Love…
The most powerful emotion
The most erotic feeling
The most interesting story
The most hurtful past
The most confused language
The most dangerous weapon
The biggest regret…
Powerful it is to conquer death
Erotic it is to physically compare
Interesting it is for its difference
Hurtful it is for the wounds it leaves
Confusing it is for its unpredict-ableness
Dangerous it is for the damage it causes
Regretful it is for all the above…
Awakening
"When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew".
I bit my lip and smiled. Daydreaming about my love one day speaking those words to me. I have read Romeo and Juliet sitting on this hill a many of times. But no matter how many times I read those words; I still get butterflies.
Mama has said I am a romanticist at heart. I do not deny her allegations, for I know she only speaks the truth.
I long for the love and the passion that I have read from Romeo and Juliet. How could I not? There love was boundary-less, without limits. They could not live one without the other. When Juliet dies in the end, Romeo cannot bear the burden of life without his one true love. So, he kills himself to be reunited with her.
Many have told me that it is more of a tragic story than a romantic one; that the ending is just foolish. I refuse to listen because I believe, as much as it was a tragedy, it was twice the love.
The wind blows turning my pages rapidly, losing my spot. I look up and notice that it is getting dark soon. I know Mama and papa will be worrying up a storm if I do not make it home before supper.
I close my book and carefully slip on my shoes. Grabbing ahold of Delilah, I pull myself up in the saddle. It does not take but a nudge and an encouragement and we are off.
As Delilah walks, I feel the wind whip past me once again. My hair going in all directions. I let it be, suddenly feeling the urge that we are going to slow. I bring Delilah into a gallop and let go of her reigns as I lock my legs tightly, keeping me in the saddle.
When I throw my hands in the air, I feel that life can't get any better than this. The smell of the fresh wildflowers as they have recently bloomed, the chase of the racing wind as it carries me, the soundly peace of the rushing creek as it flows through the meadow, and the miles of endless freedom. I cannot get enough.
My spirits come to a halt when my home comes into view. Do not get me wrong I love my family and my home, I just wish I had more time to just be free without a care in the world.
My home is a three-hundred fifty-acre estate with a beautiful, grand, white plantation home that stands three-story tall with black shutters and a porch wrapped all the way around it. My mama says that when my papa bought this house and land, he was so proud and excited. Especially since my older brother was born five months later.
When I come upon our house I ride around and lead Delilah to the stable barn. After dismounting I take off her saddle and tack and lead her into her stall and feed her along with the other horses.
My father boards horses, so we have a total of seventeen horses right now. In about two and a half weeks we will have another arrival because one of our personal mares is expecting a foal. I love it when our horses have foals because we get to keep them and watch as they mature into mares and stallions. That is how I got Delilah.
After I finish up with the horses, I wash my hands at the stable sink and head toward the house.
Walking up the porch stairs I can hear my brother Jake playing the banjo as my other brother Landon plays the harmonica. I look through our screen door and laugh at the sight of my younger sisters holding hands while skipping around the dinner table.
As I open the door, my sisters immediately notice me. My younger sister Amelie lets go of their hands and runs to me. I pick her up and twirl her around while laughing. When I finally put her down, she grabs my hand
"Mary Anne come dance with us" she says while laughing.
"Amelie I am too old to be skipping around a dinner table" I tell her as I sit in the rocking chair near my brothers.
"Oh, come on Mary, stop being so mature for just one minute. You know you want too" said my oldest brother Jake says with his signature smirk. I just roll my eyes at him and grin.
When I grab Amelie's hand, she drags me to the group of my sisters where I grab my older sister, Isabella's hand.
My brothers start playing the music again while we skip around the table. I feel like there is a beat missing so I start to clap my hands every other time we would skip. Soon after my sisters join in with me and then my parents decide to start clapping themselves
We were having a fun time until I smelt something burning. I guess my sisters smelt it at the same time I did because Amelie sniffs the air and scrunches up her nose is a distasteful manner and says "something smells like it is burning. Do you smell that?"
My mother immediately jumps to her feet running to the stove "Oh, I hope I did not ruin the roast" she proclaims hopefully.
As she looks into the pot and inspects the roast she states slyly "it is going to be extra well done but it is not burnt. Everybody sighs in relief
Once we had all sat down at the table my papa looked around, took my mothers and my hand and said, "let's say grace".
As we all bowed our heads my papa began to pray "Dear heavenly father, we would like to thank you for this delicious meal in which you provided us today. We ask that you bless it to the nourishment of our bodies, Lord. We would like to thank you for all your blessings to each-and-every-one one of us. And God, we ask that you guide us through our days as we live for you in this extraordinary life. In Jesus name I pray Amen.
