Chapter 43: Chapter 44: Shadow without sun
*Song recommendation:Nana triste - Natalia Lacunza (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d58aRpbc_b4)*
Lucia nodded sadly. It hurt to be thrown away. However, Lucia felt in her heart, regardless of her feelings for Keitel, she would be able to stand on her own now. She would no longer give in to self-doubt and anger. If this is what the Gods had planned, she would not fight it.
Whether she was Empress or not, she would always be Lucia. Everything had led her to where she was now. Their marriage was not a choice but she felt there was something undeniably real between them. It had shown her the potential for happiness - that would stay with her no matter what happened between them.
Keitel watched her. His expression suddenly changed.
Before Lucia could reply, Keitel took her by the hand. He dragged her from the throne room with relentless vigour. He marched back to the room they once shared. Throwing her down on the bed. He began to yank her dresses from the wardrobe. He threw them down angrily one by one.
"What are you doing?" Lucia asked. She sat rigidly on the bed watching him throw her things in a pile.
"What does it look like?" Keitel answered in an agitated voice.
"What's gotten into you? I've never seen you..." Lucia looked him over. He stared back unrepentantly, continuing to dash her things on the floor.
His usual calm facade was gone. His eyes were wide and his breathing unhinged. Lucia stood up and grabbed his hand with enough force to prevent him from moving. She put her arms around him. She could hear his heart racing. His hair was dishevelled and his top button had opened. He exhaled and pulled himself away.
"Get off!" He barked. Lucia backed away. Once, he had emptied the wardrobe he called out to the maids.
"Pack it up with the rest of the Empress' things," He ordered.
The maid quickly began to scurry around the room, picking up the clothes. Keitel stood arms crossed watching in silence. The poor maid squirmed uncomfortably. She quickly took the things to pack in another room.
Keitel pushed back the hair from his brow and exhaled. Lucia remained quiet.
At last, Keitel turned his gaze back to her.
"Why are you still here?" He asked flatly. "Shouldn't you be off to Veldeer?"
He launched towards her until he was standing over her.
"Or are you waiting for something else?" He breathed uneasily. They both fell back on to the bed. Keitel looked down on her. His eyes leered hungrily. Lucia stared back at him with a blank expression.
"Why don't you go?" Keitel sneered. "Not even I could stop you," he whispered, inhaling her scent.
"You are the Emperor" Lucia replied unwaveringly. "Tell me to go and I will go."
Keitel flinched. He swallowed hard and pulled Lucia towards him. He caressed her tightly in his arms. His whole body was shaking. Lucia's arms slowly found his back. She patted his head gently. She drew back to face him.
"I will love you whether I am here or there. So tell me to go or don't. It changes nothing." Lucia told him.
Keitel's eyes widened. He stared back bewildered. His blues eyes searched Lucia's face. Lucia pulled him towards her. Their lips met in a warm embrace.
Keitel returned her kiss feverishly pressing his mouth to hers. His hands felt around the small of her back. They slid back onto the bed. Keitel threw his jacket aside. Lucia slid her fingers under his shirt. They glided over his smooth collar bone and down his chest. She lifted the shirt away.
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Collapsing breathlessly on the bed, they stared at each other wildly. It was like seeing each other clearly for the first time. Keitel swiped the sweat from Lucia's brow nuzzling her cheeks. His hot breath tickled her chest. Their lips met once more.
Keitel pried himself away. His eyes met Lucia's.
"I'm sorry," Keitel remarked. Lucia wrinkled her nose. It was the first time hearing the words from Keitel's lips.
"I know I've been acting coldly. It's not because I stopped caring for you," Keitel explained.
"I know that. I never should have told you I would leave," Lucia replied.
"Don't ever tell me you're leaving ever again. I don't want anyone else as my Empress," Keitel said seriously.
Lucia stared back at him. Her clear green eyes blinked rapidly. The corner of lips curled into a playful smile.
