Chapter 289: I'm Just Trying to Strangle These Fuckers
/Frank POV/
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Hoo boy, isn't this quite nice. All of the Floor Guardians are coming to greet me and Momonga. He's gonna finally change his name, and I'll be calling him Ainz instead.
[Damn man, you really did get all of the theatrics out for this one didn't you?]
[Don't talk to me about that, I don't know why did they expect that I was supposed to want all of THIS, they just did it for the sake of it, I suppose.]
I couldn't help but chuckle internally while they all have their allegiance to me and Ainz, funny enough, they gave me lots of fun y little titles. Metalborn Lord, the Machine God, Wrathful Mechanitor, and Lord of the Walkers.
I almost forgot to tell you about those, but sadly that's a mystery Mouseketool that we're going to be using later on children.
Don't you worry your adorable little head over.
(We. Hear. And. Obey. The. Words. Of. The. Last. Of. The. Supreme. Ones.)
I took my turn to give thanks to their allegiance.
(I and Ainz thank you little ones. It had been many a long moons and days since I have seen you. I remember the times of beauty and necessary bloodshed that we have undergone.
The Grand Raid, all of the battles that we had brought you alongside in, and even some of the quieter times, times of peace. Flourishing, beautiful peace.
But as of this moment, I must ask for your forgiveness, for e have been brought into a world that we have no true power over.
Yet. I ask of you, allow me and my friend to control thee once more, to order thee, and to ask of you the ultimate sacrifice if needed, for the good of our Tomb. For the good of our legacy.)
The Floor Guardians subsequently starting falling down, completely fucking kowtowing to me from my speech.
[Dude, that was just a normal speech, Ainz what the hell did we program into these guys to make them think we're actual fucking Gods?]
[Mekhaine, we made them. They're like children to us. They would honor us, and by the way, you're really better rat speeches than I am. I guess being a CEO does do some things for your speaking capabilities, eh?]
[Ainz, don't make me get a fucking item to make you have a penis. Albedo would be a very happy woman if that were the case.]
[Gomenasai, Mekhaine-sama! I don't want to die that way!]
I snickered a little as my body still felt really difficult to move. It was then that I realized that the [Rusted] debuff was being applied as I seemingly had a limp.
(Forgive me, little ones, I require lubrication. Please send little CZ Delta to procure some of my lubricant. She knows which one of them I would need.)
Albedo looked at the Pleiades and nodded to them, which was returned by CZ Delta bringing over the specific lubricant for me to lather myself in.
(Oh thank you little one, my servos whir far too often, and this old body of mine fights against me as many times as it would take to make me obsolete.)
Demiurge had the balls to speak up in that moment, as he then said (Forgive me for speaking out of turn, my Lord, but is it true? Are we truly within a different world? One that is unknowing of you and Lord Ainz's magnificent presence?)
I felt my voicebox hum as I lathered some of the joints and bearings on my body with lubricant, this removing the [Rusted] debuff.
(I am certain this is a different world, little one of Ulbert. But what I am not certain is whether or not we're truly unforseen. This could be world where we would struggle almost every single day, one that can allow us to kill every single inhabitant without a shred of remorse or reaction.
I am not made clear to our situation just yet, but we may be able to see once we start sending out scouts. Which reminds me-)
(It will be done immediately, Lord Mekhaine!) Albedo said as I felt the metal on my face contort into a smile, which only really served to make me look more horrifying.
(Your insight to our plans makes things so much smoother little one, I thank thee. Now then, arise, oh children of our comrades. Call forth my children, I bequeath them upon you all, ask them to search alongside you for signs of life.
If the individuals appear to be in some form of trouble, then I ask of thee to allot some degree of strength to preserve them. Information is to be our main goal, and the political climate of this world, if it has one, is a definite requirement.)
They nodded once more as they all left for my Personal Floor. Floor Omega, the Floor of Metal. Almost all of my creations are within that floor. And I really do mean almost.
It took me more than a ducking year just to smooth out the plans and build the damned thing, but it was worth it when those enemy players saw what I threw at them.
Maybe, just maybe, some of my "children" will walk once more, and the earth itself beneath them will know what a true [Earthshaker Mech] is.
(Ainz, we need to have our own personal search as well. I don't wanna be a blind bat here brother. This place has me getting the biggest and most severe case of "we might actually fucking die here". I don't like that feeling there brother. It's not exactly in my top ten.)
(I can see what you mean Mekhaine, but we don't have that many spells related to scouring the lands. That was more of Pero's thing.)
(Ah fuck, you're right. What we wouldn't give just for some of our friends to be within here as well. Gods, imagine the sort of things that Buku would say when she finds out that she's stuck in a slime body. She'd go ballistic, I tell you, completely and utterly ballistic.)