We all look up with a smile and echo "Amen". I look at my meal then toward mama and smile while I tell her, "Thank you mama for the roast, it really looks so delicious."
"Why thank you Mary, I spent all afternoon preparing it." she says gratefully. I nod smiling. As I look over toward Jake, I notice he is nervous because he is not making eye contact, his breathing is heavier, and he is twisting his fork in his hand while, pushing his food around his plate.
"Jake, are you ok?" I ask. He looks up at me and his eyes quickly dart to my left guiltily. He is really starting to worry me because Jake is the brother that is tough and always so level-headed. I hope there is nothing wrong with Lidia.
Lidia is Jakes girlfriend that he has been courting for almost a year and a half. I really like her she is always so kind-hearted, and she knows how to make the best blueberry muffins. Even better than Mrs. Hopkins in town, and that is saying something because hers are delicious.
Jakes eyes continue to shift around the room and by this time he had the entire tables attention. He looks up at everyone and when his eyes meet papas he looks down at his food.
"Son" he states softly "Is there something you need to tell us?" Jake closes his eyes and exhales a breath I had not even known he was holding.
"I enlisted pa" he simply states as he finally looks at papa while straightening his posture with newfound confidence.
Nobody said a word. We knew better because Jake and papa were staring at one another in complete utterly silence. Everybody waited for papa's reaction
It could have been a minute, an hour, or ten seconds. I could not know how much time passed by, but papa suddenly looked away from Jake. When he looked up at mama, the tear in her eyes were evident. I had failed to even notice that I myself had been crying.
My breathing started getting heavier because in that moment I realized my world was ending, and I didn't know how to save it. Jake is my closest brother. He is the best big brother anyone could ask for. He showed me how to ride my first horse, he was there on my first day of school, When I was sick, he would stay home with me no matter what plans he had to cancel. Anytime I needed him, he was there. But now he is going to be leaving and he is not guaranteed to come back.
My eyes widened at my last thought. I looked up at my brother through my teary eyes and my lip trembled. When he looked back at me something in me broke. It soon became harder to breathe and I needed to get out of here. I fled the kitchen table and ran out the door. I didn't know where I was headed, I just knew I wanted to escape the eyes of my brother.
I could hear him calling for me to come back as I was running down the porch stairs. Ignoring him I kept on running without looking back.
I rounded the house to the barn stable as fast as my legs could carry me. When I arrived, I hurriedly pushed the barn door open and grabbed Delilah's leading her out of her stall. I put my arms around her neck and quickly pulled myself up and swung my leg into the stirrup. As I gripped Delilah's mane she stormed down the pathway and out of the barn. As I am rounding the house, I pass Jake, yelling for me to stop and let him explain.
I keep on running, never slowing down. If anything, I run faster. I look back and notice the dirt, dry from the six-week drought, causing a trail of dust behind me. Though, I am not happy at what else I see…Jake running toward the stable barn.
I lean down on Delilah's neck and whisper encouragements for her to go faster. At this point me and Delilah are going faster than we ever had before. I could hear her breathing coming at a very fast and heavy pace, but I knew if I stopped, Jake would catch up with me. I was not ready to face him, just as much as I wasn't ready to face reality.
The wind blowing in my face caused my tears to run. I couldn't care less about them. I heard the faint sounds of hooves and quickly looked behind me. Jake was riding a good deal of distance behind me, but I know it will not be long until he has caught up with me. I see he is riding dusty. His prize-winning thoroughbred…'great' I think to myself. It is going to be impossible to outrun him now. The clearings end just up ahead, and the forest begins with wood trails. Hopefully with all the different trails, I will be able to lose him in the forest.
Delilah is very tired are her breath is labored at this point. Her speed is slowing, and I know if we do not make it to the forest very quickly, that we won't make it at all. I look behind me once again and Jake is about two-hundred yards behind me and Dusty isn't slowing down. He is gaining on me. I nudge harder into Delilah's side. At this point not only am I yelling, but I am begging for her to run faster. I hear Dusty's hooves pounding louder and harder and once again look back. Jake was coming up very fast. I saw him look at me, then to my right. At that moment I knew what his plan was. I look ahead of me and notice the forest is not that far. I then glance back and look at Jake and notice he is much closer.
There is no way I will be able to outrun him. As he is now on my tail.
I hear Jake yell "Come on Mary just stop and let me explain"
This makes my tears start pouring. At least I think they are tears. Some of them may be my eyes watering from the speed of Delilah as she flies with the wind.
