Chapter 2: Chapter 1: Growing up Alice
The woman came towards me and seated on the chair showing me a piece of paper in her hand. She started discussing while I was seated in front of her listening. I was waiting for her that's the reason why I am here in this place.
As the words left her mouth I was dumbfounded. It is hard to believe the things that she is saying. I guess I needed more time to ingest it.
After a few minutes, I went to the counter for payment and discharge.
I inhaled deeply and thought.
Where did I go wrong?
Do I lack physical activity?
Isn't work an exercise? It has all the physical activity I need, right?
Is it about the food I eat? or lack of sleep? or not having enough rest? or being overworked?
I ran a little to reach the apartment that I was staying at, passing all the vehicles that were parked at the side of the road. My feet felt a little hurt because I was wearing these closed uncomfortable high heels.
I keep on asking myself. Why do I have to wear these though? I should have worn my doll shoes instead but it won't fit my attire.
I closed the door and released a breath of ease. I went to a clinic and had a checkup. I was diagnosed with a rare deteriorating disease and I only have 2 years to live.
I never thought that I would be in a situation like this. I just encounter it in movies and novels. The only difference was, mine is real. It's ironic how it appears more convenient for the characters in a made-up story.
When the character catches a terminal disease, supporting characters will appear and stay with them. Those people are mostly lovers, friends, family and so on. Also not to mention the cost of the treatment and the caregiving. In reality, the assisting level for a real terminal condition ranges from moderate assistance to full dependence.
I have no lover. I have a limited list of friends, almost all of them already have their own lives.
Family?
Should I go home?
My 1st brother will be having his own family soon, my sister already has a long-term relationship and preparing to settle down as well, our youngest brother is staying with my mother and currently has his own life. Adding into his load will be a little bit bothersome for my pride as the eldest sister.
My mother will also be worried. However, I don't want my mother to worry about me and I don't want to be a burden to her anymore. I already graduated as the family's big nuisance and her years worrying about me and taking care of me are now over. No more overdue. All her strength is passed down to us. I should take care of myself now.
She should relax and have this time for herself. If dad is still alive they would be together enjoying their retirement years.
I will only become a burden again if I stay there.
I went to the bathroom and did my before-bedtime routine. I looked at myself in the mirror.
My hair is a little messy-shaggy, long mild wavy hair that is reaching my back. Asian black hair with brown eyes, a much lighter tan color skin.
Before, I wanted to color my hair with an ash-gray color. I was worried that I would damage my hair because of bleach. Yeah, I should have at least done that.
At least before I die?
I turn side by side. Do I look like a sick lady? or an exhausted one oldie?
Hmm... Asian Features?
I am somehow lucky that I was born into an Asian family because Asian families stay fully intact together even when some of their children pass the legal years. However, I couldn't go home and blurted out that I was sick and dying. If I rather keep it, they will be asking why on earth I am staying when I left years ago already.
We grew up near my mother's ancestral line.
Girls are not usually raised as princess-like ladies. Since there is little gender discrimination in our history. We should at least prove our worth. My mom used to tell me that at first, my grandfather was not fully confident of his daughters in finishing their studies rather since they are female they'll be marrying after and staying as housewives. So it will be just a waste to educate them. My grandfather is not a bad person though. He might be more of a practical patriarch but my mom strived to finish her studies and work at the age of 14. After that, she told me that grandfather had been so proud of her even though she was not his favorite child.
I also grew up in a family where my mom is the one who is working and my dad is the one who is taking care of us.
There is no issue about gender roles in my family as long as the family needs are taken care of and both parents respect each other, it's fine.
We never see any disrespect from my mom towards my dad and vice versa. We never find any issue about our dad lacking anything because he is not. He is the best dad ever! He's the one who taught us how to read and write and take care of us when we are sick. He actually sacrifices his work for us. Me and my brother have an age gap of 3 years and I was always sick that I even had pneumonia.
I turned out to be dependent to my parents, and maybe that's why whenever I make big decisions I always seek their very advice. They know what's best for me.
However, I came to realize that a few days after my dad's burial.
It got me thinking that I don't want a lover who is Just a lover or any human being who shows interest in me. It should be like my dad who is like a haven for me.