I could almost feel the shiver go through me and Ainz's body. We remember that one time that Pero tried to prank her my cutting a part of her hair off, and I actually hsd to go there with Suzuki, in real life, to make sure that she wouldn't outright try to kill her own brother with the same pair of scissors he used against her.
(It's a real shame, ain't it. What happened to her.)
Momonga gave me a look on his skeleton face that could only really be read by other players. Sadness and melancholy. Buku got into a.....situation, and it ended up with her trying to take her life. She was put into a medically induced coma and Pero had never been the same ever since.
(Pero stopped being a pervert the very moment he was made to bear that burden. And he left, not long after. I don't blame him for leaving, all the memories that were here in this Tomb. They're going to hurt if you don't know how to take them in slowly.)
(Mekhaine-san, the past, should stay in the past.)
I couldn't help but be a little surprised at what Ainz just said. Him? Not trying to stay within the past?Not trying to relive it? Now ain't that just something.
(Well ain't that something, you're growing up Momon, probably even more than I am.)
He was going to chuckle until one of the homunculi came over and bowed to us. (Forgive me for my impertinence, Lord Ainz, Lord Mekhaine, but something has occurred with the scoutjng parties.)
I looked at them and felt like sighing, until I held myself back. (But of course, lead us to the Overseer immediately, I and Ajnz require a full report on what has occurred.)
They nodded as they led me and Ainz to what was the closest thing to a battle and strategy room, where plans were made and forged up, and enemies were picked for the slaughter.
(Forgive me, Ainz-sama, Mekhaine-sama, but we have a situation that has been aware to us. We have found humans.)
Ainz seized up a little as he held the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown, while I clenched my fists to make it seem that I was upset with this development.
(Are you certain, little one? Humans? Are they like us? Strong, dangerous? Unhinged?)
(No my Lord! These humans are nowhere close to the old enemy Players that you and the other Supreme Beings used to war against. They are weak, unknowing, and currently being slaughtered.)
I hummed a little as I looked to Ainz.
(We could save them, it could buy us some initial rapport with them.)
(And yet it feels off, I suggest that we should scout out a little further first before we make a hasty decision. After all, they could be performing a ruse.)
(These are not the same humans as before Ainz, they may not hate us as much, and they may not even be knowing of what you are as a race.)
(I severely doubt that, old friend. But, I suppose that we wait for a little longer and then take action. Desperation will set into their hearts, and slowly make things easier for us to worm our way in.)
[Did you really have to pull some of that edgier talk when it came to that?]
My message was immediately answered back with a lengthy explanation that he didn't want to make Albedo think that he was filled with more emotions than what was originally possible.
[So I'm supposed to be the moral anchor here? Fine, you'll play evil and undead Overlord, I'll be a melancholic and peaceful weapon of war. And then we'll make daisy chains and drink lemonade for the rest of our days.]
I couldn't help but shake my head and give off the closest sound I had to a sigh.
(Very well, Albedo, get into your full armor. And bring three sets of the best potions we may have. Let's play this carefully, get a good feel of what exactly is their true strength.)
Albedo bowed to me as she immediately teleported out of the Battle Room, leaving me and Ainz to look at the mirror.
(Dude, this is very bad right now.)
(How do you mean, Mekhaine?)
(I mean in the sense that these guys are probably doing some high tier political plays here. You see those flags that those "knights" are waving around?
When you're performing a slaughter, you want it done quietly, making sure that nobody with actual recon to be able to ID whose doing what. But these guys? They're waving that flag like it's no tomorrow.
My guess? Trying to get a patsy, or they're just outright super zealots. If it's the latter, then it's simple, we have a country that's hyper dangerous and volatile, probably even fully aggressive against Heteromorphic Players.
If it's the former however, then we're going to get swept up into a real political shit storm. )
Ainz took my words in as he asked (If it's the former, then we might be able to handle it. Demiurge and the others are more than capable of maneuvering a political landscape with little issue, so I don't quite see the problem?)
(Ainz, I mean when we have to get into this as well.)
(....ah, yes, oh no.)
(Oh fucking no indeed, brother. This is bad fucking territory. I can bullshit my way through things easily, I've dealt with politicians before.
You, my friend, forgive for calling you this, but you're a businessman, having chats and dealing with a game of thrones is not the sort of schtick that I'd be bestowing upon you.)
(Eh? Come on Mekhaine-san, it can't be that terrible.)
(Do you want to inadvertently sign a paper that requires our Floor Guardians to marry people outside of the Tomb? People that might do the most god awful things to them?
