Chapter 2: Chapter 2: Erasing every little memories
"Don't be surprised when I disappear"
-Tessa pov-
By the time his mom arrived at the hospital, Dylan were still the operation room fighting for his life. It's been eight hours of waiting, and no one is giving the news that we wanted to hear. It felt silent, like I can hear everyone's heart beat, mine was worse. Like I was running around a big field but I'm not. I can hear it —the heartbeat— loud and fast against my rib like it's ready to go out any second. And it's scary, while I sit here listening to my perfectly well heart beat, he is inside, with none, fighting for his life. His youth. His everything.
No one can sit still, because the one we're waiting for is a mood maker of people's life. He lighten up every people that knows him even by listening to his laugh, and looking to his smile. Somehow a short absence of him feels like a big empty space.
After twelve hours of knowing nothing, the doctor who is in charge of him walks out, the spot under his eyes are dark and he looks very tired after the long hours of surgery.
"How is my son?"
"How is Dylan?"
Me and his mother both asked in sync, participating a good news but however the doctor can't help but look down, letting out a heavy defeated sigh before clearing his throat.
"I'm really sorry. Unfortunately there is a big damage in his brain that caused him to fall into a deep coma. I can't guarantee you when he will wake up so we just have to wait and pray for the best. But now, what I'm sure is, when he open his eyes, he's not gonna remember anything" I feel like my legs are getting weaker as he keeps on going.
"What do you mean? Will he remember his family?", his mom asked, almost breaking down.
"What I meant was, he will most likely to be in an amnesia. I am pretty sure half of his memories will be there, like his family, but I'm afraid for other things, that would take much more time. We just need to be patient. At a time like this, we need so much cooperation from everyone in his life to help him regain as much as memory as he can. It will be fine"
Am I that other things? Am I? What have I done to him. This is all my fault. It's all my fault. I hate myself. Because of my stupid useless desires, the person I love the most got hurt badly and now, in a coma?? And he's losing his memories?
I ruined his life.
I ruined Dylan's life.
He doesn't deserve this. Me. He's gonna be in a more bigger pain if he stays with me.
"Tessa?"
His mom's voice snapped me back from my thoughts, as I looked at her, she looks so worried. "Are you alright?" She asked as I try to make fake a smile hoping she would buy it. But luckily, she did.
"Yeah. I'm okay" I lied. How am I supposed to be fine when all the pain and guilt haunts me? And when every time I blink the horrible scene flashes to my eyes? How am I supposed to live with that?
Maybe it's best if he doesn't remember me at all. That way he won't get into more painful situations like this again. He's safe without me here with him.
That's it. That's why decision.
"Mrs. Martin..?" I called her name as everyone here turned their eyes on me. My mom, Cole and Dylan's mother is here.
They must've been surprised, as I usually call his mom by her name Rose, so me calling her with a formal name must've been... weird.
"Yes honey? Are you okay?" She asked softly in response. I really loved the way she treated me like I am her own daughters, how nice she is and how close she is with my family and she supports our relationship with a big warm hug.
"I think maybe it's the best if he didn't remember me at all." With those simple words, everyone suddenly widen their eyes in shock, Cole stood up, surprised.
"What are you talking about dear?"
"Tessie what the hell?!"
"D-Dylan.. I think it's best if he didn't remember me at all. I.. I caused him so much pain like this and... and I don't want to see him suffer again, I hate seeing him like this, it feels like.. I can't do this" Mom came over to rub my back, I didn't even realize I was crying so hard.
"Honey. Tessa my dear, this is never your fault. None of it is. Please don't blame yourself" Said his mom.
"Tessie I know how much you love him, and are you seriously going to leave all of this behind? You're insane. I'm not letting you do that to yourself. This is never your fault!" Cole is obviously mad, but the thing is, he can't change my mind anymore. This is my decision. I have made my choice.
"I'm sure it's for the best. Not only for me, but both of us. Me and Dylan." I said, and my heart feels so painful, like it's pointed with very small sharp needles, and it keeps going deeper, and deeper.
"I have no words. Tessa if this is your choice I have no rights to stop you. But don't you think he will be sad about this?" She asked.
"He won't. I'm sure. He won't even remember me."
And then I left.
Without turning back,
With the heaviest footsteps,
I left.
Not even once, I never looked back. Ever.
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Blankly, I stared out of the window looking at the house's and streets passing by that is very familiar to me. I've seen this everyday, bu why today it feels heavy? Just different?
I noticed the multiple glances Cole has been doing for a while since we got into the car now, how he silently looks into the mirror to see me at the backseat. While mom was sitting at the passenger seat. "Stop glancing at me. Or we'll get into a car accident" I said, with no emotions.
"Why did you decide it this way? Do you see how you look right now? You look pathetic sister. I know he'll be happy but damn Tessie how about you? You're smart and shit but I swear is the stupidest thing you've ever did." He said, totally ignoring mom who is trying to stop him from saying everything that just came out of his mouth.
"I get it okay so shut up and drive!" I raised my voice in anger that both of them looked at me in shocked.
I don't feel like myself, it felt like..
Somehow inside, a part of me is broken.
And somewhere in my mind, the faded light I always see at the end of the dark tunnel is now gone. All that is left is darkness, and it feels so heavy. I cant do this.
I feel so empty. And i just don't want to do anything anymore.
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