Chapter 3: Chapter One.
November 30th already, fourth year is going to be over before I know and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. Unlike the other sixteen-year old's I know, I am not spending my Friday night out drinking but instead, I'm wrapped up in my favourite blanket, watching the entirety of Brooklyn nine-nine for the second time. Once I have reached the point where Netflix is asking if I'm still there, I decide to call quits and to have a shower before getting back into bed. Feeling the sharp frigid air hit my legs when I leave my bed, I realise that wearing pyjama shorts wasn't the best idea in the middle of winter but I adapted to it quickly enough.
I grab some fresh towels from the hot-press and get the shower ready. The warm water feels nice, especially in this weather. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the winter months but I will never enjoy how cold it is no matter how much you try to warm up. My mind starts to think about the fun my friends are having. They didn't invite me out because they knew I would end up saying no so I guess I can't really argue with that. Spending my weekends like that just isn't for me. Besides, I would just end up either being completely sober or getting completely wasted. It just doesn't seem worth the headache tomorrow.
Most if not all my year group is out celebrating the end of the school show. I was involved in working backstage, makeup, hair and helping the production team. It was only a small show but a good one nonetheless. Opening night was last night but we had a matinee this morning for anyone who couldn't make it last night. We were able to leave school once the show had finished and I was out so late last night that the last thing I wanted was to be out again tonight.
After turning off the water and stepping out of the shower, I get changed into some fresh pyjamas, ones that cover my legs and dry my hair. I don't bother with trying to straighten it so I put it in a bun instead. Hearing my stomach asking for food is when I decide to head downstairs to grab a snack. I only had dinner a few hours ago but more food is being demanded.
I look down at my phone and notice the time, 8:33 p.m., along with serval missed calls and texts from Aiden. I had left my phone on silent while watching Netflix because I had assumed that considering most of my friends were out, I wouldn't be receiving any important messages but this seemed urgent. I call him back and after two rings he picks up his phone. "Is everything ok?" I ask slightly concerned. Just as I ask, I hear a knock on the door and when I open it, I see him, standing in the rain. His dark hair dripping, the area around his blue eyes are red from crying and tear-soaked cheeks. "No, Julia. Everything is not ok," he responds, his voice cracking slightly. He used my full first name so it must be serious. I'm so used to hearing him call me Jules that the name sounds slightly foreign coming from his mouth.
I pull him inside and he instantly sinks into my arms, having to bend down a little because he is almost an entire foot taller than me, and begins to sob again. He's soaking wet and freezing, I have so many questions but I just let him cry because it seems like he needs it. Aiden is one of those day one kind of friends, he has been around for years and I can't exactly remember when we first became friends, he was just there. He is my best friend and I'd be entirely lost without him. I can say that in all the that I have known him, I have seen a fair share of tears but nothing to the extent of what I'm seeing in front of me.
His breathing slows slightly and he begins to stop. "I'm sorry for showing up like this, I just didn't want to be alone and you were the only one that-" he starts to ramble.
"Hey it's ok really, I'll grab you a towel to dry off and then we can talk ok?" I say to which he simply nods in-between sniffles. This boy is going to catch a serious cold after this.
Once I give him the towel, I turn on the radiators and make him some tea. "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask as I hand him his tea and take a seat beside him. He takes a sip before answering, "I think I should break up with Sarah." I choke on my tea as he says this. That was definitely not what I was expecting to hear him say. It then hits me that today actually marks eight months since they have started dating. Of all days for him to be thinking this, today is not that day. Also, of all the places he should be today, my house is also not that place. Let's just say that Sarah is not my biggest fan, she has never understood why Aiden and I had to be so close with each other. The simple answer was that we're friends and nothing more but she convinced herself a while ago that something was going on between us.
