Chapter 2: MIJO
Tuco Salamanca is preparing salsa in his kitchen when his grandmother ( Abuelita) returns after the run-in with Cal and Lars.Though they accidentally targeted the wrong driver,
ABUELITA : Mijo! Mijo, are you here?
TUCO: I'm in the kitchen.
ABUELITA: I don't know what to do. These boys, these boys…
LARS: Hey, hello, habla ingles. Are you the son?
TUCO: That's right.
ABUELITA: Listen, I was driving and all of a sudden there was a noise. I think I hit him.
TUCO: Grandma, don't worry, it's alright.
ABUELITA: Oh my god! But they're so angry…
LARS: She's just a crazy old biznatch who ran over my brother.
CAL: It hurts so bad, it hurts so bad.
ABUELITA: You see? He's hurt.
LARS: She broke his leg, and then she stood on the gas. That's a hit and run!
CAL: She felony'd me. That's a felony.
Lars holds up the video camera
LARS: I got the whole thing right here.
TUCO (to Abuelita): Let me talk to them.
LARS: Start talking.
TUCO (to Abuelita): Grandma, everything is ok.
ABUELITA: What is happening? I didn't mean to…
TUCO: Isn't your show starting? Why don't you go upstairs and watch.
ABUELITA: They say I'm in trouble.
TUCO: There's no trouble.
LARS: Sí, problema.
TUCO: Everything's alright, I'll take care of it. Turn it up so you can hear it, okay?
Tuco sends his grandmother upstairs to her bedroom.
LARS: Hey, amigo, what are you gonna do about this leg situation?
CAL: I need to see a doctor.
LARS: A doctor, doctor's ain't cheap, yo. It's gonna cost. Either you or her, somebody's gotta pay.
TUCO: You want money?
LARS: Yes!
CAL: Damn straight.
LARS: It's no joke, what are the cops gonna say?
TUCO: Cops? They coming?
CAL: Uh..yeah?
LARS: That's up to you, man. Cops could be looking at this tape any time now.
TUCO: You called her...biznatch?
LARS: I didn't…
CAL: Yeah, but whatever man. Hurry it up, I'm hurting here.
LARS: Show us the green or la policia's gonna come and they're gonna be taking granny away. She's gonna go to jail. You want that?
Tuco reaches for Abuelita's purse
LARS: That's right, play it smart. Let's talk dollar amounts. For what you did--
Tuco grabs her walker and knocks both the skaters unconscious with it
TUCO: Biznatch.
Then Tuco uses Abuelitas cane to beat Cal and Lars unconscious. He arranges for Ignacio "Nacho" Varga, No-Doze and Gonzo to come with a van to pick up Cal and Lars.
Jimmy McGill arrives searching for Cal and Lars,
SAUL: Open up, officer of the court! Open up in the name of the law!
The door starts to open
SAUL: Good afternoon, this…
Tuco answers the front door and drags him inside at gunpoint.
SAUL: Whoa whoa whoa whoa, oh man. I'm relaxed, okay. Non-threatening.
TUCO: You move and you're dead.
SAUL: Alright.
SAUL: There seems to be a misunderstanding, is there by any chance a Betsy Kettleman here? I'm not sure if this is a situation where I should or should not look you in the eye.
TUCO: Sit.
TUCO: Who are you? Are you with those red headed scumbags?
SAUL: My name's James McGill, I'm an attorney. I got a call from some clients, something about an accident. I did not get any details. When I saw some skateboards in your front lawn, I assumed they might…
ABUELITA (O.S.): Mijo. Mijo.
Tuco hides the gun as she comes to the top of the stairs.
ABUELITA: Who is this man? Is he with the others?
TUCO: No, no. He's a salesman. Grandma, I'll take care of it.
She starts coming down the stairs.
TUCO: Where are you going?
ABUELITA: I'm going to grab the club soda. Mijo, I can s
TUCO: Grandma, I will get the club soda, I swear. Trust me. Please, just go back upstairs.
ABUELITA: Okay, but I don't want that to dry. Because once it dries, you can't get it out.
She goes back in her room.
TUCO: Talk.
