Chapter 21: Man of Steel
I made a fool of myself…
It is never easy to say I love you, and when you say it, you better well mean it. You should say what you feel and mean what you say. Tomorrow is not a promise, so you need to say it today.
So I decided to take that risk. It was not so much that I was afraid to say I love you; I was more afraid of how she would react. The possibility that she was not going to say it was always there. The thing is that I love her even if she does not love me back.
So I have made my decision, definitely for sure this time. I am doing this; I am going back to redeploy. I played my hand in love, and I failed. I will instead stick to something I know I am good at.
It does not mean that my decision does not hurt. My heart is broken, I am broken, and she is broken. Sadly, you cannot have both of your dreams at the same time. If there were a way that I could do both, then I would be right there, taking both with open arms.
I am busy getting ready for my run with Matty. I have to put my running prosthetics on this morning, so it takes me a bit longer than it should. The last time I had these on was when I was in the hospital when I was recovering.
It will just be him and me today. Chloe is out with her mother this morning, and Isabella, well, she won't even come. Once I am ready, I make my way outside, where Matty is waiting.
"Looking good, bro. I would like me one of those as well."
"Hahaha, wait until you fall your ass over for the fifth time, then you won't be wanting one of these."
"Well, let's see what you are made of then."
"Are you ready to try and keep up with me?"
"Hahaha, I think you are going to be the one that needs to keep up, bro."
His words are not even cold, and he is already off ahead of me down the road.
"Hey, that is cheating."
"It is not my fault; you slow!"
I catch up with him, and we head down the road that takes us into town. As we get to the main road, my body cannot take anymore. I am aching in places I did not even know existed, and the prosthetic is hurting my leg. The last thing I want is for my stump to get blisters again.
"Whoa, I think we need to slow down."
"Ahhh, don't tell me you are tired, bro."
"I might be wearing a leg of steel, but that does not make me a man of steel."
"Hahaha, how about we go grab a coffee then?"
"And let Betty get hold of me?"
"Don't worry, bro, I will keep the old goose away."
We slow our pace down and head straight for the coffee shop. Does this not bring back memories? We are passing the spot where I kissed Isabella the very first time. How sweet she tasted as my lips were softly against hers. The way her body perfectly fit into mine.
Never has any woman, and I have been with my fair few, never has any woman made me feel the way that she made me feel. She made me feel like I was the only one that existed in that moment and every single moment after that. Even when she found out about my leg, she still made me feel special. Not only special but also wanted, something I never knew I would ever feel.
To love a woman so quickly after such a short time is a big deal. It makes me think then, is this something I should do still. Is love not more important than serving your country. Then again, it is the dream that drives me the most. But she is the woman of my dreams; should she not be a dream I should follow, then.
Every minute I spent with her will always be remembered. I wish there was more time we could spend together before I leave. Now we are leaving each other angry, and there is still going to be regret.
We are at the coffee shop entrance when we spot Betty eyeing us from across the road at the flower shop.
"Oh god, she spotted us. Move your ass in before the bag comes and stop us."
"Hahaha, what makes you think she is not going to get us inside."
"Hey, let a man dream."
"Dream? That is what got your ass single in the first place."
"Ahhh, thanks, Matty, you just had to remind me of that."
I slap him against the head…
"Aahhh fuck, bro! What was that for?"
"For being an ass."
We enter the coffee shop and look to find an empty table when Matty bursts out loud.
"Holy shit!"
"What did you do now?"
"Oh, it's not what I did; it is what I am going to do."
"That sounds like trouble; what do you have up your sleeve?"
"I know what I want up, and it is not up my sleeve."
"Fuck Matty, are you talking dirty to me?"
"Hahaha, no bro. But you got to see what is sitting at that table."
He tips his head to the side, trying to show me where I should look at.
"Oh, fuck."
"Oh, yes."
"It is Isabella."
"And she has a hot friend."
"Come, let's find a table."
"No, I say we go say hello."
"Have you forgotten about the bit where we have broken up?"
"It does not mean you can't say hello."
"You know it is a bad idea, but if I can hear her voice, then I will do it."
