Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Hello, Trevor here. I just wanted to say a few words about myself before I head to the unknown! Well, not really head to the unknown, I was forced to. So I just want to get a few words off my shoulder as I don't know if I'm gonna have another chance to do this.
Let me start by thinking about this whole thing. I mean Mariana, Why am I doing this for her? In the past when I had some free time to do whatever I want, I didn't do nay of the stuff that teens nowadays do. I usually sat in my balcony and looked ahead of me. I could see the green, and the sun shining through the leaves of the trees as it sat letting the moon take the turn of lighting the horizon, but I don't really think that the moon meant to light the horizon as much as it meant to show off how beautiful it is. So the sun thinks that the moon is letting her rest but meanwhile the moon is making the best of his shot. Being the best listener to those who are used to set down together, hold each other's hands and talk about their future. Dreaming about the future that they draw for themselves together, never having thoughts of being apart, because we want each other, I want you and you want me. The omniscient has to follow our rules.
You know, someday someone wrote a poem for me, it instantly touched my heart. I wish that person was with me here today so I maybe could get to say something back. I really don't remember what it exactly was, but I remember writing it on my heart using my feelings as my pen. I know that my words would not be as beautiful or perfect as her words are but at least I could get the chance to express how I feel in a way that I find satisfying for my heart and does not make me fell bad or regret not saying it in the first place because I let fear control me and control how I felt and expressed my feeling to. It said,
"Look and watch the moon,
Let the rays hug u as a substitute I will miss,
On one star they pinned their dreams and let the omniscient determine the path." A.
Does she still miss the substitute? I think that is a question I will never get to know the answer of.
I have to tell you my friend. When I read that poem, I was happy as much as I was scared. So I did not know what I really felt.
But I looked at the moon. And I imagined her looking at it. I could feel the moonlight hugging me. But it soon faded away when I remembered the words "I will miss". I really didn't know what to feel. But I felt cold. These words made me feel cold. I soon got inside my room again. And started thinking. Why do we really need each other? But then I started to accept the fact and just tried to explain it or rather justify it to myself.
I mean, I was okay with it. But I just needed to know why. I soon realized that it was not my fault, it was my heart, and it was not even a fault. But I also realized how thick our emotions are compared to the trust string of our relationship, its like a hair string, one fault and it all goes away. I hurt you once. You never get to forgive me again.
My balcony, my moon, my rays, all were my friends, they were the company I had that moment. It was my imagination that lead them all to a story I made up in my head and really enjoyed fantasizing about. Making it go wherever I want. However I want. At least one time things can go where I want them to go however I want them to go. That was my gate away from my world. It was like the perfect world that I would never get to live in. But I'm doing my best. Oh, I almost forgot about my coffee. She was the power that carried me to all of this.
I should be special to you as you are special to me, you are not a property I own to choose when to hurt and when to flower. You are part of my soul. Hurting you would hurt me more. And I cant think of a man crazy enough to hurt his soul. I see men treating women as properties. That is wrong. We are the same. Love is secret. No one has a definition for love. And if someone says that he has, then its just another try to justify why his relationship did not work in a way that he finds scientific and convincing. He just wants to satisfy his soul and find peace.
When I looked at my heart when I was sitting in my balcony I could see her in there, my heart was not filled with blood or anything. It was her home. And she was my warming sunshine. Whenever I feel cold or scared. I remember her. I remember that she is here for me. She will tell me that things are okay. She has a way of hugging me. She has a way of Loving me. We were meant to be for each other, she is a code I will never get to break.
Maybe I left the Hotel, leaving Mariana there. But she is always going to be with me in my heart till I come back. I know she would be honored if I was to be one of the men who saved the king. That was going to be another reason for her I think?? that I am not just a baker? I don't know, we will see about this soon.
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