SAUL: I'm gonna make an educated guess what happened here. My two clients, Frick and Frack, the mop heads, were in a simple traffic accident. A minor fender bender, but maybe they were on the wrong side of the street or didn't look both ways. It could happen to anyone. My clients, exhibiting extremely poor judgement, followed your grandmother to this delightful, well-tended home. Now, at this juncture I'm deducing that they said or did something that crossed a line. And you, with some justification, put them in their place. Based on the salsa stain there, it could have gone a couple ways. Bottom line, not to be morbid, but if they're dead, I'm guessing that I'm… (collects himself) I'm gonna go with glass half full here and say they're not. My point is, if they're still alive, why kill us, because of a misunderstanding? Our own stupidity? Why mess up your lovely Abuelita's place? Why jump to the nuclear option? I'm saying keep it simple. I will collect my moronic clients, and poof! We are gone. Neither you nor your lovely Abuelita will lay eyes on us ever again. Guaranteed. Signed sealed and delivered. Assuming, you know, that they're still breathing.
TUCO: Wow. You got a mouth on you.
SAUL: Thank you.
TUCO: Get up. That way.
SAUL: That way? Sure, why not.
Tuco allows Jimmy to see Cal and Lars, who are tied up in the basement, but when Jimmy removes the gag from one of them, he immediately implicates Jimmy in the phony hit and run scam.
LARS: It was him! It was all his idea!
SAUL: No, no, no!
TUCO: Shut up! (to Lars) say what?
LARS: He wanted to scam you, he said we could clear 2 grand easy.
TUCO: You punking me?Are you punking my abuelita?
SAUL: He hit his head, he doesn't know what he's saying.
TUCO: For what are you getting two grand?
LARS: For going after your grandma. Just for taking a header over at the corner. It was him I swear, it was the lawyer.
Tuco and his men take Jimmy, Cal and Lars to the desert and continue questioning Jimmy.
TUCO: Who are you, why are you after me?
SAUL: I can explain! You're gonna laugh, it's… I'm a lawyer. Check my ID, ok, but I was running a scam.
TUCO: On my Abuelita?!
SAUL: Not on your Abuelita! Not on you! There's a woman named Betsy Kettleman, I mentioned her. She's married to Craig Kettleman, he's a treasurer of Bernalillo County. I wanted his business. He stole a million and a half bucks from the county! He's gonna be indicted for embezzlement any day now! This is a good case for me, a lot of publicity. I'll get my name out and… Anyway, I thought if I had these two run their little skateboard hustle on Mrs. Kettleman I could, ya know, rescue her. Come and throw some oil and troubled waters and I'd get their business. That was the plan. But it turns out your lovely abuelita, she drives a car that's a whole lot like the Kettlemobile. So these two geniuses ran their little stunt on the wrong one. Joke's on me, ha ha! Simple as that.
Thinking quickly, Jimmy tells Tuco he's a lawyer, but when Tuco doesn't believe him and threatens to cut off a finger,
SAUL: Where's he going? Talk to me! What is he getting?
Nacho sets the toolbox in front of Saul.
SAUL: I was running a scam to get a client, I made a mistake, that's all this is.
Nacho opens the toolbox
SAUL: Oh jesus. You don't need… that's not… I'll talk.
Jimmy falsely claims he's an FBI agent.
SAUL: I'm Special Agent Jeffrey Steel, FBI.
TUCO: FBI.
SAUL: FBI, I'm undercover, ok? You got me, ok, I'm the tip of the spear. Releasing me would be the smart move.
TUCO: You hear that shit? (to Nacho) I told you the business was too good. I knew it, and I told you.
NACHO: Can I?
NACHO: Ok, uh, Special Agent... Steel?
SAUL: Jeffrey A. Steel.
NACHO: OK Agent Steel, what business are we in?
SAUL: Business?
NACHO: You're investigating us, right? For what, what did we do? What do we sell?
SAUL: Drugs.
NACHO: What kind of drugs?
SAUL: Uh, it's Title 21, schedule 2 through schedule 5 including part B, that's what we call them down at the bureau. The task force is designated operation Kingbreaker.
TUCO: Kingbreaker? That makes me the king! WOO!
Nacho is suspicious and threatens Jimmy again, so Jimmy goes back to admitting the truth—he is a lawyer who intended to scam the Kettlemans.
SAUL: I'm James Morgan McGill, I'm a lawyer, I was trolling for business, ok, that's the truth. Now you can find a Bible, I'll swear on it.
NACHO: What about operation Kingbreaker?
SAUL: I made it up. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know you. I don't want to. This was a mistake. It's my mistake. OK, I take full and complete responsibility, but I don't know any of your names and I got a bad case of face blindness, you let us go we're gonna forget this happened. (to Cal and Lars) guys we're gonna forget this happened, right? Nod your heads.
Nacho convinces Tuco this is the truth and that killing a lawyer would attract unwanted attention. Tuco frees Jimmy, but moves to kill Cal and Lars.
SAUL: Wait wait, can I say something? Can you let them go. Just let them go.