In all honesty, I do understand why she would be concerned. It's weird watching your boyfriend be so close with someone else and claiming that they're not together. This coming from first-hand experience except I actually had a reason to worry because he was cheating. I have tried to befriend Sarah, get to know her so that she can see I have no interest in Aiden and that I'm happy for him. She wasn't cooperating though and it actually led to an argument between Aiden and I a few months ago. She had told him that I threatened her and when he confronted me, I told him he was crazy but he was trying to stand by her. He found out she was lying and thus began their regular arguments over lord knows what.
I've tried to tell Aiden a few times already that it was getting out of hand but he was convinced that things could be fixed. All couples fight, if anything it's healthy but the number of times they would fight was just ridiculous. Now he is here, asking for advice about breaking up with a girl that he knows I'm not very fond of anymore.
"Julia, I don't know what to do, I love her so much but I'm so tired of fighting all of the time. It's over the stupidest things too, she said I looked at her the wrong way yesterday and she stormed off. I just don't know what to do anymore."
"Aiden can I be honest?" I ask, my voice coming out slightly quieter than I had planned but he heard me.
"Yes, please. I need honesty right now and I know you're the only one that will give me that." He responds, impatiently waiting for my response. I let out a sigh and turn to face him, my dark blue-green eyes looking at his light blue one's filled with tears that are ready to fall.
"I think you should be having this conversation with her and not me." I finally reply. He seems pretty surprised by my response; it obviously wasn't what he was expecting but it's what needed to be said. "Look Aiden you know I think the absolute world of you and I'd love to give you my advice but I would only encourage you to break up with her because you're clearly not happy. I want you to be happy but I really think you need to see her and talk this out with her and not me. She's your girlfriend, I'm not." I finish.
He turns away from me for a moment and stands up. Sighing in frustration at what he probably thinks is lousy advice but he'll realise I'm right. I understand I'm his closest friend and it would, of course, make sense that he would come to me for anything and I'll always help him when I can but this situation is not something my opinion should influence.
I know deep down he loves Sarah and no matter how much we don't get along he will always try his best to keep both of us around but if he wants to be happy with her, I don't want to risk conversations like this when he should be having them with her.
I may not like the girl but I've been in her shoes once, I can respect why she is cautious about our friendship. I just hope that for Aiden's sake that she can respect our friendship. "You really think I should talk to her about wanting to break up with her?" He asks once more for reassurance. "When Jack and I broke up last month, I had to tell him that I had already been thinking about it which is what led me to do it. He didn't fully understand but at least I gave him my reasons. If you're going to break up with Sarah, the least you could do if let her know why or at least speak to her before you decide and maybe you can work things out."
He pulls me into a hug which I didn't expect but I welcome his embrace. "I'm sorry Jules, for turning up like this unannounced and just bombarding you with my relationship problems when you're still going through a breakup." He whispers.
I pull away and offer him a smile. "It's ok, I'm handling things on my own and it's going well. Don't worry about me but can you please talk to Sarah." He nods and grabs his jacket before giving me one last hug. As he is heading out the door, I hand him an umbrella, noticing it is still heavily raining.
"Text me when you get home safe," I call after him.
"I always do," he calls back.
~ ~ ~
It's been about an hour and I still haven't heard from him. I can only hope that things are going ok but then why does a small part of me hope he finally ends things. She's not good for him anymore, her lack of trust and constant judgmental attitude of who his friends are just isn't healthy. Our friends Katie and Erin would agree with me to a certain extent but in the end, they always just tell me to drop it because all that matters is that "Aiden is happy." But he's not, that's the thing. We are together almost every day and I can see the change in him. He doesn't enjoy things as much as he used to, he seems kind of numb by everything and overall, tired and fed up.
Fighting with someone every day gets tiring, I know that. I remember when the fights between Jack and I got worse. First, he claimed that I was not spending enough time with him but that quickly led to him disliking the fact that most of my friends are guys.
I told him I would never change my friends and he had to accept that for what it was. When I noticed him becoming more distant, I asked why and he said I was crazy and overthinking everything. That's when I asked his brother if he was ok. His brother told me that he had been getting close with an old friend through Instagram.