Jake yells at Dusty "Come on boy, we almost got her." He gallops along beside me as I still don't give up. He manages to get Dusty barely enough in front of Delilah to make her slow and eventually come to a stop.
Once Delilah is stopped, Jake quickly jumps down and grabs her reigns. Preventing me from running away again.
"What has gotten into you Mary?" Jake proclaims loudly as his eyes are wide with disbelief. "Why did you run like that? All I wanted to do was explain myself and would not let me" he says with disappointment. At his last statement I broke. I start full on sobbing and Jake is quick to gather me into his arms.
"Shh, I am sorry I didn't mean to yell at you. I am just surprised that you ran, and I am worried." At his words my crying does not let up at all. When Jake notices this he squeezes me tighter and I find myself being lowered to the ground. Jake holds me and pets my hair while whispering sweet nothings in my ear to calm me down. "It's going to be okay Mary, I promise" he says.
In a raspy voice, thick from my crying I ask, "why you! Why do you have to go?" Almost breaking down once again as I ask the question.
"It is my responsibility as the oldest son in the house. Please…shh…stop crying, I am going to be okay, I promise" at his words I suddenly pull away fuming. "okay…how can you promise me that you are going to be okay Jake?" I practically yell in his face
"Mary" he starts. But I cut him off holding my hand up. "No Jake. You do not get to say that you are leaving to go to war and expect me not to be upset" I fire back as the tears in my eyes start running down my face. I carry on though "You do not get to tell me everything is going to be okay. Especially when you know it is not." I spat accusingly, with venom in my every word.
His eyes widen when at the tone of my voice. As his eyes fall, no longer able to look me in the eye, my glare hardens. Angry that he could do something as irresponsible as this and not even have the courage to look me in the eye.
But, when he looks up and his eyes meet mine, my glare immediately falls, and I regret everything I just said and accused him of. I notice then, as he stares back at me, that I will never see my brother the same way, as I did before.
As he looks at me, his eyes are shining pain, vulnerability, fear, love, and hope. It then hits me "you don't want to leave…you just feel that it is your duty and responsibility?" He doesn't move for a moment as he stares into my eyes as he nods his head.
This time when he tries to pull me in for a hug and to hold me, I do not fight him. In fact, I welcomed it. Though, the fear still had ahold of me. As I cried for my brother, he just held me, and we sat in silence.
I lifted my head from his shoulder as I said "please come back, promise me that you will come back. "He looks down and sighs "You know I cannot promise that I will come back." He pauses before continuing, "But I can promise even if I do not, everything is going to be okay." I look at him through my teary eyes "But how will everything be okay…" I hiccup, "If your gone?"
No one said anything for a moment, and I looked down, but then I felt his fingertips touch under my chin as he raised it up. "You will be okay, I promise…Not only for yourself but for our family." He said as he added, "And I will promise you something in return…I promise to write you as much as possible, that I will fight my hardest and be careful as I can. And also, when I get home, we will be together as a family again. That is my promise to you, that I will keep" He looks at me awaiting my answer. I sigh "I will try to be strong, but unlike you I cannot promise because you are my brother, my favorite brother, my closest friend, my hero, and the person I look up to."
I look down because I know if I look up, I will see the disappointment on his face if I do not. "You will be okay; we will get through this…you are stronger than you will ever know Mary." He smiled. "You are just too young to know it yet. Remember strength like yours does not reveal itself when it is not needed. It waits for the opportunity for the person beholding it calls upon it." "So promise me no matter what, that you will try, and that when and if the time comes you will find that inner strength that is already within you, and use it in all the ways that you must"
His words shifted an emotion in me, and I think I now understood. He is asking for me to be mature… to be responsible. I feel pride swell in my chest as my brother is trusting me enough to leave me with this duty.
A smile comes to my face as I say the next few words. "Yes Jake, I can promise you that. I also promise I will do my best to make you proud." I say proudly. He beams at my response and hugs me so tightly I can barely breath. We laugh once he releases me.
"So, you think we could head back home? I did not even get to try any of mama's roast" I say with a laugh. He smiles at me jokingly and response "Eh, you were not missing out on much. She kind of overcooked it." I bump his shoulder with a scoff. "How about I tell mama what you just said so she can tan your hide?" He takes off running toward Dusty and quickly jumps in the saddle and grabs his reigns turning the enormous horse around so he could see me. Surprising me as he says with a wink "not if I get there first." My eyes widen, "Cheater" I immediately yell with a scowl, but then quickly cover up with a smooth smile.
"Oh, it is so on, Brother" I mischievously said while running to Delilah.
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