TUCO: Are you stupid?
SAUL: They don't deserve to die. I put them up to it. I don't deserve to die, but they don't either.
TUCO: I'm gonna skin em like javelinas!
SAUL: Forget about them, they're insects! They're… hey, think about their mother.
TUCO: I spit on their momma!
SAUL: She is a sweet little lady. She's a widow! She works hard, all day, every day. Just like her mother before her, from dawn til dusk, scrubbing the floors of rich people.
SAUL: When I was at your Abuelita's place you were gonna let them go. The way I see it that's because you're tough, but you're fair. You're all about justice.
TUCO: That's what I'm saying. Justice.
SAUL: These two shit-for-brains, these big mouths? You already beat the living hell out of them, you think they're ever gonna forget today? Never. 10 years from now they're still gonna be crapping their jockeys.
TUCO: It's not enough.
SAUL: Ok, ok, then let's talk proportionality. They're guilty.But now you have to decide what's the right sentence.
TUCO: Like a judge.
SAUL: Like a judge. Ever hear of the code of Hammurabi? Let the punishment fit the crime? Eye for an eye?
TUCO: Eye for an eye? You want me to blind them?
SAUL: No no! All they did was trash talk.
TUCO: So I cut their tongues out!
SAUL: Wait. See, I'm advising that you make the punishment fit the crime.
TUCO: Punishment fit the crime. Columbian neck ties! I cut their throats then I pull their lying tongues through the slits! Biznatch!
SAUL: Or you could give them black eyes.
TUCO: Black eyes! (laughs) that ain't nothing!
NO DOZE: That one there, homes? He already got a black eye, fool.
TUCO: Stop helping.
SAUL: Or you could sprain their ankles.
TUCO: Sprain?
SAUL: They're skateboarders, right? That's how they run their scam. They can't skate. You hit them where they live.
TUCO: I ain't spraining nothing, bitch. I'm gonna break their arms, and I'm gonna break their legs.
SAUL: Arms? When did we get on to arms? Let's--
TUCO: I'm cutting their legs off.
Jimmy convinces Tuco to spare their lives and talks him into only breaking one leg each as punishment.After several days in court, Jimmy returns to his office and sees that he has no messages.One of the beauty salon employees tells him a client has arrived
MRS. NGUYNEN: Customer.
SAUL: What?
MRS. NGUYNEN: For you, a customer. Waiting now.
SAUL: Uh, sure, give me a minute.
SAUL: Welcome, welcome, my office is being painted right now, excuse the temporary…
He sees that the customer is Nacho.
SAUL : ...quarters.
NACHO: Wow. Cozy. (sees Saul looking nervous) just me. Tuco freaked you out, huh?
Nacho closes the door.
NACHO: It's cool, he doesn't know I'm here.
SAUL: So, uh, what can I do for you?
NACHO: I've been thinking about what you said, out there in the desert. Those people that you were trying to scam, how much did they steal?
SAUL: Uh, north of a million and a half bucks. I think.
NACHO: So. They have a million and a half bucks somewhere. In what, cash?
SAUL: I don't know, why are you asking me?
NACHO: I'm gonna rip them off.
SAUL: Oh.
NACHO: I like ripping off thieves because they can't go to the cops, they have no recourse. You point me at where they have their cash, I'll pay you -- what do you call it -- a finder's fee. Call it 10%. A hundred large.
SAUL: Why would you come to me for that?
NACHO: You already tried ripping them off. I'm gonna finish what you started.
SAUL: I wasn't trying to rip them off, I just wanted their business.
NACHO: OK.
SAUL: I don't know where their money is.
NACHO: Smart guy like you can figure it out. If I know what I need to know no one gets hurt. We rip them off, easy money.
SAUL: Look, I'm a lawyer, not a criminal.
NACHO: You are shitting me.
SAUL: I crossed a line. I made a mistake. I'm not doing that again, not ever.
NACHO: I got between you and Tuco. Do you think you'd be here now if I kept my mouth shut?
SAUL: And I appreciate that, I owe you. And if you're ever in trouble, god forbid, legal trouble, I will be there 24/7 as a lawyer.
NACHO: What's your angle?
SAUL: No, no angle. And I'm not saying anything about this to anybody. As far as I'm concerned, you're a client, this is consultation, and everything you just told me is privileged.
NACHO: You rat, you die.
SAUL: And that too, yes.
Nacho takes a pen and writes a phone number on Jimmy's matchbook.
NACHO: For when you figure out you're in the game.
Nacho walks out.
SAUL: I'm not in the game, I promise.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
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