Trust is difficult to earn, brother. We need to make our price of trust a goddamn pitfall if they ever want to get into our good graces.)
I saw that Albedo was more than ready, as I cracked some of my joints and servos, which only really proved to make my movement capabilities more terrible. Sadly for everyone that's involved in trying to kill me, they seem to forget that I haven't made my class more specific yet.
The game calls me Abhorred, because I'm literally hated by almost every single player, save for the Guild, since nearly nobody gets close enough to be able to do damage to me.
I did say that I was a summoner warrior build, but what I never specified was just how bullshit I was as a build. You see, I summon machines, they take a specific and large amount of mana just to get them to be summoned. But whenever they die, I get something fun.
A single, unchanged .0001 percent of my stats getting raised, every time that one of my units gets horribly and unfixably damaged in combat, permanently.
Do you know what the players called me, as a nickname? The One Legion. Because I had nearly thousands upon thousands of units, some big, some small, some being the size of a church.
I was one of the worst people to try and fight, mainly due to the fact that I had a macro set on summoning mid-level units that constantly went around killing things, and if they find any Human or Beastman type players, they all congregate and try to execute them.
If the Players die, then that means that they drop a good chunk of their gear and loot. If my units die, they give me a buff. My mana was bullshit, my attack was God awful to try and go against, Buku called hax when it came to my defense, and almost all the other stats that I had were more than capable of throwing my ass into the levels of the Top Rankers of the game.
I loved that power, and right now, I can feel it, but I thank God Almighty that I'm capable of controlling it, because the lore for how the units die is fucked beyond compare.
Basically, robots turned out to be capable of growing souls in Yggdrasil, and every time a robot is damaged, they don't completely die, they need to be fully and completely destroyed to finally release their souls.
The dwarves first made me, one of the first of the machines. They saw me as an abomination, cast me out without destroying me completely, and I started to know what pain actually was.
Enough of the robot souls were within the area that I supposedly cannibalized them, and then created my own soul, crying out in horrific robot static voice box screams at the fact that I'd just killed dozens of my kin, until I horrifically realized that what I just did was a mercy in comparison to the madness that the dwarves pulled.
So I began my journey as a vengeful robot, and ended up as a robot god. Fun, and every single member of the Tomb of Nazarick is more than aware of what sort of things happened to me.
Hell, most of the Guild wanted to add my story into the lores of their creations, and I personally said that I was fine with whatever they planned to do.
But you wanna know an extra little fun part? The other guys in the Guild said that I needed my own creation, my own NPC that goes around, doing whatever. And so I took the heaviest amount of time to make a good one.
And the materials? Let's just say that when I showed the other members of the Guild what the requirements were to try and create what I wanted, they started to laugh at the absurdity. About three months later, they were crying in fear due to how fast I speedran the necessary mats for the NPC.
And I called upon them with a single command. [BR1NG TH3 B\00D, 0H ANG3\ 0F M1N3]
Albedo realized who I was calling upon, and Ainz was also a little scared at the implications. I really was going to go all out for this. I heard speedy grinding as a blue blur made itself known before me. Golden hovering blades behind it. Head like a camera, and a voice of a pure computer.
(H3Y B055, 1 C@M3.)
(Thank you, V1.)
Yeppers, it took a lot of time, cocaine, coffee, and effort, but enough seizures having to use so many spells and plans really made things worth it in the end.
(Good day to you, V1, do you require the plans for what is to come in this battle?)
Albedo did her best to stay professional, but I can't dent the fact that I could literally smell the fear that came from her. V1 was like Shalltear, but somehow even worse. He even had more melee capabilities than his original.
The blood drinking aspect was generalized upon, and even improved, since he worked on similar enough principles like me. Yes, I made the vampiric Nikon camera be able to suck souls as well, because why shouldn't he?
(V1, I need you to come with us. We have some, humans to kill.)
The amount of peculiar Windows Vista sounds that came out of him could signify his hatred for them. I'm so proud of him being so deadly.
(Now then, it's about time that we begun to try and slaughter these enemies of ours already. Well, they're not quite out enemies yet, but they'll soon join the ranks of them after what we're going to do.)
I couldn't help but begin to laugh as V1 also laughed along, albeit with more of a monotonous and computer-like tone to it. I was going to ha e far too much fun in this world, this is going to become amazing already!
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
AntiLoliLewding
AntiLoliLewding 3020 words. Hoo boy, or should I say hoo bot? Joking, let's put the pitchforks down. God I really got into my element with this chapter, over 500 words from what I promised I'd deliver. Love these sorts of days where I don't get tired of writing for the sake of writing, I am an amateur after all. Anyways and as always, I'll see you guys, on the dank side of the moon! Peace out everybody! Goodbye~
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