Of course not!! I hated her for leaving me, my sister, and my dad!! All I remember was that I was a Mommy's place, crying my ass off, clinging for my mom not to go anywhere. My tears were pouring down drastically, but that didn't stop my mom from leaving.
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