I don't want someone who will just drag me into a strange place that I am unfamiliar with and force me to agree to everything he wants, he needs and say. I don't want to do all the compromising and enduring until the day that I die.
Hence, going home without proving anything while being the eldest will implicitly show that I am a big failure and a loser. Because I am still grinding up for my career.
It doesn't always show but it matters.
I don't want to go home.
But what will I do now?
'I am all alone' It's a thought that comes into my mind.
I guess I always was but it was never an issue until I needed someone to be by my side.
Maybe if I tried to be outgoing sometime before and met more people.
I'll be meeting or dating at least 95% of the wrong people and finding the 5% right ones. I should have taken anti-stress and anti-depressants instead if ever I entered toxic relationships.
At least I should've tried.
However, I don't want to waste my time and energy anymore.
I just work and work, study and study, read and read and watch and watch in my idle time. I pray almost every day as well. I am a quite devoted child.
I don't have time! I am very well occupied.
My parents always told me that I have to learn to earn my bread and survive on my own because they can't stay with me forever. Even my siblings will have their own family someday.
I will be left alone.
I think life is changing and things are leaving that fast but all I can do is watch while being busy. No, there is no denying that didn't see because I do. I can see clearly, how things change and leave. Like I am watching it pass from my peripheral vision.
When my dad was still alive he wanted me to at least take a husband because he didn't want me to be alone. However, I don't have any prospects either. At my age, I hate to admit that fictional characters are much better than real men in my world. I think I lost interest in dating earlier than expected.
Although I always dreamt of having at least a son someday. Well, I can't make him on my own or even do sperm banking for test tube babies because raising a child alone is hard. Working and parenting are quite handy.
The most important thing is this: As long as I can walk straight and not limp I can go work and live my life independently.
Sighed. Although being a mother feels somehow fulfilling. I don't know if I will ever experience it.
I went into the kitchen wanting to prepare something to eat.
I get the knife and the chopping board and start cutting the spices needed. I am listing the ingredients in my when I recall that I bought ingredients yesterday but I remember that I put them on that table in front of me but it was not even there anymore.
I started to move around looking for it. I was so exhausted yesterday that I forgot to fix it in place.
It has pork meat and shrimp inside that will surely be spoiled by now.
I went to the receiving room area and went back to the kitchen. I even check my bedroom and comfort room but it is not there.
I peek under the table thinking that maybe a mouse took it. I haven't been able to get rid of them lately. I started looking around the floor and saw nothing, not even a trace of a plastic bag or shreds of the items inside the plastic bag.
All my hopes for a good meal are leaving me, my satiety is leaving me as well. So I decided to drink a glass of fresh milk instead. I got a clean glass and went right in front of the fridge.
I was surprised to see the ingredients that I bought properly arranged inside. I even looked at the upper side of my small fridge which is the meat area and there I found the pork meat and the shrimp sitting.
Did I fix it and forget about it?
I don't have any recollection of doing so.
It happened again. It always happens, however. I tried to exhale and cast away the thought.
I supposed that it was my guardian angel who was guiding me.
When I was still living with my family. My mom used to tell me that when I was still a newborn infant, maybe a few weeks or months old.
She left me sleeping on the couch. It was secure though however when they went back to check. They found me lying on the floor. I'm not hurt or crying.
From that day on, I always believe in guardian angels.
I thought that I was always alone but maybe I am not. I am not afraid now.
I uttered. "Thank you" and smiled. I felt a little uncomfortable doing a monologue.
A few minutes later after finishing my meal, I wanted to take a short nap.
What will be my next step? Maybe I'll tell my mom? She knows what to do.
I close my eyes. "That's enough for now. Let's have a change of plan," I muttered.
Since I don't have anything to do. I'll do something.
Just like the Santa Claus idea who is said to enter into houses and sneak leaving gifts to children and somehow kids set a trap just to meet him.
Although Santa is not real it's their parent who leaves the gifts.
How about setting a trap for my unknown friend?
There is a possibility that I may not be able to see him but at least I will be able to meet him/her. It still worries me. What if it is not an angel? I am living alone here what if it's a pervert or a maniac? What if it's a ghost with such a hideous appearance? or maybe like the friends of
Cinderella or the mice in Ratatouille?
I will have my own helpers though. I need it.
I was planning to plant a CCTV camera inside my apartment but I always forgot to order it online.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone