Chapter 303: CHAPTER 303: Let Me Finish
"We have been looking for you!!"
Nixon turned when he heard that worried voice.
"You could have contacted Balck Tortoise," he replied.
After speaking with francine and coming to understand what it is that confuses him, he actually returned to where the battle took place the day before.
It was a complete mess but more than that, he was looking up, where the scene of Flora's darkest deed had been displayed.
As compared to the burnt trees or the remnants of the bodeis of the dark forces and demonic beast, none of it had entered his eyes.
"If we could then we would have!!" Stormie argued.
She was the only one here.
The others were searching somewhere else while she followed her instinct and came here.
At some point she caught his scent and she was sure that he was indeed in this direction.
Though she wondered why he would return to this place.
Of all places, it has to be where he was made to remember his trauma.
"Oh, was I already quite far?" he asked returning his look to the sky.
"If not then surely I would have arrived earlier," she replied with sarcasm but it couldn't hide the fact that she was worried.
When she went up to check on him after having breakfast, Nixon's room was already empty.
She instantly informed the rest and they went out to search for him.
They tried calling for Black Tortoise since they could still feel him but he was not responding at all.
It was at the moment that Nixon was having a conversation with Francine.
Black Tortoise could see that the talk was allowing nixon to be enlightened that he chose for no one to disturb it.
Stormie followed her instinct and arrived at the market but when she get to the coffee shop, Nixon was no longer there.
He had left for this place and she missed him.
This time aaround, she could no longer feel Black Tortoise and teh rest weere the same.
At this moment, she could only trust her instinct to find him.
"Don't call them."
Before she could even make Roc to contact the rest that she found him, Nixon spoke as if knowing what she was about to do.
"But..."
Nixon turned his head adn looked her straight in the eyes.
They were filled with emotions.
"Don't let them come now Storm," he called in a gentle tone.
This was the first he had called her name in such an intimate way.
Stormie pursed her lips before telling Roc to inform the rest that she found Nixon and that they will surely return.
She didn't ask him to tell them the place they're at at this moment.
After that, Stormie walked over to his side.
"Where were you?" she asked, gone was the irritation of her first statement.
"Thinking on my own," he replied with a smile.
"You made us worry," she continued.
"I'm sorry," he answered.
Then silence befell them, Nixon continued looking up in the sky.
"I had always thought I hated women because of what happened. Then I realized I hated myself instead and thought that I wasn't pure, I was unworthy."
"Nixon, I al-"
"Shhh. Let me finish."
He faced her and placed a finger on her lips, cutting her off.
"While I was out today, I met someone. Funny enough she was of opposite gender but I still spoek to her. She broadened everything for me and I understood why I still felt lost after remembering everything and understanding myself."
Stormie's eyes became emotional, she didn't want to see him getting hurt by what he had experienced. She actually wanted him to move forward and let everything go but Nixon did the opposite.
He actually confronted it this time, he faced it over nad over again all on his own before arriving to an answer.
She can see it now, Nixon has arrived an answer, that will surely allow him to grow even more.
"I didn't have to choose either of those two. I don't have to say everything was because of what she had done. I don't have to say everything was because I felt disgusted towards myself."
He smiled, "In the end, it was both of them. I hated her, hated her so much. I am not a gentleman who didn't blame her. I had been blaming her for whatever it is that I have experienced and whatever it is that I became because of what she had done."
This time he chuckled bitterly, "At the same time, I am also thinking adn feeling that I am unworthy of other people's love or touch. I wasn't only blaming one reason, I only fell into confusion when I did so. Because I had been blaming and hating so many variable in what happened to me."
WItha deep breathm he removed his finger from her lips and chuckled at he thought that he could really touch her without reluctance.
Must be because she is special.
"I am also blaming my bloodline for being the host that she targeted me. I am blaming the empire that I was kidnapped and it took so long before I was rescued. I was blaming the adults who couldn't find the culprit all these years."
Stormie bit her lower lip, hearing everything that he was thinking.
"I realized that deep inside I wasn't the good person I thought I was, instead I was also a bad one. I blame so many things and so many people. I think I was avoiding it because I don't want to be dark, because I was fighting it, I didn't want to face it but then when I accepted it as the sole truth. That there is not only one that I blame. I felt free, I felt relieved, I felt like a gigantic boulder had been lifted off my shoulder. And I am happy. No one is perfect, not even Saphira who hols the light ability. Everyone has darkness, it was just up to us whether we are to face it and accept it or turn our back and live in lies."
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