Chapter 3: Breaking Point
Jimin's POV
I met Dae-hyun in my first year of university. I would like to say that it was our love for creating things that drew us to each other like a moth to a flame. The moment I laid my eyes on him — as cliche as this sounds — he took my breathe away.
Walking through the door of our first class of the semester was a man as attractive as they came. Straight out of my wet dream. He had tousled dark brown hair, which was thick and lustrous. He ran his hands through it as he scanned the lecture hall for an empty seat.
His eyes were dark, mesmerising and mysterious and his face strong and defined, like his features were molded from granite. The dark eye brows, which sloped downwards in a serious expression framed his perfect face and high cheekbones. He left me breathless.
I am a sucker for men with height and it didn't help that he was the perfect height for me framed by broad shoulders and completed by long muscular legs. In short, I thought he was a god among men. I was sold the moment I laid my eyes on him.
I was enrolled in the communication department of my university pursuing a Master's in Branding, Marketing and Design. I had gone on to study my masters immediately after my bachelor's degree because I wanted to graduate early and also have a better edge in the job market. Partly was also, because it was what everyone else was doing - talk of peer influence - the hype to complete your masters degree at a young age was on and I did not want to be left behind.
I loved to create thought provoking visuals. Coming up with something that takes people on a journey and their minds and awaken emotions and desires they didn't know they had, is truly a gift. Only few can achieve this and I was lucky to be one of the few, it was a natural gift.
I attribute my creative ability to my beloved mother.
I was the only child to my mother who she single handedly raised me to be the man that I am today. My incredibly talented, hardworking, sensitive, quirky and loving mother was amazing in every way. She put her best in everything that she did, from raising me to work. She wore different hats and I love her dearly for that. The woman literally moved the heavens and earth to make sure that I never lacked.
I can't quite say that we were started as well off. After my father abandoned us, it was hard for a couple of years, but the comfort she gave me never made feel like we were lacking. We lived in our own bubble, as we created memories. Basically, we were each other's happiness and anchor. My tougher than leather mother broke just so I could live a comfortable life. She was devotion personified.
Fate was kind as the years went by; she got a job that paid better and her natural talent flowed through shining through her work. In a short time, she rose through ranks at work and became one of the most sought after people in her field for her skill.
I think my mother must have really wanted a girl. Well, at least I think a teensy little tiny bit of her — and I insist on a tiny bit of her to preserve my manhood. Why? Because my beloved mom occasionally thought it fun to dress me up as a girl until I was of school going age. She said that since she had already shopped in preparation for a girl, she did not see the point of wasting "perfectly good clothes".
For the longest time after I was born, people always assumed I was a girl. I took after my mom, from her rounded cheeks, her gorgeous eyes to her plump pink lips. It also did not help my case that I was painfully small and delicate most of my childhood. A lot of people thought me cute.
My beloved mother was practical and very resourceful. Seeing her work required a lot of visual representation, on more than one occasion, I found myself tangled in her creative process either as a muse or a prop.
To my utter embarrassment, she once dressed me up in a ballet outfit; complete with a pink tutu and ballet shoes to sell an idea of ballet costumes to schools in my district. While she might have won the contract for her company to cater to the marketing needs of the supplying company, I think I was scarred for life. Well... that is not entirely true, I secretly liked it. She said I looked cuter than all the other kids initially picked.
It is through the first hand experience of her love for what she did, and being involved in all, if not most of her projects, that I found myself drawn to her world and naturally followed the same career path. This brought us closer than we already were and I worked hard because I wanted to fill her shoes and leave my own mark in the industry like she had done.
I was paired with Dae-Hyun for my first team project for that semester. Through working together, the late evenings and the countless hours in the library, we found that we had a lot in common. So many things piqued my interest about him and every moment spent with him was a delight. Being attracted to him, I noticed the tiniest details about him that everyone else missed.
I liked the way his eyes lit up when he had a eureka moment and the little squeal in his voice when he was explaining a new idea. It intrigued me the way he talked with his hands and the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he was extremely happy. The aura around him was so comforting and inviting that one summer evening during a celebratory dinner, after we emerged top on our project I confessed my feelings for him.
I expected him to weirded out by all of it. A part of me worried that I would lose a friend but as time went by it became harder to keep my feelings hidden from him and I knew that if I did not tell him how I felt, I would go crazy. To my surprise, he kissed me and told me he felt the same way. That, as simple as it was, became the beginning of our three year long beautiful nightmare.
We became inseparable and a few short months later we moved in together leaving dorm-life behind. While living in the dorm had been cost efficient for me, I felt that it would be better if we had a place of our own, to make memories and probably it would strengthen our relationship. I was looking at the long term, because to me, he was it for me. I didn't have to worry much about the costs because his family was well off and my mother despite my protests insisted on sending me spending money for bills and rent.
So, we settled into our life and started making memories of our own.