"Bro, you know how bad that sound? That is real girl ass shit ."
"Hahaha, Matty boy, you will fall in love one day."
"Bro, I think I just did."
I hide behind Matty as he walks up to her table. God knows why I am hiding; I am pretty sure she has seen me. I can't face her after all the ugly things I said but even more, because I told her that I loved her.
Will she throw her coffee in my face, or is she even going to talk to me? What on earth do I say? Oh, by the way, Isabella, how are you doing after I took your heart and stepped all over it. I don't know if I can do this.
But it is too late…
"Hey, Isabella."
"Hello, Matty."
"And you remember this asshole that is standing behind me,"
I slap him against his head…
"What the fuck now? You are behind me!"
"Urgh, you an idiot. Hello, boo, shit, sorry, I mean Isabella."
"Hey, Clayton."
Then Katarina speaks as she has figured out who I am, "Oooohhh, you are the soldier. Well, hello, soldier. I am Isabella's crazy friend Katarina."
"Hey Katarina, it's nice to meet you finally. This idiot next to me is my brother Matt."
Matty turns his attention back to Katarina as he introduces himself, "Oh, you can call me Matty."
"Mmmm definitely will. Why don't you boys join us for a coffee."
Isabella immediately objects, "Kati, I think the boys have better things to do."
"Yes, Katarina," I add. "We are just going to be in and out."
"No, Bro," Matty insists. "I am sure we got a minute, actually a couple few minutes."
"I insist we get going."
"Well, if you want to deal with Betty."
Just then Betty comes walking in the door…
"On second thought, I am sure we can spare more than a couple of minutes ."
"Yes," Isabella says. "Before she grabs you for that centerfold."
"Center what?"
We take our seats at the table. Matt being the ass that he is, makes me sit next to Isabella.
My hands are trembling as I reach out for the menu. Fück, I hope she does not see how nervous I am around her. I always used to be, but this is just insane. I don't even want to try and speak to her cause I will mumble my words. Instead, I listen to Matty and Katarina's conversation.
"So Katarina."
"Oh, please call me Kati."
"So Kati, how long are you visiting Isabella?"
"Only for a couple of days, but I might stay longer if I am having a good time."
"Oh, I think you will have a good time. You should stay for a bit longer. There is a lot that you can do around here."
"Mmm, does that sound like an invitation? Are you going to show me what is good to do around here?"
Then Isabella interrupts them. "Kati, you speaking to the town's bad boy; I am sure he can show you more than what is good around here."
"Mmm, like the soldier showed you?"
"Kati! You can't say things like that!"
"Come on, girl, you did not know the boy for a day, and your tongue was down his throat."
"It was not down his throat, and he started it."
What did she say? That is not how I remembered it. "Oh, but you did not stop me."
"It was not like I could stop you."
"What? You say that I forced you."
"I never said that."
"Then what are you saying?"
"That I did not kiss you."
"So was that all fake?"
"Urgh! I did not say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
"God, you are impossible."
"Not impossible enough to love me."
Oh shit, did I say that? What is she going to say? Is she going to say something? Is she going to throw that coffee in my face now?
"Isabella, I am sorry."
"Leave it, Clayton, Katarina can we, please go now?"
"Isabella, please wait."
Isabella gets up to leave the table. I can see the tears are building up in her eyes. That was hurtful; I don't know how I could have said that. I can see she is desperately trying to hold it together. Her hands are trembling a bit, and her voice is shaky as she calls for Katarina.
"Babe, I will wait for you outside."
"I just want to exchange numbers with Matty; I will get you there now."
She turns to head out the door. I cannot leave this, not like this, not after I have hurt her again. I get off the table and run after her.
By the time I get outside, she is almost completely across the road. In a blind rush, I dash across the street. I do not pay attention to anything, not the cars, not the voices, especially not to what Isabella is screaming.
And then…
In an instant…
Everything around me stops…
The only sound I can hear or the movement I can see is my bones crushing and my body dropping down to the floor.
In the distance, as my head hits the pavement, I can hear Isabella scream.
"SOLDIER!!!"
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