I found her Instagram and let's just say she is very expressive with her body in pictures and he was liking every single one of those pictures. I'm not one to tell what pictures he can and can't like but I asked him about it and once again I was just being crazy and had nothing to worry about. He even unfollowed her and stopped liking the pictures but I could still see how distant he was being.
He stopped being distant every now and again but that was when he tried to push for sex. I wasn't ready to give him that I guess that didn't sit well with him because soon enough he was back to her. Reassuring me I had nothing to worry about and that he respected my choices but I knew it was a lie.
Fights became constant and when you start to cry over your boyfriend every night, it's a clear sign that things are ending. I broke up with him last month and he cried right in front of me, he even called me two days later to see how I was and asked if we could still be friends. Telling him that wasn't a clever idea is what set him off, he confessed that he didn't need me anyway because he has been dating little miss Instagram since the month before I ended things.
He made it quite clear that he never would've become so distant if I just slept with him. Proceeding to body-shame me and tell me all the reasons why I'm not good enough and never will be. She gave him what I didn't want to and to be honest, I didn't care. I still don't because at least I stood my ground and I know that at the end of the day I'm better off without him. That doesn't take away the pain, even if a relationship is toxic it doesn't make letting go any easier because at one point you were happy.
Aiden was furious when I told him, he wanted to confront Jack but I told him it would be a waste of time. He comforted me during the early weeks of the breakup, he wouldn't leave my side until I stopped crying. Every day he would reassure me that everything Jack said about me was a lie, that I was more than enough for someone and that anyone would be lucky to have me.
I had only worked up the courage to get rid of Jacks things last week. The petty side of me didn't return his hoodies and I sold them for a small bit of money. I didn't feel bad at all, I think I deserved some compensation for my heartbreak. I kept the photos though because even though the relationship is over, the memories will always remain. They're packed up in a box along with some gifts, notes, and my feelings for him.
That sounds dramatic but it's how I felt. Going through what I've gone through helps me understand Aiden's situation a little better because I can see how bad this relationship is for him and the longer, he drags it out, the worse it will affect him in the end. One thing is for sure and that's, that Aiden is not one to often express his feelings with tonight being an exception of course. I'm fully aware that if he does break up with Sarah that he is going to try to deal with things alone which is allowed for the most part but I don't want him to start pushing people away.
I know him better than anyone and I am sure this is what he will try to do. I'm waiting anxiously for some sort of text or call from him but I don't even know what I'll say to him when he does. I guess my best friend instincts will kick and I will say the right thing at the right time. Since my phone was in my hand, my thumb moves across the screen to Instagram. The first picture that comes up on my feed is one of Katie and Erin hugging and smiling, drinks in hand. Captioned "I'd be lost without you." It doesn't faze me; I did choose not to go out with them even though I wasn't exactly invited in the first place.
They were both friends for about a year before I found my way to them a don't get me wrong, we get along well but I guess I've always been the third wheel but I can't exactly be picky with my friends considering I'm way too shy to make new ones.
I talk to other people within my year group and I am sociable with most of them but I've never really managed to get past the brief talking stage with them. The only reason I could do that with Katie and Erin was because Katie and I went to the same primary school so we knew each other already. We have been friends for three years but I wouldn't call them my besties. I doubt we will stay in contact after school ends.
In all honesty, these girls are the kind of people you need to have patience with. Very few people in my school like them which could be another reason why other people don't speak to me often. I suppose I'm considered intolerable and bitchy just by association with Katie and Erin.
Not exactly how I would like to be viewed but if that's how people want to see me without getting to know me then that's their choice. Not that they're missing out on much anyway, it's not like I'm the most interesting person in the world. Aiden would say otherwise, he hates when I doubt myself but it's his word against many other people so not doubting myself is easier said than done.
~ ~ ~
Another hour has past and I still haven't heard anything from Aiden so I decide that going asleep is probably the best idea and if tomorrow I still haven't heard anything then I'll text him to ask if things are ok.
Going asleep was harder than usual, images of Aiden's tear-stained face flash in my mind. I've never seen him so upset before and it honestly broke my heart to see him like that. A fair share of people I'm close with are guys but I've never really had to see them deal with a breakup.
With girls I suppose we just eat ice cream and watch some sentimental romance movies but what do you do with guys? Ice cream can work for everyone and I wish that guys would understand that it's ok to express how you feel in front of someone you're comfortable with. I'm glad that Aiden is like that with me because I couldn't imagine him going through this alone.
~ ~ ~
I try to ignore the continuous vibrating of my phone on my desk, trying to sleep through the alarm I always regret setting. When I reach over to grab my phone, the screen illuminates my face and the time reads 2:57 a.m. Those vibrations were calls and texts from Aiden. This boy has my sleep schedule all kinds of messed up but I sit up straight, put my glasses on and unlock my phone. Even half-asleep, my thumb knows exactly where to go and after a few rings, he answers.
Through my tiredness, I manage to mutter a "hello."
"Oh, shit did I wake you, Jules?" He assumes most likely by the sound of my voice.
"What? No, I'm always up around three in the morning just chilling." I try to say sarcastically but I'm probably just mumbling at this point. "Anyway, what's up? How are things with Sarah?" I ask
There's a moment of silence and I begin to think that he's hung up but he begins to speak as I pull my phone away from my ear.
"Where do I even begin? I cried so much right there in front of her and everything I felt just came out. I told her everything, even about breaking up and she cried too. She told me how she was feeling and it felt amazing." He says with what I can imagine is a smile on his face.
"It was crazy Jules; it wasn't even like we got a spark back it was like we created a whole new flame. I think we're going to be ok." He finishes.
"I'm really happy for you Aiden, do what you think is best and you know I'm always here if you need me, even if it is fucking three in the morning."
"You're the best you know that? I don't know what I would do without you." He says.
"You'd be so lost without me that's for sure," I say almost through a small laugh.
"I know, go to bed sleepy. We're meeting everybody at eleven tomorrow." He tells me.
"What? Why?" I respond, having no memory of making any sort of plans.
"We're starting our Christmas shopping tomorrow. It's December 1st and you need to help me with gifts because you know how bad I am and picking them out."
"But why so early? Katie and Erin are going to be hungover." I say, trying to convince him to change the time.
"You know they would shop no matter what condition they were in." He responds with laughter, clearly not buying my excuse for a time change.
"Fine fine, eleven it is. Can I go to sleep now?" I say but before he answers I speak up again. "Actually, why am I asking, I'll sleep if I want to."
Another ripple of laughs comes through the phone and I smile, I'll never get tired of hearing his laugh. Especially after the condition, I saw him in earlier, it's good to hear the change in his mood. "Goodnight Jules, thanks again for the advice. I really do appreciate it and you."
"Goodnight Aiden." And I hang up the phone.
I find it hard to sleep that night. Thinking about Aiden's choice to stay with Sarah just doesn't sit well with me. His mood over the past few weeks and the state he was in today shows how much stress he feels in this relationship. If he genuinely made it work then I respect that and I can only be happy but I know Aiden and if something doesn't make him happy then he tries to remove it from his life. He doesn't like living life in a cloud of negativity and it has always been one of the many things I admire about him.
He's such an outgoing and caring person but if people walk all over him then he won't hesitate to cut them out. That's what Sarah is doing, she's making his life toxic and I guess he's convinced himself that he loves her that he doesn't see it. I guess love really is blind. I'm not going to be pushy about it because as long as he's happy then I'm happy but that doesn't mean I agree with his choice.
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And that concludes the first chapter of "All I Knew was you" I hope you enjoyed and continue to read. Please feel free to vote, comment and share if you did enjoy as it would be a major help and mean a lot to me.
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Thank you all for reading, you will hear from me in the next chapter.
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