"If you leave, I'll send the whole army to drag you back." Keitel threatened. Lucia let out a girlish laugh. She played teasingly with his messy black hair. His eyes looked serious.
"How can I disobey the Emperor?" Lucia laughed. She traced a finger along his lips. She leaned in for a kiss. Keitel grabbed her hand.
"Promise me," He demanded. "Promise me you won't leave me." Keitel's eyes probed her face. His eyes were almost desperate. Lucia freed her hand from his grip and caressed his face.
"I promise." She soothed.
Keitel exhaled. His eyes fell on Lucia's shoulder and hair draped over her white skin. He liked the way the light made her hair seem like it was on fire. Without meaning to, he began to tell her story from his childhood. Lucia listened intently.
"A little after my mother died, my father told me something strange. He was never sentimental so I remember it vividly. He said, 'The Emperor is like the sun and the Empress is like his shadow. There can be sun without shadow but there can never be a shadow without the sun.' I remember looking up at his face. He had tears in his eyes. I always thought he didn't care about my mother's death. Now, I can't help but think he stopped caring because of her death. That's what Laurence never understood about him "
"What do you mean?" Lucia asked softly.
"It was never about whether he loved us or not. That was irrelevant to him. He was focused on how to maintain this Empire -by any means necessary. It was more than power. To him, the Empire was this living, breathing creature. He battled with it and shaped it to his will. It was beyond mere duty. He revered it and worshipped it." Keitel replied.
"And what is it to you? "Lucia gazed into Keitel's eyes.
Keitel pondered for a moment. He sighed.
"I can't see it the way he did. I don't believe the gods created the Empire. I think in truth, I hardly believe in the gods at all. It is just a place built by men. All we worship and fear is really ourselves -our own accomplishment and our own depravity." Keitel answered thoughtfully.
"What a thing for the Emperor to say!" Lucia teased. "You have a divine right to the throne. Perhaps, you don't know the stories as we do in Ramelle,"
"I stopped listening to the stories of gods and heroes as soon as I could stand!" Keitel returned playfully.
"In Ramelle, they say, Lome was the first true ruler of men. She was a warrior, a queen and eventually a god." Lucia explained.
"I've never heard of the story where Lome was a queen." Keitel pulled Lucia closer.
She lay on his chest as he stroked her hair.
"Well, nobody really cares about who Lome was before do they. They only care about the namesake story - slaying the God of the moon. But long before then, she ruled the land. She was powerful and just. Her love for her people was so great, it could sustain even a starving man." Lucia recalled.
"Then, it was quite selfish of her to fall for the god of the moon. She took all the love she had and devoted it to one person." Keitel replied mockingly.
"Or perhaps, it was the god of the moon who was selfish- for stealing it from her." Lucia returned.
"I feel like you've stolen my love. I must be a selfish Emperor. I don't want anyone to ever find it."
After that day, Keitel began to open up more to Lucia. The weight of his father and brother's death had weighed heavier on Keitel than Lucia had known. For the first time, she saw a side to him she had never seen before. Underneath his cold exterior, he felt things keenly.
As for Lucia, the incident between them had made her realise her own resilience. She didn't need to be with Keitel, she wanted to be with him. Likewise, he wanted to be with her.
She felt the Empress brought her a sense of purposefulness she had been searching for. Whatever Lucia had done, she always felt a sense of unease with herself. Everything had felt like a means to an end before.
Now, rather than playing the role of Empress, she truly felt that was an aspect of herself. She had the freedom to decide what that meant to her. She could be a knight. She could be a wife. Those things did not define her sense of self-worth.
She finally felt a sense of stability in who she was and what she could do. Although Lucia still had nightmares about her past life, something had changed in her. The door was no longer an object that seemed to threaten her very existence. When the time came, she knew she would feel ready.
True revenge was more than making the enemy disappear. It was cleansing the part of Lucia's soul that had been tainted. In her quest for revenge, she saw herself becoming something she hated. She would not be the villainess any longer. She could go beyond that...
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone