2nd period. Photography. I'm in sixth form so I choose 3 subjects. And unlike the rest of the school, no uniform. Photography is my favourite of the three subjects. Photography, media and finally script writing. Don't get me wrong I love all three subjects but I have the most freedom in photography.
I alway capture how I feel in a photo. After editing of course. Today we were editing and I felt this wave of relief in a way when I finished. My photos take forever to edit. I like to layer them when I'm confused so that's what I did today.
l
confusion is a emotion I feel quite often. I mean there is so much to be confused about. Life is confusing. I work too hard all the time to not be confused. Confusion about what happened to my mother. About my father. Confusion about words. About faces, money, food, meaning. Confusion about everything.
People keep telling me I'm alway confused because I've gotten good at over working. On an evening I work at a photostudio, for work experience, and at the local shops. I plan on moving out to live on my own. Have free will so I have been saving up. When my mother left her one wish was for me to be happy.
Another thing that confuses me. My mother's timing. The night before she left she was sat on my bed. I remember it like it was yesterday
~~~1 year earlier~~~
Mum walked into my room while I was doing schoolwork. It was the start of yeat 11 which meant lots of revision. Yay. I was listening to my music so didn't hear her enter. I turned around. She was sat on my bed. She looked lost. Emotionless. Empty. She looked at me, straight at me. Her eyes used to be filled with passion and joy and hope. There was nothing now. She smiled a weak smile and spoke. "Iz. Isabella. Promise me to always be happy. Alway looked on the bright side. Alway smile. Because I love you baby. I will always be by your side. I will always be here when you need me." I promised and she left.
~~~present~~~
Ironic I know. She will always be here. Well I needed her when she left. I don't need anyone anymore. if I depend on people they leave and I get hurt. People confuse me. Emotions confuse me so I'm better of alone. Nothing can confuse me when I'm alone, right?
After photography I had got together all my things, left the school building and went to the tree house. It was built for me and lizzy when we were 5. We always meet here. It's a 5 minuet walk from school. When we're were younger we went to the tree house everyday and we would play games and just talk, but now she says we're too old for 'childish shit like that' I don't believe her. That tree house is the only place I feel free. The only place I'm happy. The only place I feel safe.
She doesn't get it. I'm the only thing that confuses her. She understands the world. She understands everything and then there's me. Her life is perfect so she doesn't understand that mine is falling apart by the seams. On real shitty days at home I would sleep here yet she lives in a fucking mansion with her perfect parents and perfect family
It amazes and confuses me how we're friends. We're polar opposites yet she's my only friend, although we're not that close. She had better friends. I don't deserve her at all but here she is, part of the time.
I get to the tree and just sit there and wait for her. I grab a notebook and pen and start to doodle. I draw broken hearts and lost souls. I draw my emotions. That was until my phone started to ring.
FUCK. It's my father. And I've missed lessons. I'm dead. He's gunna beat my ass. I know I should answer but it's so tempting not to however I know if I don't answer I'm a dead bitch.
"Hi" hesitation layering my voice as I answer.
"WHERE ARE YOU???" It rings in my ear as his world project through the phone. "GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW. Im not suprised your mother left."
A single tear slips down my face as I prepare for the torture to come.
— New chapter is coming soon — Write a review