There's something about living together that awakens the sleeping demons in a relationship. Any relationship - be it sharing with a close friend or a lover - living together often gives one an different perspective of someone's life and brings to light a lot of things. Living with Dae-Hyun awoke me to this reality.
Every couple has their bad moments and to say we didn't have those in the first few months of living together, would be a lie. We had full blown fights that always ended up with one of us leaving for a while and we would make up later amidst tears, promises and crazy make-up sex. A few months in, we had adjusted and knew how to resolve conflict better. We worked through the murk and moved forward beautifully. Our relationship was back on track and I loved it!!!
Or so I thought.
I didn't really question his resigned attitude whenever we were having passionate discussions or the lack of time on his part for us to indulge in the things we used to do together. I also didn't question the fact that he didn't really put a lot of effort into doing things that would help our relationship grow stronger. My head had been so far up in the clouds that I missed the clear signs that life painted for me. I was basically looking at life through rose coloured glasses.
I was about to find out that the door of our love that I held open for him, didn't swing both ways.
****
September... sweet September, the month we met, our anniversary month. The month that ushers in the fall season. When the trees tinged in red and gold and the cherry trees blush pink and cold. The season when the streets were gilded with gold even though the leaves hadn't fallen yet and the evening skies were an endless pink hue. The season I loved.
This september fall would be special for we were now living together and being the hopeless romantic that I was, I hoped to surprise my boyfriend with a cozy candle lit dinner at home and a intimate evening together. I closed school early, because we had separate modules in our final year and rushed home to get everything ready. I was ecstatic as I bought flowers at the florist near my house on my way home. She couldn't help but notice my joy. There was a stride in my step and the music today seemed to even speak to me. I had an amazing setting in my head. You can't blame a guy who works with aesthetics for having out of this world ideas... it's all about visuals with me.
Dae-Hyun had been secretive lately and talking to some of our friends I got the idea that he didn't want me to know what was going on. My mind wandered, and the only thing that made sense about his behaviour was him proposing. The idea of it was exciting and I was over the moon. It was about time he did so! I had caught wind of the fact that he had a ring picked out and wanting to speed things along, I would remind him of how lucky he was to have me and how loved he was too at our anniversary dinner.
"He couldn't be home, could he?" I thought to myself as I walked into our home. I had seen the lights on from the outside and his car in the driveway and I was a little disappointed that I may not be able to execute my plan that day. Thank God I had thought of getting flowers. Even if my plans were falling through, I would have flowers to give and plan for the dinner later. One could never go wrong with flowers.
"This isn't how it should go." I kept thinking thinking to myself as I walked further into the house. The lighting was soft, the music amazing and the delicious aroma of food wafted through the house. All I could think was "He beat me to it."
See, this is why I loved him. We were on the same wavelength! I smiled as my heart raced through my chest. I retreated to the door to catch my breath and compose myself. I checked my reflection in the window and made sure I was well put together for the occassion. I always was... but well...
I tiptoed back into the house and quietly placed my messenger bag on the side cabinet, took off my shoes and changed into the house slippers. I wanted to surprise him just as much as he wanted to surprise me. With the bouquet behind my back, I walked through the house in the direction of our living room.
I loved the way our house was set up because it was impossible to see someone come into the house unless you were in the dining area.
I stood at the entrance to our living room, took a deep breathe and pressed my ear against the door for a listen. I could hear muffled voices and it definetly confirmed my suspicions. I turned the door handle, pushed and walked in.
"Hi baby, I tho..." I stopped dead in my tracks at the scene before me.
"...so In-a, will you do me the honour of making me the happiest man alive and marry me?" At those words, my heart dropped and my knees buckled. My ears rung painfully and I felt like a soldier trying to find his bearings after a grenade went off on a battlefield.
On his knee proposing to his childhood friend, on "our" anniversary, in "our" apartment surrounded by the people I considered my friends - close to family too - was my boyfriend Dae-Hyun.
Suddenly, everything was spinning and I was running out of breathe... my feet couldn't carry me anymore causing me to sink to the ground. As I scrambled to find my balance on the table to my right of the room, I bumped over a glass vase that crashed and splintered into hundreds of pieces on the pristine marble floors - just like my heart. The noise subsequently shifted focus to me.
"W-what are you doing here?" Dae-Hyun asked with a shriek.
Even with my ringing ears and his voice that sounded like it was miles away, my shock addled brain could only tell me to respond with a pained chuckle. Of all the questions he could ever ask, that was the only one he could come up with.
"I live here!" I wanted to scream but the words stuck like a painful lump at the base of my throat as my heart squeezed painfully through my chest that my ribs physically hurt.
"I t-thought you said y-you would go straight to your mom's today from school." He stuttered surprised. Simply put, I wasn't supposed to be there.
"What?" I look at him surprised.
The shock wearing off for a minute and I slowly realized that all the attention was now on me. I was having this out of body experience where I watched myself painfully laugh through it, tears streaming down my face and I looked like I had gone crazy.
Was that the first thing he could think to ask considering the whole situation? I silently wondered. I wanted to throw punches and all but I couldn't get my body to co-operate. The wind has been knocked out of me and my limbs had gone numb. I couldn't get the different parts of my body to coordinate and work together.
Is this what heartbreak felt like?
Minutes or seconds passed. I couldn't tell you how long it was before I could get the words to get through my throat. Of the many colourful words I wanted to throw at the bastard, I could only choke out a "Why?"
Dae-Hyun looked at me like he was contemplating whether to sugar coat his words or rip it off like he would a band aid. I guess he considered the latter since the words he spoke cut through me like a blunt knife - slow, painful and cruel.
"Don't act like you don't know Jimin. My parents are never going to say yes to us and you know that," he said unmoved.
I lifted my head in shock and met his eyes. Mine wide open in shock. For a second or two I closed and opened my mouth like a fish out of water as I searched somewhere in my brain for my question. Even a simple "what" seemed to elude me.
"I mean, c'mon Jimin, you didn't think we were gonna get married, adopt cute babies and shit like that did you?" He was mocking me.
"W-what??" I stupidly stuttered through everything. I hated myself in this moment. I hated that I felt so powerless and couldn't find the strength to salvage my dignity. I hated the universe for conspiring against me. The bullets kept coming from his mouth one after the other and lodged themselves into my poor heart mercilessly as it bled out in pain.
"We have had a great time Jimin but let's be real," he mockingly said.
"If-if y-you we-were a-aware of t-this fact, why?!? W-Why d-drag this on. T-two y-years," I mumbled and stuttered between sobs as I unattractively wiped my nose with the sleeve of my shirt. Each second that passed my breathing became laboured and I found myself stuck somewhere between anger and helplessness.
"I am sorry but if I am to be a part of my father's empire, I can't take you home as a partner, I have to look out for myself you know. We can't all live in your fantasy world", he said. "Plus, you were nothing but a good lay, I needed to get the curiosity out of my system before I settled down." He was merciless in ripping my heart out of my chest and went ahead to stomp all over it.
The words "nothing but a good lay" and "curiosity" ricocheted through my brain as I felt the full throbbing of a headache.
"My engagement is ruined," In-a complained in her snotty voice, stamping her foot on the floor like a petulant child. The clanking of her stiletto heels against the marble floors annoyed me.
"I will make it up to you babe," Dae-Hyun said caressing her cheek and I heaved; almost decorating the floors with my lunch.
You know in the movies when someone suffers from amnesia and then suddenly an event or a word or sound flips a switch in them and the memories come rushing through? I had one of those moments. In quick succession the lies came to light and I finally understood so many of his actions from the past.
Like why he never would let me meet any of his family. The one time we accidentally bumped into his brother on a night out, he introduced me as a "great friend and classmate" and gave me a sorry ass excuse about wanting us to know each other better before he introduced me to his family. Aside from his tight circle of friends, no one knew we were dating. He always acted awkward whenever I reached out to touch him or be intimate in the presence of his friends. Often I brushed it off as him not being a PDA type of person.
Or when I would come home and find the beddings had been changed, even though I had changed them a few days earlier. Or even when I would find pieces of things that weren't ours around the house and he just said that a friend had passed by and left them behind by mistake.
The moments that I had of doubt were cemented in that moment and I could not believe how utterly stupid and oblivious I had been. How much of my head was in the clouds that I could not even see what had been going on right under my nose? I admit, school took a lot of my time and my extracurricular activities like dance kept me busy most of the time but, how could I have missed it all?
Then there were the "friends". The very people I thought I could count on kept such a big secret from me. Watched me make a fool of myself all this time. Given, they were mostly his friends first but c'mon... how pathetic must I have looked before them?
It was all too much. With every thought about the betrayal and lack of wisdom on my part the walls were closing in. I was breathless; it felt like I had been running on a treadmill set on high; as if a ghost was chasing me. The air burned the walls of my lungs as I tried to draw it in. Suddenly, I was tired - my muscles were giving out and I just couldn't anymore. I tried to get up. I wanted to escape and run away as far as my legs could carry me. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me but the there was such a blood rush to my head that before I knew it, I was falling forward and suddenly, I slipped into oblivion.
"Jimin! Jimin! Can you hear me?" A familiar voice called out my name. It felt like a hand had reached out and was pulling me out of the black hole I was in. It was like coming back from under water to the surface to catch some air and slowly, I opened my eyes to find my Hoseok standing over me worried.
"W-what happened? W-why are you here?" I asked as I tried to sit up. Everything around me was spinning.
"You need to rest!" He said gently as he held me down in protest.
"Dae-Hyun called me to come over and take care of you."
At the mention of his name, I broke down. It's official... life was cruel.
—
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone