/ Fantasy / Ray's Happiness
Synopsis
Caged up in the curse of an evil spirit, all he wishes to do is die. In his thousand years long journey will he finally a solution to reach death? What will he do if he does find it? Who would help him? Only the time would tell.
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This is really good! I am in love with the story plot and characters! I hope to see more updates in the future. Added to library. More power author!
Man your story is really really unique and great. Loving it from the start. I just can't wait for more chapters! Your descriptive style of writing is very well done. Although, there are some writing errors but I hope you do find a proofreader soon. Best of luck in writing!
Wow, so far what I have read from 2 chaps, I have to say this plot is really something...totally different from what I usually read. I really want to find out how the author is going to develop this plot. Other than just some minor editing errors, the writing style was good and the descriptions were good enough to not break the flow. Keep up the good work author!
The way the words flew across my screen was pleasing to read to say the least. Especially the details placed in really served to draw me in. Yet there are a few issues to point out: 1. Length— Now some individual paragraphs are supposed to be linked together, but I find that separating dialogue would be a better option. Additionally, while I do love the details, I will admit it is slightly on the heavy side, or as some might put it— info dump. My solution is to give details without pushing it all in one paragraph. Like when you described the man. You could maybe insert about his eyes or his face when she eyes him in annoyance. My answer might not be perfect, but I hope you got my point. 2. Grammar— To be fair, nearly every writer has this problem, and I only hope my corrections will assist you in that aspect. Most problems are about run-on sentences, missing the semicolons or comma & conjunctions, or the mispelled words. 3. Plot— By the time I finished reading the third chapter, I felt confusion creeping on me. At first, the focus seemed to be on a king who was cursed to be immortal due to a wicked creature, but then the focus switched to the only female assistant for the king to the lady in the highest part of the tower with a stunning man. While the words are colorful, it is quite hard to piece together. However, despite all this, I found this an intriguing read, and I hope you, the Author, will keep improving daily. Keep it up !
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